Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Years Eve

Did you have a nice time at your sisters last night, asks Mark

Yes, a nice time was had by all, I say.

Glad to hear that. Was Granto home? asks Mark. My brother inlaw, Grant, fell off his bike just before Xmas. There was a group of them going bike riding. A boy's trip. Grant's back tyre was clipped by another rider’s front tyre going down a hill and he came off his bike at speed. He was in hospital for 5 days.

Yes, his arm in a sling and only very careful movements, I say. 6 broken ribs

Ooohhh ahhhh...that would hurt, says Mark

5 golden rings, I say.

4 calling birds, says Mark.

3 French hens, I say.

2 turtle doves, says Mark

And a bulldog at the back door, I say.

Lol, says Mark. That doesn’t rhyme



We have no New Year’s plans. “A nightcap at 11pm and asleep before the clock strikes twelve?" said Mark. "That is what I am hearing.”

“Oh, there will probably be some fireworks somewhere to watch when the time comes." Oh? What is the big deal? Sam doesn't care, I don't really care, so it is a quiet night. Quiet nights are good.

Mark and Luke will be dancing the night away at the Lismore Show grounds. 


Adriana and Dean are in Lismore too. Not together, separately. As Mark said, Adrian is with her Greek faggotary. A gaggle of Greek guys, what is there not to like? Imagine all that arse hair? And all the foreskin? 

Dean will probably have somebody in tow, I guess, usually some twink, but he didn’t say.

I spoke to Dean just the other day, he’s been working at Alec’s house in Park Street Brunswick. My one time straight boyfriend, back in the dance party days. Ecstasy Alec, all I’d have to do is give him an ecstasy and his pants came off really easily.
Swapping clothes in that dance party toilet, rubbing bums starting us off. I saw Alec's dick for the first time. On somebodies couch early one Sunday morning after dancing all night, after everyone else had passed out, those hot jocks he was wearing, and how hard he was when he came out of them. That unexpected night in my spa, licking his arse. Too much? That unexpected night on my bed, when we f@#$%! for the first time.
Alec was not shy on ecstasy.  

Dean asked me if I wanted him to say hello to Alec for me. I declined the offer. Nah. It was a long time ago now. 

Should we have New Year’s Eve plans? It is just like it is another day. Another summer’s day in a gorgeous sunny summer.

Milo sleeps on the carpet next to me, Sam lies on the couch behind me, this morning.

“Should we have New Year’s Eve plans?” I ask Sam.

“Yes,” he says. “Grocery shopping in Victoria Street.”

The sun is shining.

I'm guessing Sam doesn't care about our New Year's Eve plans, or lack there of. Duty calls, instead. Sam is all about a plan, a plan to get things done.


Friday, December 30, 2016

Xmas Dinner

We left our place around 4.30pm. It was a gorgeous day, as it turned out, just the ticket for driving to the country.

We got to Kyneton just after 6pm. The Kelpies, Pumpkin and Rocky were very excited to see Buddy. They ran around in their dog pack until the arse sniffing was complete.

All of my family gathered together, what is left of it, in one room. (Oh, I guess there is the mad lot from my mum’s side, but as I haven’t even met some of them, I feel justified not having counted them as family… well, I never counted them)

We ate BBQ lobster and prawns in a butter sauce as entre. (The prawns, essentially, were soaking in butter) We all talked about our high cholesterol later as though it was a mystery.

Actually, we were down a couple of dogs this year on other years, as my niece’s dogs are now in New Zealand. We sat outside on the big table, the dogs sitting next to us gazing up. Buddy took full advantage for a dog who never gets fed at the table.

There was roast dinner, turkey, chicken, pork, ham, and plum pudding and raspberry pavlova. No bon-bon party hats this year, though.

I got a big tub of M&Ms. Like I need that.

The nieces chatted enthusiastically all night.

My sister got drunk.

We left at 10.30pm. I’d only had two glasses of wine.

Buddy was funny at the end when he realised we were going, he hightailed it to the car. “Take me home to my lounge room, I’m sick of sitting on the back veranda looking in through the window.” Dogs aren’t allowed inside at my sister’s place.

It was plain sailing home. It had been a gorgeous day, one in which you were confident to go out just in shorts and t-shirt and crocs, (yes, crocs at Xmas, head hanging in shame… but, it was the country) it has been my holiday outfit. The night sparkled as we shot through it, down the Caulder, on a big strip of winding liquorice, it’s like driving home from Bolago.


And Just Like That It Changes

By 4pm we were hot and desperate. Then there is a thunder storm and pouring rain. The temperature dropped by a comfortable degree, 10 degrees. That’s more like it, that’s how Melburnian’s like it. Some of the most changeable weather in the world, where I live, some people say. I like it, there is always cool following the heat.

Big thunderstorms, much rain, parts of Melbourne flooded. The temperature drop was very nice. Our atrium leaked, first time in years, bloody yucca plant next door and it damn fronds blocking the gutter. I'd only just checked it a few days ago. Clearly, I am going to have to resume my poisoning raids on the yucca in the new year. The rain fills the pond.

We walked to Coles. Sam bought mince pies and biscuits and ice creams and ice cream, I was sure I was witnessing Sam’s first stoner munchie raid on Coles. He didn’t say anything, so I didn’t either. I don't think he realised, it was a proud moment.

We walked passed a blocked street drain on the way back from Coles, I immediately started looking around for a stick. Sam said, "Keep walking."


We watched TV. The days between Xmas and New Year are a wasteland, unless you go away. You need to go away, we should have gone away. We have been lying around doing absolutely nothing. Buddy hasn't been for a walk for days.

Today, it is overcast, but warm. The rain has freshened the air we breath, it feels like all the pollution just got washed away and we are left with nothing but a sweet floral scent. It is the bouquet of Fresh.

The family Xmas lunch got changed to today, from all the heat of yesterday, so we still have to go and do that. I don't really see the point of Xmas lunch, unless you do it on Xmas day, or Xmas Eve, otherwise, you've missed it, it should be next year now. In a world I ran, quite possibly. Still, Buddy will get to run around with the farm dogs. The kelpies seem to want to round him up to start off with until Buddy bounds around very unsheeplike. Then they just seem to circle him, as if one is saying to the other, "He's not from around here." Then they sniff his arse and, of course, they are buds after that.

"No, hang on he's one of us. He's one of us."

"He's one of us, yes he is."

"What happened to your face, mate?"

I'm sure Buddy would have a very smart, inner urban retort to that. He's mixed with the hip inner city dogs and commission kids. Still, you can't really use ant-eater as an insult, not easily. Maybe that is it, he just calls them ant eaters. I guess I shouldn't judge the dog world, by my own cynical world view.

Sam gets up, 8.30am. We have to take Buddy for a walk. I reckon it is going to rain. I should tell Sam that, he hates walking in the rain.

Thursday, December 29, 2016


Bristol 404, thing of beauty

It's Hot

It's been hot for two day. 38 degrees. It is too hot to do anything, say anything, write anything. It is just too dam hot. We are lying in front of a fan on cushions, all the doors and window are closed, in that eerie shut-in kind of vibe. The hot north wind blows outside, the window panes seem to rattle ominously, as the hot air gushes and swirls outside. The sun burns brightly.

Melbourne used to be dry blazing heat, the kind mirages formed in in the distance, but now we are getting more and more humid.
Wet, sticky heat is no fun. Ug! Exhausting. Suddenly, we have more mosquitos, just this year. They are every where. And I don't reckon the bees are acting normal, taking shelter under our pond geranium leaves, on mass.

The pond is low on water, even the fish are gasping for oxygen.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

That Was Family, We Did The Xmas Thing Already

We had a family Xmas morning tea, with my lovely Auntie and my cousins.

I looked around Marie’s house, it has the look of the elderly about it, the d├ęcor looks elderly. It all looks old and dated, the same furniture Marie had in their first house, recovered in a regrettable fabric in the eighties. First year without Uncle Al. I guess that is what we all become in the end, the first Xmas since [fill in the name] died and who we all remember for that Xmas, we say nice things, then we talk about other things.
We still have our family Xmas dinner tomorrow night. I don't see the point really, as we all just got together, but my brother and sister still seem keen.
 It means we have to drive to the country. "Do we really need to come," I say to my sister as we leave my Auntie's house.

"Yes, you do," my sister says.

My niece from NZ will be there. And my brother in law will be out of hospital. Oh, yes, my sister's husband fell off his bike. Yes, good timing, right on Xmas.

I hope none of them expect presents, I haven't bought one present this year. I haven't made one Xmas move, no tinsel, no Xmas wishes. Oh, one. Two. And the bulldog. (see below) He looks like Buddy. The girl I took over from, who is going in for cancer therapy, left it for me, as a Xmas wish. A girl I knew for two days, made more of a Xmas effort towards me, than I have towards my entire family. It is true. So, I can't even really claim the bulldog.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Xmas Eve

Lunch. That's lunch for two. It is very chewy

12.15. The sun is shining. It is a warm day. I have a dry mouth.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Mischief With My Boyfriend

And four days work is over, I finished yesterday. And now it is done. Nothing to do for the rest of the year but get up to mischief with my boyfriend. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. I don't go back until 9th January.

The sun is shining. It is a gorgeous day.

Bear came to stay, we are dog sitting her over Xmas. Having a long-nosed dog to stay is like having an ant eater in the house. We have no where to go, or no people to see. I didn't have to buy any Xmas presents this year. I'm still not entirely sure if that is a good thing, or a bad thing.

Nice Alfa, Duetto.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Me and My Socialist Views

I always find it hard when somebody starts making right-winged political statements to me in conversation. Even alluding to those sorts of beliefs, I don't give them the benefit of the doubt. Really? Step away. 

Invariably, they say they want to cut the dole and disability pensions, like that is always the answer, I struggle with that. I don't accept any changes to Medicare, or education, either. Free universal health care, education for all, nothing less. And I can't keep my mouth shut, although I have got much better with age, me and my socialist views. I don't care how much tax you pay, everyone needs to be kept at an adequate level of income, even if that is the dole, or a pension. That is what civilised society does, it looks after everyone.

Like the guys down the dog part, they start talking dole bludgers and disability pension frauds, I always feel myself starting to back away. Oh? And I liked you up until this point.

The sun sparkled brightly, it was a warm day, we were all in shorts.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

One of Those Perfect Melbourne Days

I caught up with Julien, he says it has been 12 years since he has been to my place, twelve years since he's been in Melbourne. The day sparkled, one of those perfect Melbourne days.

I think that means that is only the second time I have seen Julien in 12 years? I think. It was nice to catch up with him. It was nice to talk to someone who knew my stories.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Sang like an angel, looked like one too

Buy The Good Stuff, Don't Buy All The Shit

As Sam and I walked into town in the sun, under the blue sky, yesterday, I turned to him and said, "Do you realise that we don't have to buy any Xmas presents for anyone."

"I know," he said. He smiled.

Is that the ultimate post modern, ecologically sound, anti establishment stance on what amounts to the biggest waste of time and money the retail year knows?

Or are we just a couple of Xmas sadoes?

Sam and I don't buy each other Xmas presents. (We don't buy each other birthday presents) I don't bother even making a passing attempt to get the Xmas decos out of the attic any more. Sam's family all live OS and this year I'm not speaking to mine. Oh, long story I can't be bothered recounting here. Suffice to say that my family has a long history of fallings out - is that the plural of falling out? - historically, with generations past, and this year it is my turn, first time for this generation, first time for my immediate family. My sister is really upset, blah, blah, blah, yap, yap, yap. Whatever? (I do have a touch of the psychopaths about me, with the ability to have zero empathy for a particular situation really easily, I have always know that.) 

We have everything we need, Sam and I. If we really want something we go and buy it. There isn't really anything we want for. I've stopped Sam's mindless replacement spending, which he thanked me for, as we stood at the intersection of Russell and Bourke Streets, as we headed to the dumpling shop for lunch. He had the buy-something-new throw-out-the-old-perfectly-good-thing spending mentality when I met him that so many people have today. The very reason why the human race doesn't have a hope in hell of surviving. Nah, it is not going to happen people. Fasten your seat belts the next 50 years, 34 years, 10 years are going to be a bumpy ride, fade to black, over.

Buy it, if you really want it. Buy the good stuff, but stop buying shit on a whim. Stop mindlessly spending money just to fill in an afternoon because you are bored, or because your life doesn't feel fulfilling enough.

I bought new runners, my old ones really were fucked, with holes around each little toe area. Sam returned a work Xmas function outfit that he didn't wear, as he didn't go to his work Xmas function.  (The big company one, he went to his team lunch) They were all dressing up as something, soccer players, or something? Sam and I are equal on the antisocial ratings, a perfect fit some might say. 

I didn't notice that the city was any busier than normal. Xmas time, really? What I did notice was all the homeless people, that is new, which is an absolute disgrace in a rich country such as ours. The Liberal Party, conservative policies must really be working. 

Liberal Party policy is screw over the poor, as being poor is their own fault, and give to the rich, as they are the "lifters" in our society. The evidence of these policies is now clearly apparent.

Why does a wealthy country like Australia have a revenue problem, culminating in deficit budgets? Because taxes have been cut to make the rich richer. And who has ultimately paid for that? Well, the people who ultimately paid for that are now sleeping in doorways all around Melbourne. Well done Australia.

Smith Street, 7am.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Bad Back

I've hurt my back. I did it a few days ago, I don't know how I did it? It just started hurting. I've tried Panadol, I have tried Nuromol, I have tried Deep Heat, Tiger Balm, all of those stinky creams I usually so despise. I even bought my beloved Mersyndol, which worked the best, but didn't take the pain away completely. I say beloved, as I like them a lot, they make me feel really nice, giddy and lushy, when I used to take them. I used to take them for migraines, they'd take that head ache pain right away. That was until I realised that the more Mersyndol I took, the more migraines I got. I stopped taking the pills, worked my way through some of migraines without any drugs, not so easy, let me tell you, and the migraines started to subside. Although, to be fair, the doctor did say we tend to grow out of migraines as we get older. I don't get them any more. I haven't taken Mersyndol for 5 years. But I digress...

Sam has been great and has been massaging my back and that has helped. He even cupped me with jars, which felt really great. I don't really know why, it just did.

I sent Mark a message, he has always had back trouble, "I feel as thought my body is riddled with cancer and I am going to be dead soon. Do you think I am feeling sorry for myself?"

"Ha ha, welcome to my world," Mark replied. "Yes, you are feeling sorry for yourself."

I tell you what, after just a few days of back pain, if I had incurable,  chronic pain that was never going to get better, I'd be scoffing down that Nebutol in a flash, no one would tell me otherwise. I'd be out of here, no doubt about it. Three days and I haven't stopped whinging. "When is this ever going to stop?" I haven't felt like doing anything. Pain is debilitating. Writing seemed almost impossible when I couldn't sit for any length of time.

How dare anybody say that we can't have euthanasia laws. How dare anybody, religious types making themselves feel better about their own beliefs, whoever, say they know better than somebody going through constant pain. How dare they? What arrogance?

It is great that Daniel Andrew's has changed his mind, due to his father's own battle with cancer, good for him, about time. No disrespect meant, Dan the Man, but don't we deserve more intelligent, more wide thinking politicians than that? What? Until it effects them personally, it isn't real? Is that what politics is all about now a days?

The Federal, Turnbull Government is riddled with right wing Christians, so that is their excuse. The religious views of a few people are affecting the rights of the majority. That is why we don't have the decent euthanasia laws that the majority of Australian's want.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Or we could just say...

Buddy's Birthday

It is Buddy's birthday, he is six.

Happy birthday, Bud. Best dog in the world.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Truthfully, I just like photographing the old posters around town... but, this one reminded me of all the religious types I have ever met. And it is a really nice Lancia.

Let's Get Real, the Great Sky Fairy is Dead, Let's Burry Him Finally

The rich, white and entitled think they are being discriminated against if things change, if everyone don't believe what they believe  it would seem, it is an odd phenomenon.
 
My friend Jill started prattling on about political correctness, and how she is now afraid to say what she thinks because of the politically correct thought police.

Oh really? (I won’t even state the fact that Jill has never been afraid to give her point of view)

I have to say, she has always voted Liberal (grimace) and it seems she is falling hook, line and sinker for the latest conservative babble. You know, when the conservatives are pulled up for saying something bigoted, or stopped from saying their usual crap, they say it is political correctness gone made.

Jill then went on about how parts of society are too scared to celebrate Xmas because of it offending people, which is just bullshit. It is like the white majority trying to claim they are discriminated against. I really couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth.

It is just conservative political indoctrination.

Some idiot priest in the US, apparently, recently took great delight in telling children at some mall that Santa was dead, I am assuming because he wanted to push the Christian message. Actually, priest you are completely wrong, deluded I say, Santa is going strong, it is Jesus who is dead.

Jesus is dead, stop trying to resurrect him.

I said to Jill that not only should we stop celebrating Christmas, we should get rid of Christmas altogether. The vast majority of people couldn’t care about Christians and Jesus and the appropriated date of Christmas from the Pagans, we are now all only interested in present giving, it is a spending frenzy like no other at any other time of year. And we should therefore finally ditch the Christian message altogether and call it what it has been for many years.

It makes sense to celebrate the New Year, as that is something that has relevance to all people. We could have New Year’s Eve, New Year’s day and Boxing Day could be the 2nd of January. We could even sing carols to the new year, if you like that part of the tradition, celebratory songs for the coming year, which would give the opportunity to the musicians to write some new ones. Ditch the Christion songs, and sing the plethora of carols we already sing that have no Christian message at all. It is time to stop commemorating the Christian meaning as it means nothing to the vast majority of all of us. The minority Christians could keep celebrating whatever they like, naturally. The Great Sky Fairy, the Big Turkey, whatever they want, whatever their deluded brains compel them too, up to them, they are free to do what makes them feel good, naturally, while the rest of us get on with connecting with reality.


We could have Festivus of the New Year, a celebration of the coming year. It has been described as "the perfect secular theme for an all-inclusive December gathering." It could be the perfect secular gathering for the end of December.

Of course, the date will probably never change, we are stuck with 25th December and that has nothing to do with Jesus, or god, or religion, that is because it makes too much money on the date it is now celebrated, which is further evidence that Christmas no longer has anything to do with Christ.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Post Truth

We are drowning in information, but if the data on any current news service is any indication, we’re not even remotely thirsty for knowledge. (just drama) This is why the boom industry in 2016 is bullshit. This is why Oxford Dictionaries named ‘post-truth’ as word of the year. 

So often when I watch the news, I feel like crying. (Of course that is the alternative, lefty news that tells it like it is and not your Rupert Murdoch bullshit news that is only in existence to further whatever pet subject old Rupert has on his mind, you understand)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Rainbow Fitzroy

Colourful City

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Back To Work

So, everything is "go" for the new job. My p0licecheck came back clear, no dibber dobbing by the system of past transgressions. Sam was right, I was over-thinking it.

Back to work, yay. Back to work, hip, hip, hip hooray. Back to work, I am gagging on my excitement, like a toddler overcome by his very own birthday party, or a bulimic gacking up her breakfast.

I'm sitting here eating my muesli, trying to remember that I can't just sit here for a few hours reading the news, pissing about on social media, writing a blog post, cuddling up to Buddy, like mornings recently. Everything has changed, sad face. Oh really, I have to get up and get in the shower and find an ironed shirt and get dressed and find my satchel, and get my shoes on, and get myself out the door, and do all of that, making my way to the salt mines, which are a beckoning… what is the reckoning, they’ve all been decorating, they all need sectioning… three French men, two turtle heads, and a penis in a pair of briefs… but, I digress.

You have to be nice to people, Christian, I tell myself, no matter how stupid and how annoying that really are. (That is worth repeating) No, really, you do.

Oh, back amongst the great unwashed. Back to all that. I'm going to be lovely, sickeningly so. Beige, they all like it beige, like painting all of your walls in your house cream, or family friendly TV, people don't like to be challenged, they just like elevator music and traditional holidays, and sales twice a year. Boringly predictable that is what they like, they don't want to be scared by anything. Nobody wants their feathers ruffled in this day and age. (Oh, other that the outrage they feel safely tucked away at home behind their computer screens, on a daily basis)

That's going to be me, steady as you go, Christian. Nothing is too much trouble, Christian, sweetness and light, Christian.

But, having said that, I'm usually loved by my fellow employees because I do think and say things outside of the normal, suburban box. I'm not always loved by the execs because, execs like religion, don't tend to like being questioned. And I also don't go in for the modern phenomena of respect, I still believe respect is earned and not allocated just because you know how to breath, which, again, execs don't tend to like. And most managers, executive managers, I have found, are full of shit. Trumped up little Napoleons more interested in guarding their own empire than doing anything really constructive for the company, or the employees.

Oh, I shiver in anticipation. All of that and more. I remember. No, I do, I do remember, I remember it all. It is coming back to me like a black, mongrel dog. Shudder! What the hell was I thinking?


Monday, December 12, 2016

Lawyer Jokes


What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 50 million have the opportunity to become a human.