I Voted Yesterday

I voted yesterday. 

It was down the local masonic temple, now there is weird little anachronism. It’s kind of a shame, as I actually liked the ritual of voting on the Saturday of the election. It really was a time when you’d see all of your neighbours come out of their houses and head to the local church (like the Borg) We'd all chat in the queue. Pat each other's dogs. And we'd all have a sausage on the way out. It was all very social.

I’m happy to tell you how I voted. I voted Greens first, with Labor second. As I live in Adam Bandt’s seat there isn’t much doubt who is going to win.

There was no wait at all for those of us voting in our own electorate, but over an hour for the tourists voting.

The nice lady said to me. “Do you have a valid reason for voting early?” Is that even a thing?

“No, not really,” I say.

“Oh,” says the nice lady behind the table. “Are you worried about the crowds on Saturday?”

“Oh, yes, I say, catching on quick. “I am worried about that.”

“That is a valid reason,” she says.

No sausage sizzle. Nothing. No chatting. Just in and out, running the gauntlet of, seemingly, volunteers of every party known to man hanging around the entrance to the building. But still, job done.

Later, I’d walk down with Sam, and Bruno, so Sam could vote too. While Bruno and I were waiting out the front with all and sundry, Bruno pissed on one of the Greens placards. The UAP (quite cute, nothing like a handsome redneck) boy laughs (almost) hysterically and says, “I wish I’d got that on film.”

“Is the UAP running a candidate?” I ask, kind of incredulous. (It wasn’t an act, I was genuinely surprised, in an inner Melbourne seat)

“Yes, that’s me.”

“An actual candidate?” I say. “I thought the UAP was a con just so Clive Palmer could give all his second preferences to the Liberal Party so they could sure up his coal mines?”

The smile disappears from his face. He doesn’t answer. He just kind of looks away.