Thursday, January 31, 2013

No Smoking

I got up at 10am.

No smoking for 3 days. I spoke to Mark yesterday about quitting smoking, told him is easy, gets easier. It does, I can just stop now, without much pain at all.

I wrote my blog until 3pm. I’d let it get behind. I should keep onto it, keep writing, it is the only writing I do, after all. I’ve been keeping my journal though, so I am using that.

I went for a bike ride, I was determined, am determined to lose weigh by the time Mark comes home from Hanoi. I’m doing for me and not for him, but he isn’t back until Feb 28th so it gives me a dead line of sorts to work to, I always find that helps.

I came home and made peanut butter and jam toast. Funny, as a kid, I would have thought, idiot Americans, you don’t put peanut butter and jam together.

I went and had a shower after my ride and when I came out of the bathroom, it was as if somebody turned out the lights. The sky had turned from blue to black and the rain was threatening to come down.

Sam and I ate kebabs for dinner. I walked down in the rain to get them.

We had a big storm, it rained heavily.

Christian 7:04 PM

What did you think of Justin Bieber's dad?

LeeLee 7:44 PM

I want to marry him. He is beautiful, i wonder if he has manners?

Christian 7:46 PM

Who cares if he has manners, as long as he can follow instructions like, lick this

LeeLee 7:48 PM

Big smile... I am awestruck that he is not gay, you gays get all the good looking one's.

I am making a cup of tea for us, back in a tick.

Christian 7:49 PM

That is so not true. We get, at best, 10% of the guys – depending on the beer – and you get 90% of them

LeeLee 7:59 PM

Champagne depending!... perhaps i'm a gay boy trapped in a girlie body, i would say the opposite %'s are seen by my eyes... or perhaps it's just that the straight ones can look so darn good that i assume they must be gay and untouchable.

Christian 8:00 PM

What about John

What about Sebastian

What about all those woofas?

I thought I'd have more examples when I started this

LeeLee 8:04 PM

Well ok, there's them. By the way John is soon to be a Daddy and I am visiting Sebastian in August, very exciting (visiting Sebastian that is, not John's baby)... See, now maybe ur understanding that the %'s aren't quite what u thought.

Christian 8:04 PM

John is going to be a daddy? I so offered so many times.

but no

LeeLee 8:06 PM

Yeah me too but no, no and really no Lee.

I am quite sure this baby wasn't planned, just some girl who was obviously cleverer than us... bitch!!!!!!!!!

Christian 8:08 PM


I would have been so happy to get pregnant to him

LeeLee 8:11 PM

Ohhh Chriso, I would have been so happy if you got pregnant to him, then i could at least visit you lots and lots and just look at him.

8:12 PM

But then you may not have met your lovely Sam.

Christian 8:12 PM

But then I would have left him for Sam and Sam may not have been so happy looking after John's kid, so I guess it worked out for the best in the end

8:13 PM

that is so funny

LeeLee 8:18 PM

But when you left him for Sam, i would have been there for John and your kid and you and I would have seen each other every 2nd w'end for your parental rights... and you (or rather Sam) would be paying me maitenance and i would get John to myself every 2nd w'end... Hey, i am REALLY like this plan, pity i''ve missed my chance.

Maybe i could google 'How to turn back time'?????

Christian 8:20 PM

Let's face it, I just want to see his penis

LeeLee 8:21 PM

Sorry Christian but i haven't had anything to smoke in ages, got a tiny bit today though... I want his chest against mine!

Was wondering if you have much g for Saturday that i can contribute towards or should i go via Guido boy’s and we could go 1/2's?

Christian 8:25 PM

Guido is here now in Shane's room, should I get us some?

LeeLee 8:26 PM

That would be fab!

Mine is 6 weeks away!!

Christian 8:30 PM

Okay, done

LeeLee 8:32 PM

You're ace, perfect timing, big thank you to Guido!!........Now, Chris Boy, don't smoke it all before i get there!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walked down to Smith Street to get money in the rain with Buddy. It was kind of nice, trotting along with Buddy by my side as the rain fell. The man in the bottle shop let me take Buddy into the shop to get papers. He looked at Buddy adoringly. He agreed with me when I said I preferred Venti over Tallyho.

“Venti stick, Tallyho don’t”

“You are so right on that one.”

I reckon he was a stoner.

I never knew how many people walk their dogs in this area... at night. We met a jackrussell, a mini Samoyed and a wire haired terrier.

Christian 8:53 PM

I have the pot in my hand

LeeLee 8:57 PM

Perhaps you should hide it from yourself, in fact, if Sam is with you ask him to hide it... okay maybe roll a couple first for your enjoyment then step away from the green Chris Evil.

Christian 9:01 PM

guess what I am doing?

LeeLee 9:02 PM

Big smile hmmmm, there is only one thing i can think of, hope it's enjoyable xx

I'm having a mental blank moment, is suprise or surprise the correct spelling? Too lazy g

to get my dictionary

Christian 9:04 PM

the second one

but I have to say at this point that I am a bad speller

LeeLee 9:05 PM

ok, 2 r's for surprise it is then

Christian 9:05 PM

although, surprise I think I can do

LeeLee 9:05 PM

Surprise is ALWAYS one i have to think about

Christian 9:07 PM

so the correct spelling would always be a surprise

LeeLee 9:08 PM

Chriso you do make me laugh!

Christian 9:18 PM

You're visiting Sebastian?

I rolled two joints. Yum. There goes the non-smoking. I really want to stop, Monday is now the day.

The rain continued to fall. So, there goes the glorious weather.

LeeLee 9:23 PM

Yes, yes I am going to the UK with Mum and Sis to visit Bro. We are leaving 28th July and will play in England for a couple of weeks, then i will leave them and visit Sebastian and some other bits of Europe, very excited to see Sebastian! Will fill you in Saturday... by the way i will come to urs Sat about lunchtime and sleepover if that's still good for you?... How's our stuff?... Back in a tic, cat clawing me to death for food.

Christian 9:24 PM

yes, that will be lovely

LeeLee 9:34 PM

Night, night Chriso. See u in 2 sleeps. L x

Christian 9:34 PM

Sweet dreams

Santo went to bed at 10pm.

I rolled another joint.

Buddy slept for hours with his head up against my side, or on my leg. He is such a funny boy. All his angst has gone – well he did change owners suddenly when he was a year and a half old. Now he is just this completely laid back dog.

I went to bed at 1am.

Christian 1:29 AM

How are you feeling poppit?

Mark 1:41 AM

hello Chriso... bit sad now... lukie go bye byes...

Christian 2:09 AM

I know, that's why I asked you

Here's something that will cheer you up, I haven't told you that Tulli is a prostitute

Mark 2:28 AM

...I never thought that those 2 would be such an endless source of amusement, thanks Chriso, a good laugh at the end of a long day....

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I'm exhausted

I was awake at 9am.

We’re nearly there, almost. Only, practically a week to go, for Shane and Tulli’s departure. Yay! In the beginning it was the 31st, tomorrow, pity. That would have been good. It’s a shame, really. Now, I have to wait another week to get my house back. Go on, off you go, I don’t really care what kind of time you have, just go.

I came down and made coffee and went back to bed.

Shane and Tulli left the house fairly early, in their sparkling white hired VW Golf.

My head spun in an empty house, I just had to do something, this morning, to get the blood pumping. Exercise would help, it always helps, my secret weapon against a bad come down.


The bike ride was lovely in the blue sky sun. I've eaten lunch, played with Buddy, spoken to Jill, and now I am just lying on the couch for a moment, feeling a little like pooh, my cough seems to be worse because of the weekend.

But, today is day 2 of not smoking, so the cough should be improving soon.

It is again a beautiful, blue sky, sunny day. It is just lovely, yet again, in Melbourne town.

I lay on the couch and dosed off for the rest of the afternoon, it was warm and I was comfortable. Lovely. I slept the sleep of sleeping beauty. I was still asleep at 5,30 when Santo got home. In fact, when he rang the doorbell, I was so comfortable, I hesitated to answer the door, only for a millisecond, but I did. I was so comfortable. When I lay down it was 1pm and the next moment the doorbell was ringing.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Locking myself away

I got up at 9.45. I went downstairs and made coffee and muesli and juice. Then I came back to bed and trawled the internet.

Missy scratched at the bedroom door. We sat up in bed together, just like the old days. She purred and shed fur all over my doona, just like the old days.

But, you know I can only sit up in bed for so long.

Hi Christian,

I am really sorry to hear all of that, it sounds like a really difficult couple of weeks for you. My apologies for trying to contact you so many times, I honestly thought there were a couple of ideal roles for you. Obviously take as much time as you need and just let me know how you’re going when you can.

All the best. Jack

He, he, I am good at lying. Of course, it is the only time I’ll be able to do it with Jack. Smile. It will be the only time I will want to do it with Jack, anyway. Ah, Xmas holidays, it is the only time I will want to do it. Tattslotto win withstanding, I have no choice. I’ll get myself back to work, Februaryish.

I got up after 1pm and reheated the pork belly and the rice and the bok choi with prawns. I ate it as I stood at the kitchen bench. Lovely Santo, my chef.

I spoke to Mark and LeeLee. LeeLee is coming to stay on Saturday night. Mark tells me that Luke is not staying in Melbourne, as when he (finally) checked his ticket (junior vague) he only has a 2 hour stopover at Melbourne Airport.


Last night the cerepax activated a bit late, but I got to sleep finally when you came to bed, said Santo. And the I had good sleep till my alarm woke me up. And i snoozed it, and then it woke me up again.

You what? I asked.

When you came to bed, then i started to sleep, said Santo. The cerepax reacted very slow.

It is because you needed me to hold your hand to sleep? I asked.

Totally, said Santo. Poor poor me, I got a very late held hand.

3:19 PM

I was standing in the middle of the kitchen and I casually farted and shit myself. Just like that. Plurp. Oh fuck! It is a horrible feeling. NO!!!!!!!!! Run to the bathroom, quick as a flash!!!

(I always get a bit of that, after you know what. I should know better,  I should be more careful)

Really? Euw, disgusting, replied Santo. Go quickly, wash your undies and shower.

Blush. Oh boo hoo, I thought, as I sat on the toilet. I left my laptop switched on on the kitchen bench, I had to go and get it. I had no choice.

So, I held a towel in front of myself, ready to rap it around myself, if need be, and I made a dash for it. I was pretty sure Shane and Tulli had left the house, but I took the towel just in case. I didn’t want to wrap it around my still shitty bum unless I absolutely had to. Read, if I was wrong about someone being home.


Shane and Tulli are arguing about the packing. Something about the number of boxes with Tulli saying they could always change the booking. And that it will be fine. I can only assume that Shane was panicking about something.


I'm sitting on my bed. I have had a shower and we have been for a walk down to Smith Street to buy a tattslotto ticket.

Where did u leave him? asked Santo. Tie his lead on the poll? Where’s Buddy now?

Buddy didn't want to leave the tatts shop as some old lady was patting his tummy, telling him what a beautiful boy he was. Then Shane and Tulli were suddenly there too and Shane said to every one,

"He is as out of control here as he is at home."

And I thought, he is not out of control, here or at home, what a stupid thing to say.

I know… jealous!!! said Santo. GET OUT SOON! Kick out.

Buddy is lying on the mat at the end of the bed.

I was going to ask u to take him for walk, said Santo, he's lovely to take for walk, and he can force you with his speed to walk faster to burn more fat. (Santo usually adds, fat boy)

We went for a walk along Smith Street. A Papillon tried to fight him, stupid little rat in a fur, and a black French Bulldog just ignored him.

Santo was going home to his place, after work, so he could go to bed early and me not going to bed wouldn’t be a problem. 

I retired to my room for the afternoon.

I was in my room with Buddy and I heard the doorbell sound. Buddy standing to attention with his ears raised kind of highlighted the fact too.

I so enjoy my own company in my room that I didn’t care who was at the door. Please leave me alone, is what I thought. I ventured out to make a cup of tea a short time later and Dante arrived in the kitchen fairly smartly and promptly started to complain about Jimmy.


Apparently, Jimmy is moving out tomorrow and wasn't even going to tell Dante, leaving Dante with the bills and the rent.

“The lease is in his and my name, but not the bills, that is the problem I have?”

Oh, I laughed nervously.

Dante said, “Thanks for laughing cunt.”

I decided to stop listening at that point and head back upstairs while my tea brewed, leaving him to it.

I laughed in sympathy for you, Dante. Oh dear what a predicament.


You know something, I just don't do drama any longer

I don't know, but, you know, I am over people who only really want to be my friend when they want something. I'm not saying that is what Dante is doing, but it sure feels like it. Dante hasn’t, actually, asked if he can move in, but that is what I am getting from him. Maybe, it is all in my imagination, maybe. I could be completely wrong, I could be.

He hasn’t asked me. Call it intuition.

I headed to my bedroom, where I wrote my journal and Buddy slept on the rug at the end of the bed. The balcony doors were open and a nice breeze blew in. I rest up against my pile of pillows. I pulled the doona over me. Lovely.

Santo messaged me to say Jeremy Renner was on The Project and I switched it on, but seemed to miss it. After that, I half watched Masterchef, on mute. I vaguely looked at Big Bang Theory and Cops, both on mute. (I’m not exactly sure how I got onto Cops now, but I did) I was trying to get my journal up to date, so I was looking at my laptop, pretty much.

Gillard calls the longest election in history. They are determined for us to adopt the American model of elections, I can’t for the life of me understand why?

I put Buddy out some where between 9pm, and10pm. I drifted off to sleep pretty quickly after that lying in bed in front of the TV. I woke up in the middle of the night, 4am, and turned the TV off and closed my laptop and put it safely away on my desk.

I lay back into bed, for some reason, wondering if I was going to fall back to sleep, I remember feeling quite awake, but I must have, obviously.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Lying In The Sun, On The Grass, With Friends

I was up at 9.45. I let Missy in and set up my lap-top.

I’m a bit worn out, though, things ache, I don’t feel normal yet, not quite. Everything is just a bit askew. Still. I’m glad I don’t have to go to work today.

The sun was shining down warmly and Buddy was sitting up near the roller door in the sun with his old man face on. His usual sunbathing spot.

I felt the same way.

The next step in my morning process would be to make coffee and let Buddy in, the order in which this may occur could depend on him jumping up at the back door, doing his best Ewok look through the window in the door, or my greater need for caffeine, which leads me to my most pressing problem, my latest batch of coffee beans tasted like it had been infused with some short of chemical. The beans didn't smell like coffee at all, which is some feat for coffee, and a hint at what my concern was. What to do? I couldn’t drink it. No. So, no coffee? That isn’t such a great option? Take them back to Woolworths and tell them they are spoilt? I sniffed at the bag and they smell like the equivalent of petrol, or dry cleaning fluid, or bleach… none of those, but I am sure you get my point. There was no other course of action, I had to take them back to Woolworths, so I did.

It was a lovely morning to be walking along my street, the trees were green, the breeze cool, the sky blue.

The manager at Woolworths agreed with me, there was something, indeed, wrong with the coffee beans, he said, after he bought the bag to his nose and sniffed them. They didn’t ask for the receipt, which was just as well, as I couldn’t find it.

“Go and pick a new bag and we’ll re-credit them.”

Lovely. Easy.

Then, as I climbed the stair out to the car park, after all of Sam’s concern about my bowel movements, or lack there of for the last three days, I suddenly needed to do a shit. I laughed, Sam would be pleased, he worries so. Gurgle, gurgle. But why now, not now, wait on I am not ready, not even able to cross my legs.

Music of the Night

I see


Music of the Night



Sam and I headed down to Victoria Street to eat Pho at our favourite pho shop. It was a warm day, just the kind of day to walk down the street in shorts. I decided on sensible shoes, instead of thongs, at the last minute, much to Sam’s chagrin.

We were both varying on our energy levels. Sam kept saying to slow down as I walked ahead.

The soup was lovely.

The cutest Asian twink served us, he had on a t-shirt that said, “Be afraid.” I told Sam that I could give him something to be afraid of. Sam laughed. It was like the Pho shop had changed hands. We are regulars there, and all the staff seemed different.

We bought pork belly and bok choi and a bone for Buddy on the way home.

We sat outside and drank orange juice and watched a very excited Buddy wrestle with his bone, push it over, roll it around, clench it between his paws and generally be totally enthralled with it. He kept glancing over to us as if to say thank you.

Much Mirth

Hi Boys, my Mother thought i had gone completely mad last night. After writing my letters, which just flew out of my hands and deranged mind i reread them and just pissed myself laughing for a considerable time on both occasions.

Your reply was completely unexpected and immediately fell into the "What" category. I reread my message again just in case and that only precipitated another round of giggling.

It was so abundantly obvious to me what was being conveyed and the only appropriate reply, which would have made me fall of my chair, would have been. "Listen here you mad South African Bitch, no im not inviting you over so you can smoke my dope just so you can tell me your dirty news, i told you were closed.

Of course the reply was simply oh for goodness sake take more drugs.

I am still amused, Love Anthony xx

Nicholas called, but I missed it, let it go unanswered. I said to Sam, who’d been saying we should take Buddy for a walk, that we should harness him up and start walking to Tim and Nicholas’s place. On the way, I will call Nicholas and say we were walking the dog towards their place and that we’d drop in.

I called Nicholas, but it went straight to voicemail.

So, I called Tim and said we’d drop in, but Tim said he wasn’t up to it and could we make it next Sunday for lunch. Sure, no problem, see you then.

A moment later, Nicholas called and asked if we were still walking down their street.

Yes, I said.

Come down and we’ll take the dogs to the park.

So that is what we did. Nicholas, and his dachshund, Bruno, his neighbour Maggie, her dog Jackie, and Sam and I took Buddy, went to the park, next to the Fitzroy pool on Alexandra Parade. There we met Mel and his Dachshund Sasha, who is also a distant neighbour of Nicholas and Maggie. It was lovely in the park in the sun watching the dogs running around. There were quite a few dogs that joined the pack while we were there.

Mel had a nice bulge in his pants. I sat on the ground next to Nicholas and Buster, and Mel stood in front of us. He had on camel coloured pants. He was cute. English accent, round face, closely cropped beard, nice smile, Aviator sunglasses. When he pulled his t-shirt down over his crotch tentatively, I thought oops, and I turned myself around so I wasn’t looking at him.

Clearly I was still going, I had to be carful.

And of course, the next thing he was standing in front of me, and I couldn’t help but notice, because he kind of rubbed at it. I’m sure he touched himself… as I was turning myself away from him again.

And what do you know, he was back standing in front of me, again, and I looked again. Well, if you keep standing there, I thought. He had his dog’s lead and harness in his hands, which he bought up against his crotch, which he rubbed nervously against the front of his pants. He looked sexy as he did it, the bulge in his pants seemed to be bigger.

I got up and ran after Buddy.

We came home a few hours later, at 6pm.

Oh watching The Project, there was a story on the Liberal party starting their electioneering for the election, which doesn’t have to be held until November 30th.

Abbott is on the news clearly on the hustings, American style, giving what seemed to be policy speeches.

Really? The election doesn’t have to be until November 30th.

Oh no Liberal party! Please don't start electioneering this early in the year. The election doesn't have to be held until November 30th. Please don't make us have a whole year of electioneering from you guys, we will all go nuts! Tony Abbot says this is the most important election in years, the only thing he forgot to add was, for him. It may well be the most important election for him, but it isn't for the rest of us. What happened to the days, when the election would be called and the electioneering would start from that point?

Bugger off Tony. Note to self, stop watching the news. What do you reckon Tony Abbott’s cock would look like?

Sam cooked pork belly and bok choi and rice. Yum.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

What Other News?

We finally went to sleep at 5am. I’m sure my eyes had turned blue when I looked in the mirror, last thing..

We got up at 9.30. We ate porridge.

We felt okay, we didn’t do much.

I brushed my teeth and my tooth brush tasted funny. I made coffee and it smelt the same as my toothbrush. I made a second pot, it smelt just as funny as the first. I was convinced it had to be the water, brushing teeth, coffee.

We ate tomato pasta at midday

We went back to bed at 2pm.

Sam woke me up at 4.30pm. “If you don’t get up now, you won’t sleep tonight.” Really? I’m always surprised by that reasoning. So, I sleep now. I’ll risk it. I asked Sam how long he slept for when we took our nap, and he said he didn’t. That was kind of cute, he wanted someone to play with.

Shane was in the kitchen as we were getting ready to go out and eat.

“I’m exhausted and now I have to drive to Kyenton,” said Shane.

“Why are you so exhausted?”

“Oh… you know… big days.”

Okay then, I thought, whatever that means. Shane does that, invites me into a conversation just to shut me down again. I know you like to keep what you are doing secret from me, but then why invite me to talk about it. I wonder if it is me asking the wrong questions? It is because he wants me to know he is so busy being fabulous, but that is all he wants me to know, I'm guessing. I can only assume, he doesn’t, actually, want me to be a part of it.

“So we wont be home tonight.”

“Okay,” I said, as I disappeared into the front of the house and out the door.

Sam and I ate at Yim Yams. The late afternoon sun was shining in through the door bathing me in golden light. Gorgeous.

I was drinking iced water in a cut-glass glass. I love that sensation of finishing the water in a cut glass, holding the glass into the sun and looking into it, watching all of the facets, of the ice and the water and the glass, glisten and sparkle and shine like crystal, like a ice k

Sam looked so handsome.

What is this all about?

Oh, I do love your last sentence.

These two groups hate women , mixed marriage , homosexuals , abortion, and promote bullying of minority groups. I will leave it up to you .

May I suggest a much shorter and to the point answer?... oh, I guess not, she is your sister after all.


I was only giving....

If you had read all my emails and posting you would know what its all about.

I was only giving my sister, and out of the kindness of my heart something i am pleased to be known for, a way out !

Love Anthony

I was only giving....

No luv, it is a cult, they don't get out.


We watched Big Bang Theory and Masterchef: The Professionals simultaneously, alternating in the ads. Then we watched Rick Stein in Cambodia. It seems like the last, unspoilt place to go to now a days. I guess there is always North Korea? I much prefer poor countries to rich countries, there is so much more to see, so much more that takes your breath away.

Keep me informed...

Wasn't today the day of the "private" barbecue?


Keep me informed...

Perhaps it was but officially the date has been changed to xxx Feb "Drinks in the Fitzroy Gardens. Bring your own everything.” Also invitation only and yes I have been sent an Invitation. There is much much bigger news however it can only be spoken about once The happy couple are well on their way out of the country. Sorry to titillate you but im not allowed to tell anybody . Anthony

Keep me informed...

TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Music of the Night...

As the first Kiss of Darkness finally brushed against my cheek as I lingered for a moment, in a refectory yet also anticipatory way , on my front step, the last curl of smoke , flaring my nostrils , from my post dinner cigarette indulgence filling me with the seduction of the night , I thought as I always do at this time of you .

It came to me, as I noticed my fingers trembling slightly, that you are not exactly "anybody" now are you.

Just as I watched the last moment of Daylights benevolence usurped finally by the Music of the Night, I felt yet again that Kiss. My nostrils still flared a thought, fleeting across my mind, I am not able to keep such disturbing secrets that torture my mind from those others who like myself also feel That so subtle and alluring Kiss .

Of course as all pacts that are made in the unbridled turmoil of Night, there may well also be a price to be paid for allowing yourself to fall into the abyss of deceit, or could it be You who must pay ?

Should i be coerced beyond all resistance by offers of the forbidden, would i share what i know?


Music of the Night...

One feels that you got the said information through nefarious sources anyway, so taking the moral high ground at this juncture seems a little disingenuous.


Music of the Night...

It is not with great wisdom that a mere mortal dances with a disguise when the hour approaches. It is near time that to wrestle or fight to reclaim the lost security of the daylight is over. Now as the immortal ready themselves to dance in the shadows cast by a brilliant moon beneath a shimmering almost ethereal night sky, is time to prepare and to succumb, to immerse yourself into the approaching Black Velvet of the Midnight.

The stillness, interrupted only by the most gentle of breeze, heralds in the approaching whispers from the trees.

What is wise is to guide yourself and the unexpecting away from the mundane, in readiness for the unavoidable turmoil that approaches. Tis not the time for neediness or discussion , Just to Be. Succumb.


We put Buddy out at 10.30 and went to bed. We watched “Shallow Hal,” which was praised by the reviews I read quickly online to be a movie of superior quality, but it just turned out to be a load of old rubbish in the end.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

My head was spining

Some time around 8am, I, well, Sam text Tim to say I was feeling too sick to make it to dinner tonight.

It was the first time I had looked at the time. It was the first time that I had looked up and noticed the day. Ten hours gone, just like that.

Tim text back, I know how that feels, which I was happy about. I haven’t spent enough time with Tim and Daniel and I don’t want them to think it is anything they have done. I must catch up with them soon.

Daylight, I thought. I could sense it, it was some where over there, all around me, changing the world right before me.

Im so good to you

Hello smiling happy people . No need to reply to this but it needed to be written.

I am so good to you Christian and Sam that i resisted sending you the most disturbing image i have seen for some time, from Nigeria. My hand hovered over the send icon and my mind said wait dont do it. I even wrote the message Christian do not read this until Wednesday. You probably would have and been as disturbed and quite frankly ANGRY at me as i am towards my sister right now.

To wake up at 5am as i did and receive this email at 6.38am i am Furious.

So think kind thoughts towards me. Have a lovely day, filled with Love. Anthony xx

The bedroom was trashed; towels covering the bed, piles of dvds in front of the TV, toys on the floor. We felt okay, not so much like a train wreck, as just being tired, exhausted. It was around 4pm. Buddy was very excited to see us, leaping about very excitedly. We reheated the tomato pasta, it was good to eat.

I was coming downstairs when Shane stepped out from his room and said, “They upgraded my hire car to a Golf and it really flies.”

Well, thank you for that, I thought. “Really, that’s great,” I said. He only mentions that as it builds him up, some how it means he is important enough for an upgrade, which is always important to Shane. Every little bit of superiority helps, counts, is important to him.

Then Shane parked the said Golf out the back, without asking, or without saying anything to me. Good for him.

We went back to bed at 8pm.

I bought Buddy up to sleep at 10pm, as suddenly there were loud explosions going on. I went out onto the balcony and the air was full of gun powder, or whatever the fireworks equivalent o gun powder is. I came downstairs and Buddy was barking, so I let him in. He came running down from the back of the back yard at a furious pace and straight through the back doors inside.

We put Buddy out at 1.30am.

Please fix this up

After 6 hours of mental torment i decided to find out you these authors are on Google.

All is fine now . No need to go to links before Wednesday if at all its a hoax. A(nthony)xx



Subject: Please fix this up

Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2013

Hi Car , please do some research before sending images like this and promoting Radical Christian agendas the same if not worse than Radical Muslims. Please consider fixing this up for all the people you sent it to, it has freaked me out angered and disturbed me since 7am that’s 6 hours.

As horrible as this photograph is, the story is not true .

Its worth a look Car http:www.hoax-xxxxxxxx/nigerian-church-massacre,shtml

scroll down to " False report Massacre in northern Nigeria " i think its number 4or 5 down.

This Coptic group is on Gloria TV "the more catholic the better" also worth a look http://xxxxxxx/?media=385351

These two groups hate women , mixed marriage , homosexuals , abortion, and promote bullying of minority groups. I will leave it up to you.

Love Anthony xxxxx

Friday, January 25, 2013

All About Sex

Sam rubbed moisturiser on my face, it was morning.

Pretty soon after that, the doorbell rang, just before 8am. Sam answered it, it was Dante. He was dropping his car off for Shane to take a load of rubbish to the tip. Shane had the car yesterday, he filled it full of rubbish, but by the time he was done it was after 3pm when the tips close. So, he has to go today.

Sam asked Dante about the "supplies." Dante will come over after work and he and I will go straight down there.

Sam came back into the room and told me all this as he applied eye oil to my eyes.

Sam left at 8am.

8:35 AM

Babe. I don't think there's any lube left, messaged Sam.

of either kind? I asked.

I think cream still have some. Can u check? asked Sam. If u r going to (sex shop), get the nipple suck like Tulli. But not that big

I've been naughty Christian, I emailed Jack telling him I'm sick, my mum is sick, my dog is sick and my car is sick. Is that very bad?

Bad, replied Sam.

I love that squeaky thing, I was coming back up stairs with coffee and muesli and Buddy wouldn't get off his lazy fat arse and come with me. He just looked at me as if to say, "Not a chance, buddy." Then one squeak of the squeaky thing and bam! He was straight up and following me

Hehe, said Sam.

Good little bulldog

We should consider min 3, max 4, said Sam. What do you think about the points?

What happened to the 2 points? I asked.

2 is boring, said Sam. The goddess talking

"Little pumpkin" just got up on the bed, I said.

This look so much like ashton not like steve, said Sam. But woz said, "never happen"

8:51 AM

He is scratching around in the bed. I said "Hey, can you stop that." And he stops and gives me a very sideways, bulldoggy look.

He said, "what's wrong with you," said Sam.

We are sitting next to each other. Then he looks away and rolls over sideways. clunk

What u mean sitting? Aren’t you in bed?

Yes, I said. Yep, he is lying on your pillow

I see

9:00 AM

He's now stretched out on the floor in front of the balcony doors, like a good little bulldog

Good, you need to spend more time with him, said Sam. Are you going to (sex shop)?

I need to spend more time with Buddy?

Yeah... before tonight party


Have u check the lube?

Settle down, it is not even 9am yet

Its 9 now, duh.

I should have said, don’t duh me, but I didn’t.

9:15 AM

I want to go home, pat pat Buddy, nothing to do here

Buddy zzzzzzzzzzzzz, I replied.

I went for a bike ride, in the lovely afternoon sun. The sun was shining, the second time this week. I have to get into a routine, I have to get back in shape, well, better shape than I now am in, anyway. I really don’t want to do blood pressure tablets.

I walked down to (sex shop) and bought lube and nipple toys for Sam. The nipple suction things came in different sizes. I guessed that Sam would have the small size, but I figured it was best to ask. He replied with, You don’t know what size my nipples are?

I said to the guy behind the counter, “My nipples are dead, they don’t respond to anything, so I don’t take much notice.”

“Mine too,” he agreed, “they are not connected. Oh, whatever I always think when people talk about them.”

Dante arrived at 4pm. We went to see the new “Guido” who was residing in St Kilda for the long weekend. I sat in the car in Fitzroy Street and text Sam as I waited. I wondered what Fitzroy Street had seen? I laughed at the possibilities… and truth is probably stranger than fiction. There seemed to be lots of old queens on bikes, their hey day clearly behind them and their medical lives fast approaching them.

You’d have to ride longer than the years you have left, I thought about a real old fat guy on a bike who rode by in leather shorts.

Dante asked me what Shane and Tulli were up to, as we drove down Queens Road. Dante said Shane doesn’t tell him anything.

Interesting, I thought, so it's not just me. I thought Shane was Dante’s best friend. Interesting, as I’ve never really thought that Shane treated Dante very well anyway.

Dante told me that Mark W. was buying the rest of the house from Shane. Interesting, I thought, I didn’t know that. That's where the money is coming from, but I don’t really care that much now. I’m thinking ahead about what I’m going to do. The house to myself, yay.

Sam was at home already, as I’d left a key under the mat for him, he wanted to come with us, but Dante was early. Sam had made tomato pasta. It was ready in two bowels on the kitchen bench. Come on quick, was his attitude.

Funny, huh? It’s what we all like, the promise of some filth, it is good for your psyche. Sam had got it with his first snort and his first puff. We all do. It is a truth nobody seems to talk about, in all the talk about it. It is fun.

The fun started soon after that, I think the sun was still shinning.

You know, I love porn about all the taboo subjects, I don’t know why. Brothers fucking brothers. Straight men fucking each other. At the direction of their girlfriends, or not. Straight twins having sex with each other, pissed or drug fucked. Gay twins doing the same thing… got to love The Peter’s Twins. Straight boys being seduced by gay boys, there is more of that than is possible to watch in one life time. Married men having gay sex behind their wives backs… ditto. Fathers fucking their sons, the daddy/boy fetishists cover that one nicely. (all adult sons, you understand) MILFS screwing their sons, mostly their son’s best mate, just as good. (Ditto, usually college boys) I find them all such a turn on.

I don’t know why? When I am high, I love it. But it is all still loving and sensuous, nobody doesn’t do anything that they don’t want to. And it is in the consensual sensuality surrender that the heat is created. It is still romantic, always, to a point, satisfying for every one involve. We’re not looking for reality here, clearly, it is fantasy always. Everybody has a good time in the end.

The good thing is, it doesn’t cross over into my reality, my real life. No, in my reality it doesn’t rate as anything, mostly abhorrent in some way. But in a fantasy life it does. What would Freud, Kinsey and the rest have to say about that?

Thursday, January 24, 2013

What's it all about?

I got up at 10am. It is going to be hot today, a scorcher, a huge problem for the fires which may be burning still, or which may just flare up again today. The conservatives still blindly deny climate change. The sun was certainly shining at 10am and the sky was blue.

And it was hot and I staid inside.

And the morning drifted away in all it’s bright, sunshine glory. E news will do that.

Christian 2:11 PM

Tulli clicked "like" on what you wrote on that photo, did you notice?

I guess as long as you are talking about them...

Mark 2:23 PM

or he is actually as dumb as a post...

Christian 2:39 PM

yes... um... yes... er... yes

Mark 6:03 PM

...the fact that he thought I was complimenting him, is a hoit...

I’m bored, but I don’t want to do anything. I’m restless but I can decide on what would make me not so restless. I sat outside in the thick warm air and watched the bees in my dog’s drinking bucket for some time. Mesmorised by the warmth, the air was thick. I don’t know what is with the bees, but they are congregating around the rim of the blue water bucket every day.

I contemplated life for some time, staring off into the sparkling light of the day, without really coming up with any conclusions about anything, really. That I am so lazy, I do nothing, very little, nothing… but I am enjoying it. I know I shouldn’t, I should be doing something, I’m simply in denial, there is no other explanation.

I tried to meditate sitting in the chair, and I don’t know if It is wrong to try it in a chair, but it didn’t work, I couldn’t switch my brain off.

I ate green curry chicken take away for lunch.

Another wasted day, pondering, or avoiding it, about what I am going to do with my life? I probably should just get out all the novels I haven’t read and read them.

I don’t think I can write any more. I’ve got to get it out of my brain and I think of all the time I have wasted?

I should just give the idea up all together and just go back to work. Stop living in a dream that isn’t going to happen.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Pooh, exercise and chicken

It was a beautiful sunny day.

I thought Buddy was really sick when I let him in this morning, he was really weird, sad, head down, lifeless and he came inside and collapsed on his (inside) bed.

It worried me, what the hell? He didn’t seem to rally, it was unlike him.

I was out getting the bin in and I had an idea, I rang the doorbell and he came running out like his normal self.

I see, I thought.

So, the next test was the dog lead draw, where I keep the lead. As soon as I opened it he was leaping about with that take-me-for-a-walk look on his cute little bulldog face.

Maybe he was just bored? Could he be? I hadn’t walked him for a number of days. One of the important points about buying a bulldog, was that they need a daily walk for their mental health.

Could that be the problem?

So, instead of eating breakfast and drinking coffee, I walked him to the postbox to repost his registration form back to the council, again. The stupid Council has sent it back to me for the second time. That is despite the fact that I went down. in the first place there. and had them confirm the microchip number with their own micro chip reader. They sent it back to me at the beginning of January and I returned it attention the appropriate person. as instructed by them when I called them. Despite this, they sent it back to me again. So, I posted it back to them, attention to a new person, as instructed when I called them for a second time.

It was a lovely sunny day and Buddy and I kept walking, he looked excited and please to be out. I forgot that I was hungry. We walked down to The Fitzroy Gardens. I was practically in my bed shirt, I was only going to post a letter.

Just as we got to the gardens, he had a huge shit in the street just by the Dallas Brooks Hall. I wouldn’t normally mention this, but… As we walked off, he had, what looked like, another pooh hanging from his arse. I thought he would take another shit, quickly, but he didn't. We trotted into the park, seemingly without a care. Happy as a pig in… So I got a piece of bark and tried to wipe it off, to discover it was a huge piece of bone hanging out of him. I winced. Oh… I waited for him to have another squat, but he still didn’t. He ran across the grass, he snuffled in the bushes but he didn't try to have another tail up, knees bent. I guessed I had to do something? I suddenly knew something of what mother’s must felt at times. So eventually, before breakfast, I was down on my knees grabbing at my dog’s arse with my fingers wrapped in a doggy-pooh bag… and pulling it out. He yelped, just gently, it had a hook on the side, like a spike.

Then he kept snuffling, as though nothing had happened, while I worried whether, or not, I should be checking for blood, you know, just in case.

I took him to the pond in which he can walk into to get a drink, he proceeded to attempt to swim instead. I pulled him out quickly, as two mother arrive with two prams and a few toddlers in tow.

He was really good walking, except for one moment, on the way home, other than that he was like a normal dog on a lead now.

And he's fine now? asked Sam.

Yes, I said.

Now Shane is making me baked eggs. I wondered if I should, in fact, be accepting? Feeding the bitch! I suddenly wondered how I got so cranky.

I went and got mahogany wood filler at (name of shop) for Mark to fill a table with in Hanoi. He’s got a table to repair, and Hanoi doesn’t do coloured filler. Mark sent me a photo. All the colours looked the same, and they had no colour chart. So, I came home and got my laptop and went back to compare the colours with the photo. It could save me a few more parcels sent for his DIY. We all agreed that Mahogany was the closest colour. It cost me $50 to post it. I had to fill out a customs form, at the post office. I said it is ridiculous, they can look inside for all I care.

“They probably will anyway, wood filler to Vietnam.” He laughed. “Once they wouldn’t have cares, but, you know, since 911… it’s all changed.”

It was a beautiful day, I decided that I should go bike riding. I’ve got to take this excess weigh seriously.

My tyre wouldn't pump up at the servo, I was pissed off. What timing. So I decided that there was nothing to do but to walk to the bike shop now at the other end of Smith Street, there was no use whinging, nobody was listening anyway. $160 later I was on my way.

What happen? asked Sam.

I was cross when I got home from the servo to get my wallet and Buddy was on the couch, again, so I rattled the bottle at him so hard that he completely freaked out and now he won't come out of the study.

Even after I got back from my ride. I felt bad.

Oh what a drama, said Sam, tell me the story later, got work to do. Do you want to see me tonight? I might finish bit late today, probably around 5:30.

We ate Nandos, in Smith Street, neither of us could be bothered cooking and some days I just can’t go to Woolies.

Nicholas called while we walking down to Smith Street. He is so funny, he pretended that he was someone I had hooked up with last week. He insisted, wanted to know why I didn’t want to talk to him.

I denied it all.

And he laughed and gave it away.

Some how he talked me into going over there on Saturday night for dinner, after Friday night’s shenanigans.

I’m not sure how he did that? Stupid me, I thought. It was meant to be the anti dote to the fact that drugs and porn are such a waste of time, if you know what I mean. I was trying to add some positive to the negative, yin and yang. Ha ha, listen to me. Be reclusive, but be social to, it is easy, it can be done.

I called Dante and organised “things” for the weekend. He said Friday. Sam asked why it couldn’t be tonight? My little monster, I have so been a bad influence on that boy.

I spoke to my sister, she is back from skiing in Austria. She loved having Buddy and she said he was welcome anytime I wanted him looked after, which is nice to hear.

“He’s a great little guy.”

Sam went to bed at 10.30pm.

I’m learning that I don’t have to go to bed when he does, I can stay up, it is allowed. Otherwise, he should spend more time at his place. Reading back over that, it isn’t quite what I mean, I don’t really want that, but I am sure you can grasp the essence of it.

I watched the “It gets better campaign,” about gay teen suicide.

I don’t think a lot of people understand that a great number of Christians would rather their own children were dead than were gay.

I think that is the attitude they are up against, especially in the bible belt of America, not to mention the bible belt of Australia.

I went to bed at midnight.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Tulli's Tits

It was a beautiful sunny day. The weather has been just glorious here in Melbourne as the rest of the world burns. Lucky us. No, really it has been a lovely summer. Okay, so a few of you will probably complain that it hasn't been that hot, but I reckon it has been just perfect.

My house insurance is due and I notice I have to pay a fire levy? Why? Why, when I live in the inner suburbs of Melbourne do I have to pay a fire levy? Fucken insurance companies, bunch of vultures, every last one of them.

I pissed around on YouTube all day, listening to Dan Savage. Lovely. I love Dan Savage. He is one amazing man.

People are always freaked out by what they are not, but most people are not most things – Dan Savage

Vanilla is kink – Dan Savage

Vanilla is kink, is an interesting observation that we are taught that the most common sexual practise is vaginal missionary and it just isn’t. Human beings love every sort of perverted, kinky sexual practice, despite us all accepting the common myth that it is all vaginal missionary that we practice.

Oh yes, I am very busy these days.

I spoke to Mark, who was laughing at his naughtiness, at leaving a thinly veiled (evil) message on, Jane’s Facebook page, on a photo of Shane and Tulli, about Tulli’s nipples… relating the current nonsense about woman breastfeeding and bare breasts.

Oh dear Mark, you are just asking for trouble, I thought.

On Jane’s Facebook page to boot. She has been so badly influenced by Shane… even against her father.

It was subtle and a reference back to the night Tulli came out into a lounge room full of people with some sort of sexual play devices on his bare-chested nipples.

Oh dear, I thought.

Still, Tulli loves getting his tits out, Shane loves getting Tulli’s tits out. Shane has no limits of appropriateness around his own self promotion.

Dante came over after work to collect his vacuum. He asked me, without any prompting, I promise, cross my heart, what made Shane believe that Mark had thrown his vacuum out.

I shrugged and said. “Shane never asked me, never. And what he was basing Mark throwing it out on, is a mystery to me.”

“Yeah, well.” Shrug. “Good on him,” said Dante.

Dante said he would introduce me to the local “Guido” to get “meth.” Not for now, but in preparation for the future, despite Sam and I saying we were finished with it. It’s good for sex, it is fun for sex, don’t believe everything you read kids. Of course, you have to be responsible with it. Less is always more. Just take a little, you can always take a little more.

And remember, you have to get up Monday morning and go to work. If you can’t get up and step back into your normal life, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Sam stayed at his place. He Skyped me later, and when I mentioned about the “introduction at some time in the future,” Sam got an excited look on his face and held up his fingers and said,

“Get 2 points for this weekend as it is a public holiday on Monday. Two points, get two points.” He pointed at his fingers, one then two. He nodded enthusiastically.

I ate muesli for dinner. By the time I waited for Dante to turn up and by the time he’d left, it was dark and I didn’t feel like heading out to find food, so I fell back on the old staple. Ha ha, Sam would shake his head.

I watched The History of Film, a fascinating multi part documentary.

Films to watch – Days of Heaven, Killer of Sheep, The Last Picture Show, Badlands.

I went to bed at 2am. I wrote nothing all day, I pissed the hours away. Oh, bugger! What am I to do? Go back to work? I am really wasting my life, I am not working, but I am not writing anything either. Oh what is life telling me? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

Monday, January 21, 2013

All the old carcasses

Sam was going to make porridge for me this morning, but I was too slow in getting out of bed. But you promised? He just shook his head.

He put moisturiser on my face, though. Lovely.

He left at 8am and I got up and waved him good-bye over the balcony. Air kisses abound. Then I was awake.

I headed around to the shop and got cigarettes. I made muesli and coffee and headed back to bed with Buddy.

Oh what to do today? I thought.

Jill text me to say she was on her way over. I responded saying I was heading over to see my mum. I was going by train, yesterday’s trip inspired me. She responded by saying that she would drive me. I said to her that I was going to catch the train and I didn’t want to put her through that. She rang to say she wanted to drop off the light fitting, the vacuum and the towels before her dad caught wind of it all. I said that it wasn’t so pleasant visiting the nursing home and I didn’t want to put her through it. She reminded me of what she’d been through – her mum had gone the same way as mine, and her father is failing physically. Okay, I said. She was already on her way and she’d be here soon.

Is she determined? Or just bored? Not really sure, and, you know, maybe I don’t have to think about it.

I got in the shower and got ready.

There mum was, a white-hired apparition being helped on to her walker, in the distance. I quizzed her as to who I was, I probably shouldn’t have, but I did, I guess, it is human natured, you know, to want to know that your mother still knows who you are. She said my name and grabbed my hand, she knew who I was, which, I guess, is a good thing. I hadn’t seen her since December 21st, since I’d been away on holidays.

She is very frail, she had great trouble walking, but we managed to get her outside into the garden.

She seemed to be off her face on drugs, as she sat on the seat in the sun. I don’t know, maybe she was, maybe it is just a stage of the disease?

We chatted, for a bit, which was difficult. I lead the conversation mostly, she replied with yes, or no. I told her everything I had been doing. She seemed to listen intently.

She looked so frail sitting there.

I took her hand, as it was time to go, her skin is still soft and her hand felt warm in mine. I tried to fight them back, as I gazed at her soft, staring expression, looking so old and so lifeless, but the tears began to roll gently down my cheeks, as I looked at her and looked at her hand in mine.

I got a pork roll and got my haircut. It was lovely sunny day in Smith Street. You wouldn’t be dead for quids, hey? Oh, shake it all out, fingers to toes and back again. Up and down my spine, look around, shake. Breath in the life, breath in the essence of all that is living, and look forward. Remember all that was good about my beautiful mother and try not to dwell on the here and now.

I read about Tom Bridgroom in the afternoon. A very sad story about a very much in love gay couple who had their whole lives in front of them. And then there was a terrible accident and… go look it up on the net.

I don’t know if I was still emotional from visiting my mum in the morning, but I had tears flowing down my cheeks all afternoon.

There is nothing like a good cry, to blow the cobwebs from the emotional tracks.

Shane mentioned the new vacuum, from Jill, which was still sitting in the atrium unpacked. No doubt Shane wanted to open it and use it, but he didn’t actually say so, so I didn’t offer.

The story of the vacuums, Jesus what a carry on. Guadeloupe doesn’t like using the ducted vacuuming system, she blocks it up all the time. And I wanted to get rid of Guadeloupe, as I wasn’t working so much and I thought we should be able to do our own cleaning, so Shane said he would take over everything to do with her. So, Shane bought her a vacuum to use, which was cheap, and it broke. So Shane started to borrow Dante’s vacuum. (Dante has been referred to as he-who-shall-never-be-mentioned and D and now I am using his name. Keeping up?) Then, I happened to be at Jill’s and she had an old Volta which she said worked completely fine but it was too heavy and she wanted a lighter one, so she gave it to me. Well, as it turned out, it didn’t work just fine, so she has bought me a new one to replace the Volta that didn’t work. In the mean time, Mark came and staid and he checked over the ducted system, saying there was nothing wrong with it and that Guadeloupe should use it, which she has been doing ever since.

So we had all of these old vacuums littering the house and they were on my mind, as they seemed to be in every corner of the house. I noticed that Dante’s vacuum was in the cupboard upstairs, wand I mentioned to Shane… in the spirit of getting rid of all the vacuum carcass’.

“Oh that’s good. I thought Mark threw it out. I’ll tell Dante to come and get it.”

Later in the afternoon, while I was eating dinner, I thought about what Shane said. He thought that Mark threw it out? WTF? What on earth made him think that Mark threw it out? Shane never fails to amaze me with some of the things he thinks. Where exactly did he think Mark threw it out to? Mark had no car, or means of disposing of any rubbish when he was here. It makes no sense. What were the factors that made him think that? He obviously told Dante that Mark threw his vacuum out. Shane is such a moron, sometimes. He has such an irrational dislike of Mark, I’m not sure why. Well, I do, Mark is successful at all the things he does. It is just jealousy… when Mark has been nothing but nice to Shane.

And Dantes vacuum? It is contempt for Dante, really. The vacuum was in the hallway cupboard where, admittedly, Mark may well have put it. So, when Dante asked for his vacuum back, Shane put exactly zero effort into finding it, a vacuum that Shane borrowed in good faith. He didn’t ask me if I’d seen it. He obviously didn’t look for it. He just said, rather head-scratchingly that Mark threw it out.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Is this still not my house?

Last night, the doorbell rang. Buddy ran to the door, of course. Shane was in the kitchen preparing some food, dinner of some sort.

“Oh, I don’t think I told you that Jane is coming? Did I tell you Jane was coming?”


“Well, she is at the door.”

So Jane is coming to stay and I am the last to know. Okay, so she is my stepdaughter – for those of you who don’t remember, Jane and I are roughly only ten years apart in age, and with that in mind, plus the fact that Mark and I are now split up for how long? …it is now becoming kind of ridiculous to call her my step daughter and I her stepfather – but even if she was coming to stay with me, and not, essentially, Shane, I would still expect her to ask me. I mean, it is still my house the last time I checked.

My friends and he dad’s friends have long since become friends, of course, the result of the parent/child relationship being broken down just a little too far, says Mark, now thinking about it in retrospect, however we are way past that point now.

Pretty soon Shane asked Jane if she wanted to go out for a drink, with he and Tulli, just the three of them. Did Shane seem kind of insistent, or was it my imagination?

“Do you think Shane told you at the last minute so he didn’t have to involve you?” asked Sam.

“Oh probably. Yes. That’s what he does now a days.”

“Do you think it is because of me being boring?”

It nearly broke my heart hearing him say that. My beautiful Sam. “No, not at all. It is me he doesn’t seem to like. Everyone loves you.”

Shane left chicken cacciatore on the stove cooking for them when they got back.

Sam and I started watching “Must love dogs.”

With their dinner cooking on the stove, I knew they would come back and they would talk over the movie, if history was anything to go by.

“I tell you what,” I said to Sam. “Let’s turn it up in preparation?”

Oh I don’t know what Sam must think of me when I do such things?

“I tell you what…” and I turned it up again and then again, just to be sure.

They came home before the end of the movie. Shane served up the chicken concoction and proceeded to eat it around the coffee table, he Tulli and Jane. I had the TV turned up pretty loud by this point. And you know what, true to form, Shane proceeded to shout over the movie none the less.

So, there we were, the movie blaring and Shane and Jane screaming at each other over the movie from one end of the coffee table to the other. It was ridiculous. Really funny, if I allowed myself to be amused.

I didn’t even mute the ads, which, if they had been any sort of inquiring minds present, it would have been a sure fire give away, as it is one of my pet hates.

Sam reached over and took the remote and muted them once. However, I leant over, pretty smartly, and hissed in his ear, “traitor!” He didn’t do it again.

Jane headed off to The Exhibition Buildings to meet Jay and Andy for a Lego exhibition, this morning.

After my bitching from last night, it was nice to see her, and a delight to have her around. That is one of the things I object to most with Shane’s skuldugerous, secretive, they are my friends, they are here to see me, me, me me, me selfishness, is that he poisons me against my own friends with his antics.

Jane was having “family” time with Jay and Andy. She has let Andy move in with her, as his debts have got too much for him and he was in danger of going under financially and she wants Jay to have a father. Apparently, he is in the spare room. I wonder if Jay sees that as having his mum and dad back together, as he has always wanted, or if he sees it as confusing?

It was a lazy, sunny, do nothing, kind of day, where we just floated about doing little.

Sam asked if I wanted to go with him to buy a game of some sort second hand from some guy in Sunbury? I think he expected me to say no, I am not sure. Why not, I thought. It’s an adventure, if nothing else.

“Sure, let’s go.”

We caught the train to Sunbury, as my car is still in the shop. We went to buy Sam a PSVita something or other, from a guy who had to sell it to buy a new piece of machinery for his toy making business. We were to meet in the carpark.

So, there we were, sitting on a wall, in the sun in the car park with the guy selling for all he is worth? Of course, it was Sam who was listening to him, and I had time to look around and think about where we were and what we were doing. In a car park in Sunbury train station buying something from some guy out of the back of his four wheel drive. You know, I kind of hoped it was “hot” that he did rob houses at night in a black balaclava with a truncheon torch. Suddenly I wanted that to be true, just to complete the picture. It gave me a thrill.

We had barely made it back to Watergardens, when Sam said, “Okay, that’s it, I’m done with it.” He laughed.

I’m trying to work it out. The best I can come up with, is that he just wants to absorb all of the facts and features of all of these electrical gysmos/gadgets and the best way to do it, is to buy them to see for himself. He often buys them, absorbs all of the facts and features that he can and then he is done, then he gives them to one of his four nephews.

I like trains, I like train travel, it is just the general, moronic public you have to worry about. It is just a joy, rushing through the sprawling suburbs, zipping across the countryside, clack ity clack, clack ity clack, watching the scenery disappear. That movement, that whoosh, that not-having-to-take-hold-of-the-controls, I love it. Trains rock! No, they really do. The sun melted onto the landscape beyond the windows and the earth seemed at peace with itself.

We went to Footscray on the way home for dinner. There was a festival on, which was great, which we didn’t know was on, we just kind of stumble upon it. It was packed full of people, really packed. The streets were closed off, and the footpaths were lined with food stalls and exhibits and entertainment. I like Foostcray, it is interesting and honest, where Fitzroy if now pretentious and up itself.

Hi I am having one of those days when nobody will talk to me . So please answer . Have you taken Sam to Myer today for his return to work Clarke shoes.

if the two of you are in a dazed state let me know if there is any more and i may come and frighten you both after dinner with my now enormous stomach. love Anthony

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Something in the... um... er... air

David came over last night, after having dinner with Shane and Tulli. David was supposed to be moving in with me at the end of February, after Shane vacates the premisses. It was going to be good, I was looking forward to it. David's pathological, spiritual positivity some how balances out my dark cynicism kind of nicely. 

David has a new man in his life, Mike. They have only known each other for two months. Mike is in the ooky spooky business also, well, of course he is. The voodoo of the new age spirituality. Mike seems quite nice, even if he has a habit of giving the minutest of details in conversations until your eyes glaze over and you start to nod off.

David came over to tell me that he is now moving in with Mike, they are getting a house together, some where in the northern suburbs. They have already started house hunting, apparently. They met last November. So, okay, good for them for being spontaneous and free, I guess? Good for them for knowing their own minds so quickly and acting accordingly, I'd like to say. Let's face it, it is not the end of the world if it doesn't work, they can just pick up their spotted hankies, throw their sticks over their shoulders and move on.

One thing I would like to add at this point, is that David is a complete and utter disaster, historically, when it comes to relationships. I joke about the next thing I'm going to say with him and that is that, usually, pretty soon into the relationship "the boyfriend" will commit an unforgivable sin, after which David will turn into a spoilt brat and the affair comes to an abrupt end, over, no correspondence and all that.

So, good for David for being brave, that's what I say. He's talking about marriage and children, naturally. So giddy with positive energy that he is. Ah! We all clasp hands and wiggle our toes and shriek in joy. "Ah!"

And Shane has quit his job of 15 years and is giving up everything he knows and moving to London with Tulli, who he has only know for 6 months, with who he has only lived in the same city for 4 weeks, something like 8 weeks by the time they depart Australia.

So there you go, the heart wins over logic. Happy couples desperate keen to be happy couples Maybe I am just too, um, cautious, er, sensible stuck in my ways?

All I see is gay divorce, I'll keep you posted.

Gay Marriage

I guess my piece about David and Shane makes me look as though I am anti gay marriage. And while I am a little perplexed by the strong desire for  gay marriage, for philosophical reasons, (why do we want to copy straight people? Are we so uncomfortable in our own gay skin that we want to emulate everything straight? Other than gay divorce, what is gay marriage really going to give us?) it comes down to the very basic idea that everyone should be treated equally. If people want to get married, they should be allowed to, no matter who they are. The institution of marriage should be open to everyone. I have never heard a convincing argument as to why gay people shouldn't get married, because, of course, there isn't a convincing argument.

But what of marriage? You know, marriage has been so sucessful for straight people, after all. Is it a bold step backwards for gays to get married? Maybe it is? Maybe it isn't?

I understand that some/most gays want to get married to obtain the same legal rights marriage affords everyone else in society, and fare enough. So then does that make it a technical issue?

I can see some gay people who want to change the religious institutions, which is problematic. Should churches be forced to perform gay weddings? I think not. Gay people wouldn't want to be forced to comply with religious doctrine for any reason, now would they?

I am just giving my view. I'm not trying to persuade anybody to think anything at all, you must think what you feel is right and true, I am just telling you what I think.

Get married if you want to, don't get married if you don't want, but everybody should be treated equally.

Friday, January 18, 2013

I love Melbourne for that

Ah, cool, fresh air. Yum. I just want to go outside and run naked in it, feel it on every part of my skin. It was such a lovely way to wake up today, after yesterday's wall of heat, with a cool, fresh breeze blowing into greet me this morning.

I've flung open every door and window in the place.

I am now in the lounge room with my laptop, my coffee and my bulldog. I love my bulldog, he is gorgeous, everyone should have a bulldog. Funny, it is almost cold sitting here, 40 degrees one day, 23 degrees the next, almost with a chill.

I love Melbourne for that.

The fresh air blows in through the back doors. I love the cool breezes, I love the wind, it makes me feel alive.

I just gazed out at the day, feeling the earth’s cooling of, well, my little patch. The branches of the tall trees waved majestically in the air, the bushes and shrubs kind of shimmied and rustled.

I took the dog for a walk, the notoriously bad-on-a-lead dog, and he behaved impeccably. Except at the start, he seemed not inclined to walk with me, and he sat and dug in, he becomes a rock at the end of a lead. He loves the freedom of the dog park, so much so that when I fit his harness to him, he immediately heads out the back to the car. If I take too long getting all of my shit together, he comes back into the house, gives me one of those “come on, what are you doing,” kinds of looks and then heads straight back out to the car where he waits by the door. So, taking him out the front door, I am always at a disadvantage, as he knows he is heading in the wrong direction. But, with a little cajoling and the aid of a squeaker in my pocket, he, seemingly, begrudgingly started to put one fat paw in front of the other.

Gertrude Street was thick with people, mostly “tourists” as it the way now a days. People who have been told, or who have read somewhere, that Gertrude Street is now the “in” place to go. Ah, fashion, you have to love it, don’t you. I am waiting for the day when we are out of fashion again and the footpaths are cleared of the vacuous peroxide blondes who step out of black BMW 4WD’s looking to be delighted.

I cleaned up the kitchen, as I seem to be the only one who does that now. Yes, the cleaning gene seems to have escaped my other housemates, oddly. Of course, I have turned into a cranky bastard now a days, so I am always muttering expletives and formulating recriminations silently, as I do it. It is, of course, one of the advantages of being passive aggressive, the rage can all be done silently.

I made jelly. Oh yes, I love jelly, a bit like the DYMO label maker from childhood, jelly is a pure joy. Any kind of jelly, essentially, they are all good, even if Santo has an objection to lime jelly.

“But you are always saying that I need to eat more green, honey.”

I just don’t make jelly in its standard form, oh no siree Bob, I put fruit in it. Often it is Jack fruit, last time it was mandarin segments (the second bowl of which we forgot to eat and we left it in the fridge while we were in NSW and the mandarin segments set, pretty much, like hard plastic.) Today it was mixed berries, as I made port wine and strawberry jelly. Yum. It is setting in the fridge now, 2 bowls. I always make 2 bowls, I’m not exactly sure why, I guess it is just creature of habit stuff.

I chatted to Jill on the phone. She was reclining on the couch with her feet up. She is another one who has stopped work and really doesn’t want to go back, although, of course, she will. It is just a tease, I'm sure a form of self-loathing, where we tease ourselves with how life could be, as unsustainable as it may be. She wants to buy an investment property in the UK, as they are cheaper than here and you get a better percentage return. She sounded pretty sleepy, actually. She wanted me to go over for lunch – one of my key time fillers now a days, lunch – but my car is still in hospital. I’m still waiting for the surgeon to call with the prognosis. It is open heart surgery, so whatever the prognosis, it is going to be bad, read expensive. Boo Hoo.

I messaged my other mate, Rachel, who is, shall we say, between jobs, she hasn’t worked since she sold her restaurant a few years ago, and when I asked her how the job hunting was going, she replied,

“Fabulously, I have just booked a holiday in Bali and a trip to Thailand for a friend’s wedding.”


“Who said job hunting was difficult?”

I have eaten cheese and salami toasted sandwiches all week, just when I have the piece of paper to go and have my annual cholesterol test. My father had cholesterol of 15 when he was first tested, so, of course, us siblings have to have ours checked regularly. I’m not exactly sure why now, as after all the carry on about my dad’s cholesterol over the years, he went and died of cancer.

Mine is 7, at my last test, which is a little on the high side, but my “good” cholesterol is high too, so my 7 is acceptable. I take 6 fish oil tablets a day, which reminds me, I must go and do it, it is so easy to forget.

Hang on a minute.

That was until I went and gorged on cheese and salami all week. (I never eat cheese as a rule, despite liking it very much, for this reason) And that is not to mention all the cheese platters over Xmas, an extraordinary number for some reason.

“Come on people, what are you trying to do, kill me? I can’t eat this.”

Well, I would have said that, if my mouth hadn’t been so full of cheese, you understand.

So, busy, busy, it has been all go here, as you can see. Another day down. Now… what am I going to do with the rest of them?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

It's gonna be hot today

Buddy slept in my room all night, as I fell asleep watching TV last night. I woke in the wee small hours and removed my lap-top from the bed before I rolled over onto it. Buddy's claws scratched on the wooden floor boards in the near dark, as he got up too. I had a piss and came back to bed pulling the doona over me for the first time, letting the cool breeze from my open French Doors waft over me. I love the night breeze.

I woke again at 6.45, with Mr. Snuffleupagus struggling up onto the bed and sneezing in my face. Oh, lovely and good morning to you. One of the delights of bulldog ownership. He’s funny, as he is more than capable of springing up onto the bed in one leap, but most of the time he struggles to climb up like an old man.

I walked around to the shop and bought cigarettes, Sam would be pleased. I’m supposed to be quitting now that Mark and Luke have left. It was a lovely, crisp, fresh morning. There is a feeling that that time of day has that that no other part of the day can match. I think it is unqualified expectations, infinite possibilities, when anything may eventuate. It is alive and new.

I bought orange juice and brewed coffee and prepared muesli when I got back. I watered the garden as I smoked a cigarette and waited for the coffee to brew.

I put Buddy out at 8am. Only 8am, you know, there is something to this getting up early caper.

I chatted to Sam at 10ish. I wasn’t exactly watching the clock. I usually message him as soon as I get out of bed, but not today. It throws you when you get up 2 hours earlier, I tell you.

I came down and made more coffee, washed Buddy’s eyes, fed him and returned to the bedroom with coffee and the dog.

Sam asked me if it was hot in my room, and I had to admit that is was, so I came back downstairs at, nearly, 11.11, it was 11.13 by the time I noticed, so, it was probably 11.11, when I came back downstairs.
It was hot outside already.

At some stage, I heard the front door open and close. My first day of having Shane and Tulli home with me. Yay! I wonder how awful it will be? Later, when I went to let the cat out, Shane’s bedroom door was open, the room was vacated and the lights were on… of course… for someone who espouses Green values, too. I never quite understand that, is it myopia?

I got myself a huge bowl of grapes (lunch) and set myself up on the lounge room coffee table and proceeded to piss the morning away. Easy. Fluid.

I wondered if I should take the whole “job thing” more seriously? It is my constant (silent) lament. I guess, one day, I will have to get another full time job, won’t I? That would be the rational thinking, wouldn’t it? Er! Work. Boredom. The horrible people who inhabit offices. I guess I will have to do something, but now my writing has gone off, I don’t know what?

13.30, the first time Buddy went outside, after Sam warning me to keep the water topped up inside, he had the biggest drink of water. I love watching his big, pink tongue lap at the water. He’s got a huge tongue, the reason Sam calls him “Pink Tongue.” He’d make a good lesbian.
Then he tried to eat bees.
“No!” I squealed as I launched myself across the garden to stop him.
He just looked at me, in his laid back way and then another bee caught his attention and he snapped at that one too.

The last very hot day we had, the bees were all congregating around the dog’s water also. That day they ended up a big drown clump of bee carcasses. What is it with the bees and hot weather? I tried to hose them out of Buddy’s water, but that didn’t work, so I lifted them gently out with a trowel.

I turn on the pedestal fan as the lounge room felt like it was heating up.

And the day slips away.