Saturday, May 31, 2008

See, No Concealed Weapons


It's a shame I'm not answerable for the sick leave I take, because this was great.
Beck, my boss, went to a funeral, Thursday. It was in Geelong, she went with her brother, she took the whole day off. She told me yesterday, at work, that her brother and his wife had caught the same bug I had had.
Really? I asked. (Laughing to myself)
Did you go to the doctor? asked S, one of the other girls from our office.
No, chimed in Beck, it's a virus, there's no point.
Same symptoms? I asked, trying to keep my incredulity hidden.
Yes. They had a dinner party and a number of guests came down with it, said Beck. Initially, they were worried that it was food poisoning.
Really? I said.
Yes, it came on with a headache, followed by nausea, without vomiting,
No, I didn't vomit either, I added smooth as silk. But I felt like it for 2 days, I said to S.
Stomach pains and diarrhoea, followed by feeing fluey, said Beck.
What could I say? I took the Friday off with my stock standard sick day excuse of a migraine. Sunday night I had diarrhoea, which I always get after taking E's, which I used as an excuse when I slept till the wee hours of Monday morning and couldn't face work. Tuesday morning, I couldn't stop coughing from all the pot I'd smoked from the previous three days, so I said whatever it was that I had had gone to my chest.
It's nasty the things that are going round, said S.
Beck agreed.
It came on so suddenly, I said.
That's what my brother said too, said Beck.
I quietly chuckled to myself as the conversation moved on. The often repeated mantra of my good friend Jill came into my head. You lead a charmed life, Christian Fletcher.
Face of an angel, my aunties used to say to me as a child, heavy on the irony.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Do You Mind If I Lay My Towel Next To Yours?

Big Brother

You have got to love fat Dixie on Big Bro. She only ever truly lights up when food is mentioned. She said she felt warm all over, at the beginning, when they were finally given a kitchen. For the doghouse challenge, the moment food was offered as an incentive to come out, Dixie was out of that kennel at the speed of light. There is no mystery why this girl is fat.
Then again, there is very little mystery why anyone is fat, now is there.

I don't know why people say Rory is so awful, I think he is kinda hot.
I want to see Ben's todger. In the cricket challenge, he must have been wearing boxers, as it kept flopping about under his baggy whites. It looked like it would be worth seeing.
Under hypnosis Dixie said she was in love with Ben.
I think Nobbie is adorable. Under hypnosis he said he had a thing for Terry. What the?
How on earth is that vile Bridget so popular?
Stop voting out the cute boys Australia, there will be no one left to perve on in the shower, at this rate.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Ready for Inspection, Sir!

The Petrol Prices

Here we go again, the environment comes second. The petrol prices are going up because of the world oil cartels, not because of tax. In today's environmentally critical times, people will have to face the actual reality that they need to drive less, not scream like spoilt brats for the government to do something. By lowering the tax on petrol you are actually supporting what the oil cartels are doing.
People spend a lot of time paying lip-service to environmental issues and doing little, here's a chance for them to actually do something. Maybe all those idiot mother's who drive their two tiny children to school in their huge 4WDs can now, actually, buy a car that suits their needs.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Advertising is destroying the world

I hate marketing and advertising people - despite, some of my best friends... (even if hate is a little stronger than I want to use) What is it with the exponential increase in advertising on the net? Bloody adverts seem to pop up on everything I seem to click on. Playing videos now prompts an ad first. Ah! Nobody wants this! It's only purpose seems to be to annoy all of us. I don't want all of that shit in my face, for things I don't want and don't need and don't care about. These people are destroying our (net enjoying) lives. They should be put up against a wall for crimes against humanity.

He's Also Faithful, Funny and Smart

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Virginity and sex

Handsome Nathan, with the gorgeous smile, from Big Brother, is 28 and a virgin. He said that he wants to save it for that special person, as a gift of their love.
You know, if someone I met said they had done that for me, my first thought would be, You are an idiot.
My second thought would be, Oh no, you wont know what the hell you are doing.
My third thought would be, I think less of you because of this.
Get out there, experience some life, find out what you like and then you will be a more complete human being entering into a relationship.
I don't really understand what the benefit of saving it is? To relegate yourself into the dud-root category for the one you love?

I saw the beautiful Sebastian, last night, he said that he decided a few months ago that he was shagging too much. Two or three different girls per week. He decided that he should stop and only fuck girls that he had some connection with. Some how, that translated into no sex for three months.
"I don't know why," he said, in his sexy Italian accent. "I didn't for a minute think it meant no sex at all. No girls seems to want to fuck with me, at present." He made a grrr, stressed face. Standing there in his jeans, that I couldn't help noticing, cupped his bulge, some what, perfectly.
He decided last Friday morning that he was going back to shagging. "Fuck it! I need a root." (an expression I taught him) Then, on Friday night, his house mate's sister came to stay for the night. After a night of drinking, and well after his house mate had gone to bed, the sister said, "Can I sleep in your bed, Sebastian?"
"Okay," said Sebastian, some what bemused, as he hadn't got any impression from the sister that she was interested in him. (It's touching, some times, when the incredibly good looking can be so, seemingly, modest)
Later, in bed, the sister turned to him and said, somewhat drunkenly, "Sebastian, will you fuck me, please?"
"Ahhhhh!" he said, with his cute smile. "Her sister was behind the wall, this far away. I was a bit drunk, I was drifting off to sleep. Can you guess?"
"No what?"
"I couldn't get it up!" He clenched his fists. "I went into the bathroom and tugged away. COME ON! COME ON, I said." He looked down at his cock, squinted and made masturbation gestures. "AH! Do you believe it!" He held his hands in the air. "Three months, out of practise. Nothing!"

Beauty and the beast @ Cannes

Can any one recognise this old actress, from the red carpet at Cannes, under her far-too-many face lifts?
She's looking a bit like Pixie Scase. (no offence meant to Pixie Scase)
They all begin to look a bit the same in the end. They don't look younger, they just look like they have had plastic surgery.

How beautiful does Michelle Williams look?
Sadly, for the old thesbian, er, thespian above, no amount of surgery is going to make her look like this again.

Monday, May 26, 2008


I took the day off. You knew I would.
It feels like it is going to take 6 showers to get the vitamin E cream off my loins.
Strange tastes keep coming out from between my teeth, I haven't cleaned them since Friday night.
I'm a bit dazed, but holding up. Definitely no multi tasking. Just a slow ooze forward.

Instead of wasting the day, I should - Do my tax return, last years; find software to replace my beloved Image Composer, since I lost it in my computer upgrade; buy a new door trim for my car, then I can have that pesky leaking window fixed; I should take my camera out and take some new photos.
I decided to do some washing, that seemed nice and gentle. Some time later, I accidentally knocked the small, yellow jug, in which I dissolve the washing powder, off the top of the washing machine. I fell head first down the side of the washing machine, as I attempted to retrieve it. I managed to struggle out of there, it wasn't easy as both feet had come off the ground, only to bash and scrape my head down the side of the clothes baskets above the washing machine, as I stood up.
Grrr! Right now, I'm starving. I haven't eaten properly since early Saturday evening and I think it is food that is going to make me feel better.
And maybe some green tea.

Gently Flutter To The Ground

I woke up and saw that the clock said 12.20. I spun my head around and saw that it was dark out side. 12.20, dark outside, what time of the day was it? I was confused. I was expecting it to be Sunday, 12.20 fitted just fine, if it was daylight outside.
But dark?
I got home at daybreak, which was Sunday morning. 12.20 and dark meant it must have been... um... no! How could that be so? I've slept the whole day away and when I wake up, next daylight, I will be getting ready to go to work? It can't be TRUE!
Still thinking that my mind was fuddled and that there was some mistake, which would all come clear to me, I headed down stairs.
Missy has been fed, Sunday night, was what the note said on the bench. NO!
I ground beans and made coffee.
Bugger! This is why I much prefer to go out and have a big night on Friday. Then it would be Sunday morning and I have the whole day to recover and another sleep before the salt mines Monday morning.

After procrastinating about Nicholas' present, I headed to the chocolate shop in Brunswick and bought him a box of ten assorted truffles. Shane called me just as I'd finished shopping to say there was a warehouse sale at the Fitzroy town hall. I got there to find Shane almost buried under the clothes he was about to purchase. I bought five new work shirts, which I have been desperate for for so long.
I got to Nicholas' birthday around 7pm and we went to The Rose for dinner. We got to A Bar Named Barry some where around midnight and, strangely, the door bitch boy was only letting people in with ID. At the head of the queue was Alex, who was with us, said she was thirty two, mystified. He didn't care, no ID no entry. Just as we were digesting this information, a big, white police truck pulled up outside the club and, something like, ten police men got out. It was clearly being raided by the coppers.
We all had drugs in our pockets. Nicholas said afterwards, Good thing, otherwise I would have had to triple drop, if we were in the club. Big, beautiful Nicholas smile. And you never know where that would have led to.
We also had Fat Patty, a.k.a Bizarreo Woman with us - why are all drug dealers weird? - who had a bag of twenty in her pocket.
So we headed home and turned the music up and danced around the lounge room.
Fat Patty lagged behind, on the way back, and then did a disappearing act and freaked out, from what I can gather, roaming the streets, all reported back every fifteen minutes by mobile phone, until she too arrived back some hours after we did. Of course, that is just matter of course for her, it's me, me, me, all the time with that one. In any, every, conversation, she interjects with random comments, usually about herself, with big eyes, in an over dramatic way, which normally pulls you out of what's being said to wonder why she said whatever it is that she said. It's like cohabitating with a demented tourette'ee. I should introduce her to Guido - I wonder if he'll ever return - they'd make the perfect couple, except Guido likes them thin and young and, at least, 50% of the time with a dick.

I feel like shit. Drugs are bad, kids. Wait until you are an adult then you can fuck yourself up with impunity.
I just farted and crapped my track suit pants. Ooo! Do you believe it!!!!!!! In the ensuing palaver, I discovered that Shane left his pot on the coffee table. Now I really feel sideways.
Strawberry muesli is helping.

Damn that sick day on Friday. I'm really feeling as though the migraine Friday was a precursor to some kind of sickness. Gastro. Diarrhoea. I had the worst weekend, I was sick the whole time. Don't know what. Ending on, I crapped the bed, Sunday night, maybe twice, should pretty much cancel any further questions on the matter. It's not that much of a stretch. I don't take many sick days. Nobody will suspect.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Anna and Other Girls

The morning sun shone in through the bedroom window. Clothes were scattered from the bedroom door, across the Persian rug, to the foot of the bed. Men's feet stuck out from under the doona. Hairs on the big toes.
Christopher was stroking Titania's hair.
"Anna said you vant her as your girlfriend," said Titania. "And... Ethan as your boyfriend?"
"Anna said that?" said Christopher.
"Anna said she take her relationship away from you, before it got broken."
"What?" said Christopher. "I don't under..."
"Vhy vould she say that if not true?" asked Titania. "It not something voman normally say."
"She had some idea..."
"Just idea?"
"What? yes... of course," said Christopher. He looked away. "I don't know where she got it from." Titania looked disbelievingly. "She don't just make such thing up."
"She really said that was why she went away," said Christopher. "Because of me?"
"That vhat she say."
They were silent for a moment. Christopher was stunned by what Titania had said. There was that one morning with Ethan, in somebodies house somewhere in St Kilda. They were both really out of it, been partying far too hard. Christopher could hardly remember it. It was all about drugs, pills. Once Christopher got a taste for amphetamines, he'd do anything for more - it was why he didn't do them any more. Ethan was complicit. He must have told Anna, Christopher was surprised.
The silence became thick in the air as Christopher remembered.

"Are you everything you say you are?" said Titania.
"I haven't said I'm anything..."
"By... actions say a lot," said Titania. "You have other things to say?"
"We made no promises," said Christopher. "This is all it is. There are no other things."
Christopher moved to kiss Titania, she moved her head away from him.
"Vhy did your last girlfriend dump you?" She smiled and looked him straight in the eye. "Really?"
"Because I ran hot and cold. Because I was a narcissist. Because I didn't know what I was. Because I am a sex addict." Christopher was amazed at his sudden burst of honesty. He'd been in counselling for nearly twelve months.
They held each other's gaze and they was silent. Christopher eventually smiled. Titania did not.
"They vere your girlfriend's exact words?" said Titania.
"Yes," said Christopher. "They were her exact words.
They just stared at each other.
Titania threw the doona back and stood up.
"What are you doing?"
"Leaving." said Titania."

"What?" said Christopher.
"I've been out with you before." Titania pulled on her panties. "My first boyfriend. Just like you." She slid on her pantihose. "You remind me of him so much. So I know what to expect."
"You can't be serious," said Christopher. "Expect what?"
Titania slip on her high heals and tuned topless to face Christopher.
"I see you looking at Jimmy and Varren." She shrugged. "It was the same look as in my first boy friend's eyes. I thought he was just friendly vith everybody, but..." She pulled on her skirt. "Anna was right." She buttoned her leather jacket."
"Anna was right about what?" said Christopher. "What are you saying?"
She bent over and kissed him, wrapped like a pharo in a sheet, on the forehead.
"So beautiful. So loved by everyone. But, in the end, destroyed by his own secrets." She picked up her bag. "I'm saying I don't want to do it again." She walked to the door. "It nearly killed me the first time."
"Play with your friends, Christopher."
She blew him a kiss and was gone.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Birthday Present

There are pizza crusts across the floor. The central heating has been left on all night. I'm secretly pleased. It's freezing. Not replacing the ageing heating unit this year may have been a mistake. What's with the weather, it's suddenly artic cold in Melbourne. I light a fire. Stuff the environment. Missy lays in front of the orange flames, like she's been on a Machiavellian banquet. Cats do not come with the gene of the shame or guilt variety.
I grind beans. Shivering in the kitchen. I make coffee.
I've got to go and buy Nicholas a birthday present. Twenty seven, years old. I've got all day. Ah! I'm so shit at buying presents. I'd cave and buy him a big bunch of flowers, except, I think, I've done that in previous years. Drat!
I'd like to buy him underpants, the ones with the Superman logo on the front. Apart from being, quite possibly, the handsomest man I know, really pretty masculine - dark hair, piercing blue eyes, beautiful smile - father Italian, mother Australian - according to his boy friend, he literally has the todger of the proverbial horse. Tim swears it's a monster.
I'd like to see Nicholas model the underwear. That adorable smile, those thick hairy legs, that sexy, solid arse, that big... he'd be embarrassed, he'd blush. Adorable!
Of course, Tim wouldn't let him. He keeps Nicholas well in check.
So, what else? No flowers, no underwear? Must mean chocolates.

Friday, May 23, 2008


I took the day off. Pulled a sickie. Stayed home. It was just too cold outside. Brrrr!
Central heating on. I'm still cold.
Chop wood. Chat to my neighbour, Bec, still in her dressing gown, hair akimbo, about Macadamias and Emus.
Bec wants to talk. I keep picking up the axe, she keeps starting a new conversation.
Finally, get inside. Light open fire. Light a joint. Make coffee.
Scour Gaydar. Get propositioned.
Watch porn. Have a wank.
Come too in front of the midday movie. Annette Benning in decline. Bitter with a gun.
Missy is nestled next to me like a rock.
Eat grapes. Er, I thought they were seedless.
Cook toast. Smear it in my favourite, at the moment, Seeded Mustard with tuna.
Roll another joint.
Read the newspaper. If you don't believe there are conservative forces in power, they are closing down art exhibitions, in Sydney. Rudd's as much of a book burner as Howard.
Gentle winter light seeps in through my glass ceiling.
Grind beans. Make coffee.
Stoke the fire. Days of our lives. Turn the teev off.
Eat grapes. Drink mushroom soup.
Look at Porches on the internet.
Heavy forehead, brain spins.

Head to bed for afternoon nap.
Is it disturbing that I find the sons from Malcom in the Middle sexy? Not Dewy. But Malcom and Reese, I'd like to see a brotherly double act. As for Francis, I just want to snog him. All that hyperactivity, he'd be lot's of fun.
Come too at 6pm. Stoke fire.
Watch Big Brother. Smoke pot with Shane.
Matt brings home pizzas.
David is in Bali with Tony - it's love, it's real and it's forever.
It is noted as unusual that we haven't heard from David, he's normally more needy than that.
The three of us choof together.
Wake up at midnight on couch alone. Shiver.
Get wood, save fire.
Shane appears - now that I think about it, very busy.
We share two bed time joints.
I head to bed.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Parental Leave

If the punters want paid parental leave, why don't we have a HECS style system, where those who are going to take advantage of it opt in and then contribute through their tax. Then the rest of us, who don't have kids, don't have to fund, those who want kids, life style choices.

Personally, I'm happy for any slack in population to be filled through immigration. After all, there is no shortage of people on the planet, it is one of the planet's greatest problems, it's just distribution which seems to be in need of attention.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


It's all about the stork; big storks, little storks, black storks, white storks, storks that carry babies, storks that just want to have fun, storks that want to play together, hang together. We're impressed by them, disappointed by them, tug at them, chase them, want them, desire them, compare them, dock them. Play light-sabres with them, hell, some people are even envious of them.
It's all about the stork.

Is your stork bigger than my stork?

Put it in your mouth, even just for a minute. Go on. I promise I'll tell you before I...

Look at the stork on him. Jesus! What's he got in there?

Leave it alone, Johnny. You know what they say?

Boy's will be boys!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Everybody Should Get Stoned

Ah, stoned again. Shane and I watched Teev. Open fire every night this week.
A cloud hovered over the coffee table, under the light. The flames flickered orange. The windows were black.
You know, it amuses me how the conservative forces, who have now invaded every tear of Government - working families, mums, dad, kids - have managed to demonised pot into a drug with big, spooky, bogey man.
Of course, the media jumps all over it to sell newspapers.
Now they are saying in people with a particular faulty gene. Isn't that the same as saying people who are predisposed to the detrimental effects, which is what they have always said about smoking pot. So, nothing has, actually, changed.
Do they understand how many people smoke it?
Everybody I know smokes pot. Most of the people I meet smoke pot, from all age groups. I was at a wedding, recently, hanging with the bride and groom when the bride pulled a joint from the bodice of her wedding dress and asked me if I wanted to share it.
Half the population would be going nuts.
Well, it's something to think about when you roll your bed time joint, I guess.

David & Tony Go To Bali

David went to Bali this morning, with American Tony. They are going to be gone for two weeks, lucky them. Tony was due to go home after Bali, but because it's rich and real and love forever, David wanted him to stay longer. David was really nervous when he asked me.
"Tony wants to stay longer and he can change his ticket easily."
"A-ha," I said.
"Now, I know you said you didn't want more than 3 people in the house at any given time and of course I want him to stay longer, but it is up to you."
"I see," I said.
"So how long can he stay?"
"How long does he want to stay," I said. I knew full well it was August that we were talking about. Just say it, David.
"It's up to you," said David. "One week, two weeks, you say."
"But how long does he want to stay?"
"You tell me."
"Okay," I said. "I'll get back to you." Then with one thing and another, I didn't see Shane until last night. David was stressed to the max, by that stage, not that I had realised.

David came to my office door, just as my washing stopped. "Um?" said David, looking terrible. Click off, goes the washing machine. "Have you had a chance to talk to Shane."
"Yes," I said, being deliberately aloof, heading to the washing machine. There was a part of me that still thought it was too much. But, most of me thought in the spirit of being generous, I should just think of David. But, perversely, a part of me wasn't giving up the doubt, oh so easily.
"He can stay as long as he likes," I said. "If it gets too much Shane and I have unchallengeable veto power, at any time." I picked my shirts out of the machine and headed to the other room. David followed. "So you had better keep us happy."
David put his hands together in front of himself and started to cry. "I've been so stressed about it." Then he burst into tears. He does drama best out of the three of us.

The Seasons in Melbourne

It's suddenly like the arctic in Melbourne.

I love the seasons of the capitol of the south. I love to feel hot and free. I love to feel cold and encapsulated.

Monday, May 19, 2008


Subject: Oi!

U working or just pretending like me?

Subject: Oi!

Oh... I've turned up and I look as though I'm working. But, you know, I'm feeling a bit flat today. I gotta jolly myself out of this mood. But really, I just feel like sitting very still in one spot and staring at the horizon.
I've been feeling a bit sick today and have had diarrhoea for the last twenty four hours. I won't share with you what happened at 3am, suffice to say, it wasn't pretty. I didn't know I could wake out of a deep sleep so instantly and spring into action within nanoseconds of waking. Still can't get the smell completely off my left hand.
Wan smile.

Subject: Oi!

Hmmm, sorry I tapped anything to you.... Well, I will refrain from sharing runny pooh stories with you cos as you know I would definitely win. Not with regaling my own runny pooh moments but those of the children (of which there are many)
Suffice to say wash yr hands with soap & then bleach. If that doesn’t work give up and shove the soap & bleach up yr nose.
There's nothing quite like the need to pooh NOW is there? I last experienced it in Vietnam and whilst I could hold it in for a good 10 to 20 seconds it was quite amazing the bodies urgency to get rid of what was inside!!! Thank God for sphincter (sp) muscles....think I will keep that one exercised.
Speaking of slack ones poor little Anton is at an Old Age home doing a week of community service. What a load of bollocks I say but it’s part of the school curriculum AND it did allow us to have breakfast out together....
speaking of food, I have come into work and done fuck all, looked up my stars, written a couple of emails and kept looking vaguely toward the cellar door trying to ignore the mess that lies beneath. It’s like having to go tidy your bedroom.....
Maybe I will nick out to Cafe Racer for a coffee, after all it must be lunch time surely....

Subject: Oi!

Port Philip bay looks dreamy turquoise, sublime with a gentle ray of sunshine glinting across it. I'd like to be out there in a little boat with all that calm water around me; feet up, smell the fresh air, feel the gentle lap lap of the water, as I pulled my hat down over my eyes and caught a few zzzzzz's. Not a care.

Subject: Oi!

Well in reality it would be freezing and you'd be wanting a nice hot coffee & then you'd get to thinking about lunch which would bring about a certain restlessness that would have you hot footing it into shore & in to the closest cafe.
Nice thought tho...
Jill rescued me from sure boredom JUST as I was about to open the cellar door, she rang & we went for lunch. I love her for that one phone call!!!!!!
I have washed last night’s roast dinner dishes, about to put a load of washing on then I might pop over the road & have a glass of wine with my girlfriend.
Now....if I could squeeze an hour of wanton sex in there (not with the husband, of course) my day would be complete. xx Rachel

Subject: Oi!

What about the young Greek real estate agent?

Subject: Oi!

Ha, ha. I should give him your number?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

All Singing All Dancing

The gravel crunched under their feet.

"Your aunties loved me," said Jimmy, drunkenly. "How many of their nephew's gay lovers have they danced the waltz with, I ask you?"
"You even won over Aunty Greta," slurred Warren. "She told me to never dare to enter her house with the stink of my boyfriend's cock on my breath."
"What?" said Jimmy.
"She whispered it, spitting each word, clearly," said Warren. "Like an old witch from Macbeth. I could hear the hate..."
"Fear," said Jimmy.
"No, hate," said Warren. "Two thousand years of blind, Christian faith oozing into my ear like poison."
Jimmy shrugged. "She didn't know any..."
Warren laughed. "I played with her son Domenic when we were made to share a bed together on holidays..."
"Do you think she knew that..."
"No," said Warren. "Not a chance."
"Domenic with the pregnant wife?" asked Jimmy, motioning his head towards the reception room behind them."
"Yeah," said Warren. "He was the intigator, he's a couple of years older than me."
"The whole world is gay," said Jimmy. "You know that, don't you."
"Crap," said Warren. "But you certainly won over old Greta."

Warren grabbed Jimmy, pushing him backwards against a car, kissing him. Warren's hand went up between Jimmy's legs as his tongue slipped into Jimmy's mouth. Jimmy moaned.
There was loud coughing. Aunt Nina and Uncle Leno.
Warren jumped away from Jimmy, who slid to the earth on his arse.
"Varren," said Leno's baritone.
All that was audible from Nina was tutting.
The two elders made a wide berth of their nephew and Jimmy.
"Good night," said Warren.
The two boys stood and sat in silence.

"I don't believe that," said Warren looking after his retreating relatives, as he slid to the ground next to Jimmy. "It's a sign." Warren looked at Jimmy. "May be he can smell it?" Warren looked back towards his retreating relatives. "I can't believe that."
"It was Uncle Leno?"
Warren looked at him with a far away smile. Warren looked away. "In a bathing box at Mornington," said Warren. "He told me I was a big boy... and was asking if I could keep a secret... before I felt his hand slide into my speedos." Warren looked at Jimmy with tears in his eyes. "He pulled me off, with my uncles and aunties right outside the door."
"Oh," said Jimmy, hushed and quiet.
"It's all right, you see, I liked it," said Warren. "Wanted him to do it again. That was my torture." Tears rolled down Warren's face. "I wanted to, after that. But he turned me down. I wondered what I'd done wrong."
Jimmy hugged Warren. They were still. Jimmy kissed Warren's neck gently, he was salty and smooth. Jimmy nuzzled Warren's hair with his nose and breathed Warren in.
Warren pushed Jimmy away. "Come on, lets get out of here."
Warren stood taking Jimmy by the hand.

Saturday, May 17, 2008


I went to Bolago to hang out with Ab. She's off to Sydney Monday. She's been collecting her stuff from the various people she left it with. Nothing had been looked after very well, except for her car, which she said was in perfect running order.
"I must have known something when I left it with Pete," she said.
It was weird to see Shazza, as we call her big, black 4WD, again.
Of course, I didn't get going until midday, but that's just me. So we had the evening together, at least. It was good to see her. Shame she's gonna live in Sydney.
Two years Ab's been away. It made it feel like just yesterday, watching her driving off up the driveway, in the twilight.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Albert Einstein and religion

Albert Einstein described belief in God as “childish superstition” and said Jews were not the chosen people, in a letter to be sold in London this week.
As a Jew, Einstein said he had a great affinity with Jewish people but said in the 1954 letter they “have no different quality for me than other people.”
And he continued: “The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish.”
In the German-language letter to philosopher Eric Gutkind, he also observed: “For me the Jewish religion like all others is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions.”

Thursday, May 15, 2008

People with coffee

People with coffee, whose taste buds are too fine, grabbing, me, me, me, the human race is sublime.
Coffee seems to be the 'IT' accessory in the mornings.
"I need coffee before I kill someone," said cute Daniel, with his curly black hair, blue eyes and trousers that bulge.
Secretaries with vacuous looks and disposable cups in their hands, negotiating lifts with giant handbags.
Harassed lawyers with travel bags on wheels,
couriers with mobile phones screaming at everyone,
fat security men standing on the spot, hoping for trouble, no doubt.
And me, in my track shoes, having walked all the way, trying to avoid them all.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ugly But Cute

You know those boys, who really should be plain, but some gene just manages to frottage against another gene and, despite all, he turns out to be adorable. You know, mouth too big, eyes too bulbous, nose the wrong shape, chin too strong, ears too big, but despite the flaw, or because of it, somehow the light manages to shine on the visage in such a way that he is a head turner.
I saw an ugly but cute guy this morning, who smiled sweetly when he caught me checking him out. I gazed down at the front of his pants, instinctively, as I waited to cross Bourke Street. He filled those, somewhat too tight, pants well; nicely bulging, thick thighs framing the bulge. His eyes looked down too, then he looked straight back up at me and blushed and smiled. The traffic stopped, I walked towards him, his eyes following mine.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Riding in trams

How many of us had parent(s) who said they couldn't ride backwards in, in this instance, trams?
"Oh no, I can't ride with my back to the front, I'll get giddy, or vomit, or have a break down, or...” what exactly?
What exactly did happen to those poor folk who had to ride with their backs to the engine? Nothing. Nothing at all. Somewhere, way back, some idiot got the idea that it was bad for them, after which they claimed the vapours if they did. And then, of course, they passed it onto their kids, like all good parents do. I say that kids heard their parents say it and then they have just accepted it for themselves and have claimed the same thing.
A woman got on the tram this morning and, as it turned out, there were no seats vacant facing forwards. So she stood and waited. When a forward facing seat become available, she, nearly, pushed people out of the way to get.
I nearly laughed at her, as her expression said that she thought she had really achieved something, but as her seat was the one facing me, I didn’t. Maybe I smirked a bit.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Cucumber Sandwiches

Sunday Morning

The sun was shining into the room. Christopher woke and rolled over to see Titania, with her eyes open.
"Good morning," said Christopher.
"Good morning," said Titania.
They gazed at each other.
"What now?" said Christopher.
Titania laughs.
"I come to Australia, I fuck an Aussie boy, I go home," said Titania. "Vhat else is there to do?"
Christopher pulled her towards him under the sheet. "Where do I come?" He rubbed his naked body on hers and kissed her. "Where do I come on the list of excellence."
Titania laughed. "You men, all the same, all ze vorld over."
She kissed Christopher and rubbed her body against his.
"And don't you thank us for it." He kissed her stomach and blew raspberries. She whimpered and squirmed. "Where do I come?" He slid over her and kissed her neck. She gripped his shoulders and whimpered again.
"Christover," she said breathlessly.
He pushed himself against her. He felt enormous against her. She fitted in his arms, she felt small and delicate. He kissed her.
"Ah!" She kissed back stronger.
"Am I the best?" he whispered in her ear.
"Oh, aahh!"
"Am I second best?" He kissed her other ear and pushed her legs apart with his.
"AahH! Yes!"
"Where!" He pushed against her.
"Do!" He slid his body along hers.
"I" He chewed her neck
"Come!" He licked over her chin to her mouth.
"Oh, YES! You come..."
She started to laugh. "It's very nice Christover." She groaned loudly. "Oh yes, very nice. Don't stop!" She put her hand over his mouth.
He was getting too hot. His head began to spin. He threw himself off her. He lay on his back, breathing heavily, with the sheets settling again.
"You okay?"
"Yes, sure," said Christopher. "Too much."
"How long?" She sounded alarmed.
Christopher laughed at the sound of her pleading voice. He loved it when girls...

Suddenly he rolled over and looked at her, his eyes sparkling.
She thought she was going to explode, if he stopped.
He looked like a big cat crawling towards her, such were the muscles in his shoulders, arms, the look on his face. She couldn't believe how much he turned her on.
His hard-on swayed underneath him; she wanted to come; she didn't think she'd ever seen a cock as nice as his. She liked Aussie boys, she now knew.

He slid over the top of her, she was so beautiful. He felt powerful. She spread her legs and he slide right inside her. He'd never known a girl to be so open and so wet.
She made chocking noises in the back of her throat, as her nails dug into the skin on his left shoulder. He wondered if he had even fallen in love with her, as he pushed his cock in further, without retracting it. Her teeth chattered in his ear. "Ah!" Gasp for breath. "Ah!" Gasp for breath. "Ah! Gasp! "Ah, ah, ah, ah...
He held her tight.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I love this

Saturday Night with Ab

I was supposed to be going out with Aby. She's back from OS. Good to be back, she said.
All everyone mentions when I talk about her is her credit card debt. It's so unfair. I hope she has told people and it isn't me who has spread the word? I don't usually fall for that, but maybe...
Aby lived with Josh in Berlin for a few months and I had him live with me for a few months and his behaviour was the same with both of us. We both wanted him to go before we came to the end our respective time. So, of course, I emailed him and told him. He said he was much better now, thanks.
Aby's probably going to live in Sydney, she says Sydney will keep her on her toes more than Melbourne. She says it's too easy to get too relaxed in Melbourne.
Tonight was supposed to be a farewell drink, before she heads back to the Emerald City.
Is that stood up twice in two nights? I think it is?

Friday, May 09, 2008

No Jack

Jack didn't call. Mmmm? I've got his number, I could have called him. But? Six foot four? If he called me, I'd go out for a drink, but really, he's too tall for me, let's face it.
Cute, though. Sensuous. Good kisser. I kissed him for hours. Big and gentle. Smiles a lot. Laughs easily. Packs his jeans. Felt good in his arms. But, too tall.
Am I stupid, or what?
If I'm going to top a guy, I like him to fit into my arms. I like to, at least at some point, listen to how much he is enjoying what I am doing. At 6 4, his mouth is too far away from my ear. But he did like it. He liked it a lot.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Four eyes

I got glasses. I was stating to struggle at work and I was concerned I was going to start to misread employment contracts and documents. I'm the one who is known not to make mistakes - amongst a group who bugger things up all the time, although I guess I've written about that before, huh? It crossed my mind that I'd start messing things up too.
I was going home every night with a pain between my eyes, which is the real reason I decided to give in and get specs.
They're great, I can see things. When I look down, I look like I have really big hands. I'll go show Charlie - nothing on that front - I said. Bec laughed when I told her.
But, how do you keep the bastards clean? Fuck me, I'm always touching them and smearing them with my fingers. Bec says it'd because I take them off and on all the time, as they are only for reading. The cleaning thing is a pain in the arse!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The effect of marriage on the Y chromosome

Three men: one just started a relationship, one in a long-term relationship, and one cheating with a partnered man, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all three will wear leather S&M style, black boots and masks over their eyes
After a few days they meet again.
The engaged man said, 'The other night, when my boyfriend came home, he found me in a leather harness, tight, leather boots and mask. He said, 'You are the man of my life, I love you. Then we made love all night long.'
The cheater stated, 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing a leather harness, chaps with nothing underneath, boots to my knees, a mask over my eyes and a leather raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex on his desk.'
The long-term relationship guy then said, 'The other night I got myself ready, leather vest, super high boots, chaps tight across my hips, a leather cape and a mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote control and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what are we going to have for dinner?'

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


Don't you just love,
big, solid Greek boys
with knuckles down their pants.
Strip the check suit material away,
slip the white cotton off,
olive skin,
hairy thighs,
big feet.
Big smile,
lift doors close,
Good morning, I say.
Morning, says Demetri.
Good morning world, I think.
Demetri smiles at me.
I smile back,
holding dirty thoughts
at bay.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Big Brother

So, Big Brother is back on. Yeah! I admit it, I'm a Big Brother watcher. It's the only one I watch. Actually, with watching, So you think you can dance, with David (dancer) and getting sucked into Australian Idol, because of Mark (singer), Big Brother is not the only one I watch.
Channel Ten has me all wrapped up for most of the year, thinking about it. How did that happen?
Any way, that being said, Big Brother's Big Mouth is on tonight. We might get to check out some of the boys weeners. Who do you think has the biggest?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Kiss Me

you big purple devil

Coming out

The stones of the car park crunched under Jimmy's feet. They both have to wear tuxeedos, Warren's mother had insisted.
"He your dyate to cousin Nika's wedding... or what?"
"Yes, Ma," said Warren.
"Well!" She threw her hands in the air. "I no want the family to thyink us poor. Wear the tuxedo, for your mother." She grabbed Warren by both sides of the face and kissed him on the lips. "You, luv your mother."
"He's my b..."
"I know, I know." She put her hand up to his mouth. "How many times do you have to tell me."
"Well, ma." Warren could hear his voice whine like he did as a kid.
She pulled him towards her and she whispered. "You no have to tell so many people at Nika's wedding... about you and... it okay, if it what you want. Not your fault, you can't change it. But, in family." She put her finger to her lip. "okay..."
"No ma."
She hugged him tight. "Be good boy."
They parked at the back of the car park on purpose.
Jimmy kissed Warren passionately. Warren's stubble was prickly on Jimmy's lip. Strong, hard mouth kissed him back. Wog boys, you gotta love them, thought Jimmy.
Warren slid his arm through Jimmy's. "Let's go."
They hadn't gone to the ceremony, Warren's mother raised her eyebrows and Warren decided not to push it.
"You come to the reception," she said. "Not in god's house, though." She crossed herself.
It was at the golf club. All the families had done well, now they all outdid each other at weddings. Warren and Jimmy stood in front of the main entrance - white, Victorian, Italianate. Sparse gardens. Marble stairs. A cool breeze blew. They were out of the shade and cover of the one hundred year old oaks. There was a band inside the house.
"What do your lebo uncles think of the number 1 male heir being gay?"
"You're about to find out," said Warren, as he headed up the stairs. He looked back, smiling lovingly. Grand French doors over looking the eighteenth hole.
The room was a giant glass house. The tables were formal, white cloths, red napkins. A dance floor in the middle, with tables around it. There was a water feature in the corner and terrace outside, beyond the rear french doors,
They were being announced. They waited their turn, in the queue.
"They say I'm a filthy homo, but they say, secretly, that all men are poofters," said Warren. "Uncle Tito went to jail for five years for drug dealing. So have a few others." Warren made, subtle, cock sucking head movements. "What were they supposed to do for five years, was what all my uncles said."
"They all knew?" asked Jimmy.
"They all talked openly about it, with just the guys, and beer," said Warren. "See if you can guess, afterwards, which uncle diddled me as a fourteen year old?"
The couple in front of them stepped away and they were at the head of the queue.
"Warren Green and Jimmy Westbro," were announced.
Jimmy smiled at Warren, he looked pleased. "Nice touch," he whispered.
Everyone clapped and the two entered the room. They headed straight to the bar.
"It's the aunties who say I'm heading to hell for living outside god's law," said Warren. "They are praying for me."
"What about me?" said Jimmy. "Aren't they praying for me? Aren't I just as much at risk of." He pointed downwards.
"Two beers." Warren laughed. "You are Satan, my friend. You came along and lead me down the path of unrighteousness. The favourite son."
"I did not," said Jimmy. "You did. It was the other way around..."
"Well, unless you are planning to go tell them," said Warren. "My aunties don't know that."
The barman put the two glasses down in front of them.
"Well maybe I should just..."
Warren handed Jimmy a glass of beer.
"They want you to burn in hell, my friend," said Warren. "They want me saved."
Jimmy exhaled strongly through his nose. The two surveyed the room, side by side.
"When are you going to tell your parents?" Warren asked.
They stood by the dance floor. "Shall we dance?" said Jimmy.
They were silent. They both surveyed the room. Muscular, well-groomed young men. Mixed race, in this setting.
"They're all looking at you, now," said Warren. "Thinking poofter. Can you feel it?"
Jimmy shook visibly. "Don't say that, not now, not here."
"I'm kidding," said Warren. "They don't know. Just mum and dad."
The band started a waltz.
"But, I'm not afraid," said Warren.
"I don't believe you," said Jimmy. "We're all afraid."
Two couples ventured onto the dance floor. "Come on," said Warren.
Warren grabbed Jimmy by the hands.
"Hey," said Jimmy. "What?..."
"You be." Warren laughed," the girl. Follow me, I leant this shit, as a kid."
Warren lead Jimmy in a waltz, right into the middle of the dance floor.
"I don't believe you, sometimes," said Jimmy.
"I told you I wasn't afraid."
Warren could see his mother and father standing, looking grim-faced, beside the dance floor, as he spun in three four time.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Come down

I have an eye infection and two cold sores. I feel a wreck. David says it's from the crystal meth last Thursday. He confirms it, with a dismissive hand and without-question attitude, when I doubt it.
I've resorted to hard drugs to beat it, Valtrex. And lip ointment.
I've been going to bed early and sitting up until 2am, 3am watching teev, tits and arse on SBS, don't know why. So I haven't had much sleep, all week. But I didn't tell David that. It all stops tonight, I'm getting good sleep from now on. (also eat well, do exercise) ... {ha, ha}
I'd smile, but my mouth hurts too much.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

1st of May

When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,
we used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from far away.

Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,
and you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
but guess who'll cry come first of May.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And as I recall the moment of them all,
the day I kissed your cheek and you were gone.

Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,
and you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
but guess who'll cry come first of May.

When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,
do do do do do do do do do ...
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from far away.