Monday, January 31, 2005

(And Extra Large Condoms, To Boot)

7am. Feeling good. Doing fine. He, he!


The only thing that I can report is that I'm getting really hungry. Otherwise, feeling good, going fine.

christian


Hungry is GOOD!

I'm feeling ever so slightly shop soiled myself, but have completed my chores and am home safe in Dingley.

Aby had her bedroom door open as I lightly and slowly walked down the stairs and when in the kitchen, I heard some manly grunts and femme groans, and I called out "If you guys are having sex I wanna join you!" All went silent and then the door closed. Ooops.  It honestly didn't cross my mind that they really were. Anyways, Aby's a bit kinky I'm sure she wouldn't mind the cat calling.

I hope you're day progresses in fine form.

xTom


He, he, he, he!

You should have barged in and delivered your message. The looks on the faces would have been priceless. (And extra large condoms, to boot)

christian


yes well i always carry my own!

 *smug smile*

Tom


I'm feeling great! We should go out every Saturday night and...

christian


YES!!!!

I'm in!

Tom J


How are u?

Weekend?

Life?

Documents nutter?

Tom?

Nick


I'm good, all things considered. I went to a party on Saturday night and danced with all the boys. And then I slept most of yesterday, as you may expect.

Life's good, still have a cute Greek boy who keeps me warm when I most need it. And he's good at it!

I'll get the documents to you ASAP, except that Pete forgot to sign them on Friday, so I'll have to take them up to the country.

Tom may have his leukaemia back, he finds out this week, I think.

christian


Is that good or bad with Tom?

Lisa hates me!

Nick


Um... leukaemia is generally bad. No leukaemia is generally good.

Why does Lisa hate your very lovely self? Did you root around on her?

christian


Nope! Respect her too much for that! Think she just needs more of my time and gets grumpy when I don't spend quality time with her!

How could I this weekend when a mate died. 30, Heart attack. Was Getting married in November

What more can u say!

Christian, I have changed my attitude. I'm living life and not being lived by it!

Nick


30! Bloody Hell! Did he have some sort of defect?

More time...more time...I'm not sure if I buy that one. Good for you for not being a "boy" about it all, though. It's the cheating thing that makes girls most upset. Boys don't see it, but they do.

Live life and love life, that's what I say. Every day I try to tell myself, My life is great! (because it is) I think it does your soul good to positively affirm that life is going well.

christian


Nothing wrong Chriso! Sad state of affairs!

As for Lise, let her work it out!

Nick


SMS. 13.40. Send this star _/l_ to lots >.< of friends (also to me) if 3 come back, 1 of your dreams will come true tonite. Happy friendship week xxx000 – Rachel

SMS. 13.43. U clearly need more to do, miss! – christian

SMS. 14.42. Knew it would annoy u J – Rachel

SMS. 14.45. Doesn’t annoy me, it makes me laugh! – christian


SMS. 16.00. Hi luv, do ya wanna have an early cheap dinner tonight? – Julien

SMS. 16.03. Sure, Jules…I was going to gym, however… – christian 

SMS. 16.04. Your place at 7 or after gym! – Julien

SMS. 16.06. Cool, see u then – christian

SMS. 17.57. Have u found out the date for Bette? – christian


I think this would make a good name for a character for a story, Angel Dandekar

At dinner at The Old Colonial with Jules, he knew all about the Bette Midler dates.


SMS. 21.04. 18th and 21st of April – christian

SMS. 21.40. Hi hon! 18th would be fab – Leah

SMS. 21.44. Apparently, the 21st is the show to go to, being closing night. I don’t know though, that’s just what someone said – christian

SMS. 21.47. Either way but Mon nite is less leave 4 me 2 take x – Leah

SMS. 23.08. Yr 2 easily amused luv! – Rachel


Sunday, January 30, 2005

Somehow The Dirty Story Seems a Little More Tasteful Than Pooh Holes That Resemble Spag Bog

Tom left for the sauna at 8am. I went to bed. Later, he said it was creatures day at the sauna. Trolls and misfits. The grooms of Frankenstein, slithering and scraping their knuckles on the floor just beyond where the 20 way globes shone. Those who dare not show their faces in the day light. Those who scuttle around the darkened hallways like cockroaches. It was certainly not a night when you risked the dark room with the words, "How bad could it be?" As the good lord would surely be showing you the wizened up monsters he surely was capable of at the next lit viewing. It was a night to keep your whits about you and your hand on the tuck in your towel.

I got up again at 1pm.

Somehow the dirty story seems a little more tasteful than poo holes that resemble spag bog (cant think why don’t want to...) As for the boy you picked up any stories you write may be printed and sent to your mother... this was said with a jealous tone, not that I'm into sex with strange men but a pick up without the sex (initially) would be nice ha ha. You're right, I am very bored...
Working at the wine sales and I'm just tired that's all
Rachel
He was good too. Did I tell you he had a cock out to here… and here… with that bit… there.
christian

SMS.15.35. What happened with tickets 2 Bette – Leah

I got up again at 8pm and decided to have a shower. I don’t remember what happened after the shower much, I must have lay down on my bed again.

I got up again at 11pm. I spoke to Mark and watched a Kevin Bacon movie called “Stirring Shadows” with Tom. Rob made an appearance and Aby made an appearance. I went to bed after that at 1.30am.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Beyond

Manny was going to the Laird and called to ask me to meet him there. I said I was going to Beyond. He said that’s a shame, but I guess I’ll see you soon. He was going to watch the pool.

Sometime in the evening, I realised that I wouldn’t be going to the party until after Manny had left the Laird, so I decided to go and meet him. Tom called and I said I was going to the Laird to meet Manny.
“Oh yes, that’s a much better idea, Tom said. You go and meet your boyfriend – still sticking with me not going to the party.”
So, I met Manny, we hung out at the Laird and then we drove over to his place and christened his bed in his new apartment.

Tom called me to say he couldn’t find the drugs and money I had left for him, around 1am.

“You’re going early.”
“Yes, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve searched everywhere I can’t find my stuff.” He was sounding a little stressed.
“They are on the hall table, as soon as you walk in the door.”

I got home at 1am, decided against my leather pants until I lose weight, wore black jeans, popped an e and walked into the party. I bumped into Julian as soon as I got there, who took me to where Tom was standing.

“You came. Goodie,” said Tom.

It wasn’t a very friendly party, I don’t think I connected with anyone. Tom said it was all the Sydney queens influence.

For a time at the beginning of the party, I danced with Nick Hill dress only in black jeans – my favourite look on a boy – in which he looked very sexy. His crotch looked very sexy and tight, as his smooth stomach disappeared into it. Coincidently, he walked out of the party at exactly the same time as Tom and I did.

I ditched Tom
and Nick and I went home.

Just for him and me, to trust each other, after knowing each other as friends for so long. He just smiled back at me, when I stole looks of him in the car. He said he couldn’t believe it, what were we doing? Let’s not stop. In the fading light in the afternoon, he undid his jeans, so that the outline of him was visible in his jocks. I rubbed it gently. I could see it as thick, uncut, with a red knob as he pulled the elastic standing straight out. His eyes rolled back in his handsome face, just slightly, as I took him out and rubbed skin to skin. I held his hard cock in my hand as he blew his load.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he said. As we lay still in the quiet.

Thursday, January 27, 2005


My View

The bay looks beautiful today. Like glass in places stretching out like silk to larger sections that are ruffled, further out. The Brighton jetty is floating on nothing, suspended in shiny, flat nothing. Williamstown is too, like it is a shiny embryo floating a new. The light is still brittle, the shadows are long, stretching way out to the promise of greater things. The light is golden with the hint of something brighter. There is a cargo ship gliding away, orange sun is reflected brightly on its side, as it slips across the water with no visible means of propulsion.

The sun shines across the city in sideways slants, taking the very tips of the buildings and laying them stretched out on the ground, like shadowy cathedrals, drawn out like animation. It’s like the light has been on in a farther room much longer. The promise of greatness lays there stretched out before me.

3pm

The bay now looks like a Monet painting, the boats are lost in the haze of the day; smudgy, fuzzy, hidden in the mist, like a blue veil has been drawn across the sky and the sea. The bay looks like the most beautiful abstract blue cave. You could be lost in it for ever and never fear for your life. Like Mother Nature rubbed her thumb across it, sometime around lunch time. The bay is a great master, changing brush-stroke styles, sometimes on the hour.


Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Spiro

I was out cleaning the front yard, the path has been covered over with dead hibiscus flowers for… well, ever. I was down on my haunches with a pan and brush. A cute, kind of blonde, kind of scruffy, but with his own style, got out of his car across the road. I first noticed the pants, they hugged him just fine. And when he looked around at me, he was looking intently. He was getting stuff out of his car, but he kept looking over, with burning eyes. Those cream pants showed everything, I reckon he barred up, just half. Open face, wavy hair, kind of. Two day growth. He was hot. He kept staring until he was out of sight, up the lane.

He was on. He was horny.

I had a joint, I was blown away. The garden was beginning to be beautiful, I could see hints of it. I’d swept the path.

I came inside and got a cigarette.

I decided to trim the box-hedge, it had grown so high, as to totally block out the garden behind. My wrist is still sore. I should have had it on my referral for my head scan. Stupid me. I chopped gently, favouring my left hand.

Then I noticed the cute boy across the road again, by his car. I didn’t see him go out there. He was watching me. I reckon he had half a fat, still, as he stood so I could see. He crossed the road again and I kept my eyes on his round crotch. He said hi and kept walking.

I decided, at that point, that the footpath needed a sweep too. It had been ages since it had had a really good clean. The sun was shining, I was getting a bit of sun. It had to be good for me. There were weeds growing out of the cracks at the bottom of the fence. They were unsightly.

A bit later he came out to move his car. He parked in front of the pub, he could see me in the front garden, subtly playing with myself.

“Hi,” he said, from over the fence. “What are you up to?”
“Gardening. Nice day for it.”
“Yeah. I’m in the recording studio. It sure is hot up there.”
“It’s hot out here.”

We smiled at each other, catching each other’s gaze. Nice smile, I thought.

“How many people live here, he said.”
“Just me and my flat-mate. She’s away though.”
“I’m Spiro,” he says.

Nice. Very nice.

“I’m Christian.”

We stood awkwardly for a moment. He blushed and headed back to the studio.
I went inside. My mouth was dry, I needed constant liquid.

I was watching the Australia Day Flag being towed by a helicopter. It was doing laps around the inner suburbs. I was cleaning. I was sweeping the yard, the footpath, I didn’t care. He obviously wanted it, so I decided I would just proposition him, if I saw him again.

Spiro came back from down the street. He sauntered up to me. I was standing on the footpath, I could eye all of him. He asked me what I did. I stumbled something about working for corporate types. He asked who? Not a usual question. I told him. I was a bit stoned, I felt like I was yabbering. I said something about the benefits of working for rich companies.
I asked what he did. He was an artist and a musician.
And I still didn’t tell him that I wrote. Mark told Hillary I wrote plays and she was fascinated and wanted to know if she would have ever seen any.
He had such a nice bulge.

“You look like you’ve got a nice cock,” I said. Just like that, somehow it seemed kind of easy.
“What?” he said.
“You look like you’ve got a nice cock.” He looked down at it. As he did, it bulged out. I like it when guys do that.
“Do you want it sucked?”

Well, it’s true, I’ve been feeling horny lately.
He smiled and kind of absent-mindedly rub at his crotch. I gazed at his bulge. He flushed with lust.

“But, I’ve got work to do and I’ve got a boyfriend.”
“Oh,” I said. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything that would upset your boyfriend.”

He smiled. Gorgeous! He’s just gorgeous.

“I think I know someone, who you know.”
“Who?”
“Steve. He used to be a speech writer for Cliff Campbell. Just someone I knew, knew the guys who lived behind the pub.” He pointed awkwardly at the house.
“It doesn’t ring any bells.”
“Do you live with your partner?”
“No, just a flatmate and she’s not home.”
“It was about four years ago.”
“I did live here with my partner, but it was longer than four years ago.”
“These guys have land somewhere else.”
“Well, yes that’s me then.”
“Steve said he had a threesome with the two guys. Does that ring any bells?” He smiled devilishly.
“Yeah, sure. That could have been me.” But I still had no clue who Steve was. Does that say something about me?

We both laughed and gazed at each other intently.
One problem is that it is about 40 degrees today. Everything is simmering and melting.
I decided I should just come inside, after that. I left the door open, though, despite the heat.

Another j?

I’ve been writing on my computer and going out intermittently to water the garden. The front garden is nearly dead. I was giving it a soaking, until the water began to run. Then I’d come back inside.

I really was mostly at my computer. That was a knock back, it’s tacky to push it now. He knows where to find me if he wants. But the front garden was nearly dead, when I cut back the undergrowth and could see. So I was going out and soaking it, until the water over-flowed and then I’d turn on the tap and let it soak in for a while.

I was watering and saw him go to his car, from the corner of my eye. I didn’t see him walk back, though. And then he headed across the road and sat in the gutter and spoke on his mobile phone, opposite, in full view. He watched avidly as I played with myself, very gently, not out or anything. For a moment I thought that he was distressed. Talking to his boyfriend, telling him he was going to have sex with someone else. Two other people came down the lane, I went inside. I had a piss. I got a drink. I lit a joint and wandered back outside, nonchalantly. He was gone from across the road. I turned the water on. His head appeared over the fence with hungry eyes. He wanted it.

“Come in,” I said.

He came around to the gate, awkwardly, his eyes intent, hungry. He stutter something as he came in the front door and grabbed hold of my crotch, but I didn’t catch it. His cock was hard. It felt good through his pants.

“I really just want a feel,” he said.

He didn’t want any body contact, he said. I think that meant that he hadn’t had sex. Or they were the rules negotiated with the boyfriend. Noble standoff.

“Do you mind if we just have a wank?”
“Sure,” I say.
“Got any porn?”
“Sure, what do you like?”
“What have you got?” He smiled. He’s got a sexy smile.

We went upstairs.
We wanked to porn. He had a beautiful cock. Big. Uncut. Slug…which fell out of his pants. We watched each other wank. He was fucken hot!

“Are you a bottom or a top,” he said?
“Top,” I said. “You?”
“Top.”

I asked him what he liked doing?

“Fucking and rimming,” he said.

I said I love rimming; slide my tongue up his arse.
I asked him if he ever has threesomes.

“Why?”
“Cause the cute Greek guy I’m seeing would love you.”

Every now and again he’d let go of his cock, it would rise up and stand to attention, between his buff-coloured hairy-legs.

“Is he a bottom?”
“Yes,” I said.

I gazed at him. His face was flushed. He looked hot, eyes darting from my face to my cock to the porn and back. He looked like Carey S. He really did look like Carey. Big cock thumping in his hand.

We watched each other.

He asked me if I had rougher porn. When I looked at what I had put on, it was practically a love scene. Stupid me, I thought.

We watched leather guys fucking, in between watching each other.

He said he was going to cum and wanted to know what to do.
Come!

“All over”…he looked to the floor.
“Where else are you going to cum?”

He smiled.

I blew. He blew straight after.

He pulled his pants back on and laughed. “I guess I’ll be seeing you,” he said. He said cheers before he walked through the front door.

He was pretty cool. Hot. Masculine.

I wish I’d said Happy Australia Day. But, of course, I didn’t. I was far too stoned. Barely able to communicate, really.

I lay down on my bed at about 6pm and woke up at 11.30pm.

Great way to spend a public holiday.

I got up and called Manny.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The Boyfriend Issue

I’m home alone. I feel lonely. I should be doing something. Where’s that gorgeous boyfriend who comes over and lifts my heart and encourages me to live? My life is dull.

Not long after, my phone rang and Manny said, "What are you doing?"
Then he came around and hustled me out the door to the Laird. I sms’d Tom, as we walked down Langridge Street, the mooning, after all, had been his idea.

SMS. 20.48. Manny and I are heading to The Laird – Christian
SMS. 20.48. Ok. I am tired. Have a good one – Tom

I saw Daryl. He’s moved to Malden.
D and Jesse arrived.
Andrew Swift was there, with his boyfriend Derek.
The Laird was packed. I was sweating like a pig.

SMS. 22.20. D just picked u out – Christian
SMS. 22.20. Doesn’t make sense – Tom
SMS. 22.23. No, it was u. Honest! 3rd contestant – Christian
SMS. 22.23. Tell D he is a cow – Tom

Manny said some guy was staring at him. He said he might meet his future husband. And somehow we got to talking about boyfriends. Manny said that I had said twice recently that I wanted him to be my boyfriend.

I did? When?

I think I might have been quoting Aby and Tom, who both call Manny my boyfriend. Or, I was making a point about us having a relationship, again. Just because it’s not a full-time, live-in, 24 hour, relationship, it didn’t mean we aren’t having one. (A point Manny doesn’t get) We’ve been seeing each other for two years, right about now, actually.

I’d remember if I’d asked him to be my boyfriend.

But he was adamant. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend in the beginning, but now he was happy with the way it was. And I got looking at him and thought… no, actually, I think I do want a boyfriend, now. So if it’s not going to be you, I thought... Perhaps, Tom is right. I need to make the space amongst the bodies of Mark and Luke and Manny standing in the way.
Manny hasn’t been out much, not to the Laird in ten years. He’s just a bloke underneath it all, loving all the attention he was getting.

SMS. 22.32. I think I want a boyfriend – Christian
SMS. 22.32. Make the space then. And come to Beyond – Tom
SMS. 22.33. Ok – Christian

We were in the pin-ball room, watching D, Jesse and Frank play, when Manny said, Him, I like him.
I looked around to see Shane at the door.

Shane stood with us during the second half of The Mooning competition. Nobody could move, it was so crowded.

Manny said he had to go outside for air, as his anxieties were playing up. We decided to leave, it was sooo fucking hot. As we kissed everyone good-bye, I noticed Paul H, sitting next to D.

And then the next thing Manny’ was saying that he’d just seen Glen and that I had to go out in front of him and he’d follow.

I sat on the fire hydrant and waited for Manny. I wondered what the real deal is with Glen? Because the actions displayed here didn’t match with what Manny has told me. He says that he has told Glen that it is all over between the two of them and that he has told Glen that he is still seeing me. But, Glen is a nasty piece of work and he could cause a scene.

SMS. 23.06. (Tom) I’m now leaving because Glen’s arrived – Christian
SMS. 23.07. (Tom) Fuck, I’m pissed! – Christian

Manny and I walked home. He was going to catch the train, but I said I’d pay for a taxi. I wondered if I had become too needy of him, as we chatted, as we strode into the dark night.

I wondered if my change from treating-him-mean to keep-him-keen to being more relaxed about relationships, had been picked up by him and had changed him. (I’ve told him that I love him twice recently. I just let it happen, stopped holding back.) You know, now that he’d got me, he wasn’t so keen. (2018 - I was surprised to read this. I am sure I never told Manny that I loved him, because I never did)

Had I misread his wide-eyed enthusiasm at all the men at the Laird, as a lack of interest in me? Had I become venerable there, standing in the beer garden with him? I know I felt it, a certain unease at his loyalty. He may be sweet and pure of soul, but he is just a boy underneath it. A handsome boy, at that, who hasn’t been out in the gay scene for a while.

I felt weird all night with him. Maybe it was the two j’s I smoked before I went out. That I pigged into as soon as I got home.

We went home and had sex. Manny wanted to go home to his place. As he vacillated, standing in the kitchen, I kissed him and stuck my hands down his pants.

We soon went upstairs.

Manny got up and left just as I was drifting off to sleep. He didn’t have his pills with him, so he couldn’t stay.

SMS. 0020. (Tom) Miss liar! D never said he’d support your d habit? – Christian
SMS. 00.23. (Tom) I’ve got Manny’ spoof on my chest. He’s gone home. Fuck it is hot! – Christian

Monday, January 24, 2005

Not Again!

Tom called. He was mellow and drugged out. He had his bone marrow biopsy. They knock him out for it. He was happy and confident.

The medical staff are saying that Tom’s leukaemia has relapsed, nothing proven yet. Results next week. Tom says he is going to be really healthy and he is going to try to stay out of hospital. Last resort will be chemo. A nurse said she didn’t think he’d have time not to have chemo. He’s going to go in for twice weekly blood tests, he hopes. He’ll have weekly transfusions.

He wants to go to Beyond on Sunday night. I told him that he’d risk an intervention from some of his friends. But, I said I’d go with him.


He was excited about his $85,000, his disability payout, just confirmed. He can move out of home and not be poor during treatment.

Shit hey! It’s like a glitch in the time space continuum. Tom retires with a large sum of money, but he has to get sick as the trade-off. This is repeat-cycling? Isn’t it? (He did the same 10 years ago, when he was first diagnosed when he was working for Sydney AIDS)

One of the good ones. He’s one of the good ones.


You know, I reckon if you got rid of that other 50% of the population, you’d pretty much wipe out religion. You’re never going to get rid of them any other way. Religions are big sellers, they generate vast sums of money, nobody is going to get rid of that willingly. So the only option left is to get rid of the gullible, the dumb and the stupid who fall for it, which I think would pretty much line up with my theory that 50% of the population is a waste of space. Just generating land-fill giving nothing in return. You’d probably get rid of the pokies at the same time. Quite possibly lotto and pyramid selling. Chain letters. Spam email. A hefty portion of the welfare payments.

Who says who goes, though?

Of course, the god-heads would be getting rid of us... the fags.


You’re pretty safe if you are one of the good ones, though. Surely, the smart, the talented and the creative will always prevail?


Sunday, January 23, 2005

Drinking with the Boys

I got home at 6pm and there was a message from D that he and Tom were going to The Laird, so I went.

Shane was there.

I never see much of Bruno and he’s such a nice boy. Always laughing. He’s built up so much over the last year, he’s really beefed up. Although, as he's not so tall, he's in very real danger of getting as wide as he is tall. But, I think the boys like it. He’s always got a cute boyfriend in tow.

Woody and his boyfriend Marky were there. Woody never knows me, despite having been at Bolago with him on multiple occasions. Ah fuck him, I think. Catch 22, he doesn't recognise me, so I don't say hello to him and so it goes. You know, there is always that one person who never knows who you are no matter how many times you have met each other, Woody is mine. He's kind of loud and full of himself, and I'm not, so, I guess, we're not exactly a match. But how can you be so completely vague, I don't know.

We all chatted, drank beer. Ate nuts. The boys were hot. There were lots of them, the place was packed. Tom, Shane, D, Bruno and I spoke shit as we watched all the boys parade by. Kisses for the ones we knew, smouldering looks for the ones we wanted to know, you know how these things go. 


Saturday, January 22, 2005

Feeling okay, all things considered. A bit spacey. Zzzz! A whole E.

Feeling okay, all things considered. A bit spacey. Zzzz! A whole E. Goodness! You know that feeling when you are slightly buzzing back off in the background, but in the here and now you are exhausted. Brain-cell’s buzzing but the body is in a trance-like state. Lethargic with a hint of attitude.

Joel and I sat in the atrium and had a slow breakfast in the gentle morning sun. We swept up the leaves out the back.


SMS. 13.41. Hello. Joel’s off soon & he sends his luv – christian

SMS. 13.43. Hope he has a good time, the weather is fab and he meets lots of men and has hideous amounts of sex with all of the men – Rachel


Joel hooted and said he didn’t want hideous sex, luv!

It was just the amount that was obscene, I corrected.

He hooted some more.


SMS. 13.46. U dirty cow, what about me? – christian

SMS. 14.29. It struck me as sad as we get ready for the airport, there is a good chance I’ll never see Joel again – christian

SMS. 14.35. U idiot he’ll be back in 2 weeks chatting up a storm. Stop getting you must be premenstrual – Rachel

SMS. 14.39. No just post E. Naughty poofs, they forced me, I swear – christian

SMS. 14.40. Hope I am in your will…just enough 4 a ticket 2 London. Once you’ve organised that, you can take all of the drugs you like! – Rachel


I fessed up to Joel about the pill I took. He said ay? And then he smiled and asked if Grant had taken one two. He told me to tell Rachel that he hadn’t lost his glasses.


SMS. 14.43. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong – christian

SMS. 14.45. Joel didn’t loose his glasses.


Tom arrived and met Joel briefly. I drove Joel to the airport by 3.30. I dropped in to Manny’ afterwards. He showed me his new flat. He was as excited as a puppy. But he said Glen was arriving in fifteen minutes to drive Manny to Highpoint to get a new phone socket, so I was keen to get out of there.

I drank beer with Tom and his two Lesbian work mates, at The Builders. Tom tired quickly so we didn’t stay very long. One game one drink.

Aby found Tom’s desire to go out and take drugs his first full day out of hospital sad and was moved so she had to flee the room with pools for eyes.

Tom said that when he is sick and doesn’t have the energy or the drive drugs making him feel those things. They make him feel alive… momentarily. They feed his soul with happy feelings. I’ve never been in that position, so I don’t know.


SMS. 18.51. I dropped him off at the airport. Last seen doing a very good impression of a pug dog as he smiled and waved goodbye, as he lumbered off towards the door – christian


Manny came over with a DVD called Sordid Lives. “Look at you”, he said when he saw me stoned on the couch. I love that smile he gives me when he sees me stoned. We cuddled as we watched the movie. I like the feel of his arm around me. He said he was in a funny mood.


SMS. 22.38. He’s a funny little Pug isn’t he? Wonder what you’d have 2 do 2 offend him? – Rachel

SMS. 22.41. Certainly not show him your cock – christian

SMS. 22.43. Perish the thought luv. I have a purring kitten laying across my chest. God they make a racket! – Rachel

SMS. 22.46. I’ve got one purring on my feet – christian

SMS. 22.49. It’s just not the same! How about that Abyssinian? – Rachel

SMS. 22.54. Her new name is Puss puss, cat-trap, kitty, kitty, bang, bang – christian

SMS. 22.54. Goodnight idiot. xxx – Rachel


Friday, January 21, 2005

Meeting Up is Like Talking, it Can Spoil It

SMS. 2.08. Sorry pc crashed. Decided to get into bed and so should you. Still foot get your point on the raw thing – Angelo
SMS. 2.14. nite – christian
SMS. 2.15. No. LOL – Angelo
SMS. 2.17. Why? – christian
SMS. 2.17. Call in sick tomorrow and I will tell you – Angelo
SMS. 2.20. You know what I want u to tell me? – christian
SMS. 2.24. After our chat tonight I have realised that I am going to hold out until I meet the one. I will wait for him to make love to me. Until then no for sex – Angelo
SMS. 2.24. Night. Night – Angelo

What’s your problem fluffy?
Leah

Just saying good morning.
christian

Mornin' to you too. Are you well and happy...?
Leah

I'm splendid! Fantastic, even. Et vous?
christian

Ich auk goot danke.
I'm excited about my birthday in April – make sure you are free on the 30th April buddy!
Leah

I'll be free, don't you worry about that.
christian

It's not every day that Floss turns forty.
christian

Correct and I want all the people I love there………
Leah

Are you going out tonight?
Tim

Yes. Aby and I are going to visit Tom in hospital first. What time do you want to go?
christian

Let me know when your ready – I thought about 10ish – and perhaps we can have a bevvy at your house first?
Tim

I thought about ten. I'll call you tonight to let you know when I'm finished at the Alfred.
christian

Ok cool – kiss kiss ... I need to pick up a few bits n pieces before I head out anyway :)
Tim

You know, my mate from London who is coming with us is 70 years old.
christian

that’s cool... we should get there early so he gets a seat!!!
Tim

SMS. 12.51. I am on the way home – Tom

Beck, Fiona and I were outside at a table at Bluestone eating lunch.

SMS. 13.39. So I guess no sickie today? LOL – Angelo
SMS. 13.42. I guess not – christian
SMS. 13.45. I am coming into town. Meeting up for a friend’s farewell drinks at 5 – Angelo
SMS. 13.50. That will be nice – christian
SMS. 13.50. Are you stoned? – Angelo
SMS. 13.53. I'm at work. Sitting out in the sun eating lunch. So not stoned – christian 
SMS. 13.54. Just think if you called in sick you could be fucking me right now. LOL. What time do you finish work and do you get another break? Wondering he you want to do coffee? – Angelo
SMS. 14.10. Hey it was only a thought and only coffee on offer. Sometimes I don’t want to meet. Maybe I shouldn’t even bother? – Angelo
SMS. 14.14. Oh chill, will u. We'll meet. I'm looking forward to it – christian 
SMS. 14.14. When? – Angelo
SMS. 14.15. Today? – Angelo
SMS. 14.16. Soon. Big smile – christian
SMS. 14.17. One day – christian 
SMS. 14.18. Not good enough, good-bye. You can contact me the day before one-day. If one day ever comes – Angelo
SMS. 14.20. U stress easily, don't u? – christian
SMS. 14.20. Until then, enjoy your dope and your Greek boyfriend – Angelo

I had decided that I really didn’t want to meet. Closeted, country living with his parents, with just two trains a day. At his age. On anti-depressants. Doesn’t smoke pot, doesn’t do drugs, blah, blah. Blah. Doesn’t drive. And besides, there is a certain excitement to not meeting, nothing can spoil the fantasy. 

But, I felt a bit mean. He’d organised for 6pm just across from my work. He couldn’t have made it any easier. What was I to do?

SMS. 15.24. Hey snotty, I could meet u after 5.30 for coffee – christian 
SMS. 15.37. How did you know my nose is snotty? – Angelo
SMS. 15.46. I just imagine u with a wet nose – christian 
SMS. 16.03. I’m going to drinks for a friend at 5 – Angelo
SMS. 16.08 Have fun then – christian
SMS. 16.11. Where in the city you work? – Angelo
SMS. 16.13. Bourke & King – christian
SMS. 16.22. When do you finish work – Angelo
SMS. 16.25. 5.30? – christian
SMS. 17.02. I would really like to see you today. How about at 6? – Angelo
SMS. 17.07. Okay. Where? – christian
SMS. 17.23. Gloria Jeans? – Angelo
SMS. 17.26. Where? – christian
SMS. 17.26. Bourke and King – Angelo
SMS. 17.28. Okay. What time? – christian
SMS. 17.29. 6.1o – Angelo
SMS. 17.31. See u then – christian

I was still thinking that I was going to send a “can’t make it” text when I wandered over Bourke Street to find Gloria Jeans was closed, closed at 6pm. That should have said something. So I sat outside on a ledge, a little out of the way, around the corner and read the MX in the glorious afternoon sunshine, not taking any notice of anyone. 

SMS. 18.12. Just left see you soon – Angelo
SMS. 18.14. I have to go soon, how long will you be? – christian

I met Angelo. I knew I shouldn’t have. Even on web-cam he looked kind of like a cute boy, had a spark. He had said that men have thought he was hot on web-cam and then said no bluntly when they’ve met him in person. There had to be some reason. And there is. He’s got a handsome face and beautiful eyes. But he’s just nerdy. Meeting has spoiled the allure.
It’s not the way he looks, it’s his attitudes. They were so far away from mine. A vegetarian doesn’t marry a meat eater. If you live a life of denial, in a place you don’t want to, not being who you really are, you are bound to become a shadow of who you are.

Besides, I’m not really looking. I’m not looking in that sense.

SMS. 18.25. Just home! Took longer 2 get from Fitzroy 2 Cheltenham than Bolago 2 Fitzroy! Gorgeous day, didn’t want 2 come home! – Rachel

2am
Tim, his new flat mate Grant, Joel and I went to the laird. Tim arrived tanked on drugs. He gave me an ecstasy, which I took. We caught a taxi and pretty soon we were spinning at the Laird, Tim, Grant and me. Tim was spinning hard, really off-chops. He’s funny when he’s like that. He looks like he’s having a good time, laughing and giggling. Beaming that huge smile. Eventually, Tim had to go and dance. Joel and I came home.

Manny is off-line, his phone has been cut-off. He’s moving house this weekend.

I wished he’d just arrive at the door, drunk and horny.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Sex with Greek Boys and Red Heads

SMS. 8.49. Earthquake in Asia today – 350,000 Asians killed. Canada is sending troops, England is sending food. Australia is sending 350,000 replacement Asians – Lauri

SMS. 9.39. That dope is definitely creating psychotic illusions of grandeur. Would u please get over this Manny fantasy it’s making me sick – Rachel

SMS. 9.40. Me feel a little nauseous! – Rachel


Oh, last night. Goodness!

Please disregard any messages sent form me, except for this one, of course. I think I was the victim of a hacker

(Leah)

Grrr!


Word detected on the stop mail list

from Nick (A)


They were your words nutter!

Please do not use such language!

Well?

Doc?

Pathetic  last night   

U well?

Interesting friend

Nick A


How could they be my words? I haven't sent you an email to that address before.

christian


Previous email!

Nick A


You nearly killed me!

Pathetic... maybe?

I'm well now. The same can't be said for this morning.

You're an interesting friend too.

(Joel thought you were hot!)

christian


The man needs glasses!

Lise and me going OK!

things good!

Get me those doc's so i create a life style!

Savings!

Etc!

Nick A


He is 71 years old, after all. (I think you're hot, sweetie)

Lisa is so lovely (quite possibly too good for you) (kidding)

It's good that things are good.

Blah, blah.

Blah, blah.

etc

christian


Kisses to you

Nick A


Kisses to you

You never did lend me that video?

christian


Never is correct!

Nick A


Spoil sport!

christian


SMS. 17.56. Hey r u open for u know what? – christian

Guido called me.

SMS. 17.58. Disregard all messages from me, except this one of course. I’ve been the victim of a hacker – christian

SMS. 18.35. Phew I was a tad worried! – Rachel

SMS. 18.40. Me too! My dealer has just delivered, though, so maybe I should turn me phone off – christian

SMS. 18.53. 98XX 0176 is their home phone #. Not sure about his mobile but am sure I could get it! He, he, he! – Rachel

Aby, Rob, Peter (Weed) Jacob, Joel and I went to the Vegetarian Orgasm, in Gertrude Street.

Joel and I went to the supermarket.

I hadn’t checked my emails for the last few days.


Josh

I reckon Christos and I would have red hot sex!

Sometimes Manny sits on the end of my bed naked and my breath is taken clear away!

Nick A got me smashed on bongs and we pashed.

I’d like Christos to come around and offer me his cock really seductively.

christian


Another year races by, all we can do is do or die. Play a little game of eye-spy, to see what the future may bring.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

How Big Was It?

SMS. 9.33. Hello, how r u miss? – christian

SMS. 9.44. It’s all taking on a grim tone Miss to tell you the truth – Tom

SMS. 9.46. Why? – christian

I called Tom after that.


Who is Tom who used to live at 30 X Street, who works at the Clinic and who seems to know me and you?

christian


That would be nurse Tom I guess ... with the big... He was a friend of Robs – lovely guy if it’s the one I’m thinking of.

Tim


Yeah, that's him. He says he knows me, but I don't have the faintest clue who he is. How does he know me?

And a big... you say?

christian


Huge – ridiculously big... how did you meet him... He has been to the house before on a number of occasions and you've met him as well..

Tim


He was taking Aby's blood and when he saw the address he said he knew you and me.

christian


christian – How big the 2nd wave was.....Tsunami Phuket(Thailand) – this isn’t real is it?

Tim


Tsunamis can be that big, no doubt about it. But not in the case of the most recent ones, no. They weren't that big.

christian


Thought so

Tim


Heavens to Betsy – I forgot to ask you... we are going to the laird on Friday night – would you like to come along.? I’ll bring u a surprise!!

Tim


Yes, I reckon I will.

I might even bring my old friend from London who is staying with me at the moment.

christian


O – He thinks we're lovely!! Are you home this weekend – I will pick up that scratching post and come over if you are not busy? How’s pussy  >**<

Tim


I wish I could remember him...it doesn't seem right not to remember someone who thinks I'm lovely.

I should be home on Saturday until about 2ish. I have to take my London mate to the airport on Saturday for a 4pm flight.

Pussy is good. She loves feet doesn't she.

christian


Can we meet at your house and head over – I’m going with Grant (my new housemate.... Christos may come too.

Tim


Um. Can we confirm that closer to Friday. I like the idea, but I should see what my visitor wants to do first, I reckon.

I might even get Manny to come.

christian


Sounds good – will email you Friday morning – if I forget please email me...

x x Tim


she does!!

Tim


Did you know Tom was in hospital?

christian


No – what’s up?

Tim


He's had trouble getting over the flu, but it turns out he has got some bug that he has to be treated for in hospital.

christian


Hope he's ok... please pass on my love when you talk to him next

Tim


Joel Libretti offered me a glass of white wine as soon as I got home. With determination, or was it just politeness? I was on the phone to Manny, trying to get him over, to get his pants off. But I was having no luck. I drank the wine, dutifully. White wine, what's more. Big glass.

I'd cancelled mum for Sunday. I went to a play with her Monday night and I'm taking her to Bolago Sunday.

Joel and I sat in the atrium and chatted. He'd been to the beach during the day. It was hot. He'd had quite a ordeal getting there, but as he found out and as I confirmed to him, Melbournians are very good at directing people. Happy to. It's in their nature. Joel went to the beach with Rachel. St,Kilda Beach. They had only been there for half an hour when Rachel said she was leaving. Too hot for the kids to stay out in that heat for so long.

You don't mind, do you? said Rachel.

Not at all, said Josh. He said to me that he was damned annoyed.

He'd been having trouble with his Lloyds card. So we called London on my phone and he straightened it out. Lloyds has a blanket block on all cards being used outside of England. The nice boy in South End removed it for him. It lasts 30 days.

Joel said he was going to treat me to dinner. I asked him what he fancied and he said KFC. So we had KFC.

Nick A and Lisa arrived with my mortgage documents and the requisite Nick A accoutrement. Talk about shit-faced. Me, that is. I had to lie on the couch and hang on. Er! I just remember Lisa saying good-bye, hoping that I was all right.

Joel and I had been drinking white wine all night. Joel kept filling up my glass. The two combined and I was a gonner.

Not long after I staggered off to bed.

Joel slept on the couch. He woke up hours later, a little dazed and confused. He asked me in the morning if he thought it was the d. I said it was.

He missed out. Oh, I was in a right state by the time I got to bed. I called Manny twice and left dirty messages. I switched on the teli and put on a cock ring. I was messy and turned-on. The thought of giving the old boy a thrill, turned me on. So I turned up the porn... he being a predatory old poof – I guess when you are over 70 you have to be – I thought he might come to investigate, if he worked out what I was doing. If he looked inside the door, I was going to let him see me, I let the sheet slip down to my thigh. Then I was going to hop up and put my jocks on, saying, Did Nick A leave any dope down stairs? Let my cock flop around. I've got a beautiful cock, after all, why not show it off. Give an old boy a thrill. Is that sick? Is that way too much dope?


SMS.21.07. How’s r u, miss? – christian

I sms'd Rachel dirty stuff about Christopher.

SMS. 22.36. Do u reckon Christopher did it with Tim? – christian

SMS. 22.52. What’s Christopher’s mobile? I’m stoned. I want to proposition him. He might still be at work – christian

SMS. 22.55. I reckon he’d be passionate – christian

Ug! I flinch now that I think about it. 


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Please Get Me in Contact With That Hot Stud Christian Fletcher

artcunt@iprimus.com.au
-;From: Chris silverman
-;To: Josh Aust
-;Subject: hi from christos
-;Hi josh,
-;How are u and Uli? this is Christos here from my new email address.
-;I am sending u this email from my new address: Unit 29, 10A Chapel
-;Street, ST Kilda East, Vic 3183. Tel: (03) 95551298.
-; Please get me in contact with that hot stud Christian Fletcher as OI want to suck him dry I have always been hot for him and it has only been your honest advice, which I have always appreciated that he doesn't like Greeks or italians or wogs but actually finds underage effeminates that which whips his stick that hás held me back, but if, as you say, he takes it like a chook well my 25cm Greek rocket is the thing for him even if I just stand there and don't do anything and actually fall asleep on nubile hot dudes who are doing friendly things with both our front and back bottoms but I'm a hell of a stud and this ain't no fabrication (ach du lieber Himmel, I mean you big fat giros putannah – is that Greek? eds).
-; Nevertheless, call me hotstuff about my best mate Josh Gale's Grandfather's tools (not that kind) and I'll blow you, er we can work something out. Remember, I have no hair and it would be very cruel to show me this – somehow this is something I just know.
-;I'm waiting for it,
-;Er, Christos Sophou, so to speak