Tuesday, June 27, 2017

When will Tony Abbot ever just shut the fuck up? Mate, when will you realise, you are yesterday's news

Sunday, June 25, 2017

How hard it is? Or do I expect too much?

How hard it is? 

Or do I expect too much?

I ask you?

We have quite a gap under our front door and on these cold days, weeks, quite a breeze blows in and cools the house considerably. The hallway leads to the rest of the house, as you would expect, upstairs and downstairs. So, we have a door sausage that solves the problem neatly and easily. The problem being, the housemates can only manage to push the sausage towards the front door after they come in, most of the time. And in this case, near enough is just not good enough. Somewhere near the gap under the door does not, in fact, stop any of the cold air coming in.

Really, I think, the purpose of the sausage is quite easily to understand. And approximately somewhere near the gap under the door, is obviously not going to work.

Really? Is that too hard a concept to grasp?

Ha ha, just another thing to complain about. Maybe, I need to give sausage lessons?

"Now take your sausage in your hand like this..."

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Just About To Piss Yourself

Don't you hate it when you are busting for a piss and the cord in your track pants pulls into a knot, just as you are finally standing in front of the bowl ready to go.

That sense of urgency quickly turns to desperation, as you start pulling at the cord, worried you are about to piss yourself.

OMG! Your hands start to shake. Your knees start to shake. Your mouth goes dry, as you can imagine the warm fluid pooling in the front of your track pants. You think of Stewart, that boy who was always crying in grade 3 with a wet patch on the front of his shorts, you wonder what happened to him?

The knot is tight, like a clenched fist. You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And nothing seems to be working, the knot doesn't want to let go. No movement. Nothing.

All the time, you can't quite see what is stopping it, from the angle you are looking? You neck starts to hurt from the odd strain.

You always knew there was no god, and you didn't need this proof, you think. If there is a purpose to everything, what is the purpose to this?

You pull at it! You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it again.


You consider getting scissors and cutting the cord.

You consider tearing the front of your track pants open.

You consider just pissing yourself, I mean, how bad could it be? (Fuck it! You have to do washing anyway)

Your fingers ache. Your legs shake. You head spins.

And then it gives. Hallelujah! For no apparent reason. Who cares why. The cord is undone. You can stop imagining the warm trickle of fluid down your inside leg, like you are going to feel when you are 80 years old. Still, no time to linger with the sweet smell of success, you have to get those pants down and step forward and... and... and... ah, the relief. The whole world shifts back into its correct frame, panic stations are over, the alarm ringing in your ears can stop. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thank fuck, you think!

Friday, June 23, 2017

Not This Tired Old Internet Scam Again

4pm my phone rings. Nobody really calls on my home phone any more, except scammers and thieves. The government now collects our metadata, but they don't seem to be able to stop the criminals calling in.

“I’m calling you from the technical support department from your internet provider…”

Oh please, not this tired old scam again? “I’m sorry,” I say, “from where are you calling me?” (just making sure I have heard correctly)

“Telstra. I’m calling you from Telstra. There is a problem with your computer, which I can help you with…”

“I’m not with Telstra…”

“You are, you just don’t realise that you are.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Telstra owns the phone lines,” he says. “Are you in front of your computer? It will take no time to fix.”

These guys are very confident, I have even had one guy tell me that I did have the internet connected, after I told him that I didn’t have it connect.

I have had them argue with me.

“Mate, one day you are going to be caught by the police and you are going to be put in jail and guys bigger than you are going to take turns holding you down and fucking you up the arse…”

Dial tone.

That seemed to fix it.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A First In London

Oh yes, I nearly forgot, I had a first in London. 

Shane, Tuli, Sam and I were walking through East London on our way out to diner, actually a drag show, The Shit Show, at The Glory. We were walking down the middle of the narrow street, when a guy at an intersection, turning the corner on the footpath, stopped and yelled out, "You filthy, homo cunts."

I have never been abused like that in Australia ever in my life. No one has ever yelled abuse at me in Australia for being gay.

We all thought he was a bit of a nutter, but still, it was a first for me.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

I walked around the corner and there was this Ferrari. I think it is something like a 1960 250 GTE. Pristine condition. I have no idea what it would be worth, but it would be
a lot.

Green Ferrari 250 GTE

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Interesting article about homosexuality and Jesus

Philosopher Jeremy Bentham (1748 – 1832) presented Biblical evidence for Jesus’ homosexuality as part of his theological defense for same-sex love in “Not Paul, but Jesus Vol. III.” It was published for the first time in 2013 and is freely available to download or view online. He died on June 6, 1832.


Monday, June 19, 2017

Current Mantra

Go home and eat mandarins, don't buy jam donuts.

All that walking overseas, 20 k's a day, and not a gram of weight budged. A friend says it all falls off once you get home. 

I guess I should try the scales. (shiver)

A bit later... I'd lost 6 kilos and that was after 2 nights of ice cream for desert. More exercise is needed, clearly. More walking. More bike riding.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

I love the sun in the city, the winter sun slung low in the sky, casting its long shadows. Gorgeous.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

First sunrise first morning home. Lovely. A nice way to greet the day back home in my home town. (Now, if we could just turn up the heat)

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Idiot Box

It’s weird coming back from overseas, having not watched TV in 6 weeks, having been in Rome, Paris, London, Amsterdam, seeing art and the world, you really have to dumb it down to accept TV as entertainment. You really have to reduce you desires, abilities and expectations to accept the stuff that is dished up. Highly paid people discussing a woman driving down the wrong side of the freeway for 50 kilometres in butt-fuck nowhere. It really is the idiot box, isn’t it?

Yes, of course, I could turn it off. I just think it is interesting, the things you notice when you are out of your routine.

Monday, June 12, 2017


 Marriages .......... um, I guess the answer is no
πŸ’” Divorces .......... um, I guess the answer is no
πŸ’ Proposals .......... er, no
🐱 Pets right now .......... 9 (included are 7 gold fish)
πŸš‘ Surgeries .......... Yes
 Tattoos .......... 0
πŸ’Ž Piercings .......... 0
πŸ”« Fired a Gun... Yes
 Quit a job .......... Yes
πŸ“Ί Ever been on tv .......... Yes
πŸŒ… Been to an island .......... Yes
 Flown on a plane .......... on a plane? Yes, call me Endora
 Furthest destination ....... Finland
πŸš™ Driven across the country....Yes
πŸš™ Hit a deer .......... No, I guess this should say Kangaroo and the answer is still no
πŸ˜₯ Someone cried over you .......... Yes
 Fallen in love .......... Yes
πŸ˜ͺ Watched someone die .......... No
πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ Been to America .......... Yes
πŸš‘ Rode in an ambulance .......... No
πŸ’° Visited Las Vegas .......... No
🎀 Sang karaoke .......... Yes
 Ice skating .......... Yes
πŸ„ Been surfing .......... No
🚲 Ridden on motorcycle .......... Yes
🐴 Ridden a horse .......... Yes
😲 Almost died ..........no
πŸ’ͺ Been Punched .......... no
🏨 Stayed in a hospital .......... Yes
🐟 Caught a metre Murray Cod .......... No
🐳 Caught a 60cm Golden Perch .......... No
πŸ• Been Camping with no power .......... Yes
πŸ”₯Sat around a Campfire .......... Yes
πŸŒ… Watched the sun come up .......... Yes
🌨 Camped in the rain .......... Yes
 Ever Sank a Boat .......... no
πŸš” Rode in the back of a police car ...... Yes

Friday, June 09, 2017

An electric 2CV. There are a lot of electric cars in Amsterdam, Mercedes, Audi plugged in all over the place

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Everybody rides bikes, so it would seem. So many bikes, it almost makes being a pedestrian a tactical sport. Cars coming from the wrong direction, bikes too, then bikes coming in the other direction, you have to have eyes in the back of your head

Windmill, it doesn't get more Dutch. You know how you have to pinch yourself, I'm in Paris, I'm in London. Then the windmill looms on the horizon and you could be in no other country.

Pink Flamingos

The sun came out and we hurriedly put on our walking shoes, survived the staircase - although appearing to be a normal staircase, the treads do almost follow a spiral staircase pattern and you can be quite dazed at the top, having climbed four floors almost entirely vertically - and scampered outside. We took a section of Amsterdam we hadn't explored and trotted off eagerly. We walked for miles. The sun shone. It was lovely.

We found ourselves on two lovely seats, at the end of a gorgeous piazza, or square, or what do the Dutch call them? A Fingledorphora. The sun shone down and we gazed at a flock of flamingos, there on our chairs under a tree, which dropped dappled light on to our heads.

We had silently gazed at these birds for some time.

I turned to Sam and said, after much contemplation. "Not something you'd expect to see."

"Huh?" says Sam.

"Your pink Flamingo, in the middle of Amsterdam."

Dali, Moco Museum

You can buy Dali's in Harrods

Banksy, Home Sweet Home
He buys paintings from cheap home wears shops and the he modifies them. This one is more in your face than others, some he adds delicate features, or new characters dress in Nazi uniforms. And just because he has added to it, the paining has now gazillionthed in price.
I think they are cool.
Banksy, Moco Museum
Rjiks Museum. It is an amazing building. Just come for the building, if not for the art. It had a closed down for 10 years renovation. It opened again in 2012.