Just About To Piss Yourself

Don't you hate it when you are busting for a piss and the cord in your track pants pulls into a knot, just as you are finally standing in front of the bowl ready to go.

That sense of urgency quickly turns to desperation, as you start pulling at the cord, worried you are about to piss yourself.

OMG! Your hands start to shake. Your knees start to shake. Your mouth goes dry, as you can imagine the warm fluid pooling in the front of your track pants. You think of Stewart, that boy who was always crying in grade 3 with a wet patch on the front of his shorts, you wonder what happened to him?

The knot is tight, like a clenched fist. You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And nothing seems to be working, the knot doesn't want to let go. No movement. Nothing.

All the time, you can't quite see what is stopping it, from the angle you are looking? You neck starts to hurt from the odd strain.

You always knew there was no god, and you didn't need this proof, you think. If there is a purpose to everything, what is the purpose to this?

You pull at it! You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it again.

AH!

You consider getting scissors and cutting the cord.

You consider tearing the front of your track pants open.

You consider just pissing yourself, I mean, how bad could it be? (Fuck it! You have to do washing anyway)

Your fingers ache. Your legs shake. You head spins.

And then it gives. Hallelujah! For no apparent reason. Who cares why. The cord is undone. You can stop imagining the warm trickle of fluid down your inside leg, like you are going to feel when you are 80 years old. Still, no time to linger with the sweet smell of success, you have to get those pants down and step forward and... and... and... ah, the relief. The whole world shifts back into its correct frame, panic stations are over, the alarm ringing in your ears can stop. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thank fuck, you think!