Tuesday, June 27, 2017

When will Tony Abbot ever just shut the fuck up? Mate, when will you realise, you are yesterday's news

Sunday, June 25, 2017

How hard it is? Or do I expect too much?

How hard it is? 

Or do I expect too much?

I ask you?

We have quite a gap under our front door and on these cold days, weeks, quite a breeze blows in and cools the house considerably. The hallway leads to the rest of the house, as you would expect, upstairs and downstairs. So, we have a door sausage that solves the problem neatly and easily. The problem being, the housemates can only manage to push the sausage towards the front door after they come in, most of the time. And in this case, near enough is just not good enough. Somewhere near the gap under the door does not, in fact, stop any of the cold air coming in.

Really, I think, the purpose of the sausage is quite easily to understand. And approximately somewhere near the gap under the door, is obviously not going to work.

Really? Is that too hard a concept to grasp?

Ha ha, just another thing to complain about. Maybe, I need to give sausage lessons?

"Now take your sausage in your hand like this..."

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Just About To Piss Yourself

Don't you hate it when you are busting for a piss and the cord in your track pants pulls into a knot, just as you are finally standing in front of the bowl ready to go.

That sense of urgency quickly turns to desperation, as you start pulling at the cord, worried you are about to piss yourself.

OMG! Your hands start to shake. Your knees start to shake. Your mouth goes dry, as you can imagine the warm fluid pooling in the front of your track pants. You think of Stewart, that boy who was always crying in grade 3 with a wet patch on the front of his shorts, you wonder what happened to him?

The knot is tight, like a clenched fist. You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it! And nothing seems to be working, the knot doesn't want to let go. No movement. Nothing.

All the time, you can't quite see what is stopping it, from the angle you are looking? You neck starts to hurt from the odd strain.

You always knew there was no god, and you didn't need this proof, you think. If there is a purpose to everything, what is the purpose to this?

You pull at it! You pull at it! And you pull at it! And you pull at it again.


You consider getting scissors and cutting the cord.

You consider tearing the front of your track pants open.

You consider just pissing yourself, I mean, how bad could it be? (Fuck it! You have to do washing anyway)

Your fingers ache. Your legs shake. You head spins.

And then it gives. Hallelujah! For no apparent reason. Who cares why. The cord is undone. You can stop imagining the warm trickle of fluid down your inside leg, like you are going to feel when you are 80 years old. Still, no time to linger with the sweet smell of success, you have to get those pants down and step forward and... and... and... ah, the relief. The whole world shifts back into its correct frame, panic stations are over, the alarm ringing in your ears can stop. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thank fuck, you think!

Friday, June 23, 2017

Not This Tired Old Internet Scam Again

4pm my phone rings. Nobody really calls on my home phone any more, except scammers and thieves. The government now collects our metadata, but they don't seem to be able to stop the criminals calling in.

“I’m calling you from the technical support department from your internet provider…”

Oh please, not this tired old scam again? “I’m sorry,” I say, “from where are you calling me?” (just making sure I have heard correctly)

“Telstra. I’m calling you from Telstra. There is a problem with your computer, which I can help you with…”

“I’m not with Telstra…”

“You are, you just don’t realise that you are.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Telstra owns the phone lines,” he says. “Are you in front of your computer? It will take no time to fix.”

These guys are very confident, I have even had one guy tell me that I did have the internet connected, after I told him that I didn’t have it connect.

I have had them argue with me.

“Mate, one day you are going to be caught by the police and you are going to be put in jail and guys bigger than you are going to take turns holding you down and fucking you up the arse…”

Dial tone.

That seemed to fix it.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A First In London

Oh yes, I nearly forgot, I had a first in London. 

Shane, Tuli, Sam and I were walking through East London on our way out to diner, actually a drag show, The Shit Show, at The Glory. We were walking down the middle of the narrow street, when a guy at an intersection, turning the corner on the footpath, stopped and yelled out, "You filthy, homo cunts."

I have never been abused like that in Australia ever in my life. No one has ever yelled abuse at me in Australia for being gay.

We all thought he was a bit of a nutter, but still, it was a first for me.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

I walked around the corner and there was this Ferrari. I think it is something like a 1960 250 GTE. Pristine condition. I have no idea what it would be worth, but it would be
a lot.

Green Ferrari 250 GTE

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Interesting article about homosexuality and Jesus

Philosopher Jeremy Bentham (1748 – 1832) presented Biblical evidence for Jesus’ homosexuality as part of his theological defense for same-sex love in “Not Paul, but Jesus Vol. III.” It was published for the first time in 2013 and is freely available to download or view online. He died on June 6, 1832.