Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I Make The Porridge This Morning

I make the porridge this morning, so there are lots of sultanas... cinnamon, stewed apple and maple syrup, with a milk sauce.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I Got Pot Saturday

I made an Aerosmith Greatest Hits, Deluxe Vocal Mix. I deleted all the really hard rock tracks. It quietens it down, makes in more R&B. I update it with some more resent ballads, and recent singles from iTunes. It's great. I'm obsessed with it. I've got my ear plugs in all day.

“Living on the couch!” Did you see what I did there? “Clever.” I thought it was clever too.

I got pot Saturday.

I was going to go for a walk, but the sky turned black with clouds, at the very thought of going for a walk. I felt a chill up my spine. The weather has taken a turn for the worse. Black clouds blew in. It is freezing in Melbourne today. My fingers are like ice. So are my toes.

Not long after, I pull on my favourite blue hoodie, I head out for a walk for an hour. Steven Tyler singing all the way. Earbuds in. I find headphones too hot to exercise in.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Cable Internet

The cable guy came. He made all sorts of excuses why he couldn't install the cable anywhere but the front wall.

We have to get an electrician to move it, if we want it in another room.

"Is there a story above this?"

"Two."

"What? two?" he repeated. "Are you telling me this house is three stories?"

"Yes." As soon as I said yes, I could see his face change, from the pain he thought he was possibly going to have to go through, to just slithering out of a nightmare job, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, at the last minute. Phew! kind of look. I could see the corners of his mouth crease in pleasure.

He drilled through the front of the house. I’m sure I wasn’t gone a minute. I was out the back, and I heard two whirs of an electric drill. There is so much renovation work going on around us, it is hard to tell from what direction the sound of building work is coming. When I went back into the bedroom, it was done.

"It’ll take 20 minutes to warm up." And he was gone. Just now.

Sam wasn't having any of it, you understand. He called Telstra and complained, the good thing about having a case manager. They agreed to move the connection.

Still, the internet is back on, as fast as you want, it would seem. No, it is much faster than it was.

Free instillation, months of free internet, maybe the pain of not having the internet for those 5 days does seem worth it.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

I Dreamt That My Aspidistras Were Flowering Ply Wood

I dreamt that my aspidistras were flowering, but they were flowering in sheets of ply wood. What does it mean?

I google it – mostly I am seeing if I have spelt aspidistra correctly – I am surprised what else comes up. First of all, it says that the type of flower was important. Yes, well, who can say. Next it says the colour of the flower is significant. What colour is plywood?

Was I giving, or receiving the flowers? Um neither.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, apparently, it's beauty, emotion, or an attempt to make things better.

OMG! Then I come across a post of what dreams about wood mean. It may represent someone with the last name of Wood, or Woods. (raised eyebrows) Dreams about plywood may represent being cheap. (I see) Who cares what dreams mean anyway.

I message Leah to see if she is free during the weekend. She messages back that she is busy. “Good for my bank account.” We pencil in a date for 3 weekends forward. But, I have dared to think about smoking pot. I know it, I can feel it. My usual wings-of-steel against, um, such things had come off maximum power. I can feel it.

I don't have breakfast before we leave home at 10am. “We’ll get something,” says Sam.

I go to Cash Converters and find the two U2 CDs I've been looking for, “Pop”, and “All That You Can't Leave Behind,” however, Northcote Cash Converters charges $3 for each CD and Fitzroy only charges $1. I only buy them because they are $1, that’s my justification. The only use they are to me is to be uploaded into iTunes, otherwise I have Apple Music, which covers everything, Sam continually points out.

And I have bought all the U2 Greatest Hits, all for $1, anyway. I have a tight arse moment, “$6 for CDs I don’t really need, no, the thought of a realist, I don’t really need them... at $6. At $1 for a whole album, that is cheaper than one track on iTunes.

We go to Northcote plaza, it has always been a miserable fucking dump, and once we can find the way in, every doorway looks like sewer, we head to Aldi. I’ve always thought that was telling about Northcote Plaza, never being able to find the way in. What does that say? Even Aldi looks cheap and that takes some doing.
All the PS4s are sold, “Sold out in the first hour, luv,” says Maddison manning the checkout.

Sam says that is curious. “They weren’t all that cheap, not really.”

None of the cafes/restaurants are open for food yet, up High Street, it is still not midday. So, I still haven’t eaten.

We go to the pet food shop, we park right out in front. We buy Buddy his chow. We change back to the original brand, BlackHawk. The cute son is there, he always says hello. It is worth going just to get that hello out of that handsome boy.

Buddy has been getting fat, everybody has commented. Even dogs get fat-shamed now a days. Has it been since we changed brands? Could be? It is worth a shot.

So, of course, we are close to the Preston Market. “We might as well go grocery shopping.” I look at Sam, easy for you to say, I think, Mr perpetually chauffer driven. Still no food. Sam gets out, as soon as we turn into the Preston Market car park, leaves me in the line of traffic, he wants to go to Aldi to look for a play station we’ll never use.

“But it can play Blu-Ray.”

“Which we never watch,” we carol together.

I stop in the far parking lot lane right at the beginning, and just wait, my usual Preston Market routine. Someone always eventually goes, otherwise it is a shit fight just driving around and around, missing car spot after car spot. I’ve been waiting five minutes, when a guy in a blue Corolla pulls in in front of me. People go to a car a bit further along. The guy in the blue Corolla backs up to the front of my car and puts his indicator on. I still haven’t eaten. Sam arrives back at the car. I toot the blue Corolla. He puts his hand out the window and waves me passed. People go to a car further along again. I think fuck it, and pull passed him to take the second car spot. Those people deposit something in their car and walk away. The first car backs out. I try to back up and reclaim the spot, before the blue Corolla, but it is useless. He steals my car park, I still haven't eaten. He gets his kid out of the back of his car, then he walks passed our open car window.

I tell him that he is everything that is wrong with the world, "I hope you never complain about selfish cunts in this world, mate,” I say.

“I didn’t know you were waiting for the car spot,” he says. “You didn’t have your blinker on.”

“You can’t be serious,” I say through the open passenger window. “What do you think I was doing?”

He offers to move his car in the smarmy-git way he’d done everything else. I don't believe him and tell him to, "fuck off!"

I go to Cash Converters to see the price of their CDs, more than a dollar, “Herumph!” I gaze at the DVDs, as I turn to walk out, I see the 5th season of Weeds, out of the corner of my eye, what are the chances of that?

The CDs, I want? The DVD, I want?

Sam is already in the dumpling eatery across the street.

I slump down in the chair. There is a small Asian girl at the next table who is talking incessantly. I look at Sam. He looks at me. I go to the toilet. I look in the dirty mirror, I am unshaven. I have toothpaste around the corners of my mouth, I have a white head pimple on my chin, and I have hairs hanging out of my nose. I was once beautiful, I think, as I grab the nose hairs between two finger nails and pull.

They are slow with the food.

There is a small Asian girl at the next table who is talking incessantly, I mean like a dement little cunt, she never stops.

“Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah! Bah!” I am not exaggerating, that is literally what she is saying, at one point.

I plot her death. I think it involves smashing her forehead into the polished concrete floor, or a toothless parolee in a public toilet.

The food comes for me, and the kid. We are both quietened down, me mentally, she verbally.

The food makes me nicer, quickly. Sugar levels return to joyous.

She really is a beautiful kid. I kind of feel sorry for her when I notice both her parents are staring down at their phones and ignoring her completely.


Friday, July 21, 2017

Like I Was A Lamington Having Just Been Rolled In Coconut.


I've had a bout of dry lips just lately. When I wake up in the morning I can feel the ridge of dead skin cells around both my lips. So, I have taken to having a tin of Blistex, actually, I think it is called Calmex, whatever, next to my bed. First thing, as soon as I wake up, I grab the tub and I wipe the cream on my lips. I can feel the dead skin particles coming away on my finger with each wipe around, top and bottom. This morning, I padded down stairs with Buddy, Milo was standing on the arm of the couch waiting for us and I picked him up and pushed my face into his fur and kissed him. I ended up with a layer of cat fur stuck to my face, like I was a lamington having just been rolled in coconut.


I’m in the cafĂ© around the corner eating French Brioche toast with berries and mascarpone cream and drinking coffee, which is quite nice, despite the fact I can now create a hotspot on my mobile phone and use the internet at home, any excess charges I may incur with that Telstra is going to refund, which is nice.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Telstra is Rubbish!

We are switching to Telstra cable internet. (Because the NBN is not scheduled for our area any time soon, thanks Canberra) Big communications company, you'd think it would be easy? Ah no! Telstra has stuffed up every part of the change over right from when they first started the procedure. Every part of the monthly cost and billing they have got wrong, requiring constant phone calls to them to clarify the situation. And now? Well, the cable was to be installed the morning of 24th July, and the phone was to be transferred no later than 7pm on 24th July. Easy. Except, Telstra despite written conformation to the contrary, transferred the phone yesterday, which meant our old internet connection was cut off, five days before our new internet connection is connected. And no, there is nothing they can do about us now not having internet for 5 days. Sorry.

I'm now sitting in the cafe around the corner. I can't spend $30 on breakfast every day for the next five days, that is just ridiculous.

It was lovely in the cafe, until a woman came and sat behind, who proceeded to call everyone she knew. Even with my headphones on I can still hear her.

Oh yes, I forgot to add, when they transferred the phone, it didn't even work. So when I tried to call to complain, I couldn't.


Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Cable Internet

I was doing my favourite thing, making digital collections of my favourite singers on iTunes, Cyndi Lauper, Bee Gees, Kate Ceberano, Simply Red…

when [my current internet provider] sent me an email saying that my Internet cancellation was being processed. I called [my current internet provider] to find out what the hell they were talking about? Telstra, in yet another stuff up concerning the cable internet installation, [we’re getting cable internet installed, as it is much faster, and enables us to watch high def movies on our new hi def TV] had requested the cancellation as they had transferred the phone over today, instead of on 24th July when the cable was to be installed, leaving us without internet for 5 days.

Phone calls to Telstra ensued… lots of on-hold music…

…and two hours later, we filed a complaint with Telstra’s cable instillation department. Laughably, we were told that the complaints department would get in touch within five days.