New Year's Day

The party was full of flirty boys. All of them, everyone. Actually, it made it so easy to tell the straight boys from the gay boys. My crotch watching worked a dream. I danced, for pretty much, the whole night getting lots of smiles… before I danced off into the dark.

I got a bit over it by 6am because my feet got sore. I wonder if that was the shoes I was wearing, or if it was the walk I did, Friday night. Not sure. Then there was a little procrastination regarding the leaving. We were leaving at 6am, everybody seemed to be ready but couldn’t get their acts together. And by the time it was decided, it was 6.45 so then the decision was to stay to stumps, 7am.

Now don’t get me wrong, my sore feet were the only reason that I was ready to leave. Annoying sore feet. I didn’t want to stay till 7am, throb, throb.

Oh, and the Led Zeppelin song the DJ was playing at the end. How many people said, You know what, I like this song but I can’t dance to it.

I chatted to Nick Hill, towards the end, which was nice.

D, Wendy, Mark W., Shane and I got to Perry and Wesley’s about 7.30am. D drove. Perry, Wesley, Christopher C., Suzy, Mark and Sharnie, Josh O’Grady and Craig Beaman were there.

You know, the usual suspects, pretty much.

I’ve never really thought about Craig (Beaman) being sexy and handsome before. I mean, I guess I have, but without any consequence, if you know what I mean. I always just thought of him as Josh’s boyfriend, in a sense. Kind of… not really, but I’m sure you get my point. I’m not sure what has changed. He’s had his long hair cut off, which would make a big difference to me, as I don’t really think of long hair on boys as sexy. Maybe, he’s a little older. He’s quite possibly put on a tiny bit of weight. Whatever?

The light steamed in through the French doors all morning. Gold, broken, bright, sublime light. A gentle day, things were sideways, don't get me wrong, but gently so. No stress, no demands, just relax.

As Craig sat at the table, he looked like a super-model, with his legs resting up on the table, practically lying out flat. His shirt was open at the bottom exposing his bare stomach, the bulge in his jeans was fantastic, big and round. He looked sexy and beautiful. I couldn’t help sneaking peaks at him, or more to the point, sneaking peaks at the gorgeous bulge in his pants. I was captivated. I tried not to let him see that I was looking at him, but after I while, I decided that I didn’t care if he saw. Then I just looked unashamedly.

The conversation was quite lively around the table, I was having trouble keeping up, let me tell you. So it was easy for me to look wherever I wanted, as nobody was really taking any notice. Well, that’s what I think, that’s what drug-fucked head games allow me to think. I have no idea really. Maybe they all noticed, maybe I'm as obvious as dog's balls, who knows… but my feeling is that they didn’t.

I have a new vow, if I am playing with somebody, discreetly, the best way to stop it being obvious is to always look at the person who is speaking. That way I get to look quite significantly around the room and still get to gaze at whatever I want in between.

Perry notices when I play with Wesley, I think. I often look to Perry to see how intent and fixed his inquiring look is, so as to judge my own. He never misses if I’m gazing at someone. Sharp as a drugged out tack.

Craig was sitting along from me to the left with someone in between he and I, not sure who now. So he had to look in my direction as he chatted to whoever it was, whenever they spoke.

And then he was looking at me, out of the corner of his eye as he chatted to whoever. He’d noticed me looking. His face flushed the faintest hue of red – just a slight glow – but it was the eyes that gave it away – intent, fixed, staring, with a flush of wantonness, maybe the slightest hint of a smile. Oh yes, he’d noticed my admiration. And from where I was sitting, adrenalin rushing in my bloodstream and his bloodstream, withstanding, he didn’t mind at all. I mean, what gay boy minds being admired, especially when he’s on the max. I could say that he was quite taken with it, but, of course, that is just my reality, got to remember. Could be dodgy, sure. But, he was distracted from the conversation, looking over at me intently, as he chatted. He kept his eye on me as my eyes slipped down to his magnificent bulge and back up to his gaze again. He was watching as I did.

Craig and Josh retired to their bedroom not long after that. As Craig passed me by, he squeezed my shoulder and said, “I’ll see you later.”

Nice, but you know, I don’t play with couples, just not my thing anymore. I want the other person all to myself, now a days. Besides, Josh is a good friend.

It was just nice to see the look in Craig's eyes, it didn't have to be more than that.

Tom arrived soon after. We talked and laughed. Nobody makes me laugh like Perry does. We played music. We danced. We talked shit in the sun.

Suzy cracks me up to. She looks like she’d spend her days in the welfare office and in reality she has a doctorate in something and lectures at uni.

Christopher C is gorgeous. Always interesting. Dry funny.

D’s funny too. Always a story.

Craig came out and sat next to me as he rolled a j. We chatted and his attitude had seemed to change towards me, for the better. More interested. He sat with his legs up and that bulge was on full, glorious display. I sneaked sideways looks and was careful not to let him see me looking again, that just seemed tacky, you know, after he has had his fill.

Tom retired to Craig and Josh’s bedroom.

D and I left some time after midday, I wanted to see Manny. I should have stayed, as I didn’t see him until 10pm, instead of wasting my time in bed with porn for the afternoon. Oh well.

I went to bed pretty soon after I got home. The time went fast. I don’t know if I dozed, or if I just got into that quiet, still, space where one just stops and rests, without ever falling asleep - drifting in the haze. I don’t think I slept much.

I spoke to Manny around 7pm and he said he was leaving the house to go to Club 80, after which he was coming to my place, so he said. I told him just to come straight to my place.

Then I heard Ab and Rob arrived home, so I relaxed and must have drifted off to sleep. The next thing I saw was Manny’s handsome face smiling at me, his gorgeous eyes gazing down at me. I grabbed him and kissed him and pulled his clothes off.