Boris' Holidays

Boris is going on holidays, 6 weeks off to visit her mother back in the home country. However, she can only go if I agree to cover certain critical roles. When she first suggested it back in 2019 when she was first planning the trip, before the pandemic hit, I agreed that I would. “Sure, no problem.”

But, you know, life has happened since then, and the buzz of me being a new kid has certainly worn off, and a certain amount of jadedness has settled in, certainly around the edges. There have been a few instances where I have got the blame for stuff and while I have been exonerated on nearly all accounts, well, I’m sure it has gone a long way to me feeling as though I am not thought of as highly as I once was.

Boris wants to further her career, and gets bonus’ as a manager. I just want the quiet life and don’t get bonus’ as I am not a manager. My 3 day a week job just keeps my bank account topped up so I don’t ever have to think about it. Boris wants the responsibility, I don’t. I have learned working in the corporate world, unless you are a ‘yes’ man and willing to tow the line to the nth degree, if you keep your head above the parapet for too long the most likely outcome is that you will get it kicked in.

So, when Boris asked me if I’d fill in this time, I responded with, 

“I don’t feel as though I am thought of highly in the company, and that doing more hours in that environment I don’t feel is in my best interests any longer, so I would have to decline.” Or something like that.

Boris called me right up, telling me that I wasn’t thought of badly in the company and that she didn’t want me to feel that way. And somehow, I had an attack of the team players (Jesus Fuck!) and somehow at the end of that conversation I'd agreed to do a very limited role, two functions only, so she could go away on holidays. 

And I have been kicking myself ever since. I don’t want to do it! But, I like Boris and I didn’t want to be the reason she couldn’t go on holidays, which is totally ridiculous, now that I think about it, as they could have got a temp from anywhere to do the job, (they could have done whatever, really, what do I care) stupid me. I am cross with myself for caving in.

It means that I have to work 5 days. It means I have to return to the office, for at least part of the time. And I have to be responsible to everyone during that time. I don’t want to do it. I am an idiot.

So, you can well understand how I felt when Boris sent me a list of all of the functions in her role that I would have to cover. 

Ah, no, I thought. (actually, my reaction was much, much stronger than that, however) I emailed her back saying, “I thought I only agreed to do [function A] and [function B]?”

She conceded that was what we agreed. And has made arrangements for those functions to be completed by other people. (or is in the process of)

I have held that position firmly since. (Because I am sorry I agreed to any of this stupid me)

Perhaps, I am just a whiner? No. This is the only place I spew all this stuff out. I do tell some close friend’s snippets of this, I’m not really good at small talk, but most I just keep it to myself, other than here. 

I watch people and their small talk and I see that most people just tell the same details over and over again, in social settings. I find once I have told it once, I am just boring myself if I repeat it to the next person. Small talk is done best by people who find themselves endlessly fascinating. My friend David is a master at it.