Rush

Troye Silvan's Rush. I'm surprised that I think it is such a great song. Yeah sure, I do. 

And then there is the film clip. Wow. That was my life in the 1990s. 

I miss those days. No, really I do, when I see them, when I think about them. They were fun. They were living, those days. They were real. Such friendship, such camaraderie, such fun, like we were a part of something, and we were a part of something, which was great. The big dance party scene. It was freedom. It was expression. It was a whole weekend of togetherness.

The conspiratorial nature of what we were doing. The clandestine feeling of being 'the other.' Slipping away out of sight to indulge in Bacchanalian pleasure which was semi secret, beyond the boundaries of normal people in normal society. The hours spent dancing. The heaving crowd. The sexy bodies. The contorted faces all trying to smile, probably all thinking they were smiling.

Having more fun than we deserved.

We took pills before we went out, which was usually some time after 11pm. We'd take more pills somewhere around 1am, then 3amish, 6 am, then like 10am, or to head home under the influence of. In the beginning it was half pills, in the end it was whole pills, but not normally more than a whole at once.

Sunday would vanish as though it no longer existed in the week.

And we'd be thrown against the ground in a hard dump Monday morning to head to work. 

Or, in my case, during most of that period, I used to work Saturday night until 11pm'ish and often I wouldn't work again until Tuesday afternoon, but not always. It made not difference to the feeling of smashing into the working week with a thud and a creek when you had to scrub up and go.

To all of our credit, we all kept our day jobs going during that period.

That film clip brings it all back.