I don't feel anything. I feel numb. It's like it has all just stopped, that very moment in musical chairs when the tune is shut off. That moment of silence when you are still racing, about to make a run for it.
Everything has stopped.
It's like my brain hasn't caught up yet. I still catch myself thinking I need to iron a shirt. Or, I think I shouldn't be sitting up watching The Late Show. I shouldn't be watching a movie in the afternoon. I still feel that anxiousness. I still feel as though there is something else I should be doing.
Total freedom makes me edgy.
I think it's because we are all taught to work for the future. We are trained to look to tomorrow and security. The govt even takes 9% because, even though we are going to slog our guts out all our lives, there is going to be no one to look after us when we need to have someone wipe the shit off our arses.
I can't relax, just yet. It's the silent scream.
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