Stop This Crazy Talk

Oh, my dirty secret about Tony Abbott? The one I admitted to Shane one night late on vodka and pot. 

"You know, sometimes, when I look at him, I find I can have dirty thoughts about him, before I check myself, before I pull myself up."

"What?" slurred Shane, from his slumped position on the other couch.

"It just happens, before I know it, first sight and all."

"You fancy..." he looked like he'd rather vomit than repeat what he, incredulously, took my point to mean.

"He's a good looking man."

"Tony Abbott?" Big eyes and expression.

"Funnily enough, only in his suit, never in the Lycra business. He looks a dick on the beach. But shirt and ties, in a suit, some of them fit him mighty fine, he looks healthy, physical, as they say, fit."

"He is Satan personified!"

"He's got big dick attitude."

"May I remind you of his political theories."

"Cute smile, even if, oddly, I find his laugh quite distracting."

"You must stop this crazy talk." Shane sat up on the couch and gave me his full gaze. "Tony Abbott is not cute and you must never talk of this again."

"I'd like to be staring him in the eye, as I undid the fly to his suit."

Just to see all of his catholic guilt well in his eyes. I'm sure it's suit, school uniform, school days, welling guilt. Most likely.

"People have been asked to leave this house and live else where for such heresy." Shane said. "By you... but it's your house."

"I'd like to slide his suit pants down over his arse. He's super fit. Great body."

Shane had put his fingers in his ears.

"Of course, the moment he spoke, it would be all over. That voice, that laugh. There is something slightly insane about it. It's not hot. He'd tell me what he thought, I'd go soft."

Shane had his fingers in his ears and was making la la noises.

Shane's the only person I ever told. Just sometimes, when I look at him, caught off guard quite possibly. You know, that oo! in the pit of your stomach. Shane grimaced.

I tried to broach it with Sam, but the look on his face even at the merest suggestion, was enough to tell me not to proceed. He looked like some one had just taken a crap on his hand, at the suggestion that Tony Abbott might be sexy.