Wednesday, May 08, 2013

The Loves of My Life

Alex, Leah, Anthony, Mark, Lauri, Luke, Josh, Manny, Sam.

My significant partners in life. Have I forgotten anyone? No, that's it. I'm good with my ex's, unlike people I hear about. I wonder what it would be like to line them all up in a room, in police-line-up style and see what they all have to say about me?

Alex is dead, I don't know how he died? The vice captain of the school and the captain of the footy team who hit on me in year 11. It was quite a cliche really. He went off and got married and I lost contact with him. One day, I am sure, I will find out what happened to him. I often find, those sorts of things come to me, often in the most unsuspected ways. Sexy Alex, lovely Alex. I would guess his death had something to do with the stress of living a double life, as that boy was very keen on gay sex, let me tell you.

I have a half planned out, somewhat written novel about our school boy love. I guess I should pull it out and dust it off and write some more.

I'm not speaking to Leah, she turned into a judgemental bitch and a pain in the arse, more recently, and I just decided that I just didn't have to listen to her any longer. I think that's what moving to Sydney to mix with the corporate elite does for you. I never told her that I was walking away, I just stopped talking to her. Last year she sent me a birthday card saying it felt funny that we were, seemingly, no longer speaking. But, even then, she couldn't help herself and in her closing, again, she cast judgement on my life. I am sure she doesn't even realise. Of course, I'll talk to her again, we were teenage sweethearts, we will patch things up and we will be fine. She is scheduled, at a date yet to be decided, to cop a mouthful from me, I can assure you. (as I probably will from her) I was a little beaten down by her constant criticism, I'm not really sure why now, but now I am not, both barrels are loaded and ready.

I'm tempted to get the Alex issue out of the way with Leah, while we are somewhat estranged. She was okay with me being gay as long as she knew that the men came after her and not before and I lied and assured her that it was true. But, it is essentially true, as my big gay sensibility certainly didn't happen until after she and I had split up. However, it has been a guilty secret for me, as we developed into great friends over the years and I thought it was something that I should own up to... on many occasions.

Lauri moved overseas and we don't talk much anymore, but we are still friends... I guess. The two of us have grown apart and he has a new boyfriend who I have always got along with on a personal level, but he bought that all undone with some rather unwarranted and mean criticism of Mark, someone who he has never met. As all of my friends know... well, not so much close friends, you understand, as they all love Mark... but the rest, if you criticise Mark around me, it will not go well for you. Clearly, laugh, it was a memo Leroy didn't get.

Oh... I'm not talking to Josh either. Actually, I'm not talking to Manny, either. Oh, and I thought I was so good with all of my ex's.

Josh tried to use me, bot off me once too often and we cut ties. Sadly, the final time, he probably really needed my help. But, he'd made a habit of it and that final time I said no. It was a classic case of the boy who cried wolf once too often. I only realise that now, as at the time I was very disappointed in him and angry that he would try it yet again. Pity, really. He lives in Germany now, so shrug. I expect we will never reconcile.

But, I will always be grateful to Josh, for coming into my life like a whirling, spinning mass of colour and movement and picking me up and taking me out of my long, far too long, sadness about splitting up with Mark.

Manny dumped me over the phone for Vinnie... as I watched an Anna Nicole Smith Special on TV, as it turned out. He called just as it started and I was a little distracted as he gave me the news... and I was slow on the uptake of what he was saying. I, rather unbelievably, asked him to repeat what he had just said, as I wasn't, exactly listening.
He called me recently, saying he and Vinnie had split up wanting he and I to get back together again. He called three times, I didn't reply to his calls. Ah, Manny, I thought. Sweet Manny, have a good life, won't you, as I deleted the messages from my answering machine.

Okay, well, that is less than a 50% success rate, in a sense. Anthony, Mark and Luke are fine. Anthony struggles a little with life, after having mental health issues for most of the 2000's, a direct result of the drug taking we all indulged in in the 1990's, but essentially, he is good, even if now he struggles with alcohol. 

Funny, now that I think about them all, they have all been beautiful, handsome, from Alex to Sam. I have always had attractive partners. I guess, Josh, maybe the exception, but, maybe, I am just being a bitch. He was, is, one of the smartest people I have ever known, though.

And, of course, Sam is the loveliest, naturally.

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