Walking The Dogs

As we cross over King William Street, as we approach the Blue Chilli Café there is a possum on the footpath, I don’t know, 20 metres in front of us. (I have no idea, really, but not right in front of us, some way ahead of us) 

There is a lesbian couple sitting at the tables outside the Blue Chili Café and one of them looks very concerned about the possum with two Bulldogs coming down Brunswick Street. She reminded me of James Garner. 

I’m not at all sure what she thought I was going to let the bulldogs do? Tear the possum apart in front of them? Presumably? Why else would we have switched over to panic stations, I ask you? 

Anyway, she gets up like the Bionic Man and starts to run up Brunswick Street towards us. I could almost hear the Steven Austin music start to play, I wanted to laugh. No, seriously? Get a grip you idiot. 

A moment later, the possum turns, it may, or may not have spotted the bulldogs, and runs up the nearest tree. I'm not at all sure the bulldogs even saw it.

Bruno, Otto and I stopped at the Blue Chili to drink some water from the dog bowl provided at the front door. The lesbians are sitting right outside the front door. The girlfriend reminded me of Harvey Keitel. 

I chat to some guy waiting in the doorway who says that Bulldogs were the original Looney Tunes hero. I say something like, “Hey he’s my hero, my hero.” The guy and I laugh. 

The guy says, “Anything you want, Spike, anything you want.” We both laugh again.

Bruno, having finished drinking, shakes his head and multiple Catherine Wheels of juicy bulldog saliva – oh, come on, it is most just excess fresh water from around his big gob – fly through the air covering the lesbians, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, who, both sitting right next to the dog bowl, visibly recoil.

I say, “Oh yes, sorry, they do do that.” I tug on the dog leads and make a clear get away with the Bulldogs, for once in their non-working dog lives, setting off with me just as quick. 

Thank the universe for that legendary lesbian sense of humour? (Oh come on, it’s funny) is all I can think.