from Josh

Well who would have thort that. We'll have to call him Sharen/Sharon for all that. Did they meet in Comaland?

Wonderful news, I was sending prepare yourself messages to you and Tommy you can do whatever you like messages. And you had this cute little optimistic positivism – he he he: you'll be good in a tight fit, so to speak. I reckon you did it right.

Well, you can tell him I have been doing some serious wanking for his benefit. For the least weekend I have dedicated every wank to Tom – sending him this bit of energy and that. After all, it's life forces isn't it? I didn't exactly say 'take THAT' every time I had to go down on my knees and wipe up biological genetic data, but the thought was definitely across my mind (and the keyboard, down the table legs, across the monitor) as I squirted away. A good cause! Nurgh!

We have been very sociable – going to clubs, saunas, dancing. It's because we have Netto the Brazilian (who lives in Portugal) with us. He's a bed and breakfaster I found and like a German guy (who was straight) we had a year ago, he's really nice and we get on really well. He's here to learn some more German and pays the rent (well, bits thereof) and is someone Bern can play sport with and who can drag us out and with whom we feel comfortable. He's very friendly, very good looking and gay. When we went out I was: recouping the New Year's dance that didn't happen; having a Tommy and Chris dance for your New Years, and also thinking, this is what Tom would recommend. It was great to dance with Bern who is being molto sweet and Bern-Dulyish.

Did I tell you we went to a gaylesbo egg/sperm thing? It was a bit full on – I don't reckon much'll come from it but we have been looking at the kid-option as Bern has been making some movement on it. I still find that I don't have any biological urge but I could well assist a single girlfriend and be involved happily that way, and quite involved. But I don't NEED a kid, much less one that is MINE or from ME. Maybe the deal though is that that's how you're supposed to feel. Dunno.

I have been playing with the idea of coming back for say 3-4 months in your next Summer, say November or so. Even of working somewhere in Aust in that time in something short term. But at any rate, spending some extended time in the motherland. In a good mood, in summer. So that is my added impulse to quit. But there is another one – I feel a bit of the urge to do some serious shitkicking. Do you know the Australian government has instructed Australian embassies to REFUSE to issue the required statements of singlehood/unmarried status to AUSTRALIAN citizens (as EU law for eg requires) if the Australian CITIZEN is going to enter into a gay/lesbian partnership – something perfectly legal in other countries? I just have to do something about my anger about that. Rant RANT RANT is all I can come up with and speechlessness. This, locking up refugees in concentration camps and handing over crown land leases to Cockies to circumscribe Mabo are rock bottom appalling and what have I done about it? At least some demos would do something for my wrathened soul.

Such good news about Tommy – yes, he can get better thank you very much. I'm looking forward to playing with him some more thank you very much.

My Mum wants me to take time to become a writer and illustrator. This is somewhat intimidating as I can imagine what it takes to start.

Bought “Loaded” on DVD the other day so some mooning about Melbourne mentally has been done. The extras were good except that they do wank on about how clever and talented they are and how hot Alex Dimitriades is and it's true he gave an awesome performance but it's just been Blue Heelers since (or Water Rats?) and that's been it, hey? I wanted to hear a lot more about the actress who played the little sister etc etc and less about the dichotomy of abstracted real desires to integrate and yet reject all that the straitjacket of his greekness represents bollocks bollocks buckets of spew etc. But hey, I'm not the director...

Well I imagine you've had a bit of a rough time – remember Nurses have seen it all and have hearts of gold and who cares – if you wanna whisper ANYTHING to Tom about ANYTHING (like Sister Dierdre has a Wingwhang, particularly things like that, then you do so. You can even do it from me!

Cheers Big One, then,

Am glad about the news,

Josh

I left home late. I had to catch the tram. I had to run for it, in fact. Oh, that moment I dread, when I come around the end of my street and I look in the direction of where the trams comes from to see a tram coming, it’s early, and I have just had breakfast and I am just getting used to stepping one foot in front of the other, and I have to accelerate like a rocket ship and if I am to have any chance of catching the tram at the stop lets say 100 metres down to the street. It can be done, but I have to suddenly run as fast as I can. When I get to the tram door behind whoever it is still getting on, my lungs are threatening to shred and explode out my mouth, like the cherry scene out of The Witches of Eastwick, except in this instance it would be bodily tissue hitting all those punters inside the tram door. And then I stand inside the tram gasping for breath like I am not going to make it. It’s a hell of a way to say good morning to the world.

SMS. 8.35. Hey Ben, Tom came out of his coma y’day & is, apparently, talking & complaining, so it’s all good – Christian

SMS. 8.35. Excellent! Tell him to shut up and sit still and get better. Feel free to slap – Ben

SMS. 8.53. That’s fantastic news. LOVE the fact that he’s complaining. I sat & watched Pride & Prejudice with Jan, hard to believe, I know! – Rachel

Mario was on the tram, the cute, wog, boy from level 30. I think he may have avoided me when we entered 600 and headed for the lift. He dawdled behind and didn’t turn up at the lifts until my lift door was closing. Oh, maybe I have perved at him for a second too long. Maybe he caught me checking out his arse. It’s a fine arse. Maybe, I am still short on oxygen from my sprint to the tram stop and I am semi delirious and he didn’t even see me and his tardiness has nothing to do with me? Who can say? Who cares? He could be so lucky that I look at his tush… lasciviously. Ha ha. Don’t you love that word? Lasciviously. I see a huge mouth drooling buckets of saliva and spital over its chin with it dripping down to its feet, drip, drip, drip. I see huge red lips. I see a huge pink tongue. I see an unbroken stare. I see a giant, pudding of a hand come up and wipe the thick mucus from its lips and tongue with one giant swipe, without breaking the unyielding stare, not even for a millisecond. Mario could be so fucken lucky that someone would even take a millisecond of such interest.

SMS. 10.27. Dinner? U could be my accountant – Rachel

Pretty boys all in a row. The food court was full of them. Blonde ones, dark ones and in between ones. Meters of dark material draped over round arses and nicely plump bulges. Adam, the tradie, talking on his mobile out in Little Bourke Street, nice round arse, a bulge and blues eyes, all in the right places.

SMS. 17.13. I want 2 go 2 Mr Wolf (pizza joint in St Kilda) for dinner, how about it? – Rachel

SMS. 17.16. Sure – Christian

SMS. 17.16. What time suits u? I am about 2 walk Billie then have a glass of wine or maybe the other way around – Rachel

SMS. 17.19. Tonight? – Christian

SMS. 17.17. Yeah – Rachel

SMS. 17.35. I booked under alias Rachel 8-8.15 – Rachel

I visited Tom after work. To The Alfred down Punt Road to Prahran.

Thor, the electrical contractor in Punt Road smiled at me. Funny, as I’d been looking at a picture on my computer, before I left, on the front of whose T-shirt it looked like Thor was written. I thought that I’d like a boy with Thor written on his T-shirt, just before I left home. I pulled back a bit thinking it was all in my mind, but, in hindsight, he was flirting, no doubt about that.

Tom is out of I.C.U. and back in 7 East. He looked fine, all things considered. He had on a breathing mask and had a couple of minor tubes in his nose and his lips were scabby, I guess from the tubes having been glued. He didn’t seem to have the energy to form long sentences or complex thought patterns, but the old Tom spark did return to his eye briefly, once.

He said he learned that he shouldn’t wait for so long before he calls an ambulance, if there is a next time. He said he nearly died and that he got a fright and that he didn’t want to die.

I only stayed five minutes, or so, before he said he was too tired and had to sleep.

SMS. 19.44. Tom said thank u for your luv & thoughts, but he’s not up to seeing you for 3 or 4 days. He is too weak – Christian

SMS. 19.48. He’s very frail. I only stayed a few minutes, before he was too tired – Christian

I had dinner with Rachel at Mr Wolf Pizza, in Inkerman Street.

SMS. 20.18. What a little pussy :) x – Aby

Nicolas and I smoked bongs until late. It doesn't take me long to get the hang of pulling a bong. You just have to relax your throat. We get into that continual packing of the bong so easily. they end up going down really easily.