The walk into the CBD was brisk. Clear my head, bring me too.
I get there thinking this is a temporary assignment, for a few months, maybe longer, while they recruit somebody new. Easy. Knock it over in 30 minutes. (Short meeting, long lunch, sweetie)
I pretty soon realise this was a permanent role, and it was full time. What the fuck? I'm a bit stunned by this turn of events. I am also a bit stoned still, I realise. So that clearly isn't good, I remember thinking to myself. (I didn't mention that bit to Sam, as you may understand) I realised I, perhaps, hadn't sobered up quite enough, when I attempted a joke, near the beginning, and it went south very fast, my mouth started running on. I just stopped telling it, nobody noticed, we were still in the get-to-know-you, still smiling at everything, stage.
I fully concentrated after that.
I got it back to 3 days, really smartly, I was straight on to that, the finance director was taken back for a minute, I saw the flicker in his eye. The rest of the time, I was thinking, so I get the dud colleague, in a job that is undefined, with no handover person, and I don't want to do it... and it is for the rest of my fucking life. What could go wrong? says Christian as he looks from Beck to [name of finance director] We're all talking as though we are going to knock this over in 30 minutes. I thought I was filling in for a couple of months? How did our communication go so horribly wrong on that one?
We went out to lunch afterwards. I was still a bit stunned into silence, bunny in the head lights, the full bit. I was being very careful to be chatty, I could have slumped into the "stares", very easily by that stage.
Everybody is excited to see me back.
Yes, it will be rich and real, I think.
I walked home up Collins Street, still dazed and forlorn. Oh, how did I get myself into that? Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. I just had my life where I wanted it. Well, almost, you know. Who knows?