Is This Going To Keep Happening?

I told Sam over lunch that I am going down to Phillip Island with Tim and Nicholas at the weekend and that I would probably smoke some pot.

I kind of felt guilty that I wasn't inviting him. But, you know, all in good time.

He emailed me in the afternoon and said he couldn't continue having a relationship with a smoker.

He emailed me later in the afternoon and asked me to tell him that he'd made the right decision. I told him to look deep inside himself and he would find the answer.

So, I bought a packet of cigarettes on my way home and sat on a seat on the footpath, in the cold, at the top of Bourke Street and smoked one,  feeling what it was like to be dumped... again.

My first cigarette in how long? Is that irony?

I laughed at myself when I thought, I'm giving up on men. Then I stood up, took hold of my brief case firmly by the handle and headed home.

Last night, I tossed the cigarettes in the fire when he text me later, asking if I was stoned, or smoking? The cigarettes went in the fire just before I answered no.

He text me quite a few times wanting to know if I understood his decision?

 
If you don't want to, you don't want to, for whatever reason, I'm cool with that, I said. I feet sad about it, to be truthful, but I can't make you feel in a certain way.

I thought, for a boy who wants to dump me, has dumped me, you seem to be keeping up contact. Under other circumstances, I would have found it adorable.