52 Pick Up

It did my head in today. It. The easy little job out in the burbs, it shouldn’t have been hard. And it wasn’t. But it was my first day, which is always slow. And it is nerve racking what I do, going in and picking up the work blind… what is that awful piece of corporate speak that falls from the over-made-up lips of HR girls and employment agents? Oh yes, hit the ground running. And I’m expected not to make any mistakes, in fact, I’m expected to do a faultless job. I’m also expected to enhance my own reputation with my own company in the process.
Dreamer Christian. The boy who filled his head with make believe, who chased rainbows rather than reality. The boy who could play with a balloon on a stick quite happily all afternoon, or prod leaf clogged drains in rain-flooded gutters making the water flow without a care, now goes into offices and “does the books.” Serious look. Very important.

It makes me laugh, when I think about it. How did that happen?

It took too long today and that always makes me feel useless and inept. But, you know, I sat with the permanent person for three hours a fortnight ago and I’ve been working at another company in between, is it any wonder I am a little slow when I come back to it. But, that thought doesn’t help to make me feel any more competent, you know.

And – to contradict it all – I was so relaxed I didn’t swan in until after 10.30.

I’ve just got to remember that it is always going to feel like playing 52 pick up. It is never going to feel relaxed and easy. That is just the way it is. But, you know, I’m good at scrambling around and pulling it all together. Today, fleetingly, I felt like I was not going to get it done, shiver, I’m not going to get it finished, it’s all going to morph into pooh. But then, eventually, the two white ears appear out of the rim of the top hat and pretty soon I’m handing over the bunny and reaching for my satchel and car keys.

I can always pick it when Anthony has had a day on the sauce, you know, because I am a genius.

Hi , the safest place for me to be right now is in bed , however i am cooking chichecin kiev and vevgies by requist , am i going to makr it thrtr 40 mins to go thamk god for ciggs . love you lots A(nthony)xxxx