Monday

Monday, what can I say? The most hated day of the week. Nyr? Whatever man? It is like your aunt's tongue at Xmas, or herpes at Mardi Gras, it's almost impossible to avoid.

I had to deal with the usual number of cranks, misfits and incompetents, but, you know, that's not just Monday, let's be real. And since I am still doing it from the comfort of my own home, how bad can it be.

Sam bought some really powerfully scented hand wash for the kitchen, so at least we smell nice for the horror amongst days.

I say that this hand wash has some powerful shit in it, as all I need to complete the picture is some satin sheets and a water bed because that is some serious hooker vibe hand wash shit, it is so strong, it not only perfumes me, it also stinks out any room I/we have been it.

(I imagine that is what Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle smells like? Seriously, you don't think she'd have a candle that smells like woof, do you?)

"What is with that stinky, scented hand wash?" I ask.

"It was on sale," says Sam. "What can I say?"

"Spend a couple more dollars next time, that's what I say."

"Ha ha," says Sam. 

Sam is an 'On Sale' shopper, that is for certain.

"We will still be able to smell this once the, no doubt, Chinese factory goes out of business," I say. "Years after climate change has inevitably wiped us all out."

"5 years would hardly be a stretch for this stuff," says Sam. He laughs. He picks up the bottle to investigate the ingredients. "It's called sea breeze."

I snatched the bottle from Sam's hands. "It was made in Dandenong," I say. "The cruelty free label is definitely open to interpretation."

Sam laughs. "I think I can even taste it on my lips."

"Me too."