Team Xmas Party

5am. I get up and go to pee and even turn the water on for the shower when I realise there is nothing in it for me to get to the office really early, we have that stupid work function in the afternoon, leaving early isn’t in the picture, so I turn off the shower and get back into bed.

I set the alarm for 6.30am, just in case.

I get up at 5.45am, when a truck with a reversing beeper backs in the street, and backs in the street, and backs in the street, what the fuck is going on? Not that I’d really gone back to sleep, no, just dozing really. What the fuck are they delivering this time of morning, I think? Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep.

I take Otto out for a wee. The air is fresh, it looks like it is going to be a nice day. He looks up at me with his sweet face when he done. I put him in his crate downstairs.

I put coffee on. I put toast on. I head upstairs for my laptop.

6.15am. I go and get my work laptop and my satchel from the study, just to start getting my shit together, and on the way back into the lounge, the handle of my satchel catches a plant and it crashes to the floor. “Fuck!”

My mind flashes to the everything-happens-for-a-reason-brigade. And the reason would be, I think, as I go look for the pan and broom?

I find another pot and replant the plant.

I make Vegemite toast.

6.20am. Otto and I are sitting on the couch together. He cuddles up next to my left leg.

The reset alarm goes off at 6.30, (I'd forgotten to switch it off on my phone) both Otto and I jump. That makes me laugh, us jumping, almost exactly the same. I would have left by now on a usual office morning.

I have to get there earlyish, to put my Kriss Kringle present in the pile. I don't want anyone to see me bring it in. I’m still not sure if it is a worthwhile present, Sam is always so noncommittal on such things. It's a recorder, the guy I'm buying it for is musical, he plays instruments, its a big part of him. I thought a recorder was cute, now I am not so sure.

It really is lovely being up this early, especially on a summery day. The sun is shining. It’s a bit humid, even now, thank you climate change, but nice none the less.

I drink my coffee. I have a fan blowing cool air towards me. It’s a shame I have to go to the office at all. Really.

Why do we even celebrate Xmas with our work colleagues? Seriously, such a waste of time. I’m bored at the idea already and I haven’t even got off my couch. It’s an all afternoon affair. 

I sit and stare off into space. Otto snores on the couch next to me. The gentle whir of the electric fan lulls me away... I think about what a cliche Xmas is. It is just leftover from the 1950s, or some such time, that we all forgot to stop celebrating. We should all celebrate the new year instead, it makes much more sense.

I hear next doors roller door go up and down, it pulls me back into the world. They must have left for work. I guess I should pull my shit together and drag my sorry arse out the door.

I must practise my pleased and grateful face for when I open my Kriss Kringle present. As Groucho Marx said, if you can fake sincerity, you’ve got it made.