Eight things that nobody knows about me. Things I have not told. Let me see?
As a fourteen year old, on holidays, I was attracted to the public toilet near where we were picnicking, when someone said there was a man hanging around it. When nobody was looking, I sneaked around the back way and masturbated in one of the cubicles.
As a fifteen year old, I seduced my well developed twelve year old cousin, Doug. The chase was more fun than the catch. We didn't do much, just play a bit. He eventually suffered from some mental condition and the last time I saw him he didn't know who I was.
I used to steal money from my great aunts purse, as a sixteen year old, visiting on Sunday afternoons. Dementia, cakes - avoid the cream ones - and one hundred dollars, nice afternoon. It was for the thrill, I didn't really need the money. I figured I was cheaper than a nurse at $25 an hour. Big smile. She adored me, as I adored her.
She left all her money to me, anyway. She's the reason I have never rented, much to Tom's amazement.
School. Uni. A couple of years in London. Buy my first house on my return. May be I have always got it all too easily?
As a seventeen year old, I was on Black Rock beach with my grandmother, when she asked, who she called a nice young man, in a black and white striped t-shirt, the time, who was so obviously checking me out, that I made an excuse to go back to the beach after we had got back to the house, to find him. But he had gone, by the time I got back to the water. I found about the bushes though and I had his spoof sticky inside my jeans when I got back to drinking hot chocolate with nan in her kitchen.
I had my first threesome at school, in the bush walking store room. Alex suggested it. I got the store room key. He got Tom. Watching Tom and Alex pash was hot, but we were all a little too nervous for sexual gymnastics.
As an eighteen year old I got caught shop lifting at K-Mart. I just wanted to see if I could get away with it. I don't know what I was thinking? I had the money in my wallet to pay for the goods. I didn't get away with it. I went to court, on my own.
The store detective found me at court. "You don't belong here. You are not like the rest. You're a good kid. Go and see this barrister inside the court." She handed me his card. "He'll represent you. Plead guilty. You'll be fine. No conviction, just a bond."
"Thank you," I said, stunned.
"My pleasure. Now go and see the barrister. You haven't much time."
I got a bond. I didn't even have to speak. The barrister did all the talking. Good thing, I was shaking too much.
I learnt my lesson that day, walking out of the court house. I have never stolen any thing, ever again. Not even a Biro from work.
I cheated on my girlfriend with my best mate, despite always denying it to her.
I was once, ridiculously, a suspect in an armed bank robbery, the investigation for which followed me over seas. My most unlikely friend was suspected of being the mastermind, which was the funniest bit.
Although, the last one was never a secret like the rest. All the rest, I've never told a soul. The bad decisions of youth.
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