No Dick, No Love

Jimmy stepped out the door, dressed in shorts and a singlet, raising his hands in the air as if to say that he was ready.

Warren dropped his cigarette on the dirt and ground it with his shoe.

Warren looked Jimmy up and down. "Is that the best you can do?"

"What?" said Jimmy. His face broke into a smile, as if he was saying he was in on Warren's joke. But Warren's face didn't change, didn't break into a smile. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Well."

"What?"

"No fly, no phallus," said Warren, looking at Jimmy. "It's that simple." He ran his hand down over his crotch, as he said it, and let his tongue loll out of his mouth.

"Huh?" said Jimmy. He was always distracted when Warren did that.

"You need a zip to make it look as though you have something to take out."

Jimmy felt a twinge as Warren looked at the front of his shorts.

"But some of my favourite shorts don't have a fly," said Jimmy looking down at his pants.

"Well, you'll always look dickless then." said Warren. He spat on the ground.

"They are comfortable with a draw string, or elastic, waist." Jimmy grabbed at the waistband of his shorts.

"Do you want to be known as a knob, or for your knob?" said Warren. “At least get some knee high socks.”

"I want to be known for my great personality and my sparkling whit..."

"Bullshit," said Warren. "That's bullshit. When you want to get laid, you don't care if people think you're a good bloke, or a funny bloke. You just want them to fancy you and look god damn happy in the process."

"A good personality is a great aphrodisiac."

"A big meaty cock," said Warren, as he grabbed the, not inconsequential, bulge in his jeans, squeezing it tight. "Is what gets the punters wet."

Jimmy shrugged.

"Don’t you want to hear, Yes Jimmy. Yes Jimmy. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"I don't care. I like these shorts."

“Well, get used to the one hand pump then…”

“I do all right…”

“When was the last time someone went down on you?”

Jimmy opened and closed his mouth. He squinted his eyes, pulled his mouth into a grimace and walked ahead.

“Can’t remember?” asked Warren.

“Today could be my lucky day,” said Jimmy, turning around and smiling. “I could meet…”

“Only if I go down on you,” said Warren.

“What?” said Jimmy, a little surprised. The butterflies in his stomach flapped at the thought.

“Close your eyes, you wouldn't know the fucken difference.”

“I'd know it was you," said Jimmy. "I mean, I'd know the difference.”

Warren smiled broadly. “I bet you’d spoof in seconds, it’s been so long,” he said. "Someone would just need to touch it and ah, ah, ah!" Warren threw himself on the ground and made mock body spasm movements. "Warren, Warren, Warren."

“Not if you’re sucking my cock, buddy.”

“Get em off and we’ll see,” said Warren sitting up. His eyes turned to slits, his expression one of, I dare you.

“Get fucked!” Jimmy didn't like Warren teasing him like that. It confused him.

“Turn around and bend over then.” Warren stood, pointing at Jimmy, turning his hand in a circle.

Jimmy was breathless. He had to keep walking so Warren wouldn't notice.