Get Out Of My Head, Will You

Should I call Manny?

I know Glen is back on the scene, having broken up with his boyfriend recently. I haven't heard from Manny all week, not one call, which is the queue that he is otherwise distracted. I know him well, I guess, I know all signs.

Glen has always been my nemesis, actually, I've always been his, in all reality. He was just getting to know Manny when Manny and I met at the sauna that boring Saturday night.

Manny asked me if I was going to use my coat-hangers, which was what endeared me to him in the beginning, that and, of course, his handsome face... and his gorgeous smile... and his wog genes, naturally. It was just that no one had ever asked me that before... I know that doesn't really make sense, but it's not a question I'd expect at a sex on premises venue. I find it's those moments that don't quite fit that are the ones that usually get my attention.

I wandered off downstairs and was getting it off with another guy, but I couldn't get Manny out of my head. I looked down at the other guy, pushing back on my cock, and thought, Nah, I'm off to find that cute wog boy. I literally pulled my cock out of the other guy, wrapped my towel around myself and left, without a word. LOL, what the hell must he have thought?

That was four years ago.

Actually, now that I think about it, Glen was at the sauna that night too.

Glen was possessive and demanding and wanted Manny to be all things to him, so I won, basically. Glen's a liar and he's a manipulator and he's basically not a very nice person, in my opinion. Glen has never, shall we say, been my greatest fan ever since.

But... I know Manny is not going to be my boyfriend... ever. Well, anymore than he is now. I think I have talked about the reasons why. And, Manny wants a boyfriend, you know, the full deal. I don't... well, I do, but... not the full-on kind. I always say that I'll know when I have met the right guy when he is so busy with his stuff that we'll have to make time for each other. (Basically, I want a part time, mostly monogamous lover. Does such a boy exist?) I don't want someone to make me their world, their existence, as Manny wants. I have had that kind before, twice, and it's fleeting. That sort of attraction doesn't last.

But, Manny and I have the best sex, maybe, the very best. Sexually, we are so there with each other.

We can kiss for hours, hold each other all night, physically we are like one. But mentally, we are so far apart.

So basically, it's time to let go. But the romantic, illogical side of me, apparently, so doesn't want to.

Damn that thinking, logical side!

So, the answer is that I shouldn't call.

Glen, you win. But I hope your victory feels hollow, as you are only winning by default - like the Australian Gold medalist speed skater. I withdraw. Good luck, you'll need it. Treat him well, as Manny is, quite possibly, the sweetest, most kind hearted, and nicest boy I have ever met. He makes me laugh. I like being physically close to him, whether it be in bed, watching TV, at the pub, shopping, wherever.

I like that space next to me being filled by someone who is mine. I like that duality, no matter where I am, where we are. The other half, as they say. I miss that.