Hanging Out With Bruno

"I remember when you took my breath away..." sang Chaka Khan, just as I lent into the dishwasher to load the dirty plates, and thought, just like this dish washer just did.

Headphones. Track pants. Don't know when I had my last shower? Tuesday, I saw the doctor. What day is it? Is that bad?

I was going to stick to a good diet, right through, no question. I have eaten so much shit I'd be embarrassed to write it all down. Lemon Meringue Cup cakes in Coles, come to mind. Oh why...

I cooked lasagne, chicken and mushroom risotto, tomato and bacon gnocchi, spaghetti bolognese, meat pies & fried rice for lunch. All the classics. So I did do that, you know, too, for the kid. Charlie has to eat. He's a growing boy.

There was a couple of packs of Berliner Donuts too.

And ice cream.

And white chocolate cookies. 

David comes tomorrow. I cleaned up the kitchen today, first time in a week. I was so good in the first week, but that all went to hell in the second week when it sunk in that nobody was here to tell me what to do. Oh, don't get me wrong, I am the laziest cunt on earth, and I need someone to tell me what to do, but a reprieve, for a short time where, seriously, nothing has to be achieved? You are shitting me!

Half packets of donuts, a single cup cake, leftover cookies, that chocolate that none of us like, David will sniff them all out in the first 60 minutes of being here, no matter where I hide them. And he will inhale them as we have our first coffee. maybe with a very week, "You don't mind, do you?"

David is like a waste disposal unit, octopus hibrid when he sucks the kitchen dry of sweetie leftovers first thing right after touch down.

"Oh, nobody wanted the rest of that?" he'd say. Then as cheeky as you like, he will open a new packet of chocolate from the kitchen bench and devour it.

I have been a dedicated sloth, glued to the couch as if by magic, listening to music, and/or dozing off, the whole second week. The rain has helped, not having to take Bruno for a walk for a few days, but even then, stumbling around the set block is good for me too.

And while I have recovered quite substantially since I looked like I was knocked out in the 5th round, it still isn't all that pretty.