My Last Day

Oh! Annoying! There was some truck in the laneway at 7am making lots of truck kinds of noise. Grrrr!


It was busy this morning, lots of cars. As I crossed over Hoddle Street there was a white Commodore on my left. It was the last car in the left lane, I was the last car in the right hand lane. There was a parked car up ahead of him. I was practically next to him when he put his right hand blinker on to come over into my lane.

“Thank you driver,” said the elderly driver when he realised I was in the space that he wanted to occupy.

There was nobody behind me, all he had to do was wait until I passed and then he could do what he wanted, unimpeded.

I wanted him to pull up next to me further up, as we both had our windows open. I wanted him to repeat what he had said, thank you driver.

Die old man, I wanted to respond.

Too much?

But he didn’t pull up next to me.

There were two trucks one behind the other travelling down Victoria Street and as per usual the morons fell in behind them and just acted like Lemmings. A couple of simple moves I was in front of the two trucks and home free whizzing down Victoria Street. An electric blue M3 followed me. Right up behind me. Good work, I thought. I lost him on one of the smaller sets of lights. He got scared. I didn’t have to, but I would just drive through those red lights if they had just changed as they had for him.

It’s Valentines Day. “Happy Val Day Darles,” as a friend’s father once famously said to my friend’s mother.

I liked Shayleen’s Valentines day message to Matt the best – I hate people, but I hate you the least. love S.

Shayleen and I get on really well, I love her, she’s great. We have similar personalities. Shayleen is a Virgo too, even if I run the risk of making Richard Dawkings laugh, or shake his head in disbelief. The two of us think alike. 

But, Cat is lovely too. In away, she is more up front and natural with her personal connections. Cat and I are always sending each other instant messages on our work instant messenger.

Cat [8:31 AM]: I feel like you have no cake for me.

I suggested at one point that I would bake a banana cake for my last day and bring it in. I have rotten bananas in the fruit bowl. I completely forgot.

Christian [8:31 AM]: Oh no. You know, I was going to make the banana cake to surprise you and I completely forgot

Cat [8:32 AM]: This is the worst day everrrrrrrrrr

Christian [8:32 AM]: oops

The instant messenger stated that Cat was in a meeting

Christian [8:41 AM]: You are in a meeting?

Cat [8:43 AM]: When I set myself reminders in the calendar it affects my lyncs

Christian [8:48 AM]: Damn thing, should be destroyed

Cat [8:48 AM]: hahah

Christian [8:50 AM]: there should be another “a” at the end

Cat [8:50 AM]: hahaha****

Christian [8:50 AM]: better. :)

Christian [9:20 AM]: Did you get flowers today? or chocolates?

Cat [9:23 AM]: NOTHINGGGGGGGGGG! I might get something tonight

Christian [9:56 AM]: what?

Cat [9:56 AM]: are you busy? I need your connx help.

Some time later, Cat gets up and takes her jacket from the coat rack and raps it around her legs and sits down again. I call her and Shayleen lizards, as they are always cold.

Christian [10:52 AM]: Really? A jacket?

Cat [10:53 AM]: its chilly!!

Christian [10:53 AM]: It's hot in here. I'm sweating

Cat [10:53 AM]: don’t be ridiculous! Maybe it’s all that cheesecake?

We ate strawberry cheesecake yesterday. And at the end of the day there was still three pieces of cheesecake left and I had a second piece. I told Cat I could have eaten all three, she told me that I should, but I didn’t.

Christian [10:53 AM]: I think I need to talk to Christine about putting on the air con

Cat [10:53 AM]: DON, DON'T YOU DARE

Half of us in the office are hot, Aisleen and Cat are cold. Christine is having hot flushes, so she sometimes thinks it is very hot and puts on the air con.

Christian [11:05 AM]: It is soooooo stuffy and hot in here. I can hardly breathe

Cat [11:05 AM]: Go for a walk, (that made me laugh – Christian) anything but turning the aircon on

Christian [11:05 AM]: I'm sure it would help

Cat [11:05 AM]: it's not all about you Christian...what am I chop liver!!

Christian [11:06 AM]: my house mate tells me that all the time. I think it should be about me.

Cat [11:06 AM]: Yeah I love saying it too. hahaha not happening!

Cat [11:15 AM]: I'm trying to think of something nice to write on my valentines card...it's so hard

Christian [11:20 AM]: I liked Shayleen's message the best. That is what I'd write.

Shayleen’s Valentine’s day card message to her boyfriend Matt, I hate all people, but I hate you the least.

Cat [11:21 AM]: haha no I like getting into it. it takes me like a whole day to think of 5 sentences.

Christian [11:23 AM]: Hey Steve, I am so glad you are in my life emotionally and now I am very glad you are back in my life in person. Let's hope this is forever, I think of you as a forever kind of guy. Here’s to a fantastically happy twelve months, until I have to think about something to write on the next bloody Valentine's day card.

Cat [11:24 AM]: hahaha that’s so good!!!

Christian [11:24 AM]: That took a couple of minutes. I think you are over-processing it.

Cat [11:24 AM]: yours actually sounds alot better then mine, which is a worry. I should have asked for your advice earlier.

Christian [11:25 AM]: And I don't even know him

Cat [11:25 AM]: yeah you must be a sweet talker Christian

Christian [11:25 AM]: :)

Cat [11:36 AM]: What have you got for lunch today?

Christian 11:45 AM: Um... err... I can't remember

Cat 11:47 AM: booo. P.s that conversation made me want to puke

Christian 11:48 AM: what conversation?

Cat 11:48 AM: about her flowers

Alice, the only member of the HR team (the only disliked member of the HR team) (the uppity, pretentious, anti social, loner, incompetent, lazy, snappy, unfriendly, moody) (although, I thought she and I always got on okay being, for want of a better expression, the only two upper middle class members of the team) to have flowers sent to her for Valentine’s day, had a rather sickly sweet conversation with Dawn, the CEO’s secretary, about the flowers. Some how it got onto whether Isaac sent them to her and Alice Joked that she knew they weren’t from Isaac because they weren’t the cheap flowers. Alice and Dawn and Isaac all laughed about it.

Christian 11:48 AM: Oh J You know she sent them to herself

Cat 11:49 AM: hahaha you never know

Christian 11:49 AM: There is no one that likes her

Cat 11:50 AM: you raise a valid point

Christian 11:50 AM: Oh, I mean in a partner sense type someone

Cat 11:51 AM: that too

Christian 11:52 AM: I’ve got curry for lunch

Cat 11:52 AM: that sounds yum. I've got the same as yesterday but need to go to coles for beetroot

Christian 11:52 AM: more beetroot?

Cat 11:53 AM: always

Cat is weight obsessed. She is skinny, but wants to lose every ounce of fat she has.



Christian 3:35 PM: Is it time to go home yet?

Cat 3:44 PM: No...I wish

I just spoke to steve and I was thinking he might have secretly been planning something for V day because when I brought it up with him twice yesterday he changed the subject

I just spoke with him and he asked what are we doing tonight

and I was like OMG

so there obviously isnt a surprise

I might eat the chocolates I bought him

Christian 3:46 PM: Or throw them at him

Cat 3:46 PM: No, that way he'll still get to eat them

Christian 3:46 PM: true. Give him the empty box

Cat 3:46 PM: and inside should be a note saying 'you suck'

Christian 3:48 PM: or a note saying, I think you should think about your behaviour. Get back to me when you can explain what I might be talking about.

Cat 3:48 PM: that’s a good one. I’m hoping if he hasn’t got anything I’ll be able to bring on the tears to make him feel bad

Christian 3:50 PM: He hasn’t organised anything, if he is asking you what you are both doing tonight. Why don't you text him with, What do you want to do tonight?

Cat 3:51 PM: because I just spoke with him and he said we can go for dinner and then download a movie and then was like actually its going to be really hard to get a booking and I was like THATS WHY I WANTED TO ORGANISE IT EARLIER NOT ON THE LAST DAY

I hate boys

Unless I organise it it never happens!!!

Christian 3:53 PM: You just have to train him better

Cat 3:53 PM: Hes like one of those dogs you take to puppy school but they are untrainable



Christian 4:08 PM: I'm sleepy: I wont to go home and lie on the couch

Cat 4:10 PM: maybe they will let you go home early on your last day?

What will you eat tonight?

Christian 4:11 PM: I don't know what I am going to eat tonight

Cat 4:12 PM: It's my fav question to ask people

Christian 4:12 PM: I know

Christian 4:14 PM: I should put effort into it so you aren't disappointed

Cat 4:14 PM: I know! You should have provided me with pictures of your dinner every night



Cat [4:36 PM]: delete your conversation history too

Christian [4:37 PM]: I was just doing that

Cat [4:37 PM]: coolio

Christian [4:38 PM]: That's because it was the same girl, Alice

Cat [4:38 PM]: I wish Shay was here she would have loved to hear



Lemmings, voles and muskrats. I googled them today, as I wrote my journal unashamably. They are all very cute, aren’t they. I originally googled Lemmings to see if it was true they would follow each other over the cliff. I had a mental blank spot as the google page came up, momentarily thinking they were birds. I know, how would a bird kill itself by following the others over a cliff. I giggled to myself. Shook my head. Ha ha. Oops. Fail.

Rats, hammsters, mice and gerbils. Do you, like me, always think of Richard Gere’s arse when you hear gerbils mentioned.

Interestingly, I read that Richard Gere acknowledged the rumour with an answer of sorts. It was something like, I don’t have any energy to give to these ridiculous stories.



A guy came down from upstairs today, cute. He’s a bit Anthony Callea looking. Nice suit, a bit tight. Handsome face. As gay as they come. A worked chest. A pert arse. You know, that kind of swishy arse that only gay boys have. It says, stick something in here, stick something in here, with every step he takes. Straight boys don’t have that kind of arse, no, never. They just don’t. I don’t think straight boys are connected to their arses in quite the same way that gay boys are, even top gay boys. I think it must be in the gay gene.

I’d seen him a few times. I asked Cat who he was.

“You know Karen Bush from marketing?”

“Yes.”

“He’s her boyfriend.”

“Her boyfriend?” I said it with a way too incredulous tone before I could stop myself.

Oh really, poor Karen is going to be very disappointed one of these days, I thought. The boy clearly sucks dick… or will one day. Poor Karen.



My last day at (company name). It seemed to take forever and now it is here. I guess it is always like that, hey?

Dawn, the CEO’s secretary, came down and said good bye, I was surprised and pleased.

At the very last moment, while chatting to Cat, I realised that our work instant messenger was saving all of our messages into Outlook. Oops. Some of the things I have said about people, I wouldn’t have written them if I’d known. So I deleted all of those. Not that anyone would go looking for them. And it’s not as though anyone would stumble across them, not really. But now they are gone. I’ve said something’s about Cathy to Cat, which I wouldn’t like Cathy to read, which she could take a certain way, which I didn’t really mean, not really.

Shayleen went to Altona midday. She went to walk out the door, realising as she went. “Oh, Christian. I… um… guess this is good bye.” She’s funny, she is like me. Confident and out going, to a point and then awkward and self conscious. We are olat a like. Again, at the risk of being declared deluded by Richard Dawkins, we are both Virgos.

“Until next time.”

“Yes. Um, until next time.” And then she was gone. She’s really lovely. Strong and fragile all at the same time, just like me. Funny and slightly left of centre.

Christine nearly left without saying good bye too. But, she was on a mission, as Christine often is. “Oh, oops,” she said. “Lovely working with you,” she said. She naturally came around and gave me a good bye kiss. Then she was gone.

Cathy said I was now a part of the furniture. She said if they can get the budget together I’d be back in July. “Shayleen will be very upset on Monday,” Cathy said.

“I’ll miss you all,” I said.

“She said she was going to Altona for the day, so she didn’t have to face the reality of you not being here,” said Isaac. (I don’t think he put it quite as succinctly as that, but that was his meaning)

“You’ll be here in September when I am in Europe,” said Cathy.

“You never know what might happen,” said Isaac. He said he didn’t know what he’d do without me, which I think was more talk than reality. He’s a bit of a talker, our Isaac.

Maybe he will give me the vacant position of HR/Finance/assistant/dog’s body, which he can’t fill. He’s interview a multitude of players over the last month. I think the fact that it is a crossover kind of role that makes it hard to fill. The young HR misses find they don’t want it, it’s not the right trajectory for those hard nosed professionals. The finance grads don’t want it, they never wanted to do the HR side. The personal assistants aren’t qualified for it, as Isaac has found out. I am the rare kind of beast to fill the role, but he wants someone who looks good in a short skirt, don’t be mistaken, boys are boys, even HR Directors. You kid yourself if you think otherwise.

“Good-bye,” said Alice. “Um, your security pass?” Much maligned Alice. I don’t know how she keeps coming into an office where, essentially, nobody likes her. I got on with her fine. She is nice, under that thick shield of insecurity. She and I were probably most alike, having both come from wealthier families than the rest. We both went to private schools. We both sailed as kids. We both had that sensibility. The difference was that Alice talked about hers, where mine is comfortably consigned to history. But, we had things in common because of it.

I turned back at the door, to look at Cathy, Isaac, Cat and Alice looking at me. “See ya.” I wave my hand before I could stop myself. It was 16.50.



We ate Ciabatta toast when we got home. We ate it with our tea. Sam said no but, you know, I don’t always follow his instructions.

I did a long breath out, another chapter over. It is a great pity I don’t have a week off. Never mind. I bit into my Ciabatta toast and sipped my ochre coloured tea.

We ate noodles for dinner. We ate a different kind of noodle that we hadn’t eaten before. They were rice noodles with colourful bits through them, that’s my best description. Sam said they are called rice noodle cake, quickly followed by, “I don’t know what they are called.”

We sat on our arses all night. It was a warm, humid night just made for lazing around.

We watched Valentine’s Day. I remember not loving it the first time I saw it. But, the second time around I found it much more enjoyable.