Where The Fuck Is He?

It is 2 in the afternoon. Why hasn’t Manny appeared at my door, taken his clothes off, in that sexy way of his. Pushed me backwards onto the bed, got on top of me, kissed me passionately, as his sexy arse grabs me and squeezes me, as I wrap my knees around him, as I watch his handsome face change colour, as the sweat beads on his forehead, as he throws his head back and gulps for breath as spoofs all over my chest in long shots of white cum. 

We kiss long and slow and passionately until the need has left both of us completely. Then he smiles wanly at me with his flushed face and his sweaty brow, lying his head down on my chest. His cum squeezing out between our two layers of skin. And we just hold each other until we start to feel the cold and have to move against all our instincts.

Why hasn’t he done that by now? That’s my question for the day.

Where the fuck is he?

 

Gettin' Toey

Tom called to say he’d be out of hospital tomorrow and that he’d come and get the car then.

It means I can play on gaydar for the rest of the day. Get some boy over. A nice, hard cock to play with. A naked guy, with a nice chest.

The boy in the coffee shop got me going. Blonde, solid, nice arse, self-deprecating smile, nice hips, good solid groin. Yum. Such a sexy boysy shape.

Yes, I’ll be faithful and yes I only have eyes for you. It’s true, so true. Once I’ve had sex with Manny, I don’t think about it again, until I hear his sexy laugh, or see his beautiful face.

This doesn’t usually happen unless Manny has got me going and hasn’t delivered, like the last few nights, for whatever reason. (oh, Jasus, listen to me)

It’s a paradox. I only want to have sex with Manny and I wish he was here at every one of my sexual whims, but I don’t want a full time (live in) relationship with him. You work it out.

I went and got the paper and a script filled. And a fresh juice and wheat grass.

I saw Shane in Smith Street carrying the newspapers towards home. Although that, of course, would mean a car. We laughed about something inane.

Tom just called to say he doesn’t know when he’s getting out of the hospital and that his parents will be here 12.30-1am.

Bugger.

I just want a bit of, you know, skin on skin. I wish it was Manny, but it isn’t. I wish he’d just come over and get his clothes off. But he’s not.

Secret men’s business, perhaps some himbo can come over and get his kit off instead. I want to feel the strength of a hard cock. It’s rejuvenating. A dose of testosterone is good for the soul. Gets your heart pumping. It is an excellent way to spend an hour. Somebody's son, anyone's son, really. Chuckle.

I must remember to stick to my diet.  Just fresh veggies, and cock. I must admit, I feel a little fat at the moment. I’m not, fat, but I feel it. Is anorexia next?

I’ve put Tom’s car out the front, so I can just pass the key through the front door. If I had some boy here.

I might just go and have a look.

By mid afternoon, I had wanked furiously for hours and had cum twice, watching DVDs. (too much information?) Nobody remotely interested me on gaydar, but the idea made my cock hard.

By mid afternoon, I had to stop, take stock and formulate a plan, timetable, to get me out the door in time.

I pulled it together and left the house kind of sore.

Is Manny Asleep?

I took Tom his two j's. Actually, I rolled him 4 and thought that I was doing really well.

"Just the four," said Tom? "Where’s my dope?"

"You said to roll a couple…" (already I was seeing the error of my way. My birth day, astrologically, is the day of the literalist) "…I bought you four." (Big smile.)

Tom just looked at me.

"It never occurred to me to bring the whole lot," I said. Well, it didn’t.

Tom just fixed his gaze on me, with that blank expression of his, that I guess said 'seriously'.

I did smoke two j's with Tom. We smoked them in the hospital court yard. Tom always says, “Who cares what the hospital thinks, I have cancer.” He’d always follow that with that ‘Tom smile’ kind of forlorn, but with attitude. 

I headed straight over to Manny’s. I got there at 9.30. But he didn’t answer his door. He must have gone out, I thought. It didn’t faze me in anyway – I was a little stoned – and I walked to the car thinking I needed petrol. It should have fazed me! Halfway home it occurred to me he could have just been asleep.

I had spoken to Manny before I went to the hospital. In fact, my phone ran out of batteries, as I was talking to him. So, I’d said to him that I wouldn’t have a phone and he said that was alright and for me to drive straight over there.

I was tired. I had been thinking of an early night, as I drove up Punt Road. I nearly piked, but at Victoria Street I thought, Come on Christian, don’t be like that.

When I got home, there was a missed call on my phone at 9.16, but no message.

It’s 10.45pm and Manny still hasn’t rung.

Should I go on gaydar now?

Nah, I’m whacked after two more j's.

I was half hoping that Manny got bored and went to the Peel. And that he’d arrive here, unexpectedly. But nah.

I’m going to bed.

It’s 23.30.

Manny called when I was in bed. I must have dozed off to sleep. He spoke to Glen after I’d called before going to the hospital. Glen had upset him, telling Manny that he had used him. Which is true. So Manny retreated to bed with his ear plugs in. He didn’t want to hear Glen if he came knocking at the door. But, of course, he didn’t hear me either.

He had called me, but when it answered he remembered that I didn’t have it with me, flat batteries, so he didn’t leave a message.

Manny had got up for a piss and heard my message. He called me with a hard-on; he was horny and wanted me to go over.

 

Sex Talk

I played on gaydar all morning. Oh you know, something to do.

I could have had a 28 year old Hispanic bottom boy who was going to head over here at 11am. He wanted his arse ploughed. I think he said, in the worst possible way.

Or a blond thirty-nine year old gym boy from Essendon. Up for a kiss and a cuddle and whatever else comes up.

Or even an Italian boy from…well, I can’t really remember where he was from. Thick cock. Nice arse. He wanted to 'get it on.'

But I just couldn't do it. I wanted Manny.

But I knew he wouldn't be home until 3pm-4pm. I knew his routine. I was too late calling him this morning, he’d already have headed out to the gym.

Nyr. I could wait.

Jeff Titan

Manny didn’t call until late, saying he was tired and heading to bed. I would have driven over, had I had the urge, or the encouragement. Oh well, I thought.

I'll...? I'll...? I'll entertain myself.

Jeff Titan came around. I was a bit stoned and told him he was handsome. He was a bit pissed and he blushed, under the front porch light.

When we kissed I put my hand on his arse, he blushed and was coy.

I told him we should see more of each other.

He asked how much more did I want to see?

I felt my cheeks burn red when I said what do you want to show me.

We headed to the lounge room. Then Chook came into the room and Jeff and I were still smiling at each other. We just kept going back there every time our eyes connect. I'm sure Jeff had a woody. We both laughed when we sneaked looks for the umpteenth time.

We were asked what the matter was?

We both said nothing.

I tried not to look over at him, as we'd both smile, as he knew I was checking him out. Chook got up and headed out of the room. I slid my hand across the couch very slowly, in the flicker of the television light and our little fingers touched, pulled away and then wrapped around each other.

I think we both held our breath.

Top of the Morning to You

Tim

Hi, how are you Mr?

christian

Hey Christian.

I hope the day is progressing beautifully ☺

I've got an early appointment in town tomorrow, can I sleep at yr place tonight?

xT

Sure

christian

I just spoke to D to see how he's going. I visited him in hospital when he had the operation and then nothing. So I thought I should call. He said he goes for walks by G Street and he'd drop in. He walks around 5pm. I said that he could come and visit Jane with me. But he said he didn't think he'd be welcome, not since Jane told him never to stay out of her life.

That's what I'm talking about, about needing new friends, well, new interests, well, people who have interesting things to do and say, not just petty ego boosting nonsense. It just makes me tired all of that sort of bitching and nastiness. (Am I equally as guilty – some may say yes) I'm feeling a little depressed about it all. I feel like life is just too full of boring, pointless crap, to be bothered with too much.

cool i'll see u round 10-11ish i think ☺

xTom

Mark and Luke were down to see Jane in the afternoon.

Mark and I went to visit at 7.30pm. I held Jay. He has lots of hair.

Jane may go home tomorrow.

She still has a big, fat stomach.

Tom came over late, 10pm, after being at Jude and Julian's.

Tom said the reason why Julien Green was Jane's birthing partner was because Julien had said,

"If I'm present at your birth Jane, it may help me to overcome my abandonment issues with my own mother."

I wondered why Jane would choose him over Jude. Mark said it didn't make any sense, Julien instead of Jude, when Jude is a nurse. If that is the reason, I’m a little dumbstruck at Julien's selfish only-thinking-about-himself when it came to what was best for Jane. Seemingly, a manipulator to the end.

Tom said that he would imagine that Julien would be getting increasingly desperate at the loss of friends. Tom reasoned that Jane wouldn't put up with it indefinitely either.

Tom arrived at my place with chest pains that did not abate. He also arrived with twif.  (For chest pains? that which is forbidden?) So we rolled joints, naturally.

Mark and Luke left 1.30am. 

Nah Mate. Probably not a Good Idea. She's Tired, She Needs Her Rest

Hey Christian.

Hope this finds you fresh and perky ☺

Congrats on becoming a step-grandmother Miss. Well done, not that you really had to do that much comparatively I suppose...

I'm not sure what you meant by the "stress" of it all. I assume that everyone involved is okay now, but what, pray tell, might bigger drama queens than you tell me??

I'm going to try to see Jude when he finishes work – if he's there that is...

Have a great day Miss.

xTom

This was my first email...which I didn’t send.

Subject: Jayday

I'm good, a little tired, bleary-eyed. And I didn't do anything, really.

Jude was shattered when I last saw him, so I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't at work. But I wouldn't presume to talk for him, obviously.

Everyone involved is okay, yes.

You know, it's really daunting, confusing, upsetting, almost, to watch an adult matter being played out with a cast of children.

And that's about all I really want to say about it all, except to say I'd like to forget the whole sorry affair

C

This is the email I sent...

Subject: Jayday

I'm good, a little tired, bleary-eyed. And I didn't do anything, really.

Jude was shattered when I last saw him, he hadn't slept for twenty four hours, so I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't at work. But I wouldn't presume to talk for him, obviously.

Everyone involved is okay, yes.

Jane was just exhausted. I held her hand as Mark, Luke and I went into see her.

Well done, miss, I said. And she smiled the wan smile of the over-tired. But she's good, despite being stitched up and a little puffy in the face.

C

I've got the whole (45 minute) story from Jude.

God, who would have thought birthing could be so fun!

Glad everyone involved is well ☺

Catch you soon Christian ☺

Tom

Happy days, dohl. Happy days!

Guess who was of iiinndeesssspppensssiblleee help!

christian

well i bet there's no prize for who that was...

but i heard Julien and Mark completely ignored each other?

Tom

I didn't send this next one. I decided it was time to buy out. I'd said too much already

Not true dohl.

All though Julien made himself scarce after first contact.

He ignored all of us. And apparently, Sebastian snarled, although, to tell you the truth I didn't even see Sebastian, although apparently he stood next to me at some stage. Too beige

I got to the stage where I didn't want to talk to anybody.

christian

I hope your day was.

None of the kiddies got killed today ☺

Tom

Huh?

christian

I hope your day was lovely!

Tom

No, I was huh’ing at…none of the kiddies got killed today?

christian

ekky come down doll...

can get ugly...

Tom

My class tonight was at The State Library, How to make a living as a full time writer. So I headed to Subway on Swanston Street opposite. I couldn't begin to describe the amount of food that everyone was ordering in front of me and I only had five minutes to start time. I'll never feel guilty about ordering a "foot long" again. So I headed out into the street to eat it instead of my usual eat in – I often eat Subway, tuna or club, before school. Subway rolls are wrapped tighter than a newly born, the reason I usually eat in, and I was concentrating on the unwrapping as I stepped into Swanston Street, but as I glanced up, for safety sake, I saw Shane out the front of the shop, before I looked back to what I was trying to free from what bound it. He was no doubt attending class at R.M.I.T. I don't know if he saw me, or, if in fact, he saw me see him, but I pretended that I hadn't noticed him. I just wasn't in the mood and I was hurrying to class. Oh well. I kind of hope he didn't see me. I hope he was otherwise distracted too.

I think I'm more affected by the saga of the last few days than I realise. Julien and Sebastian and Jude and Julian and Andy... it was all crap. I feel kind of depressed by it all; the breakdown of friendships, the pathetic machinations of those who use others, the fears and paranoia of the addled and the dumb, the egos, the selfishness, the crap. It really makes me feel like I'd like to wipe the lot, although probably, I'm probably the one who is already wiped in most of their eyes. So, let's stop pretending, I think. Perhaps, I should just move on. There is a time for everything and I think this time is over.

I spoke to Mark after I got home and he hadn't been into visit Jane, as Andy is playing guard dog on the phone.

"I was going to come in and visit Jane," said Mark

"Nah mate. Probably not a good idea. She's tired, she needs her rest."

Perhaps, we should all just but out.

Joy To The Fucking World

Doll, what happened to you last night? You never showed up.

I pulled a pair of Tim's jocks out of my underwear draw this morning, as I was getting dressed to go to lunch. I decided to wear them, maybe they'll make me feel 6.1, tall, dark and handsome all day.

Big smile.

christian

Hey Christian.

I stayed at Perry's for S's b'day until about 8, then dropped into the sauna on the way home, and got in just before 12.

Has Jane had her baby? Is it a boy or a girl?

xTom

I left about 11am to have lunch with Jill.

I went to mum’s and had a cup of tea with her.

Mary and Luke and Mary and Marion arrived as Jane was in labour. Jay, a boy, was born just after 8.30pm.

Everybody behaved badly.

Mark called to say that he hadn't been able to get in contact with Jane, so he called the hospital and found out that Jane was in. (Later, he said that he was pleased that Jude had called him)

I'd just got home from mum's, Mark said that he and Luke would be there in 50 minutes.

Mary's sister Marion called to ask for Mark’s mobile, as Mary wanted to speak to him before they went to the hospital. I couldn't find Mark's mobile number so Mary decided she'd come to my place instead, as Mark was on his way too.

Coincidentally, they all arrived together.

Mary appeared fragile, I wasn't sure why. I thought it was the nerves of an expectant grandmother.

Mark, Mary and Marion left for the Mercy together. Luke and I waited behind.

Luke and I fed the fish and chatted for a while. Rolled a joint, it was Luke and I after all. Mark called to say that it wouldn't be long. I said to him to call when it had arrived and then we'd come over. But, Luke and I decided that we were only waiting anyway, so we thought we might as well wait at the hospital as wait at home.

Tom

The baby’s here, or should be by the time you read this. We’ve gone to the hospital, sweetie. (Mercy)

Christian

Jane was having a hard time, Julien and Andy were her birthing partners. Julien and Jude were waiting, as they had since 3am in the morning, dead tired, unable to speak, practically.

Mary was cross, not nervous. The last conversation she’d had with Jane they had argued. And Mary hates Andy, something I wasn’t aware of previously.

We waited and waited with no word.

Then the nurses were wheeling a crib and Andy was walking beside it, looking like a rabbit caught in headlights.

Jay needed oxygen, he’d been in the birthing canal too long, but from all reports he was okay.

Andy acted like a child and stressed to the max was insisting that he didn’t want his kid in a box – the humidicrib. (pull my glasses down and look over the top of them)

“Get me kid out of the box. Get me kid out of the box,” he said to the nurses through gritted teeth.

And when Mary came in he got really angst ridden and started saying. “I don’t want all of these people in here. Get all the people out. Get all the people out.” Clearly, Andy knows how Mary feels about him.

At which point Mary said, “It’s okay, I’ll go.”

Andy was the quintessential straight boy that he is, letting his paranoia’s and fears over-ore any semblance of sense.

Julien came out like Googie Gomez, straight after opening night. Huge smile. "Oh yes, everything went just fine. Jane's fine, the babies fine and yes, I'm just fine too." Hand wave of the face. "It was such a wonderful experience for me, amazing. I don't think I'll ever be the same. It has chaaanggeed myyyyy – did I say me, my – life." Hand wave. "I'm so amazed. I couldn't have imagined it would be quite so wonderful. Oh but I'm exhausted. I've been in there for hours. So draining. So amazing. But I'm fine, don't worry. A short nap, a couple of days and I'll be just fine. Thank you for coming, you've made it all the more joyous for me. I don't think I'll ever be the same. But, I see I have more people waiting." Hand wave of the face. "So if you'll excuse me, I can see that they are all waiting in the other room for meeee!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Enhancement suspected. (reading back over this, suspected?)

It was a circus, all the children, and I mean children, were there for themselves, so it seemed.

I couldn’t help feeling like I was intruding into something where I wasn’t wanted. I wish I hadn’t gone to the hospital.

Christian

Okay. ☺ Email me, let me know if it is a boy or a girl. ☺

Tom

Tom

Jane had a baby boy, Jay. She had a hard time during the birth, as he is a big kid. Big head, took a long time in the birthing canal. Big feet too, apparently.

It was all very weird. I left with the feeling of being zoned out, lots of tension, but I'm sure you'll hear all about it from bigger drama queens than me.

I'm going to bed.

Joy to the fucking world.

I’d Worn Manny Out, He Was Buggered... Smile

Tom and I went out last night, to the Laird. We did speed and I did the last of my marijuana and we did alcohol. Tom was meeting some of the gaydar boys, Flash, Jet, etc. Nice boys, them seemed. But, I was too smashed by that stage, too blank, too receded back into my own head. I’m a boring bastard, they must have tough I was a boring bastard, as I mutely watched on, incapable. And I am. I’m crap at the small talk thing. I’m too shy, or too slow or too affected…it’s a fuck. I wish I was much better at it.

We came home at midnight. Tom blasted speed and then went to 80.

I woke at 7am, can’t sleep in now-a-days. Bugger! I read the newspaper and ate muesli.

Tom got home at 8.30am. And went to bed.

I went on line with gaydar and got chatting to James T. We spoke on the phone after that for an hour.

At midday I went to get cigarettes. I was hanging, having none but a few rollies that Tom gave me, from late last night.

Jamie said he might pop over later. He’s a gorgeous boy, hot little bottom. He talked about when we first met. In that big three story house, it was like something out of Eyes Wide Shut, something going on in a every room, as I walked past, he said. Dean fucked me for the first time in that house. He was so full on, the bed hit all the walls before I had to tell him to stop. Just too much. I was an innocent boy. They were amazing times.

As much as I’d like to fuck Jamie – he’s such a cute boy – it’s still the flirting I like best. That’s better than him coming over, really.

SMS. 12.17pm. Hello u. Got something 2 tell u which will make u laugh…call me at home when u can – Rachel

Rachel went to the fridge and a bowl slid out and hit her second toe. She lay down and it took ages to stop bleeding. And when she stood up again, it just started bleeding all over again.

She ended up in the Alfred having it operated on. She severed the tendon and had to have it reconnected. She didn’t want a general anaesthetic – I’ve got 4 kids. And she wanted to watch, which stop the entire theatre staff dead in their tracks. Not something people usually wanted to watch. But the mirror was broken when they went to get it.

I hope that’s not significant in the luck department, Rachel said.

She’s off her feet for six weeks.

Manny called. He was going to look at a shop that closes at 4pm with Michael. Then Michael was going to his gym in the city, so Michael would drop Manny off in the city.

He’d be here at 5pm.

We hired Ripley’s Game, don't like John M in the title role. They should have stuck with Matt D. And then we watched some of Mrs Doubtfire. Oh really... ug... Hollywood. I’d worn Manny out, he was buggered. (Not actually literally, although close. Lying naked face down on my bed. Yum, yum.)

I drove him home.

SMS. 11pm. (I was driving Manny home) I’m coming back to your place tonight – Tom

Tell Him I'll Smack Him in the Throat

Morning Miss.

I hope you had a gorgeous walk into Town today.

I'm getting some twitch for the weekend and you're going to be mildly twicthy tonight.

No arguments!

xT

I'm scratching already doll... till tonight

My walk to work was exhausting... models in singlets, everywhere. Chests out to here, legs up to here, waists this big! (Not to mention the fair proportion with olive skin, brown eyes and black hair...) didn't know where to look. There's one thing to be said about the summer, it brings the cuties out.

Not to mention my more-than-a-passing day dream about Tony, for whatever reason, playing in my head all at the same time, as I sauntered in. I don't know why, but I was sure I was going to see him around Elizabeth Street. Hi! I hope you aren't misbehaving too much. Good to see you. I don't suppose I'll see you again, now that Tim has moved out?

I should come around one night, hey?

Big smile.

It's nice to get in here where there aren't any windows. He, he.

christian

Why aren’t there any windows open??

That, Tony, you know that you *will* run into him one day, and that is probably what will happen.

Tim will still kill you tho. :)

Love ya

Tom

I have no windows in my office. It's a cell, I tell you. Talk about going from the sublime (43rd floor corner office with panoramic views) to the ridiculous (a small fragment of a rat maze)

Tim, sh'mim, I'm not afraid. And when I'm right on it, with it's satiny skin and its proud Italian heritage... it'll be Tim who? (Usual denial principals apply)

Besides, Tim will forgive me, anyway. Probably. Eventually. Nervous smile.

God i love that aircon!

Tom

And it will be lovely. Lazy morning, looking across Tony's chest, through my balcony doors, as the sun comes up.

christian

Yes you're right, he probably will forgive in the fullness of time... a very long time...

I've got a date with that cute perky little Jason next Saturday night! YAY ☺

xT

So how do manage to bump into him, just like that? I suppose I should just leave it up to fate?

christian

yes fate or when/if I see him at 80, I call you immediately!

christian

D says i should *whack* you...

Tom

Tell D to do his own whacking, the big girl. (Or do you mean...) Tell him I'll smack him in the throat.

christian

yes i do mean....

i don't think he meant hitting, but by all means slap his swollen puss filled throat.

Tom

Just quietly, "that's" probably what's turned him into the monster that he is today!

christian

see you a bit after 7!

wooosh!'

Tom

Yes You're Coming with Me, it Will Be Fun...

Miss,
No good morning this morning? I sob, I cry, alack and alas!
Seriously, did Twiffy leave a bit of cotton in your head this morning?
How are you feeling?
I'm going to Joey's 4X4 party on Saturday night, followed by Sheryn's 59th.
Crazy hey :)
xTom


Ground coffee did no good. A long hot shower did no good. Standing very still in the kitchen did no good. Woops, ready... leave the house, leave the house... Oh, er... yes, leave the house.
Vague?
christian


What's a 4x4 party?
christian


a party that joey has in his backyard in preston...very boyzy apparently...
do you wanna go, i think D has a ticket...
i'll forward something to ya
Tom

Subject: 4x4

here's the info Christian...
Tom

--- Shane Wilson wrote:
Subject: FW: 4x4
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2004 09:44:28 +1100
From: "Shane Wilson"
To: "Tom de Brant"

Hi Tom,
Info about the $ X $ party.
Shane.

Only a few days to go....!
Looking forward to seeing you all there.

** Don't forget you ticket on the night. No invite no entry. This is
strictly an invitation only party. There will be security on the door.
Anyone without an invite will be turned away. This party is for friends
of the 4x4 crew
** Note there will be a $5 donation required. If you can have a $5 note/
coins on the night that would really help us out.
This money is going to the cancer institute as a gift..
** It is a BYO function. There is a bottle shop near the house on High
Street. Water bottles will be provided.
** If your driving...there is parking at Hungry Jacks on High Street or
in any of the side streets. Lunette Avenue is a short street so don't
park in that street. Taxi's are easily found on High Street at the end
of the night.
** The Punch provided on the night contains many things. If in question
please ASK before drinking it!
See all 200 off you on the dance floor...alias "the court yard"!
xxx
4x4 crew


11.11
(To M and L)


11,11
(to M and L)
Oops. Mornin. Lovely day. Big smile.
christian


Howdy Chriso,
How are you on this lovely day? Sorry to hear about Red hey! What a bummer!
L


I'm good. Enjoyed the sunshine at lunch time.
You know, Red hasn't eaten all week, but he seems to be okay, in fact, maybe even a little healthier. Don't know about the food though, maybe he's eating the cat next door's food, or something. A change in diet would explain his constipation, maybe.
I don't know, but he seemed to look quite healthy last night.
christian



4x4
Hmmm?
christian


u need to be more specific than that
Tom


Too "B" Team for me doll.
christian


fair enough
Tom


Miss.
Can I interest you in an early-ish (round 9-9.30) drink at the Laird tomorrow night.
I'm meeting a couple of funny dudes from gaydar...
xT


Maybe.
Probably.
Most likely.
christian


Yes you're coming with me, it will be fun...
Stern enough for you Miss?
xT


Oh, yes. Okay then.
christian


You better believe it!
And I think I'm going to visit Steve and I'm going to give u just a little and u will have it with no complaints!
Tom


Manny came into see me at work today. He looked hot all dressed in back. He said it was a shame that I was going to my mothers, he said he wouldn’t mind getting messed up.


I went to mum’s for dinner. We looked at serviettes and lace. Some of them were beautiful. But more tat I don’t need. Mum’s keen to off load it though.

We were talking about Auntie D and Howard and how Jillian is now a qualified kindergarten teacher. I heard mum say to herself as she went to the fridge. Aunty D’s daughter is… Jillian... er…Yes, Jillian.

Yelling at the Bums... and Licking Them

I was smoking in Gertrude Street this morning, as I ran for a tram. I’d just lit it when the tram appeared over the rise, of course it did. 

“Hey mate,” said the young kid, “Can you spare a cigarette?”

A cigarette in my mouth, and cigarettes in my hand.

“Yeah sure, here,” I said. “And I gave him the one I was smoking. I'd only really just lit it.” Saved me stubbing it out on the ground. I didn't look back for his reaction. 

Pretty twenty-year-old guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, why not

It was one of those days where Manny surprised me with meeting up as I finished work, it was good to see him, it is always good to see him, but I already had a date with Kym. 

I got on the tram to come home from the city, with Manny. Just after we got in an aboriginal boy asked Manny for money. Manny told the Aboriginal boy that he didn't work. The guy replied that Manny was all dolled up, how could he not work. (He's gay) Manny asked him what he meant. And neither of them understood the other momentarily, innocently. So, the kid walked off.

Manny asked me what the kid, all 6.2 of him, had said. 

You look dolled up...er...doll. Dressed up. 

Manny comprehended and then said, Perhaps I should have told him I was gay. 

I don't think that would have helped, I said. 

And we both laughed.

Sitting behind us was the aboriginal kids moll.

She turned around, in her toothless glory and said, Don't you go making fun of him, he's just trying to make the fare. 

We weren't talking about him, I said.

She dismissed me, as though I was just another whitey lying to an aboriginal, yet again. 

And I thought, no fuck you. You are wrong! I snapped. We were not talking about him.

She wailed something.

What? I demanded.

She smiled and said, Sorry, I was talking to him.

I turned around to see the 6.2 kid standing over me. Come on, we can get off, he said to her.

So, I'm screaming at Aboriginals on public transport now.

Although I have devised the perfect way of getting away from the people who ask me for cigarettes in the street. I say that it was my last one, shrug. Sorry. Or, I only came down from the office with one cigarette. Smile. If I'm not smoking, I simply say that I don't smoke. Sorry mate, never touch 'em.

Nobody gets hurt, but everyone becomes a little harder because of it. Er... no. It seems to be heading in the wrong direction. Sometimes I feel myself look away, not even acknowledging the beggars existence. There seems to be more people in the street asking for money. There seems to be no shame in it, anymore. (Not that there should be shame – Tom tells me that a good beggar can make one hundred and fifty dollars a day – but you get what I mean). Us and them is tangible. A physical manifestation. I can reach out any day and touch it.

How did we suddenly get the poor street people?

Thank you, Mr. Howard and his conservative govt cutting funding to social services.

Is this phenomenon built into conservative politician’s tax policy? I wouldn't be surprised.

I’d only just start still kissing Manny when Kym sms'd to say she was on her way for dinner. 

When will she be here? Manny asked.

She didn’t say. Kiss me. I pulled my shirt off.

How long will she be? I undid my jeans.

I don’t know, she didn’t say where she was. Come here. I pulled his tshirt over his head.

Is she coming here, or meeting you at the café?

She didn’t say. Give me your cock! 

What?

She just said she was on her way. I pulled the button fly of his jeans open and slid them down over his arse. He didn’t resist.

But how long have we got? I pulled his jocks and my jocks down.

But? Manny couldn’t help but smile.

I hurriedly text Kym to say I'd meet her at Cocos in half an half an hour. 

I took naked Manny in my arms. Do you have to go? He asked.

I pushed him onto the bed and got it on with him quicker than I ever had.

Afterwards, puffing to get his breath, he smiled all sweaty and said, should we have a cigarette?

He doesn’t smoke. He’s adorable.

Cheeky smile. I feel like I need one, he said.

So, if I guessed that you were otherwise engaged, said Kym with a smile, as I sat before her half an hour later.

You’d be right, I said. Unexpected. Not being able to stifle my smile.

Big smile.

Dinner was nice. We sat outside at Cocos and drank wine. It was lovely.

And if I logged onto gaydar, I'd most probably have a date to go screw the delectable James T.

Oh, James has been around for ages. He went out with Dean (are you cured yet?) for a while, at some stage. Was a hairdresser. He's half-Italian. Cute. Little and nuggety. Enthusiastic bottom. Eyebrows up.

He worked at 80 for a minute. He gave me his phone number there one night and I never got it. Too stoned. In the pocket. Staggered off. Never thought about it again.

We did it once, but the two of us were so out of it that neither of us can remember it. (Big weekend in G Street, many years past) We figure we should have a refresher. 

Might even introduce him to Manny. I'd like to see those two going at each other. (But at what cost, what monster doth we create?) Rutting like dogs. I've got precum. 

But you know something, I've still got dope and I'd much rather stay home with it. Who can be bothered with all of that hoo-ha. Nice cup of tea.

You should see Manny sitting back on his haunches, naked. Smirk.

And now, I’m so ripped I can barely stand up.

Happy days!

Dinner Would Have Been Nice

Hello Miss.

I trust your Monday was lovely and that your Tuesday is even better ☺

xT

Mornin' Manky Miss 

Christian

manky????

skanky????

pranky???

Tom

It's a Josh Galeism... pretty high up the complimentary totem, just quietly

christian

well thats alright then

Tom

Tom

I emailed the Josh scally-wag last night, after being called a dirty dog (A dirty dog!) (second message) for not calling him back. Twice. How busy do you have to be not to be able to email, I ask you?

I was late to work, after dropping my car off in Altona. It's the boonies, let me just tell ya. All though sunny with a faint waft of salt-air in the...er... air.

I slept in. What a morning to get up at 8am. Bugger!

And all I've done so far is write emails. Lovely.

christian

Chrisso

But I did play up, last night. An old root, just happened to call out of the blue. And I'd just told Manny I was off to bed. Tim said he was hungry and in need of a feed. So, I was in Thornbury until 2am. 

And maybe a date tomorrow night with James T.

enjoy dinner have a great day

Tom

Kym

You know missy, I'm so brilliant sometimes that it even scares me. This morning at the mechanic (at 10am, but that's another story) as quick as a flash, I said to Phil, Actually Phil, I don't want to pick the car up until tomorrow.

Rightio, Phil said.

So, there you go, problem solved. 

christian

Hey Miss.

Hope yr dinner was just loverly :)

xT

Tom

Dinner is now tomorrow night. I went to Altona instead to get my car. 

We’ll sit outside at Cocos and drank wine tomorrow night.

christian

sounds beautiful, tho its a chilly nite in dingaling tonight

Tom

Sad Shut-in Queen With Cat

Morning Miss.

i slept like a babe until 5.45am – how loverly... I wonder how the B-team went ☺ And how are you this fine day Miss?

xTom

I was up at 6.45am. Lovely morning.

What were the B-team up to, to wonder how they went with it?

I'm gorgeous. A little too much coffee already, but gorgeous none the less.

christian

Kym

So have we confirmed for dinner tomorrow night?

I have to pick my car up in Altona after work, which means I will be present and accounted for for about 7'ish, 7.30. But I won't be able to make it any earlier, I don't reckon.

christian

I tried this email to everyone about Red. But reading it back, it just sounded like a sad cry for help. Which of course, it isn’t. But I decided not to send it anyway. 

Subject: Red

It appears to me since yesterday, that Red's health is taking a considerable turn for the worse. I think it would be fair to say that the grand old man has started his journey off this planet. So, if anyone feels like they would like to, of course nobody might want to, but so many people do ask after him on a regular basis. So, if anyone wanted to say good bye to him, now would probably be a good time. I'm not saying that it is immanent, but I think it's going to be sooner than later.

All marijuana privileges have been restored. (for Red & me. Have I ever told you what a pot head Red is?)

christian

Sad shut-in queen with cat

My first class tonight night had its share of freaks. All, Jasus, forty-six of them. The renovations to the building must have cost a lot. What's with all of these people, I thought barely being able to see from the back? 

I was late, natch. 

Oh Universe I hope a lot of them drop out like everyone has knowingly nodded sage-like. Give it a few weeks, everyone has said.

Oh bugger, I've got to become all studenty again.

And I've been off the dope all through the holidays. Go figure.

I like the walk home after class, it is kind of meditative, relaxing, nice. I like the cool night air and the serenity. 

I feel sorry for chicks too scared to walk after dark. Who’d want to be born a girl, I ask you? 

Nice Young Boy. Shame.

I got a lovely phone message on my answering machine from Josh Gale. He's a notorious tight arse, so he must be sad, or lonely, maybe both. Is that too cynical?

You know, right about now, I can't really afford to call overseas. On my own and all. So, I'll just have to email back, hey?

How busy is he, anyway? Or sad? Or lonely?

It's been 41 degrees here for two days. And it's forty three degrees in Adelaide, as I type. Try getting enthusiastic about anything, after that.

Although I have been reintroduced to the pleasures of the good herb, since Friday - and he was doing so well, said Marion to Brenda, over the back fence. Nice young boy. Shame. So I have been easing myself through as best I can.

Blanche, it sure is god damned hot in here. (When I asked Tom what was the male characters name in A Streetcar Named Desire, he smiled and said, I'm referring back to the Simpsons, you understand.)

Tom is now standing in the middle of the lounge room shouting, If I'm going to smoke, so is everybody! But of course, we’d expect nothing less. What’s good for Tom is, er, um, good for Tom.

I had to race Red off for a hycalonic in the middle of all this heat and smoking. Don't ya think I was wonky in the surgery in the Bundoora emergency care Veterinarian? You bet ya! I felt cross-eyed as the good doctor discussed, what seems like, maybe, time catching up with dear Red. I'm choosing not to believe that there is anything wrong with him, of course. Complete denial, you understand.

And I need it for the pain, man! (Southern accent) I just needed a puff for the pain. 

Same Old Tom

Sometimes at Bolago I get reception, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes there is just nothing, until I have driven out of the driveway and down the main road, when my phone goes off like a poker machine. I don’t know what makes the difference. Wind direction? Hope?

SMS. 19.46. Do you have a needle anywhere? – Tom

SMS. 18.01. For sewing? – Christian

SMS. 18.05. Ha. Ha. You are amusing – Tom

SMS. 18.10. What did you think the answer was going to be? – Christian

SMS. 18.13. A guy can live in hope – Tom

SMS. 18.17. That much hope we don’t have – Christian

SMS. 18.20. Oh, come on, what do we have if we don’t have hope? – Tom

SMS. 18.25. Big night then, I am assuming? – Christian

SMS. 18.31. It could be if I could get the gear together – Tom

SMS. 18.35. Well, good luck, er, I guess – Christian

SMS. 18.36. You be careful – Christian.

SMS. 18.38. Yeah. Thanks mum – Tom

SMS, 18.40. May, some better organisation, next time, I might suggest – Christian

SMS. 18.43. Yeah. Onya – Tom

A Machine That Dispenses Toasted Sandwiches

Goodenss Miss your Mum was right! Maybe it's us that should be put into a nursing home ☺

Have a loverly day I'll give D yer love.

xT

Mornin. Give Happy a slap from me.

christian

Tom and I decided last night that a good nickname for D is Happy.

Mum told me at dinner that John Winston had done a backflip on pollies super. Tom and I decided it was another example of her losing the plot.

Afternoon Miss.

I hope your day is progressing well.

D gratefully received your love, and unfortunately didn't bring his mobile phone to the hospital, so all those lovely messages will be awaiting him at home. I thought about not saying anything but I couldn't do it.

D is looking very well, I could almost say the best I've seen him in ages, but that could sound like I'm trying to be insulting, which I'm not.

He's smiling, laughing, walking, cracking jokes, and was just lovely.

He's a little concerned about some kind of mix up that happened in theatre where a syringe (needle-less) was shared between him and another patient. They haven't told him yet on whom it was used first, they just explained the situation, took lots of blood, and will tell him more when the get the test results. I would imagine the other unfortunate has just had triple combination HIV therapy added to his/her drug list...

But D's cool, he hasn't been put on anything extra and if anything *did* happen, then as he said, "It's not my fault".

He laughed when I told him about the SMS to Shane about his windpipe. When he asked Shane's response and I said "Silence," he laughed even more. He laughed (although not quite as hard as before I must admit), about my spreading the rumour of his death by lung cancer (at this moment I wish I had Julian Morris' phone number; I wonder if he's on Shane's list). But laughed nonetheless :)

I *was* wrong to "threaten" that parent with the police station, my boss Angela has informed me. She's going to call him and talk to him about it, and apologise on behalf of the Centre. On behalf of the centre?

She also pointed out to me kindly but firmly that if anyone was going to talk to Antonio, it should have been her, and that if, in the future, I have a problem with any particular parent and the smooth running of the centre, she'd really appreciate it if I talked to her about it.

So, there you go Doll, been instructed not to beat myself up about it and that it's fine, but told gently that I had overstepped.

Can I have a roid rage after only one day?

Who knows who cares, it feels fabulous!

And I bet Antonio isn't late EVERY day now as well...

Anyway Miss, a joint in the sun calls me. and I must away.

Have a lovely weekend, and perhaps I shall see you Sunday.

Give my love to the Hags.

*cheeky grin*

Tom

SMS. 17.56. R u doing anything tonite? David Monsoon, Harry Whit & Chris r coming 4 dinner, if u could stand it…tee hee. – Rachel

SMS. 18.10. Thanks all the same… You didn’t tell me that Adam was having a commit ceremony, you kept that very quiet. Sad bastard! – christian

I was stoned after that. Stupid me. Let’s go fuzzy. I wanted to visit D and I wanted to go to Bolago.

I’ll go visit D…and then come back and get my stuff.

No that’s stupid. Oh I just can’t face getting my shit together. Go see D and come back.

Go out to the car.

It would only take, what, five minutes? Walk back to the back door. I can’t be bothered.

No, go inside.

Phone rings. Get distracted talking for a while.

Now what was I doing? Go visit D. Go out to the car.

No, that’s stupid. Get you stuff. turn around walk back inside.

There might have been one more.

Ah! I got in the car and left. 

D was out of that hospital bed and in his dressing gown in two seconds flat, after I produced the joint. Good on ya luv, he said with his drag-queen husky voice.

We smoked pot as we gazed at a machine that dispensed toasted sandwiches and wondered what they’d be like. Who’d ever heard of such a thing?

SMS. 20.25. They are reloading the toasted machine. They will be fresh! – Shane sent back after he left.

We remained unconvinced.

I went home and got my stuff. I got to Bolago around 10pm. Not bad.

Lovely. Cousin David was there. 

Let's Convert the $50 I Owe You Into Dope as a Back to School Treat

Up at 6.30am. What is it they say, the older you get the less sleep you need.

I dreamt about a girl who’s nose I’d broken and she was after me with a knife. If I fell asleep she was going to get me, so I had to stay awake. I’m sure we were in some tropical environment. I decided that I had to kill her to save my life. Punch her so hard. It would be self-defence.

And then I dreamt about a party, with family. Pat Denton was there and Auntie Marg and Rick Duncan and Mark and I think Barbara A, who were all sitting outside by the pool.

Inside, there were a group of people. One young guy in tiny shorts was kissing his girlfriend, during which time his cock came out of his pants. It was so hard and his shorts so small he couldn’t get it back in, so he just sat there with it in his hand, laughing. It was huge.

I woke up to a message on the answering machine from Josh Gale. He said he’d called to chat to me before I went to work. He said he was so busy he didn’t have time to email. So he’d called to chat instead. You know, I really can’t afford to call him back.

The Little Red Man

Gisbourne Street and Albert Street. Morning. Peak hour.

A pedestrian runs across the lights as the little man turns red. A car turning right continues to make it's turn despite the pedestrian. It turns slightly wider to miss the man.

"You stupid bitch," yells the man and he swings his brief case which hits the back panel of the car.

The woman driver pulls over and gets out of her car to inspect it. There is a dent in the panel work.

The pedestrian walks along the footpath toward her.

"I want your name and phone number."

"I want you to obey the road laws, but as we've just witnessed you don't always get want you want." He says dismissively as he continues past her car.

She runs around the front of her can and grabs him by the arm.

"I want your name. My car is damaged."

"Listen here rat-face, if you don't let go of my arm I will have you charged with assault."

She lets go.

"You were walking against the red man."

"I suggest you read up on your road laws."

"You have wilfully damaged my car."

"It was self-defence, you tried to run me down."

"I'm calling the police."

"Go for your life." He turns to walk away."

"I want you name..."

"You can whistle Dixie. And you'll be lucky if your not charged with dangerous driving. I may report you..."

"I'm not giving you my name."

He looks at the front number plate. "SDT 001."

"It's not my car."

The pedestrian steps toward her. "You know something, that's the wonderful thing about the twenty first century. Self-centred, selfish and who gives a damn about the next bloke, mate. If in fact that is true, which I doubt, all I have to do is threaten the driver with dangerous driving charges and he'll whistle like a bird."

"It's my husbands car."

"Jesus, dumb as well as ugly."

mOrning Miss.

Dan's not Italian at all – you were right.

he doesn't know why I thought he was.

xT

No word from the "real" daniel yet...

Tom

SMS. 11.30am. Good luck Miss. I’m thinking of you – christian

Did D go to Hossy?

I sent him a text message. Not sure if he can have mobile's in Hossy. Why I didn't call him last night, I don't know. It never occurred to me. I'm a bit slow sometimes. But after 3 bourbons and two wines... eeeeee!

christian

Remember, I can spot an Italian at 1000 metres. Can sniff them out over less.

christian

he is under the knife as we speak Miss...

dont expect a text back today :)

Tom

Oh well. It will be a lovely message for him when he comes too. (I suppose) (A bit late, but hey?)

☺ christian

That damned Daniel did indeed cancel on me.

That's twice!

I'm deleting him ☺

Oh the sun is lovely, and I've been to Parkmore to get some summer bargains!

Yay!

xTom

If they can't put in an appearance... a minimum requirement, I would have thought.

The there is a whole list of them only as far as your computer.

☺ christian

Kym

Now where was I? 5.30pm. Going home. Get back to you the next day. First thing, did I say? Gosh doesn't time fly?

So how is my favourite writer?

I'm well, chopper... no, I've got both my ears... chipper! Astoundingly good! Well, I'm okay, I just thought astounding sounded... um ... grand.

I'm living on my own now a days and it is fabulous. I had a sneaking suspicion, after all these years, that perhaps I wouldn't like it. Be lonely rattling around in the old house. But no such luck... er... situation... um... I'm not. I lerve it.

So write and tell me all the news and the dates for when we are going to meet up for ciggies and wine. We can have dinner at my place? But I'm not going to cook, you understand. Oh... um... am I really writing this... I suppose I could cook. I can you know. Cook, that is. It's just that I don't much like it. Unless, you want cake. I'm good with... enjoy cooking cakes. We could have a selection of cakes for dinner. What do you think?

Mm!

Back to school next week. Have you got your pencils and writing pads packed?

christian

How very splendid to hear from you. Mmmm...living on your own...I've got my eyes closed imagining the serenity of it all.

And, YUM, cake for tea. How absolutely marvellous. Or we could eat out, or have fish and chips in,or...I'm open to, well, anything really. And as for when...now let me see, I could come over every night and get fat(ter) on cake and blacken my lungs with smoke and have splendidly stupid arguments with my boyfriend about that and drink wine and...but then where would all your serenity be? So any time is good for me. I have nothing coming up. How about next week? What day/s do you study (coz that wouldn't be a good day to be at your place, you not being there and all). Let me know.

And no, I don't have my bag packed for school because they won't let me start until half way through the year, dammit! Monstrously unfair of them.

☺ Kym

Kym

Oh, what day you say. Er... (Edna Everage face)... what day I say? Hmmm? Drat! I've no idea. Bother! So, maybe you had just better come over every day to check if I am home. And since I have no idea when the schoolie thing starts, there's a good chance I'll be home.

How terribly tedious of me, as I thought I could give you a pick at my... um, no ... lets not be gross... free calendar. (If you guessed the missing word as scab, you get 10 points)

☺ christian

Okay,

So Tuesday evening it is then (unless you find you've got school things to do). I haven't had a ciggie for 8 days now, or 192 hours or 11,520 minutes or...(but who's counting). By next Tuesday I'll be a fortnight without nicotine - reckon I'll probably need some by then. Anyway, let me know if Tuesday works for you. I'll turn up at your place and we can decide on the eating option then (unless of course you need to know in advance whether to whip out your apron and whip up a cake).

I'm feeling very happy (about visiting you that is)

Seeya

Kym

SMS. 15.29. D is in recovery from his operation and it appears that all went well – Shane

SMS. 16.06. D died on the operating table, he had undiagnosed lung cancer – Tom

SMS. 16.07. Sorry, only joking he is in recovery – Tom

SMS. 16.10. You just know I’m going to forward that message – christian

SMS. 16.12. To D I hope! – Tom

SMS. 16.15. A-ha – christian

SMS. 16.20. Forwarded message. D died on the operating table, he had undiagnosed lung cancer, Tom – christian

SMS. 16.25. Forwarded message. Sorry, only joking he is in recovery, Tom – christian

SMS. 16.45. I hope that wasn’t a mistake – christian

SMS. 16.46. Oh, D’s got a good sense of humour? Nervous smile – christian

SMS. 17.15. I’m sure he’d laugh – Tom

I went to mum’s for dinner. When I was there, Tom called me to suggest that he could convert the fifty dollars that he has owed me for weeks into dope as a small back to school treat.

I relied, you know I’m as weak as piss when it comes to dope, yes, count me in.

I met him afterwards and we smoked dope and chatted into the night.