Well, That Would Be It Then

What a glorious golden afternoon for the last day or 2008. Sapphire blue skies, sunny and warm with the promise of a future that shines.

It wasn't like that around here this morning, let me tell you. We'd dipped out on getting tickets to the parties we wanted to go to, so we had no where to go and nothing to take when we got there, Worst of all, we had nothing for when we got home. We'd been slack. How did we let this happen? Woe is us! It wasn't looking like shaping up to be a very fun and happy new year.

Darkest hour, silver lining. Good things come...

Guido, THE MAN!, popped in around 10.30.

"Yeah, yeah I got your message," Guido said. "I thought I'd be here before this. Sorry I didn't respond."

"That's okay," we said, trying not to sound too panicked, only to sound more panicked, I'm sure.

"Well, I was going to go have breakfast first," said Guido. He looked at each of us and laughed. "But, I guess, you want to go shopping first?... by the looks on your faces." Children around the Xmas tree Xmas morning, dog's face as you open their food for the night.

The three of us agreed in unison. "Well take the shopping option, thanks Bob!"

He laughed again. "I'd already saved you 9."

"Oh, we probably won't need quite that many..."

"Even better," said Guido. "All the more for me," he spoke at us. Yelled. Laughed again, maniacally.

"How many bags?" he asked. "May I suggest 2." He did that eyes up in his top eye lids, as he looked from each of us. Disagreeing will be boring and I will win anyway.

So cheered up was I after that, I have now had a hair cut, bought some new T-shirts, bought a new pair of undies, as I knew I didn't have any clean. Washed all my skanky undies with the pile of dirty clothes that have accumulated over 2 weeks. Three guys living together, we battle for the washing machine. I chatted to my mum, looked on the Internet to see if I could find her a new dog, so we had a long chat. It's kind of sad for a woman who has celebrated new year in London, Paris and New York, not to mention on topical islands in the Pacific, is going to be in bed by 9pm new years eve. I've even been to the framing shop and rehung that painting that has been off the wall for... how long? Well, it's a new year.

I'm quitting smoking Monday, the 3 days I spend in Brisbane with my family for our delayed Xmas, that'll teach 'em! I told them I didn't want to go! I'm still pissed off I buckled under the weight of female disapproval.

David, Shane and I are heading out to something within walking distance tonight, staggering distance home. Good thing we live in Fitzroy. Boy's night out. The three of us have a laugh when we are out together. Big smile.

Now I'm drinking vodka.

Happy New Year.

 

Grandpa's Old Car

Every Thing went Brown

David masturbated, Xmas night, with his new patuli oil, not realising it was a fake tan. Afterwards he drifted off to sleep. Apparently, everything went kind of streaked orange, not the least of which was his sheets.

When David lamented that he was going to go out whoring, Shane, and I, laughed! A lot! No, Shane, and I, are not bitter and single.

Oh Hello There

5 days in the country and I have a sore head for sure! Too much of the vino. Too much of the other stuff. Too many chocolates. Too much cake. Big smile.

The sun shone. The sky was blue. The weather was gorgeous. Hot, nicely hot. The days drift from one into another, just as it should be. Forget the time. Forget the date.

I ate. I slept. I lazed around. I watched the cricket, of all things. Pretty South African batsman, J.P. Duminy.

Friends came and stayed. We laughed. We swam.

Luke cooked lunch for 37.

I got DVD's, Doctor Who, The Lair, Rebel Without a Cause, Fatal Attraction, my present to myself. I got books, Judy Walter's Auto biography, she should have got a ghost writer, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, which was good, read in 1/2 a day. And too many chocolates.

I text Mitchell Happy Xmas, he didn't reply.

I drove up and down a few times, as my mother's dog decided to die Xmas day evening. Poor Lottie. Poor Fred. His timing was impeccable.

And all I felt like doing all day today was sleep.

Do we need holidays from our holidays?

 

Truth

Truth pressed to the earth will rise again

That there is no god and belief in him is useless

That the human race is doomed by global warming

That abortion will be the only hope to save mankind

The tissue from foetus' will be used to save our minds

That marijuana is harmless and will ease our pain

Big business will have to die for all its sins

For us to all be born again

Hot Cops - Wildside

I love Wildside, Thursday nights. My favourite cop show. Alex Demetriades and Aaron Pedersen... woof! Those boys make a hot team.

Alex is bad boy hot, Aaron is good boy hot. What perfect looking men, what a duo.

My favourite episodes were when female suspect tries to get around Alex as she plays with his bulge and he lets her and he talks dirty back to her. Then he arrests her.

My other is when a girl suspect comes onto Aaron and he tries to fight it, but you know he wants to. She kisses him to see if he’s fallen for her. The way he kisses back, you know they are going to.

Both were convincingly turned on. Hot. Sweaty. Flushed. How hot did both those gorgeous boys look?

And, I'm a creative fella, I've got a good imagination, you should see what I imagine the two of those two doing to each other.

Twisting in the Wind

Cousin Jeffery was left twisting in the wind, on Sunday, after the grand parents threw out the family's "plan B," presented by mum and dad, tactically. It put the injured family member, namely Jeffery, on the bench, so to speak, to allow them two family representatives on the day of the meeting.

If Jeffery can't attend family business meetings, he can elect up to two people to replace him, but only if pa and gran don't use their veto powers.

Cousin Jeffery was to be replaced by either Xavier and Georgia, loading up the females would win gran over, but not pa, or, Aaron and Travis, which would placate grand pa, but was nan still smarting from her eye full of Travis from his nudie romp with Bridget?

"When will that boy ever grow up?" gran was heard to say afterwards.

Usually, it is pa and gran and Jeffery, who holds some sort of proxy power which gives him 2 votes. Four votes is what James-family-constitutionally needed to pass a motion. Usually, Jefferey does the lot. It is against Jefferey's nature to be anything other than totally honest and totally fair. In family business dealings he is beyond question. But, if he can't attend, neither does his proxy.

That forced the grand parents to decide between a youth policy and the oldest members of the family, in choosing Jeffery's parents, two family members nearer their own generation.

The issue was family trust funds and the increases trust fund holders, which is just about everyone, can expect.

Truth is, Jeffery has had enough and he's heading to Laos to enjoy the company of the waiter Vundi at the hotel, where he'd stayed, who'd been more than happy to give personal service, for very few extra dollars. He's not sick at all, as the matriarch and patriarch have been lead to believe. But he thought Xavier and Georgia would be a shoe in, therefore shoring up the younger family members expectations.

But, his mother and father would slash every one's budget in-line with gran and pa, and it could be irreversible for 12 months.

Jefferey was due to leave for the airport in a matter of hours. Did he care? He had to care. Perhaps, he could talk to his grandparents, impress upon them... it would never work, they'd swing to the conservative side because they had to scrimp and save all their lives. Blah, blah, blah. They may have been true for the first few years of their marriage maybe, but then grandpa found his forte in property development and made a fortune. But, some how in business matters, now that they are effectively retired, they have the attitude that less is more. That the younger generation should be happy with less, to somehow balance out their own life time allocation.

Jefferey wanted a pay rise and the new super hot Renault he'd had his eye on. He was in a bind. He was the one who had to fix it. He knew that. The rest of them were useless, they'd create ugliness and then moan about it. Jefferey just didn't want to declare defeat quite so soon.

He cheered himself up with the thought of smothering the two old reprobates with pillows in the middle of the night. They'd soon stop kicking, he thought.

The wind blew into Jefferey's face. He closed his eyes momentarily and let the wind buffeted him. It blew stronger than he first anticipated, turning him to the left to face directly into it, as thoughts of murder left his head. 

The Xmas Elf gets around to as many gay men as he can, spreading Xmas cheer. He has his special Xmas dance that he does for the punters, during which he is wearing very little.

Everybody loves the Xmas Elf, with his thick thighs and his beef butt, and if you have been a very good boy all year, he will wiggle it for you all night.

Happy Pagan Holiday

This is not the J man's birthday. This was a ceremonial day in the Pagan calendar, which the Christian's appropriated to smash the pagans market share superiority.

Jesus was born on another day, not unlike the Queen – the real one, with the matching gloves and the hats (not Uncle Bob from number 25 with the combover and the Vaseline fingers)

Just because Jesus hung out with a group of 12 boys, don't go assuming. No, I didn't mean Jesus when I said the Queen. Although, 12 male buddies with whom you are inseparable... you do the maths.

When The Cat's Away

Boyfriends Vash and Dashiel have been together for five years, since they were both nineteen. They are the same age.

Vash, short, messy blond hair, brown eyes and a goatee, black long sleeved skivvy with a white T-shirt over it, blue jeans rolled up at the base, fell for Dashiel, short spiked black hair - with the dorsal fin in the middle, red t-shirt with a thick white stripe around the middle, black jeans, over a discussion about a chair.

They've endured uni, monogamy and professional success and a year living overseas together.

They've just returned to Melbourne. Dashiel gets a job straight away, but Vash isn't so quick to secure employment.

Is Vash trying as hard as he could, thinks Dashiel?

Vash spends the days at home. He has the meals ready and the house tidy for when Dashiel gets home. Vash gets all that done in a few hours before lunch and then he spends all of his spare time on the net.

Mateo, long blond hair, brown eyes, a bit of a hippie, scruffy, athletic, sexy works around the corner in the coffee shop as he goes to uni finishing his final year. Mateo likes the look of Vash from the first moment they flirt with each other when Vash goes into his shop for coffee beans. The two meet up, secretly, one afternoon Mateo finishes at lunch time, for coffee, and then lunch and then back to Vash’s in the afternoon where they smoke a spliff and fuck. 

Vash falls for Mateo and breaks Dashiel's heart. 

Things aren’t looking good for the boyfriends, except Mateo bumps into Dashiel one night out at a club on his own. It’s a Saturday night and Mateo and Dashiel have taken pills, Dashiel because he wants to forget the resent past and Mateo because he is celebrating it. 

Dashiel and Mateo are in the toilets of the club when they meet. Mateo tries to apologise to Dashiel, but Dashiel wasn’t having it.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For everything that’s happened,” says Mateo.

“What, for ruining my life?”

“That wasn’t my intension.”

“Not you intension? Not your intension? So, what was your intension when you stuck your cock up my boyfriend’s arse, tell me that?”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean to fall for him, it just happened.”

“But you did, Blanch, you fucking did,” says Dashiel.

Dashiel’s voice was getting loud. At the same time, a toilet cubicle became vacant. Mateo, realising people were starting to stare, pushes Dashiel into the vacant toilet cubicle and shuts the door.

The two continue arguing, trying to keep a lid on their volume until at awkwardly contained fever pitch, something snaps, the situation, the drugs, the close proximity confinement, probably all of it, they start kissing each other passionately, and they have sex with each other.

Afterwards, they are kind of stunned with each other, but not sorry, and kind of taken with the idea.

Dashiel walks Mateo home to his and Vash’s house. They throw stone chips at the window until Vash’s sleep head appears through the French doors.

“Dashiel,” Vash says. “Mateo.” He is surprised and confused.

“Hey,” says Dashiel.

“Hey,” says Mateo.

“What the fuck?” says Vash.

“I miss you,” says Dashiel.

“What are you talking about?” says Vash.

“I’m sorry,” says Dashiel.

“What the hell are you two doing together?” says Vash.

“We want to be with you,” says Dashiel.

“We realised what we wanted, tonight,” says Mateo.

“Fuck off, this is hard enough without you two taking the piss,” says Vash.

“We’re not taking the piss,” says Dashiel.

“We’re not,” says Mateo.

“Open the fucken door, and let them inside, and shut the fuck up,” calls out Liam from across the road. “Would it be that we all have your problems, Vash.”

“Quit with the brag, some of us are trying to sleep,” yells Lachlan from next door from his bedroom window.

“Let’s us up,” says Dashiel.

“Lets us up,” says Mateo.

Vash lets the two boys in. Dashiel, puts his finger over Vash’s mouth. “Not now,” says Dashiel. “Tomorrow.”

Dashiel and Mateo lead Vash back upstairs. They undress each other as Vash watches from the bed, then they get into the bed either side of Vash, both putting their arms around him. 

Vash was not immediately forgiving, but Dashiel and Mateo were very attentive and eventually they made Vash laugh with their antics, and it was probably at that point that the three of them being together really came into being.

Phone Pests

Since I've been driving around during the day, do you know how many times the light changes to green and nothing happens. Zilch! Zip! We sit there. Hello? Finally, the bozo at the front moves, wake up! Of course, everybody is too scared of road rage to toot, now.

What are they doing? Why aren't they paying attention? Driving a car is a relatively simply process, certainly the negotiation of traffic lights is – notice, no matter how few brain cells somebody has, no matter how toothless and ignorant, they can always manage to get a driving licence, a mobile phone and, sadly, a kid. But I digress...

When I had seen the umpteenth person on their phone behind the wheel, it dawned on me. They are on their phones at the lights. They are, aren’t they?

I think people should lose their licence, er, rockets put up their arses, for talking on the phone when behind the wheel of a car. Okay, suspended their licences, like when you exceed the speed limit by 30ks. Everybody, clearly, thinks they can combine the two, but they can't, they are kidding themselves to think they.

If the government really means it – Tougher sentencing laws for all.

Gay guys could put the rockets up the pretty guy’s arses. The lesbians could do the pretty girls. The ugly transgressors rocket insertion could become a punishment for a whole other range of crimes, you know, like littering, or being a dick, or talking loudly on your mobile phone on public transport. 

Early Morning

What a beautiful morning it was at 6am.

I tossed and turned all night, not sure why as sleeping is what I do best. It was a hot night, airless, even with my balcony doors open. I finally gave in and rolled a j and headed to my balcony, as the sun rose. A gentle, cool breeze blew, the day was awakening, light was returning to the world, a pink blush was awash in the sky.

A jogger slipped by in tiny black shorts on his solo quest.

The weekend was over, 3 days till Xmas.

The joint was supposed to make me sleepy, sleep till 11am, another 5 hours. Instead, it sent my brain off thinking and I had my lap-top open and was writing not long after.

The is something peaceful and powerful about mornings. The monster awakes, everything is calm. The shadows slip away, the curtain is drawn, you can feel the life seep back on the morning bird's call.

A strapping Indian boy came out of the flats adjusting his crotch oblivious to me. He was a boxer shorts guy, I could see as his cock flopped around.

A middle aged couple walked passed with back packs chatting away.

A grey cloud blew in taking the sparkle away. A light rain fell, fingers strumming on the tin, not even wet on the ground.

Bike rider boy, with nice legs, in lycra. Skater boy with the back of his briefs exposed. Handsome man in a dark suit, flat stomach, nice bulge. Hot chick in a power suit, low cut, the girls were out. Cute delivery man in camel work pants making his rounds.

How I'd like to lick that, I thought, as I gazed, stoned, at the fine curve of the delivery boy's arse.

I smoked another j and slept until 11, ah the life of the unemployed. Now it is just hot, the delicate newness of the day has been burnt away.

End of the year! Fuck me! Whoosh! I guess I should go Xmas shopping?

Ah! Bah! Humbug! That's how the thought of the busy shops makes me feel.

I thought about Mitchel, he's flying home, at 11, for Xmas. He'll be gone a month.

I got a text from my girlfriend Rachel.

Remember, we are having dinner together tonight in Yarraville.

I didn't remember that? I know I've been hitting the pot a little hard, since I quit the cigarettes, 9 days today, not that it really counts, but I didn't remember anything about dinner.

Sure. What time did we say?

No, you idiot. That's what you say if you are asked.

My girlfriend Rachel has it all, to an outsider looking in. A handsome husband. Beautiful children. Good jobs. But Rachel hangs out at singles bars, saying she is out with me.

Nobody would ask me to verify the story. I think the game is very much apart of it all for her. Rachel says she is bored, with her perfect life. There is boredom in perfection. She needs a thrill, which equates to fucking strange men in hotel rooms... not that I am against that, per say.

I was suddenly glad my life isn't so complicated, while I wondered what the hell I was going to do with the day.

Slept the Day Away

Mitchel's handsome face was asleep on the pillow next to me. I'd forgotten how nice it is to wake up to a mate to play with, as I slipped my hands down between his legs. He laughed and jumped. I find it hard to sleep with men and Mitchel is a breeze. That must say something?

Mitchel left at midday, something about helping an auntie do something. He's very family orientated, which, I guess, is good.

Mitchel is nice, we’ve been having sex together lately, when the mood takes both of us. He’s actually nicer than the sex he performs but, so, I can’t see it lasting with him, but he’s nice to kiss and cuddle, he feels nice in my arms, his body feels nice naked against my naked body, so, you know, that’s really a lot of intimacy. 

David was cross-eyed on the couch when I got downstairs.

"There was fisting and double fisting and punch fucking," said David excitedly. "My e was so good, I can't believe it, one and a half and I'm still going." David always revels in the post mortem.

I rolled him a steady stream of j's to calm him down.

Shane woke up with Gary, who somehow morphed into Mark W. by the afternoon. David and I are still not sure how that happened. Shane said he found Mark W. on the doorstep.

Still don’t know what happened to Gary? Shane said something about him being empty, and he’d been sent away to refill.

We got a real Xmas tree this year, we put red Xmas lights on it.

Mark W. poured vodka's until he announced he was going to drive home drunk.

"But I've got my car," he said when I protested. "It's only down the hill."

By that stage I couldn't see straight.

And I can’t really tell you what, actually, happened to Mark W. Did he drive? Who can say?

Conscious drifted into unconscious and the rest of the day drifted into sleep, the house was quiet, not even a mouse peep. The Xmas lights blinked on and off all for themselves. A solitary sentry, you might say.

David had to take sleepers to bring himself down.

When we awoke, we all convened back in the lounge room, sans Mak W, and smoked more pot and passed out again.

Ah, lovely Sunday.

Don't Lose Your Head

The head floated in, complaining. Of course, the head didn't return on its own, it floated in on the magic carpet that bought it to us. Persian, I believe.

"Not so aerodynamic on my own," the head bitched, spitting as he spoke. He wanted a drink to calm his nerves, but it just dribbled out onto the floor.

The body walked in hours later, banging into things as it came, no eyes, which only started the head bitching all over again.

"Where the fuck have you been?" said the head. "I had to get a ride back here thanks to you."

The body just sat there and said nothing, because it was blessed in as much it couldn't hear what the head was saying. No ears.

He just sat there and played with himself, which infuriated the head even more.

"It wasn't like I got the fright," moaned the head. "The crystal meth only blurred my vision and gave me thoughts I can't escape."

Saturday Night in the City

Mitchel and I went out to dinner Saturday night, we ate steaks in Northcote.

We came home and lay on the couch, afterwards, Shane was on the other couch, definitely moping.

David wanted Shane to go to Megafist, Shane was resisting saying, what was the point, it would only turn to shit, life was screwed woe was he.

Mark W. got into him about the failure of their relationship, again.

Matt's mum was about to die, after knowing she was sick for only four weeks.

Shane doesn't do stress or single very well.

"All the more reason you should come to megafisterama," said David with a big smile and a flourish of his hands.

I could tell Mitchel was turned on by the discussions of fisting, there was a definite sparkle in his eye. Shane also commented on it, afterwards. Down boy, I thought.

One problem was that we were out of pot and Shane didn't fancy taking d's if he didn't have pot to come home to. Everyone was impressed when Mitchel procured us pot at midnight. His status in the house was suddenly raised to genius, the nice thing was that I don't think he realised.

Then it was mentioned that a certain Gary was going to the fisting party, who Shane fancied. We all saw the sparkle return to Shane's eye and David knew his work was done.

"Gary? Really? Are you sure?"

David would have confirmed it no matter what, if it meant Shane would head out with him.

Then David and Shane were filing their nails furiously, no rough bits allowed, as Mitchel slid one hand through another and smiled cheekily at me. "Huh, forget it," I had to finally say. He and I watched TV, cuddled and kissed.

Camping

It’s amazing how life rushes on past, not stopping for you. You’ve just got to hang on and take your opportunities when they present themselves. Sometimes you lose your grip and fall down and that’s okay for a time, but eventually you just have to stick your head up again and grab on.

I had been working for a local construction firm on the site of a new housing conversion – the old brewery was being turned into 300 apartments. The way of the world. Work was good, I’d been unemployed for so long. I got the job through a good high school mate, Adam Boys. Not what you know, but who you know, of course. 

Adam, Joel Brady and Tim Wade and I were all mates at school. The four of us grew up together and graduated from high school in the early nineties. After high school, Joel, Tim and I went off to uni, but Adam went to work for his dad in the construction business. We lost touch, as even the most well intentioned friends do. Life moves on in unexpected ways. Whoosh and it’s turned upside down.

After uni, I didn't know what to do with myself. Suddenly school was over and uni was over. Whoosh! What fucken happened? I opened a café and when that went cunt-up, I had a shot at a cleaning business. It went the way of the café and I disappeared into a bong haze for a while with like-minded housemates, after that, ashamed at being a failure.

The black sheep accepts his crown.

Joel passed the CPA exam on the first try and got a job with a major accounting firm. He seemed set. I envied him. On course. Then he discovered drugs and the party scene, I may have introduced him to them. I needed a mate to party with, as Tim had headed overseas to get away from precisely that. Joel grew tired of work and quit.

I felt guilty about it, for the longest time.

Somehow, we lost five years, in a haze of mediocrity and sedation. Joel, and I, were living on welfare, getting pox job after pox job just to keep our government hand out coming in.

Joel dealt party drugs, to supplement his dole and to get our drugs cheaper, for nix if you were hard-arsed about it like Joel.

What happened to all that promise?

One night Joel ran into Adam, at a club. He was doing well in his father’s company. His firm’s market share was expanding, profits were up. Adam offered Joel a job. It was a menial job, Adam made that clear, but it still paid more than the dole.

I signed up to do some temp work, three months worth, while some account manager was on long service leave and found myself working in the Adam’s company too.

Tim returned from OS and the four of us started to hang out together on Friday’s right after work. None of us ever had girlfriends to speak of, so we were glad of the company. We’d usually head to a bar close to the construction site, to down a few beers before we headed for home. It was slow, Adam being boss man and all, but over many beers as Friday night dusk fell, we became friends all over again.

We planned a camping trip for a late January weekend. We decided to leave for the campsite immediately after work on that Friday. What was the point of heading home? Joel volunteered to pick up Adam, Tim and me so we’d only have one car at work that day. Then we could head on to the camping site together. Of course, Adam wanted to take his brand new Peugeot GTI, but Joel won out. Joel and Adam have always been competitive with each other, just always been.

Joel drove a GTHO Falcon. When he turned eighteen his dad gave him the car as a birthday present. His dad had stopped driving the car as a daily driver and the car had been sitting in the garage, under a tarp, so it only seemed fitting. Joel loved that car even if he didn’t always have the money to take care of it.

It was hot. It had rained in the afternoon, which only made the hot day sticky. There were puddles all over the muddy construction site at the end of the day, simmering. There was a hazy quality to the late afternoon sun; steam seemed to be rising from the pools in ground. Hazy. Shimmer.

The four of us met at a local bar for a few of knock-off beers before we headed for the car together. The ceiling tried its hardest to cool us down. The bottoms of our work boots were covered in mud, as we approached the classic Falcon. Joel told us not to worry. He shrugged. The floor at the back was covered with clumps of dried mud, thanks to working construction. Joel shrugged again when he saw me looking at it. “Can’t be helped,” said Joel. He took off his hard hat and got into driver’s seat. Adam got in on the passenger side and Tim and I got in the back seat.

Joel slipped the key in the ignition and started to crank the engine. He pumped the accelerator with his mud-covered Blundstone. He pressed it down about half way. The engine turned over but didn’t spark.

“The Berryman deal has to finalise in a week,” said Adam.

“I know,” I said. “I’ve been onto the warehouse, but so far nothing.”

Tim waved his hands at us. “A whole weekend,” said Tim, grinning. “Nothing but wide open spaces to worry about.”

The engine didn't fire. Joel pushed back in the seat, sat up straight and sighed. He started to mutter to himself, "Come on, come on."

“Here’s to the weekend,” said Tim, twisting the top off a stubby.

Joel gave the pedal more pumps.

“If we get there,” said Adam, looking over at Joel.

Joel looked at Adam, snorted out through his nose and then looked away.

The engine cranked. It caught then chugged again. Joel pumped the pedal. "Come on buddy," Joel whispered.

Cough. Nothing. The ignition lights glowed red on the dashboard.

“I bet with this heat and humidity the thing has vapour locked,” said Adam. “Why don’t you pump it a little more while your cranking and see if that will get more petrol to the carb.”

Joel looked in Adam’s direction and started cranking the engine again. The car was trying to start, but just couldn’t.

We all sat in silence.

Tim pulled a cigarette packet from his top pocket, out of which he produced a neatly rolled joint. “Something for our nerves, gentlemen,” he said. The rich smell filled the car. I felt butterflies in my stomach, at the thought. I hadn’t smoked at all since I’d started work, since I resurrected my life.

Adam put his hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Get out and pop the bonnet.” Adam pushed Joel gently. Joel recoiled with a twitch of his shoulder, clearly unhappy.

He got out of the car while Adam slid over to the driver’s seat. He sat with his muddy right boot on driver’s side doorsill and his left boot on the floor of the car.

I puffed on the joint, after Tim.

Joel lifted the bonnet and took off the lid to the air cleaner and looked into the carb. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out and inserted it.

Tim stretched out and rested his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes. “Tell me when it’s over,” he whispered to me. He touched me on the shoulder.

“The carb had flooded,” said Joel. “Try it now.”

Adam placed his right foot on the muddy ground outside the driver’s door and planted his well worn and muddy left work boot firmly on the pedal and pushed it down to the floor. He grabbed the key and turned it to "start" and kept it there. The engine cranked and cranked and cranked.

I sat back and puffed some more on the joint. Tim declined it when I offered it back to him. “Nah mate,” he whispered, with a flick of his head. “I’ll be humping your leg if I have any more.”

Somehow, I had a joint in one hand and a stubby in the other, from which I was alternating. My head spun.

“Hang on,” said Joel. He made some adjustment. “Okay Adam, try it again.”

Adam pushed his huge boot to the floor and turned the key. “Come on you piece of shit!”

Chug, chug, the engine sputtered to life. Black smoke billowed from the exhaust pipe. Adam gunned the accelerator. Broom! Broom!

“Don’t cane it, it’s still cold,” said Joel.

“I’ll fucken cane you,” said Adam.

“Hoo, hoo, hoo,” said Tim without opening his eyes.

"Like to see you try," said Joel.

The rich smell of unburned petrol filled the passenger compartment. I looked at Tim. He pinched his nostrils with his fingers.

Adam got out and walked up to the front of the car. “You need a new car, mate.”

Joel pushed Adam in the chest, kind of playfully, but not really. “Get in.”

Adam pushed Joel back, then walked to the passenger side of the car and got in. Joel took out the wonder implement, put the cover back on the air cleaner and lowered the hood with a whomp. He got back in the car.

The car rocked gently as it idled.

“Piece of shit,” said Adam grinning.

“You’re asking for it,” said Joel. "Fucken asking for it!"

He pushed the gear-stick into first. The rear wheels spun in the gravel, in the mud, I could hear the spray of gravel behind. We got on the highway and headed for the camping site. We downed the stubbies as we downed the kilometres.

“So how long is it going to take us to get there tonight?” asks Adam.

It was late and getting dark by the time we got there. Adam built a fire, with wood scavenged from not far away. Joel got the tents out. I found the billy, coffee and milk. Life's essentials. I got water from the geri-can. Tim produced another joint and he and I were wasted in no time.

"Can you help me with my boots," asked Tim, holding a leg in my direction. I took his foot in my hand and slowly undid the laces. 

"Thank you, Alfred," said Tim.

Then I took his other foot and did the same. "You're a natural," said Tim. He stroked his neck with his hand.

Late, after much drinking, Joel grabbed Adam by the shirt and pushed him backwards, up against a tree, on the edge of the camp site. I didn't really know why. Adam held his hands out in the air, as if to say he wasn’t going to fight. They gazed at each other like that for a few seconds, both breathing hard. Still. Silent.

Then Joel did an unexpected thing, when he thought Tim and I had looked away. He stepped towards Adam and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Adam kissed him back... as he wrapped his arms around Joel.

Really late, when we were maggoted, Joel and I got to confession time. Tim and Adam had long since gone to bed.

“I pinched some money from work to pay for my lifestyle, back then,” said Joel. “I got out before they realised. Too embarrassed to chase me, I presume.” Then he just smiled at me, waiting for my response. “That’s why I left my job.”

I didn't know what to say.

It wasn’t my fault, then?

Joel shrugged when all he got was the glow of the hot embers in my eyes.

I heard some muffled moaning from Adam and Joel's tent, after we'd all finally gone to bed.

Tim put his arm around me, after I turned out the light. He hugged me as we drifted off to sleep. As Tim snored softly into my ear, just as my body started to melt into the ground, falling into sleep, I heard Adam yell out, moan. 

Then all I could hear was frogs.

There's an online company called DealByEthan.com who are selling great stuff for guys, underwear, swimwear, check out their website, their range is extensive. Apart from the great cloths, they have a sexy website with hot models showing their merchandise off to perfection. Some of their models, woof!

Free Market Economy

I wonder how long it will be before the computer companies, who produce the anti virus software, admit that they are responsible for most of the computer virus' in the world?

It's a no-brainer. Simple market share expansion/product placement.

Love This Shot of Kevin Zeigers... Especially Those Jeans

Wednesday, the Weeks are Flying

I spent the day in bed with my lap-top writing a gay short story. It seemed like the safest place to be, feeling nicotine deprived angst, as I was.

I didn't speak to Mitchel. I didn't feel like talking to anyone.

 

They say Jesse is like the finest chocolate, smooth and beautiful and unbelievable to taste

You can kind of see it, can't you.

Day 3

Here we go again, day 3 quitting smoking. It's hell!

I need something to bite down on. I've got nothing to say.

Watched Dexter on DVD, washed down with two bottles of red wine, some how it seemed appropriate.

Followed by Mama Mia, dished up in the smoke of a number of joints, for true schizophrenia.

I text Mitchell sweet dreams at midnight. Good night pumpkin, he text back.

I couldn't help but smile, as I lay my pissed/stoned head down on the pillow. Bump. I guess that's my "more effort," one text @ midnight. I laughed at myself.

Do you like it?

Independent and free? Someone who loves me? Nothing should change, if it's right. Surly he fell in love with me while I was being independent and free?

Of course, I am dangerously deprived of nicotine, I could say anything.

Does anybody else hear that ringing?

Out for Coffee

I went out for dinner with David, Shane and Sebastian, to the pub, it's a Monday night thing, when I was supposed to be out with Mitchel. Oops. I hadn't heard from him during the day, I assumed he couldn't male it. He text just as my main meal was put in front of me. Bad Christian! What to do now? I thought. How do I slide out of this one. We'd headed out to dinner, actually, it was only 19.45

He and I went for coffee afterwards. He's really sweet, easy to be with, you know, kind of like we've always known each other. It feels so natural, him walking beside me, like that's where he belongs.

I like him. I even melt a little when he is around, I can feel it. When he looks at me, when he laughs. When I push my leg against his and he pushes back just the same. Sweet. Smart. Funny. Makes me smile.

I should put more effort into him.

 

Death, we flock to it

Back on Line

I lose my PC for two days and have to use my laptop and then I lose my Internet connection, I've been without it for two days.

Can't connect. Try again. I'm a dummy, if it doesn't work.

I must admit that I didn't stress too much. I took it as a sign that I should do something else, that I should have a break from all things electronically stored. So, I've been reading books, with cardboard covers and pages made out of paper.

You can read a book any where. In the back yard. At a coffee shop on the street. Down the park, as the sun shines. Tucked up in bed, in the afternoon. On the couch with a blanket, as the rain falls. Waiting for the sun to set.

Lovely. It's kind of nice not being joined to my computer at the hip.

I've walked down Smith Street twice, for a coffee and a window shop.

Rainy Days

I don't think it has stopped raining for the last twenty four hours. It's good to hear, I love the rain. pitter pat... and all that.

wet my heart...

I went out walking in it with my tongue out, around to the milk bar. Spit splat on my face, that feels so wonderful. I didn't half get some looks, though.

wet my brain...

You know once, in Fitzroy, you used to be able to walk around to the shops with a rubber chicken on your head and nobody would react. Different now all the clueless yuppies have moved in. You know, the types who'd complain about the bums. You know, like the dicks who moved to St Kilda and wanted to get rid of the hookers.

wet my dick as it dangles free...

Fall rain drops fall, wet the soil, wet out dry souls.

Sail boats in the swirling gutters and gather sticks for the blocked drains.

 

Near Angels

Angel Sebastian wears a red suit. He wears silver boots. He has Gossamer wings. A million pair entwined together.

Sebastian's co-angel is Girl Angel wears white. Her complexion is white. She wears her blonde hair shaggy, like its just been caught in the wind. Her blues eyes are pale and rarely seen. She is the shiest of all the angels. Sebastian’s six and a half feet, and proportionate body, sleek and muscled, is more than enough to keep her safe, when their charge makes demands.

Near Angels to Ignatius, Aloysius, Loquacious and Epiphany. As are co-angels Entendre and Dilis. The circle grows.

Angel Entendre – must be carful to be clear. She's a tart when she's under the influence of some upper or downer. A high class tart, but a tart non the less.

Angel Dilis – very energetic young carefree angel, A young stallion, light and beautiful, fine and lean. The very essence of Puck. Dilis keeps Entendre safe.

Near Angels, those of companion charges, can only look on, tutting their only power really, when near angels misbehave.

There’s no precedent, no boy angel has behaved so defiantly, as Aloysius. It has been deemed, in abstention, by the angel council that first Aloysius must actively seek Ignatius’ forgiveness and then he must wait for Ignatius’ response. As there is no precedent for this, Ignatius can respond in any way he pleases. And if he rejects Aloysius, there will be a schism in the angel kingdom and no angel really knows what will happen after that.

The echoes of the tutting angels can bee heard floating all about.

Maybe Entendre and Dilis can only watch from the sidelines, eating grapes. Dillis is the stoner. Entendre is the drinker. Both cross that another region is threatening the world. Conscience floating in every atom, eventually it must get in.

Angel Betrayal

Tall, dark-haired Angel Ignatius and brown, shaggy-haired Angel Aloysius sleep together in their feathered nest in their moss cave, every night. Aloysius is in Ignatius’ arms, their wings wrapped around each other. Two beautiful lovers, eyes closed, at peace, betrothed to each other, since the day they met. Love at first sight, as it works for all angels.

It is how the angel world sleeps peacefully, everyone in love. It's a delicate equilibrium that takes energy to maintain. Love is dictated by personalities not gender. Total freedom rules. But you don't mess with someone's mate, Angels mate for life, which for them, is forever. All are beautiful, someone for everyone, it has been decreed. Angel law number 1. There is natural balance in the angel kingdom, this law must be maintained, more so than obeyed. It is the angel life-blood.

I don’t ask a lot of my angels, so they have a lot of spare time on their hands. The other angels joke that Ignatius, Aloysius, Loquacious and Epiphany have the easiest gig in the angel world.

Lately, naughty Aloysius has been sleeping with young smouldering dark-haired Angel Angelo, against all angel rules. Angelo hasn't mated yet, he's only just left his mother, Angel Maria. He's only just gained adult angelhood. They are disobeying their own angel code, no good can come of this. Aloysius and Angelo are flying to the dark place to have unprotected sex with each other. Ignatius can feel it, when the two misbehave, as lover angels they share more than a bond, they share their soul.

They do have a current assignment though, I have asked them to find James for me. They should be busy scouting around, all four of them.

Shall I clap my hands?

Ignatius sleeps on his own, at night, he is heart broken, but he is too proud to admit it. He slips silently away at night without a word. He has the thoughts of all the angels, who all disapprove of Aloysius and Angelo, who keep their eye on Ignatius, sending him love.

Raven-haired beauty Angel Loquacious sends Nordic blond Angel Sebastian to sleep with Ignatius. Sebastian flies down to Ignatius in the dark of night and wraps his big strong wings around him, there on the moss in the cave. Of course, Sebastian can only offer comfort, as his heart is with Loquacious, he can’t offer the physical comfort Aloysius offers Ignatius, which is what Ignatius most craves.

Angel Sebastian usually sleeps with Loquacious, on a giant lily pad on the lake, with the full approval of the Angel Council, as Sebastian is one of only two angels in whose arms Loquacious stops talking and slips away to slumber. And they are in love, they only have eyes for each other, all the angels can see that. Sebastian’s girl co-angel usually sleeps with Angel Epiphany in the tree house, on velvet cushions. Loquacious sleeps with Epiphany, the only other angel in whose arms Loquacious stops talking for sleep, and Sebastian’s co girl angel, while Sebastian is comforting Ignatius, in these difficult times.

These sleeping arrangements are also allowed because Sebastian and his co girl angel are the angels of somebody close to me, I don’t know who, my dreams don’t extend passed my story, so they are never far from their charge. In all my dreams of angels, Sebastian’s co girl-angel’s name has never been revealed to me, I don’t know why?

But, Aloysius and Angelo are sneaking away from their charges to be together. The whole angel kingdom disapproves. Angel disapproval lays heavily on angels, to have the whole angel kingdom down on them must be excruciating for the two recalcitrant boy angels. Such disapproval will eventually turn a bad angel back to good, otherwise they will sicken and die. But as angels are immortal; good intentions will eventually win out.

When Aloysius scampers back during the daylight hours, his three co-angels give him the cold shoulder. Ignatius acts business-as-usual, clipped and to the point. Secretly, he is pleased to see his lover and as their emotions are tied, he feels lighter and brighter when Aloysius is around. The two girls are seething, Loquacious vocally, Epiphany cold as steel, almost silent, but Aloysius is sulky, pissed off, drunk on Angelo, and doesn’t seem to care. Epiphany kisses Loquacious long and slow to calm her anger.

Angel Ignatius, with his black tights and hairy chest, his silver wings and dazzling, blue eyes, instructs Aloysius to sleep by himself by the lake, when night falls, the only materialisation of Ignatius’ anger.

“You need to make some decision, Al. Until then, I don’t want you near me,” says Ignatius. His eyes watering and chin dimpling in pain. A pointed finger and attitude that says don’t fuck with me.

Aloysius’ eyes are sad as they lay sulkily on his muscular arm, lying on the shore of the Sapphire Lake. Leather pants stretched across his muscular arse, leather harness across he broad shoulders – he doesn’t even have the good sense to change from his Angelo play cloths when he returns home – brown shaggy hair, wavy down his neck. Plaintive eyes looking up at his cave, he’s forbidden to enter. Messy fringe, unblemished skin, dimpled chin. Green eyes burning like emeralds.

Both angels sleep uneasily.

Angel Sebastian returns to Loquacious with two flaps of his golden wings. And the whole angel kingdom holds is breath in anticipation.

I thought of Evan on the beach in his red speedos when I saw this photo of Justin Gaston in his red jocks

As the Day Drifts, So Does My Mind

It's funny, James is an Aussie and Mitchel is Malaysian. He just text, he's moved into the next suburb. I told him I can't remember what he looks like.

Not my usual types. Normally, I'm a wogboy man through and through.

I'm in bed already. I've had a lot of late nights just lately. The sun is just dropping far down in the west, the room is fuzzy with light, the day on the turn to night. Warm, long summer nights, I've missed them.

I've had a lot of sex with a lot of hot wog boys, I'm thinking, as I recline under my doona in front of the teev.

Michael - gorgeous Greek pup with come to bed eyes. What can I say, bluntly? The arse on that boy had to be ridden to be believed.

Lee - pulling down his jeans that first night, to show his thick hairy Greek boy legs. And how he filled out those blue and white striped jocks!

Lauri - okay, let's say it - apart from his Italian beauty, his heart, his soul, his naughtiness, dirty mind, intellect, whit - never again will I ever see a more beautiful cock. Big, thick all the way along, uncut.

Maurice - beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, loved to be kissed as he got screwed. But Italian boys do.

Carmine - buffed Italian gym boy, open heart, dirty mind, shaved hairy chest. Always wanted to play with another so we could both top. Those dirty Sunday morning calls, Come over, we can tandem. I miss them.

Dean - smouldering good looks, took my breath away every time I saw him. A little flabby, puppy fat, the most timid in the cot. Gentle. Tactile. A passionate kisser with the most beautiful Italian-boy come to bed eyes.

Manny - well, I think I've spoken about him at length. Sexy Greek boy, who was the best kisser out of all of them.

Greek boys are sweeter than Italian boys, I've found.

Funny the things you think, hey, as the sun goes down. As the day folds away into the black. As Missy purrs loudly from the corner of the bed. As I puff the last on the j.

That's not counting casual sex, either. Although, Lauri is the only one who was my boyfriend.

Dancing at the Albury that Mardi Gras. He was in front of me, I had my arms around him. He had on a blue, sleevless, checked shirt. It was Sunday night after the party, we were elegantly wasted. We were floating to the music, I was chewing gently on his neck. I can still remember the way he smells, tastes. He was warm, I can still feel him in my arms.

This drunk chick was suddenly beside us, slurring, loudly. I think we jumped.

"You're gorgeous!" Lauri was in front. "You are fucking gorgeous!" She was dazzled by his brilliant green eyes. "Are you angels, sent down from heaven?" I told you she was drunk.

 

Somebody Else's Kids

Aren't I mean? David has a girlfriend who I can't bare. She is the big events coordinator for the new millennium. All show, all singing, all dancing, sell, sell, sell, full of shit. Big smile, big eyes, "How fascinating, Daaarrrrllinngg!"

I don't believe your sincerity for a moment. I don't like you!

A week, or so ago, when I had the house to myself, David asked if she could come and spend the night, as she lives way out in the boonies and she had an early flight to catch at Melbourne airport. When David was in Sydney and Shane was in Adelaide.

"I'd rather she didn't, to tell you the truth." Me and her alone together for the night. Ah! I'd rather have my dick cut off.

Just now, David came and asked how I'd feel about having two kids in the house tomorrow while he baby sits. "No way," I said. I decided not to sugar coat it. "I hate kids." Not, actually, true, but close enough for this exercise.

"I guess I'll take that as a no?"

I knew who's kids they were and I wasn't having any part of this eventuating. I just knew it would happen more than once, if I allowed it to happen in the first place.

"I'm not sure how else you could interpret my reply," I said to David.

I don't like her, I thought. So, why should I inconvenience myself for somebody I don't like. Life just doesn't work that way. Not that David knows that I don't like her, I never saw any point in letting that cat out of the bag on that issue.

 

Justin Gaston - underwear model

I Want To Make It Through

I went out looking for James. Well? Crazier things have happened, I can assure you.

Instead, I found Marty. Short blond hair, steel blue eyes, big mouth, just made for kissing. Angular face, handsome, a day's growth as sharp as needles and the smell of alcohol on his breath.

The bastard must have put his tooth through my bottom lip, some time when we were kissing and crawling over each other. I didn't realise until after we'd had sex, when I realised the beard rash couldn't, actually, be inside my mouth.

Another one who wanted to be fucked without a condom. The majority of the boys I have sex with want to be fucked raw. One of them last week, pulled the condom off me and said, Do it to me now. Drug fucked eyes, desperate for it.

Do these guys realise that being positive isn't that great? I watch my mates deal with it. And while all of them are healthy, there are side effects to the pills and all sorts of minor heath issues that can occur. Not to mention living with the angst of a virus eating its way through your blood, on a daily basis.

I want to be negative when they find the cure. I want to be able to say, I made it through. I don't know why, silly really, but it's just my thing. It just seems to be a part of the problem to not really care.

I wondered about the unsafe sex issue, as I tongued the split in my lip, as I lent against the wall trying to convince myself to go home. I did a couple of laps, lusted after Crazy Boy. Laughed, when one of the other guys said, He scares me, nodding his head in Crazy Boy's direction.

I grunted in agreement and thought to myself, I find him captivating.

But, with a split lip the choice about staying was really taken out of my hands.

Crazy Boy came up to me a bit later and said, Are you staying much longer?

I'm not sure why, except we do chat a bit when he's not running from one place to another. And I do eye the bulge in his pants... so, I guess I know why we chat.

No, I said. I'm heading home. And I headed out the door.