Everybody is Coming Down With Something

SMS. 8.10. No singing 4 me sick kids, biting poohing weeing puppy, dickhead husband and what’s 2 sing about eh? – Rachel

SMS. 8.17. Sing along anyway. But as I gaze at the princess’ Theatre, it would have to be Whistle While You Work, as I head there – Christian

SMS. 8.18. Think I may take Oliver 2 South Melbourne market 4 a coffee. I hate my food job it makes me quite depressed. Working at Urchin 2nite – Rachel

SMS. 8.19. I hate mine too – Christian

SMS. 8.20. I’m following a hot arse down Bourke Street – Christian

SMS. 8.20. Give it a pinch, make his day – Rachel

The solid boy from yesterday was walking down Bourke Street again with me today. He's a solid, good looking aussie boy; dark messy hair, blue eyes, pale skin. He stopped at the fruit stand and bought another apple, again this morning. I gazed at him, as I waited for the lights on Elizabeth. I want to lick his chops.

I went to mum's for dinner.

I think I'm coming down with something.

When I got home, Tim was watching House MD. He couldn't talk, he was so engrossed. He said he didn't think he had taken breath for half an hour.

I have a nasty tickle in the back of my throat, so I went to bed early.

Hi Chrisso,

Lovely seeing you the other week. When am I going to get an entertaining email again ;0)

Rx (Raymond) 

Chanting As We Speak

SMS. 7.50. Day off Mirr? – Tom

SMS. 7.57. What? – Christian

Tom called to say that the message should have read Miss. He said that he had just had a blood transfusion, which has made him feel so energised he is raring to get out and about and actually feels like he could do it. He is stuck on his catheter for a week though.

Under the elms, over the avenue, through the park and down city streets. I knelt to re-tie my shoe, at the top of Bourke Street, and there was a solid boy in a dark suit, with cool messy hair, walking behind me, past me, in front of me. I whispered my usual boyfriend incantation quietly behind him. Then I whispered that I wanted to suck his big cock long and hard, as we walked down Bourke Street in single file. I chanted, quietly, that his cock was getting hard and that it was rubbing around in his jocks, making itself present in his pants, making it hard and hot for him to walk. The monster was rubbing on his thigh.

He got fidgety and scratched his ear and adjusted his torso in his suite, scratched his head, twitched his arms, stretched his shoulders… and walked with wide steps. I kid you not.

SMS. 14.28. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Had a fab day love .... – Shane

SMS. 14.32. Just come-to, I presume? – Christian

SMS. 14.40. It’s good to have girlfriends who know you well. No don’t panic it’s only Tuesday, wait till the slime has set on the door handles so that he can get out of the room – Shane

SMS. 14.45. Hitting it pretty hard was what I heard about u. Should I be afraid, was my response – Christian

SMS. 15.06. Just another birthday doll – Shane

SMS. 15.12. Hey, the session the other night was really hot. I’m very into another meet. Call me if you are so we can chat. Cheers Shane Buck – Shane

SMS. 16.21. I’m not sure what session u r talking about Buck? But I’m glad to hear u thought it was hot! – Christian

SMS. 16.25. How did you get that? Not in my sent items? Oh well, better you than somebody else…well, except for one – Shane

As I walk out of work, as I head up Bourke to William.

SMS. 17.51. (Rachel) Hey ho, end of the day! U know the song, come on sing along – Christian

Tim heated up his left-over pasta from last night. It was sensational.

I’ve had two joints. Nicholas has been packing.

SMS. 19.19. (Shane) I miss nothing! – Christian

(Josh)

28.08.05

Firstly, I think you should change your password to poofter in English.

Secondly, coming down the stairs, looking sheepish… didn’t score! If you believe that, I have some lovely beach-side property in Alice Springs you may be interested in. I hear they have a very progressive government. Boyfriends do that. If ya squeamish about it, stay single. One of their least endearing qualities, as worst. Hey, I know my boyfriend is sexy, big deal, at best.

You know, I’m sorry if I was a bit of a shit while you were here, I really should have taken two weeks holiday before you got here and then had two weeks holiday with you, it would have been cool. I was a wee bit stressed out from work, my patience was very scant.

But I’m back to it now, for weeks. Er! It just feels like such a waste of my time.

I changed the names in my novel, as you said. You were absolutely right, by the way, did I tell you? Well, it’s now Lucy and Gavin. And I realised that there was a chapter missing when you read it. Clearly, it made a big difference to the story.

I’ve just come back from a gorgeous sunny, blue-skied weekend at Bolago, from a dear friend, Ros' fortieth. We spent two nights chasing Mars around, as it’s the closest it’s ever been in, yadder, yadder, yadder. Wet paddocks, damp shoes and some of them city folk being scared of the cows. Like I said to them, like cows are so know for their aggression. Is that it? I squealed when I finally saw it. That? That star that looks like every other star in the sky, except it’s a bit more gold? For goodness sakes, we’ve been taken by a couple of meteorologists having a wank. But it was nice standing on top of the mountain in the pitch black in the night with a bunch of thirty something blokes, all guests, gazing at the stars.

So I knew quite a few of Ros’ friends, natch. I was envious of her sister, Lucy, who has enrolled at Deakin next year, to do my writing degree course there. I so want to stop working and do some more study. Which got me to thinking that I actually have done the course, of course. I am trained, I do have the skills and now it is for real – the things you think about in the car as the sun streams in through the window, the road stretches out in front of you like a big, wide ribbon with the blue sky above. I can’t piss around any more. It’s no longer just a pipe dream. I have to do it now. Eeks!

I just thought it was something to say. You know, shoot the breeze. Chat. Make small talk. Talk stoner crap. A bit like doing lead-light class for receptionists.

Never the less…

My skin is humming from all the sun today.

I have smoked a couple of joints and Tim has just handed me a porn tape. Hmm?

And, I guess, that means you’re getting dumped, Little One.

Big smile.

30.08.05

I forgot to hit send, oops. How did that happen? Clearly there is nothing wrong with my joint stash. Do you think when Tom expresses his concern for my dope habit, I should listen?

Did I tell you that Beau got the heave-ho and has been since replaced with a half-Italian one named Nicholas. Nice to. Can cook rum balls… find his way around a garden… and packs a mean bong. Oops, that’s a bad point. Bad point? Bad point! Mmmmm? I’ll get that one soon.

I think I should go out whoring to find myself a new boyfriend. One that’s sexy and leads an interesting life as well. How hard can that be to find? I find I’m falling in love on every walk into work in the mornings. It’s a sign. I’m developing a thing for men in suits.

Crooked smile.

Tom is back in hospital, bladder problem again. He called me to say that he was glad he was secure enough in the idea that I love him, so that I didn’t need to visit at all… like I had been, or nor…err! Bad Christian. He said his last blood transfusion made him feel so alive and vital he wanted to get out and about – just visiting, you understand not partying – except he’s catheterised to the spot. Damn!

Nitey night.

My head is spinning.

Jasus! Who keeps giving me this stuff?

Cheeky smile.

Er!

Gloved-hand to the throat.

I’m a little faint.

Madeline

Pass me my lavender smelling salts.

No, the other ones, you French fool!

Christian

hello my friends,

how are you? i'm missing you a lot, and so i thought i wirite you a few lines. Here in Bolzano everything is as it was and i won’t change neither. i go to work, i come from work, i see my girlfiend, i have a few drinks with my freinds, and so on. nothing really exciting, but still, nice. how is it in Bolago? hows the old gardener N and his wife? hope they're fine, greet them from me! have you heared anything from paddy latest? the last information i have, is that he went on a on-month-trip with aborigines, and that he was overexcited, looking for shells, and doing some bushwalks...

so well i have to get back to work now, i write to you later!

Oh and christian, any new written tales you could send me? i'd love to read something!

Sebastian M.

Nicholas Has Beautiful Rum Balls

I think I fall in love every morning on my way to work. There was a boy in Gertrude Street, this morning, who had such a sexy arse and lunch that I couldn’t help looking over the road at him, as we walked side by side, different sides of the street. That was until he realised what I was doing, that I was looking at him, he smiled and looked over at me, so I left him with that smile and I turned up Brunswick Street.

Then there was a boy with piercing blue eyes, pale skin and black hair. Yum! Dark suite, crossing Albert by the fire station. His gaze followed mine.

Beck’s first day back, it was good to see her.

U there?

Tim

I'm here – a bit like an episode of Are You Being Served.

Sword fish would be nice – I'm tempted to say no, though, as I feel guilty as you always cook dinner for me and I don't for you.

Christian

No – that’s fine – I need to make sure they sell it first – we had some last friday – it was gorgeous... like me.... otherwise I'll grab something else – Nicholas got some stuff and said he wanted to make some rum balls for desert.... I know what I'll be having.... its sick ... but I just can’t get enough of it lately!!

Tim

Rum balls are Italian, aren't they?

Christian

Yes indeedy.... oh lord!! they taste so nice..

Tim

Christian

Oh.....thanks!

Wish I was the younger sister though...time marches on :)

Jane

Tim and Nicholas are in the kitchen cooking. Tim fish, Nicholas Rum balls. Tim just yelled out, Yum!

I was going to respond, Tim, are you licking that boy’s bum again? But I thought better of it.

Manny called to ask me over there.

Tom’s back in hospital, his bladder is playing up. His parent’s said to him on, something like, Tuesday that Kirsten and Chris were coming over to visit. And then Thursday night they said they were going out for the night. Kirsten and Chris were to be babysitters. Tom wasn’t happy about it. As it turned out, Tom was readmitted to hospital on Friday, blood clots in his bladder. He is now catheterised again and in his own room.

I’m a bad friend, I should have gone and visited him. But, I don’t feel like doing anything but staying home and going to bed early.

Tom just called. He was glad that I’m okay and is secure in the fact that I love him that I, practically, don’t have to go and visit him at all.

I sneaked over to Manny's late and kissed him and undressed him and held him in my arms.

Shane's Birthday

SMS. 12.06. (Shane) Happy birthday – Christian

Everyone was languorously relaxing in the sun. Jane, Andy and baby Jay arrived. Jay was so cute, he was having a shy day and he kept snuggling up close for protection. He keenly observed all the other children around him. He was very quiet and confined, but nothing seemed to miss his gaze. He looked so cute in his B is for Bob T-shirt.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining the sky was blue. Manny left a message on my phone as I drove home around 2pm. I called him back and he asked if I wanted to come over tonight, after I had done my washing and whatever else it was that I had to do. I wanted to drop by now, so I could have the rest of the evening to myself. So, I made the excuse of dropping in to collect the joint which I had left with him when his back was really sore during my holidays.

He was putting up curtains, so I helped. During which, I couldn't help but pull his pants down. He kept saying wait, I want to get this done.

I was home by 6pm.

Manny called to say how much he appreciated my help with the curtains. He's such a polite boy.

Dear Mr Fletcher,

Thank you for your cheery mail. It is a comfort to me to know that loved ones back in the blessed homeland can spare a moment to share deeply their distress at the political necessitated exile movement that claims successive good sorts from the maternal shores. Oh Why oh Why? etc. One can only ask what are you people doing with that government down there where the kangaroos rue their oozes? But who can say...

Well back in the thick of it, but very relaxed. professional, fucking up only a little bit, turning up, smiling, shimmying up walls. The other job starts in a week. That will be interesting how much can be balanced. But I'll just be more in the middle of it.

What can I say? Australia is SOOO far away and I adjusted in like a swink of your grandmother's smacky proverbial. I don't believe she blinked an eye(lid). Not her - too crusted over with amyl burns that have moved up from her weeping nostrils. But that's Sherleeyn, she was always her own person and you couldn't tell her nuthin'.

I have had me mate Jane visiting for 4 days and the weather turned summery and we had a ball – cocktails one after the other in gorgeous locations, Berlin this Berlin that, chat chat chat and no hassles. They (a friend of her's too) loved the flat and terrace, loved Berlin, loved Germany. You gotta love them holocaust memorials at 6am, crackasparrows!

Bern is foine – just up to some tricks. Came in on girls' last night to cross with him coming down stairs with a cuties in tow and VERY sheepish (natch, I'm a dragon with bad behaviour – must keep remembering, that's what boyfriends do, bad behaviour I mean, mixed with other things of course) and I was a bit prissy because I figure Internet root in our flat, and I was right but he had no luck and he didn't score and so they're jogging buddies and I thoroughly approve as I won't have to jog and scoring is fine too anyway I had just been caught by surprise and ANYWAY Emilio is coming to Berlin and that's already been sorted so I can root him solid for weeks so let's not be hypercritical. EMILIO yipee yipeee!!!! There is none bigger, thicker, wider. Maybe we can arrange for a bendy one, like the other one had, that David. Mum I want THAT one. But no we must not complain. I expect to go to hospital, but hopefully at the end of his visit, as a result. I mean, I'll have to rehab until I can walk again, normally.

And last bit, the guy was Israeli (ha ha!) so I feel very encouraging for Bern and no sweat for me.

That's about it I think. I had to open my account at school feeling a bit groggy and they were all arranged behind me looking at the screen when I got them to look away for my password (poofter, in German) and then when they had looked back, there it was, where I had typed it in the wrong field. Hee hee. As I hadn't got it and had to look myself as did they to find the problem, why hasn't it opened (come on kid! let's problem solve!) it took some time before I even realised. Why Oh Why am i surrounded at every turn?...

Write bitch, dear friend,

Gales

I went to bed early with art-house porn that Tim had given me.

Ros’ 40th

Ros’ 30th birthday. Everybody was university educated, interesting, fun types… with children. Lot’s of kids, young kids, all well behaved. Everybody was nice and chilled and relaxed.

Study hard, have kids, the cycle repeats.

Ros and I have never been the greatest of friends. We were there for a time, becoming friends, but she's turned on me twice, savagely, over stupid things. It left me wide-eyed and mouth open, on both occasions. You know, once I could have forgiven, but twice. Seriously, get therapy. Now, I find it hard to be totally relaxed with her. I don't want to be like that, but I am.

I call her Miss Anger Management.

I don’t think Mark really believed me for the longest time, but then she turned on him with all the hell and fury, I gather, she turned on with me.

I've never really been able to completely trust her ever since. I’m not a psyc, but it’s borderline personality disorder territory. At the very least the signs of a spoilt little princess growing up.

bear

Is There a Bear in There?

There was a guy walking across Queen Street in a dark suit and overcoat. He had his hands in his pockets, like glove-puppets in the overcoat, pulling the coat sideways in each direction. He must have been a boxer shorts kind of guy, because with every step he took I could see his cock bouncing up and down, like there was something in his pants, which there was, that was enjoying the day all on its own.

Then a boy came along in jeans who looked like he had a couple of ripe apples stuffed into them.

The day just seemed to slip by.

I left for Bolago around 7.30pm.

 

All That in There

I woke up to Tim banging on my bedroom door. "Come on, come on, it's eight thirty," he said. "Do you want me to put your coffee on?"

"What?" I rubbed my face. "Er... no... I can manage." Daytime. 8.35. Shit!

An old Greek lady got on the tram all dressed in black; a face with lines that told of a long smoking history and eyes that were watering, surrounded by big circles of wet, spreading across her lined face. My eyes started to itch, as I gazed at her. I didn't want her to touch me. She looked tired and sad, as she clutched her blue, red and white shopping bag tightly.

Then a big, solid wog-boy got on in pale blue track suit pants and my attention was lost. My goodness, I thought. How do you suppose he got those... around that... like that? Very nice.

(Leah)

Hey, by the way, you know how I gave you my novel to read? You didn't read it, did you? Don't read it. I must be mad sending you that. You can read it when there is a completed draft. I must stop sending people stuff that isn't up to being read.

Christian

Remember, I couldn’t open it I tried it on the work and home computer- thought the work one may have snaffled it coz of dirty words and maybe it was too big for home computer – yet ours is pretty beefy??

Anyway I would love to read it – when you are ready. I am also going to send you the 5 people you meet in heaven book – I will do that.

Have a good day sweetie xx

Leah

Good. I'm glad of that.

Don't you worry, you'll be one of the people I'll be counting on to read it... but when it's ready.

Big smile.

Christian

Tonight, Sylvia Romero and Tim’s friend Anna McCormack, who I never recognise, were here. I talked a bit, was on my computer a bit and then I went to bed early.

You understand there was a lot of drinking going on, which, naturally, I don't partake of. Alcohol is evil stuff! Messy. Not so much fun, as far as I'm concerned. 

Happy Hump Day

Tim woke up this morning when I yelled at Missy for lapping out of my muesli, as it sat, soaking on the bench. Are you all right, he said?

Then he complained of a hang-over and commented that he needed to go to the gym, to keep up a perceived standard of what Nicholas might be attracted too. "He's got calves like this and thighs... oh, my goodness, what does he see in me?”

You're not exactly a back of the bus case, I said.

I know, I know. But sometimes I look at him...

Oh well, off to the gym today, if you want to keep Mr Cutey-pants, I said as my departing words.

Nicholas asked Tim if he was too clingy? Tim says that he asks things in such an innocent way, that it is a bit disconcerting. (I would have thought that would be endearing)

Nicholas asked Tim, on Monday, So does this mean we are going out?

Tim thought he meant out for lunch.

(Leah)

Happy Hump Day. I guess you'd be feeling it more than usual?

Christian

Yepski!

Leah

A woman of few words, now-a-days?

Christian

Busy mate xx

Leah

(just starting to get the inclination that perhaps my and Leah's relationship might be heading in different directions)

I went to mum’s for dinner. The dinner was cold. I wasn't even late.

Mum asked me to check the pre-programmed number for my home phone number, to see if it was right. She was sure it wasn't. But mum, I haven’t changed my home phone number in fifteen years. It's her, cracks are appearing. She's having problems with telephones, now.

Tim and Nicholas were home watching television.

I tried to talk to Tom, get a call in at the last minute, more for my guilt than his enjoyment, but had to give up, in the end, because he was too sleepy.

I wrote the Meaning of Life until 1am. 

Nicholas is Great. And He Even Swallows

Nicholas and Tim were still in bed when I left. Nicholas was sitting up with just the sheet covering his lower half. I tried not to look. You know, I soooo wanted to.

I walked in the rain, fine, misty rain, covering me in tiny crystals. It was lovely and I got to work on time.

SMS. 9.50. Working is such a pointless mindless waste of time – Rachel

SMS. 14.42. Tell me about it! I waste every day here doing pointless, menial stuff when I could be… changing the world – Christian

Today – I am back at work – I survived and saw gorillas. I can die a happy woman………..

Leah

Welcome back my little lamb chop. You must have seen and felt wondrous things. Lucky you. Now back to work.

Christian

Yes, don’t know about gorillas in the mist, I have Leeps in the mist today thanks to that nasty jet lag stuff!

Leah

Leepers in the mist. It sounds like the title to some old sea-dog-faring big sea adventure. You just need a over-sized rain coat and an eye-patch... and quite possibly a dog and a parrot.

Christian

Yeah right. Hey I have the Wilson’s company this weekend – that’ll be nice

Leah

I guess. No, that will be lovely.

Christian

SMS. 16.12. I just lit the best fire ever…and dinner is cooked. I’m a busy girl! x – Tim

SMS. 16.16. & a happy girl. Have you got that smile off ur face yet? – Christian

SMS. 16.16. No…I would hate to tell u what I had on my face earlier… He is great! And he even swallows. Who could ask for more :) – Tim

SMS. 16.27. Gotta love a boy who swallows. Made of tougher stuff than me – Christian

SMS. 16.27. Me too… though I’ve given his a licken… tastes good too… I can’t find a bad thing yet! – Tim

SMS. 17.31. We had babies! There are baby fish in the pond…ye saw one today… and Nicholas bought three new ones for me as a present… he’s so camp… x – Tim

SMS. 17.35. I’m going home I’ve done my time… (come on, sing along) – Christian

SMS. 17.37. Yeah fuck the bureaucratic bastards! Let’s all pop on a caftan & head 2 Qld wearing no undies! Karl coming for dinner – Rachel

SMS. 17.40. Karl who? – Christian

SMS. 17.39. My old boss, the kraut – Rachel

SMS. 17.45. Never known a bad Karl. Never know a good Kraut – Christian

SMS. 17.45. He is now a wine maker & always brings red wine treats! Join us – Rachel

SMS. 17.49. I’ve got pot to smoke! – Christian

SMS. 17.48! Alrighty! – Rachel

The Sweetest Thing

SMS. 9.56. So was he better than cuddling Billie? Stupid question, I know. Thought y’d given him the flick – Rachel

EEO training from 11am. Again? How many times to I have to have this stuff drummed into me. To summarise, you can do anything once, but if your intended victim says no and you do it again, you are asking for trouble. You can't discriminate. You can't exclude. You can't treat someone different to everyone else. How many law suits can the execs be up for. It’s not as if I’ve ever stared at another man’s crotch at work.

I was on my own all day. No time to sit about scratching my arse though.

SMS. 15.42. Hi… I’m cooking dinner tonight… San choi bow… If u want… xx… God I’m feeling so happy! Kiss, kiss – Tim

I left right on five thirty, despite being half an hour late this morning. I’m not a clock watcher. I do my hours though, nobody could complain about that. They owe me, if anything, I have many hours banked, I reckon.

SMS. 17.32. (Rachel) He was. I did. Oh well – Christian

SMS. 17.34. (Tim) Yum! Yes please, if it is not to late – Christian

SMS. 17.34. It’s fine. Makin lots – Tim

I watched The Sweetest Thing with Tim and Nicholas. Probably Tim’s pick. He’s a great guy, but his taste in music and movies is a bit eighteen year old chick. 

Then I played around on my computer, you know, as you do.

Turned On And Steaming

SMS. 00.21. Hey is that offer still going? Am near ur place and have a car. Can be there in 10. Not sure how long I can stay tho, but better than nothing – Dean

SMS. 00.24. Come over – Christian

I think I was just too wasted on dope to be completely up with it with Dean. But the sight of him with his jeans around his ankles and his hard cock in my hand was hot – rock hard cock, masturbating him. He has a dark-skinned, veiny cock, that is beautifully uncut; thick legs; dark purple ball sack. His dark, good looks, his concentration on what was being done to his manhood, totally turned on and steaming.

I think, I was a victim of my own trap, just as he was arse-up in the air, my head spun, I faltered, too hot from the roaring fire, to stoned from too many joints, whoosh. Semi-shut down. I need a breather, gotta take a break.

Why don’t I marry Dean?

I fell asleep watching Joan Crawford’s Rain

I woke at 6am on the couch, shut everything off and went to bed.

8am.

Boy, do I feel like I have a bong-over, or what? Still stoned. I’m quitting smoking today. Too many pains in the chest, just of late, to justify continuing.

I’m trying marijuana therapy, traditionally a therapy that has an indistinct history of success. Besides, there was a joint in the ashtray, hardly smoked. If I can just have a few joints to get me through the worst of the first day of quitting. Just today. Tomorrow nothing, if I can smoke no cigarettes today.

My computer screen flashes pink and blue. I should just go down to Office Works and buy the new one, 15inch flat, for three hundred and seventy. In fact, I might just do that.

1pm.

I now have a flat 19 inch screen, for five hundred dollars. You see my wallpaper art work on it. Yum!

I got really stoned and watched the rape scene from Glass House, where the cute, blond guy gets taken by four, or five, fellas. I wanked on the couch.

I smoked a number of joints before I went to mums. I got there at two, she wasn’t home. I took the Rover for a spin and bought iced finger buns.

SMS. I was coming, now, after seeing mum, but Manny just waved his cock @ me, so I’ll see you another time – Christian

SMS. 14.42. Cock always wins over cute Staffy puppies – Rachel

SMS. 14.44. Especially beautiful Greek ones – Christian

SMS. 14.45. Dunno, never had a Greek one – Rachel

SMS. 14.47. Greek boys are gorgeous. You should before you die, it’s a must. – Christian

SMS. 14.49. There’s lots 2 do b4 I dies, not sure where having a Greek boy fits into the scheme. D u have a camera phone? – Rachel

SMS. 14.54. U should slip him in as a matter of urgency. Velvet skin. White teeth. Big, brown eyes – Christian

SMS. 14.58. And they r good @ it! – Christian

SMS. 15.01. Is this Manny who was on the scene ages ago? – Rachel

Mum was coming home just as I was walking down the front path.

SMS. 15.06. Yep. Didn’t I show u his cock? He laughed when I told him I had. Greek boys, got to love ‘em, their not shy – Christian

SMS. 15.06. Thought so, I will send a photo of Billie from a friend’s phone – Rachel

SMS. 15.08. Why? – Rachel

SMS. 15.09. Don’t send – Christian

She cooked me stew and I ate Tim’Tams.

I was home by four. I called Manny and told him to get his arse over. He said he may stay the night, but I said he couldn’t if I was going to work the next day. He could stay Friday or Saturday night.

Tim and Nicholas came home.

I’m so stoned by the time Manny finally get here. He’s cross because he doesn’t think I’m up to going to the bank and lending him three hundred dollars. I play with his nipples and come back to life. Makes him smile... give me that sexy look.

SMS. 17.58. Why can’t I send it? – Rachel

SMS. 18.15. Police found a body in the men’s toilet. Saggy breasts, one testicle, an abnormally small cock and wearing women’s panties. Text me back so I know your ok. I’m back – Shane.

SMS. 18.18. (Rachel) I’m not connected – Christian

SMS. 18.19. I’m stoned – Christian

It is a cool night. I have a hard-on as we walk, the long lamb’s wool coat hides it well.

I love it when Manny is lying on top of me, his hard and soft bits pushing into my hard and soft bits. I hold him by the arse and grind into him, he feels hard, and sexy, and hot. His cock against mine, hot, sweaty, and hard. Me kissing his big, soft lips. His legs over mine. His nipples tender and between my fingertips, so I can regulate his breathing.

Manny left early, he had to PT it home. I’m too stoned to drive.

SMS. 22.58. (Shane) Welcome back dol – Christian

I Had a Dream

I had a dream that I was at my parent’s house, M Road when Shelly Haddockwood and Dave drove a white Laser down the lane and into a bamboo stand, in the garden in the house opposite, just before our family company car, T****3, drove up, as the postie delivered a pile of letters to me from Esther, who I haven't seen for years; twenty big square envelopes with dark blue and green and orange borders.

What the hell does all that mean?

It’s 7.57am

Thanks for the thought but I don’t want one of those psycho freeeeeeks Male nurses?

Get a real job!

Tom

Now miss... that’s hardly the attitude

Christian

I went back to bed and watched Don’s Plum, which inspired me to write some more of MOL, chapter 6a, to be precise.

I bought coffee beans and the cut price book shop was having a 3 book for $20, so, of course, I partook. Rose Tremain, Patrick McCabe and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

I read on my Land Tax bill dated 31st July that I had 7 days in which to pay up or legal proceedings would automatically begin, with no more warning letters. I’m sooo slack with bills, I just toss them aside. I wonder if it the legal nonsense begun?

SMS. 15.45. Hey, can u get me any...? – Christian

I fantasised about Beau (Tim’s ex-boyfriend) coming over for stuff and me getting into his pants. You know, he was so nice, Beau. He often surprised me with the things that he knew. Something’s that seemed to be out of his time span, like old movies or television shows. Not to mention he is as sexy as anything. He has a raw sexuality, something that is right there, earthy, solid, in your face. Smouldering blond looks helps, as well. It’s the way he can slouch on the couch and pull bongs and be such a boy and fill his tracksuit pants as well. Smart and sexy. I love the way he mumbles when he’s wasted.

I fantasised about having a clandestine relationship with him. How would it work?

I read Dead Europe on the couch and fell asleep lazily until Guido called around 5pm to say he could get the stuff for me. We drank tea and I watched Guido eat Hungry Jacks, like a pig, getting it smeared all over his face. We talked about the qualities a boyfriend needs for each of us now.

"Just a tight hole, that's all that's required," said Guido.

"Nah, I think my requirements are a little more than that," I said.

"Why?" said Guido perplexed. "What else do you need?"

Mark called to see what I was doing. They were doing a small function for forty people, a birthday for cute George and his wife.

I tried to watch Scarred City with Stephen Baldwin, but it was just too ultra violent. Interesting premise for a film, though. And Stephen Baldwin is still hot. But when he walked up to a crook, put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, I decided that I couldn’t watch any longer.

I watched the Glass House, Truman Capote, with Alan Alda. Its premise wasn’t so different to Scarred City, but without the violence.

I wrote some more, after that.

SMS. 21.26. (Dean) Come over. I’ve got pot – Christian

I watched To kill a Mockingbird.

I Guess He Noticed

I haven’t spoken to Tom since he got out of hospital on Wednesday. I was beginning to feel guilty about it. I should call him.

SMS. 09.19. Cow – Tom

I guess he noticed.

The sky clouded over and the rain came down. The footpaths washed to a shine and umbrellas went up. Coats were pulled tight around people’s throats, as they dashed from cover to cover and hopped on trams.

SMS. 16.56. I have never seen fat people move so fast! The buffet is now open! Fucking scary. Love – Shane

SMS. 17.03. Woo-Hoo! Me too, please! I’ll have one of EVERY THING! (or would that be one of everythink?) – Christian

SMS. 17.48. (Shane) R u still away? – Christian

Hi Jane

I saw a girl today who looked so much like you it was frightening. Well, frightening isn’t the right expression, she was beautiful like you. She even had on a tied, purple cardigan and she had a slight shade of maroon through her hair. I had to look several times to work out it wasn’t you. She was probably a little younger. So, you have a little-sister a look alike somewhere out there.

Hope everything is going well?

love

Christian

Steve N – With What Appears To Be A Nice Todger

(Kym)

I can't wait to see your smiling face, I'm having one of those weeks. This probably means I am going to dump on you, wah, wah, wah, so I apologise in advance. Now, as if everything isn't bad enough, I can't sign into my computer system and my, dedicated, IT bloke – they gave me him the last time I cracked the sads – is happily chatting away on the phone, tra, la, la, la, la!. So, I decided to do the only thing left to me and that was to phone my old employment agency to find out what jobs are going at the moment and would you believe it, nobody answered, it just rang out. Grrr! So I thought I'd email you instead.

Hello. Big smile. I feel better already. There is only one thing left to do and that is to get so drunk tonight I can't possibly make it into work tomorrow. Weeeeee!!!!!

Christian

I was just down in IT with my IT guy trying to get this wretched system back up and running, when Steve N. walked out to the training room and into the main office. I was daydreaming, as my IT guy fuddled about - is he useless, or what - just gazing into the distance of the office. I found myself ogling Steve, before I realised what I was doing. It was a funny moment, as I looked up at him and expected him to say hi, instead he smiled... and I smiled... and the smile left his face and I got the impression that he knew exactly what I was looking at. Oops. He’s got, what appears to be, a nice todger. He had the slightly self-conscious look of confusion. I got a chill up my spine. I must be more careful of ogling straight boys in the office, even if it wasn't, exactly, intentional.

SMS. 15.20. The only time she isn’t chewing is when she’s asleep (even the doorframes) think she may be part wombat! – Rachel

SMS. 15.33. AHHHHH!!!! That’s my day! – Christian

SMS. 15.33. The ***** HR manager is a bloody nightmare! But, I guess, we already knew that. I’m trying hard not to be rude to her – Christian

SMS. 15.34. How’s Noosa? – Christian

SMS. 15.35. Just be as rude as you like – get us both sacked and get on a plane up here! It’s bloody fantastic! – Beck

SMS. 15.37. Happy to oblige pig – Rachel

SMS. 15.39. Big smile. I’m waiting for the cow to call to have a go @ me – Christian

SMS. 15.43. Got a new phone – did u get the photo from my deckchair? – Beck

Can't wait to catch up! Dump away! See you out the front at 17:30

Kym

Is it 17.30 yet?

PLEASE let it be 17.30.

Christian

I went out for dinner with Kym, at Melbourne Central, at S Cafe. Cute, smiley, bald boy was our waiter again – tall, handsome with packed jeans.

SMS. 19.05. Ring Jill come and have dinner in Hampton the restaurant is very quiet – Rachel

SMS. 20.11. I’m already out for dinner – Christian

Hey Ben

The gorgeous Ben G. has moved to my floor, he was in the lift this morning with me. Handsome, blond hair, blue eyes. He has an intensity when he talks to me, he captures my attention like there is only he and I when we speak. Maybe, I'll get to bump into him in the toilets, at the urinal, I'd look. Bad Christian. He's a thoroughbred, lean and athletic. It would be beautiful, I know it. Like him. Downy soft blonde hair...

I reckon he'd make a good boyfriend. He's a Sagittarian. He has baby-blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. And a GREAT arse.

"Hi Ben, how are you?" I asked.

"Yeah, good," he replied.

"Another day..."

"To be worked to the bone," said Ben.

I'd like to work you to the bone, I thought.

"At least we're on time."

"Only just."

We both looked at the time display above the floor display. I looked back first and gazed at his handsome face. He looked back and smiled.

"Nearly there," Ben said.

"The salt mines beckon."

He laughed at my salt mines reference.

We stepped out of the lift together. I pretended we were lovers, besuited sweet hearts, arriving at work.

I didn't smoke until 9.15am. No sooner had I flicked on my computer that I slipped out when no one was looking. Ha, ha. Stood in solitude, as the breeze blew up Bourke Street, steadied myself for the day. Not bad, better than yesterday, at least I'm still here.

But I hate this place. Working for the man, men. Making a few at the top very rich. Although, I like the partners, it's the incompetents that they give me to work with that I hate. How much easier would it be if every one knew what they were doing. How come it's 50/50? How come the useless ones get to keep their jobs? Of course, they don't generally, in the long term, but it is until we get to that point that the rest of us suffer.

SMS. 15.21. Great news, our much improved recovering friend Tom is out of hospital after 8 weeks – Perry

hello honnies,

good news for us...

K***y X has been accepted into the New York Next Reel film festival in September and i have been invited to attend! yaaaaaay! so thank you all sooooooo verry much for all your support and hard work, looks like our vision is paying off in humble instalments.

much love to you all and we going to New York!!!

ps

Julie my Queen! a visit to you will be most definitely planned i will perhaps go via L.A and kick it with you and love and laugh and hold hands and eats spaghetti...

could you please email me you phone # so i can call you to hook up?? mine is #040xxxxxxxx (round the 13th of Sep i think)

that goes double to you BIF ANTON! no visit to skanky old L.A is complete with out some naked, craked up freeway drivn' with hookers and latino gangsters...

that or we could maybe just catch up for a picnic and a coolaid with your kids??

AND my Joelly! hey were are you guys? still in San Fran? lets hook up Kitten.

woohoo!

xx aBy

 

Enthusiasm for Life

What happened to the bright eyes and the enthusiasm for life? What happened to seeing everything as wondrous and exciting, like the first time I drove down Scotchmere Street, or the first time I saw the Gertrude Smith Street corner? The day I drove up G. Street looking for #75, was that the number? Some house that was for sale that was cheap, back in the days when I was looking for a new house. I have a vague feeling that I did look at our terraces. Did I feel the influence that was going to have on me? Did I know that that dip in the road at the intersection would be such a huge part of my life? You know, I think I did. I think I did feel a certain zing, as I drove past. What happened to the zing? What happened to loving the inner suburbs, loving Fitzroy, loving being in my own house? Today, as I walked up Young Street, the single-fronted terraces just looked like dwellings. Nothing special any more.

Familiarity breeds, well, not so much contempt as indifference, I’d guess you’d call it. Once you are used to something being there, special fades away. I guess that is it? We are lazy, and keeping up that feeling of wonder takes effort. Hey? I guess that is it?

It's why gay guys want to continually fall in love. We want that feeling of newness. We want that feeling of discovery, I guess you'd call it, constantly. We want that with everything, with all our objects of desire. Men. Jobs. Homes. Environment. The world around us. We constantly look out there somewhere for fulfilment. 

Well... in that case... I can see two fingers up his arse in no time. Actually, I just closed my eyes and I could see it.

Christian

YOU ARE SUCH A FUNNY BUGGAR!!... did I tell you that his jeans got stuck on his calf muscles on Sunday night... holy canoli!!

Tim

I wish I was Samantha... I'd turn myself into his jeans....

Christian

Actually, if I was Samantha... I think I'd turn myself into Tony's jocks!

Christian

he he – I forgot about him – He's coming over next Thursday night.... I don’t know what I have done to deserve this – truly blessed!@!

Tim

F*ck! I'll say... lucky you!

Christian

I'm over it all ready. I have suuuccchhh a bad migraine, I'm going home. Now, if only I could get something herbal on the way home... purely medicinal, you understand... but that's all I feel like doing...

Christian

I’d had enough by 10am. Giving up smoking sure is a bitch!

SMS. 10.07. I don’t suppose u r home studying, or something? – Christian

SMS. 10.36. All I want to do is get… – Christian

SMS. 10.40. Hey, sorry still away. Back Sunday. May be able to help you if you can get the key off Tiffany – Guido

SMS. 10.45. Today is not a good day…it looks like it will be suicide, after all! – Christian

Today was not a good day. The first thing that happened was that I walked straight into one of those filling draw box, thingies… fuck it hurt. Then, all I got was demands from Sydney for redundancies calcs, ten of them, and then another one and then some calculations for the dollars saved on LAFA. Do I need to mention that I was trying to give up smoking? AHHH! Enough! I’m out of here! And I left.

I did a little retail therapy at HMV, buying DVD’s cheap and then I headed home.

Mark and Luke arrived just as I was trawling gaydar. Raymond was down from Brisbane and we all went out for lunch and then went for a walk in the Fitzroy Gardens.

SMS. 17.11. Have u got the dog? – Christian

Manny came over in the afternoon. As I was on the phone to him, Jill called to see if I was doing anything tonight. She was cross when I said she missed out by about five minutes, or so. Oh well, sorry, I thought to myself, but Manny's got a couple of things you don't, when it really comes down to it.

SMS. 18.06. Do we ever! Plus a horrid viral headache thing not nice. Billie however is gorgeous with very sharp claws & teeth! – Rachel

SMS. 18.07. U and Jill should come 4 dinner sat night – Rachel

SMS. 18.13. If I don’t go to the country, maybe – Christian

SMS. 18.19. Whatever… Andre is taking Anton 2 Wangaratta cycling I will be here cuddling the pup! Tough job – Rachel

SMS. 18.23. Good you’ve got a puppy then hey? – Christian

SMS. 18.23. Hmmm! – Rachel

SMS. 18.27. U can’t pash the dog… but then again u don’t pash the hubby, hey – Christian

SMS. 18.28. Nah pity tho cos I like a nice ol pash – Rachel

SMS. 18.35. Me too – Christian

SMS. 18.49. Big sigh – Rachel

SMS. 18.53. I have one to pash right next to me now – Christian

SMS. 18.53. Well get on with it & let me finish cooking this roast! – Rachel

SMS. 19.00. I have been doing just that. He tastes good – Christian

SMS. 19.00. Go away! Or else, I won’t let u play with my ever so cute puppy! – Rachel

We chatted and ate pizza until latish.

The chimney caught alight and burned for quite a while. Sparks and flames and ash flying out of it. Jane, my next door neighbour, looked over the fence to see if I knew the chimney was alight. I introduced her to everyone through the trees as she looked over the fence. I pretty much think she was just worried about herself and her place, not so much mine, but I guess that is human nature. 

“What's it going to do to me?” 

Shrug. “Ash will just land on everything, but it unblocks any partial blockage there might be and the chimney draws again at its maximum strength again.”

She made an O with her mouth. 

SMS. 21.06. Guess what? Nicholas invited me to Sydney this weekend. Oh my lordy, I am truly blessed. Two nights locked in a room with that boy – Tim

(edit note – Nicholas who thinks he is in a monogamous relationship) 

SMS. 21.13. Coming like a porn star all weekend. You’ll be exhausted! – Christian

SMS. 21.14. No…I am going but it’s not about that. I think he’s very nice. I was after him before I met Beau, it’s going to be good. I can feel it in my bone! – Tim

SMS. 21.20. I think you misunderstood me. I was envious – Christian

SMS. 21.20. I’m a bit piss’d…!...was just trying to say I like him…kiss, kiss – Tim

Manny and I had sex and watched the Big Brother contestants on Rove, before I drove him home.

Oh – there's no naturopath open?

Tim

The Twins - I Have Such a Fascination for Them

Seth's Birthday

Do you think that being a really fat woman is all to do with sexual repression.

"You see how big I can get and then nobody can touch me."

The truth that seems less and less able to speak its name in our modern society. Somebody or something has made sex tawdry and repellent for the fat chick. Screwed up big time about one of the most natural things in a human's life.

As society becomes more conservative it becomes more screwy. Conservative values are guns not love. Kill, take control, convince those who think differently to you, to think the same as you - it is good for them, after all. No, love, touch, feel, celebrate the differences, isn't the world wonderful when all the different creeds and colours can live together. Oh no, assimilate, become one of us, don't be different...

..and for god's sake cover up. Think of the children. We can't have them asking those sorts of questions, where will that lead, to them wanting to touch each other. Must stop at nothing to stop little minds being poisoned - besides, they may ask me difficult questions that I can't, don't want to answer. I might look like an idiot when I don't know the answer to what they ask. Give them god from a young age, that myth will fix them up. Don't let them know the truth. The truth is too difficult, too messy, raises too many problems. No, no, god moves in mysterious ways, is a much better answer for the difficult questions I can't – won't – answer.

One nation because it's good for us, not because we hate anyone. No, we're not scared of anyone.

11.11. Mark and Luke. Good morning - Christian

I think if I won millions of dollars in tattslotto I'd keep it to myself, tell no one. It would be my game, see if I could pull it off. I'd give up work, of course, but that would have to be the only tell-tale sign in the immediate proceedings. No new car, (maybe a new car) no extravagant spending, nothing to give it away. Ten million into a term deposit, just to see how I go. It would be interesting. Would I be able to pay off my mortgage? No, not immediately, I wouldn't. I could do it. The self-satisfaction of knowing that everyone and everything would be all right would be enough to get me through. It would be fun. I could buy investment properties, though. Who'd need to know about that? (Is this a sign of how little interest people show in my life? maybe?)

Well, maybe a new car, not a Porsche. (2016 - a Peugeot 308GTI)

I’m poorer than I thought – I only had 50 left in my account... Would you mind if I give it back to you on Thursday... or – if u need it I can give it to you tonight though.... sorry about that.... My god – I can’t stop thinking about Nicholas’.........!!!! Tim

Don't you worry about it... later in the week will be just fine. I can't stress you further while you are obsessing about Nicholas' Mediterranean heritage! (Maybe its separation issues from the beast?) Christian

I just don’t know.... I've actually been daydreaming today... not about him ... simply about his HERITAGE..... and him a bit too I guess!! Tim

I know what you've been daydreaming about... dirty boy. How big did you say it was?You don't have to tell me. Christian

O lordy be!! Tim

I think a photo is the least you could do. Christian

No photo's ... he's a bit shy.... I'll let you smell by breath next time though. Tim

Shy? What kind of Italian is he? Italians are many things, but from my experience, shyness is not one of them. Christian

I consider them to be shy when they only allow one finger... Tim

That's not shy, that's just being a baby.... Christian

Guess what.... he just popped in and said hello....!! Tim

It must be love. Christian

LUST!!... no not even that – I don’t expect it to go anywhere – and I don’t want it to... just want to enjoy myself for a bit... Tim

Actually, I love that stage, the first tentative steps of getting to know each other. Ah, it does make me heart fair melt. Christian

(I think I want a new boyfriend)

I love that stage too... it usually lasts up until the point that u cant stand them --- generally three months. Tim

(Kym) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Seth, Happy birthday to you. Christian

How gorgeous are you? I'd actually forgotten this morning and it was only when I took Seth to his dad to say goodbye that I remembered (because Malcolm actually did remember and said happy birthday which made me feel incompetent as a mum...) Kym

I am gorgeous. I think you'd be competent at everything you do, so I don't believe any of that nonsense.

Thursday is good for me. Outside your office at 5.30.

I'm good. Life's good. I have an Italian, a Greek and one that looks like a cross between the two on the go at the moment, so yes, I'm marvellous.

Do you believe it is the final of Big Brother tonight and I have to go to a play with my mum? Grr! Christian

I went to a play with mum, Cheech. They all had American accents and it was non-linear just for, what seemed like, no reason. It was really interesting, but not that good. And thankfully, it was short.

So, I was home in time for the end of Big Brother. And my boyfriend won, Logan Gregg. I wonder when he’s coming around for love.

SMS. 20.30 – don’t ya wanna play no more man? – Simon

The Lovely Carmine

He is such a lovely boy

All of Them

 8.20am. Everything is fine. You just gotta love going out on a Friday night. If it had been Saturday, I’d be rushing out the door to work. Thank the universe for Sundays.

I have to go and do stuff. Visit Tom. My hospital visiting patience is drying up. Thank the universe he is getting out soon, I couldn’t do too much more of this.

I’ve go to the supermarket, I’m nearly out of staples, that's milk, coffee and muesli and not small metal things, you understand. Time to go Christian.

Tom just called. He was sitting out in the cold having a cigarette. Beau took him tobacco. Good on ya Beau, pretty and useful to boot.

Tim just got up, he said he slept like a baby. He is going out with Nicholas this afternoon. When I asked him where they were going, he replied to get married. No, no, just for a drink…but, I might find a small chapel somewhere, though.

I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror and decided I could have a shower and not be content to look like a wreck all day, hanging out in my PJ's. Besides, I’ve got to go and visit Tom at some stage.

Gotta stop spending days content to be a frizz-gig without ever leaving the house.

I’m ready to face the day, at least. Perhaps, I should log onto gaydar to see if I can track down Carmine. An Italian boyfriend, one can dream. Would he be good boyfriend material? Maybe. He’s got a mobile phone… but no car.

I ironed two shirts before I left to see Tom. The less I have to do the better, when I’m singing, I don’t like Mondays, in the morning.

I arrived to an empty hospital bedroom.

SMS. 12.09. Where are you? – Christian

I then realised the error of my ways and called Tom to apologise about the text message he couldn’t read. He was down the hall visiting.

Tom and I went downstairs for a smoke. Afterwards, we went upstairs with the intention of rolling another joint to smoke. It wasn’t too cold, if we sat in the far seat around the corner. There was even a little sun.

Kirsten and her fiancé arrived and scotched any ideas about further choof. I was having a nice visit with Tom and although I didn’t really want to leave, I decided that it was hospital etiquette that if someone puts in the energy to come and visit, it meant my time in the hospital room was up, it was time to go Christian. So, I made my goodbyes and left.

SMS. 13.29. Nicholas is coming over for dinner… I’m a tad moist! – Tim

SMS. 13.32. Nicholas will be dinner – Christian

SMS. 13.31. You should see the way he blows…it’s like a porn star – Tim

SMS. 13.36. Stop it… if u don’t want me to have dirty thoughts about him – Christian

I was tired and couldn’t find Carmine on gaydar. Stupid really, as I have his mobile phone number. I think it’s about not wanting to appear too keen. You know, just bump into him in cyberspace. So I headed off to bed. (Ed note - stupid the things you do, huh?)

I slept until 7pm, just in time for Big Brother, to hear the precious words, Time to go Vesna.

SMS. 18.07. Hi Christian… your husband said he wants to play! His back must be better – Tim

Nicholas had arrived for dinner. Tim had cooked curry. Nicholas asked me, at some stage during the weekend, if we had a bong. I lied outright, as I gazed into his beautiful eyes. Tim wanted it disposed of because of the effect it had on Beau, I only assumed that Nicholas would fall into the same category. I didn’t blink an eye-lid when Tim asked where it was later in the evening. How’s that for a good housemate. I even remembered where we hid it.

I was into Big Brother by the time Manny called back. He’d had an offer from Johnny, but wanted to find out if I wanted to play first. I told him I wanted to watch Big Brother… and thought that Johnny would have been a better bet.

I called Tom to tell him that the St Kilda heritage jumper wasn’t as bad as the Hawthorn version. It was blue with thin white stripes and what looked like, red stars. He was heading down stairs for a cigarette and said he’d call back.

Manny called late. He’d taken a Valium and some other painkiller. He was slurring his words. He said he’d always taken them when he was in bed, he’d never stayed up afterwards. He tried to tell me a story of a DVD he’d watched, some horror film. He got half through it and said he’d forgotten what it was called. And then he said he’d better go, saying something about being hungry and cooking food. How much trouble can one space cadet get into cooking something to eat with a microwave? I had visions of him combusting in a huge gas flame.

The call waiting beeps from Tom calling back sounded during Manny’ call. I called Tom. He called me. We called back on different lines. We said good night.

Nicholas looked smashed when he left…the story that made no sense was no give away, I tell ya. I’ve been around pot-heads long enough to tell, without the obvious, saying he had to be at work by 6.30am. Glad it was him and not me.

I told Tim, after Nicholas had left, that I’d been picturing him coming like a porn star all the time he was packing me a bong.

I spoke to Dean late on msn, he was just going to bed. He said he got my text. Dean and I signed off at 11.11. Is that good or bad? Signing off could be bad. But being connected and having a changing moment together at that time could be good?

I’m now logged onto gaydar hoping to catch up with Carmine.

I don’t think I’m proactive enough when it comes to boys. I’ve got the pick of three, right at the moment, and yet I hesitate, every time. And get none.

I think I want a boyfriend.

Dean is very handsome, but young. I don’t even know how old he is, but he has just finished uni. He’s smart, though.

Carmine is as sexy as…a buff body, but a bit... um, girlie. Oh, not really. But, he’d be the girliest boyfriend I’d ever had. That doesn’t have to be very girlie, ‘cause I’ve always had pretty straight boyfriends.

And then there’s Manny.

If I could mix Manny’ looks, with Carmine’s worldliness…him sitting back on that chair, looking at the computer, playing with his hard, purple cock…and Dean’s youth and intelligence and smouldering eyes… I could so have a little brother fantasy with him… they are all sexy… they are all dark and handsome. What the hell is wrong with me?

I’ve eaten crap all weekend. All week.

I should just go to sleep.

I just logged on to msn to send the following email to Dean – the age thing got me thinking.

Hey Dean, I want to get stoned with you and play big brother, little brother fantasies with you.

When someone named Ang logged on. It turned me on. Ang was clearly horny. We talk dirty for a while. He needed a dick up his arse.

Carmine finally messaged me. He was in a hotel room in Abbotsford with a hot mate from Sydney. It’s 1am. I had to turn him down. Bugger! (Ed note - I just wanted to play with him, not a package deal)

From carmine - hey matey carmine here how you doin?? am with a mate from sydney in a hotel in abbotsford playing around...wanna join us?? 

From christian - I'd so love to... I tell you, but I've got to go to bed. I do want to catch up with you though 

From carmine - hey Christian no probs matey another time. you have a good night. cheers c 

From christian - You too, sexy boy. Catch up with you soon. Maybe fly a kite?

I kind of lost interest in Carmine’s dirty talk after he told me he wanted a threesome. But, he always wants multiple partners, it must be his thing. I just wanted him.

nite