Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Everybody is Coming Down With Something

SMS. 8.10. No singing 4 me sick kids, biting poohing weeing puppy, dickhead husband and what’s 2 sing about eh? – Rachel

SMS. 8.17. Sing along anyway. But as I gaze at the princess’ Theatre, it would have to be Whistle While You Work, as I head there – Christian

SMS. 8.18. Think I may take Oliver 2 South Melbourne market 4 a coffee. I hate my food job it makes me quite depressed. Working at urchin 2nite – Rachel

SMS. 8.19. I hate mine too – Christian

SMS. 8.20. I’m following a hot arse down Bourke Street – Christian

SMS. 8.20. Give it a pinch, make his day – Rachel

The solid boy from yesterday was walking down Bourke Street again with me today. He's a solid, good looking aussie boy; dark messy hair, blue eyes, pale skin. He stopped at the fruit stand and bought another apple, again this morning. I gazed at him, as I waited for the lights on Elizabeth. I want to lick his chops.

I went to mum's for dinner.

I think I'm coming down with something.

When I got home, Tim was watching House MD. He couldn't talk, he was so engrossed. He said he didn't think he had taken breath for half an hour.

I have a nasty tickle in the back of my throat, so I went to bed early.

Hi Chrisso,

Lovely seeing you the other week. When am I going to get an entertaining email again ;0)

Rx (Raymond) 

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Chanting As We Speak

SMS. 7.50. Day off Mirr? – Tom

SMS. 7.57. What? – Christian

Tom called to say that the message should have read Miss. He said that he had just had a blood transfusion, which has made him feel so energised he is raring to get out and about and actually feels like he could do it. He is stuck on his catheter for a week though.

Under the elms, over the avenue, through the park and down city streets. I knelt to re-tie my shoe, at the top of Bourke Street, and there was a solid boy in a dark suit, with cool messy hair, walking behind me, past me, in front of me. I whispered my usual boyfriend incantation quietly behind him. Then I whispered that I wanted to suck his big cock long and hard, as we walked down Bourke Street in single file. I chanted, quietly, that his cock was getting hard and that it was rubbing around in his jocks, making itself present in his pants, making it hard and hot for him to walk. The monster was rubbing on his thigh.

He got fidgety and scratched his ear and adjusted his torso in his suite, scratched his head, twitched his arms, stretched his shoulders… and walked with wide steps. I kid you not.

SMS. 14.28. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Had a fab day love .... – Shane

SMS. 14.32. Just come-to, I presume? – Christian

SMS. 14.40. It’s good to have girlfriends who know you well. No don’t panic it’s only Tuesday, wait till the slime has set on the door handles so that he can get out of the room – Shane

SMS. 14.45. Hitting it pretty hard was what I heard about u. Should I be afraid, was my response – Christian

SMS. 15.06. Just another birthday doll – Shane

SMS. 15.12. Hey, the session the other night was really hot. I’m very into another meet. Call me if you are so we can chat. Cheers Shane Buck – Shane

SMS. 16.21. I’m not sure what session u r talking about Buck? But I’m glad to hear u thought it was hot! – Christian

SMS. 16.25. How did you get that? Not in my sent items? Oh well, better you than somebody else…well, except for one – Shane

As I walk out of work, as I head up Bourke to William.

SMS. 17.51. (Rachel) Hey ho, end of the day! U know the song, come on sing along – Christian

Tim heated up his left-over pasta from last night. It was sensational.

I’ve had two joints. Nicholas has been packing.

SMS. 19.19. (Shane) I miss nothing! – Christian



Firstly, I think you should change your password to poofter in English.

Secondly, coming down the stairs, looking sheepish… didn’t score! If you believe that, I have some lovely beach-side property in Alice Springs you may be interested in. I hear they have a very progressive government. Boyfriends do that. If ya squeamish about it, stay single. One of their least endearing qualities, as worst. Hey, I know my boyfriend is sexy, big deal, at best.

You know, I’m sorry if I was a bit of a shit while you were here, I really should have taken two weeks holiday before you got here and then had two weeks holiday with you, it would have been cool. I was a wee bit stressed out from work, my patience was very scant.

But I’m back to it now, for weeks. Er! It just feels like such a waste of my time.

I changed the names in my novel, as you said. You were absolutely right, by the way, did I tell you? Well, it’s now Lucy and Gavin. And I realised that there was a chapter missing when you read it. Clearly, it made a big difference to the story.

I’ve just come back from a gorgeous sunny, blue-skied weekend at Bolago, from a dear friend, Ros' fortieth. We spent two nights chasing Mars around, as it’s the closest it’s ever been in, yadder, yadder, yadder. Wet paddocks, damp shoes and some of them city folk being scared of the cows. Like I said to them, like cows are so know for their aggression. Is that it? I squealed when I finally saw it. That? That star that looks like every other star in the sky, except it’s a bit more gold? For goodness sakes, we’ve been taken by a couple of meteorologists having a wank. But it was nice standing on top of the mountain in the pitch black in the night with a bunch of thirty something blokes, all guests, gazing at the stars.

So I knew quite a few of Ros’ friends, natch. I was envious of her sister, Lucy, who has enrolled at Deakin next year, to do my writing degree course there. I so want to stop working and do some more study. Which got me to thinking that I actually have done the course, of course. I am trained, I do have the skills and now it is for real – the things you think about in the car as the sun streams in through the window, the road stretches out in front of you like a big, wide ribbon with the blue sky above. I can’t piss around any more. It’s no longer just a pipe dream. I have to do it now. Eeks!

I just thought it was something to say. You know, shoot the breeze. Chat. Make small talk. Talk stoner crap. A bit like doing lead-light class for receptionists.

Never the less…

My skin is humming from all the sun today.

I have smoked a couple of joints and Tim has just handed me a porn tape. Hmm?

And, I guess, that means you’re getting dumped, Little One.

Big smile.


I forgot to hit send, oops. How did that happen? Clearly there is nothing wrong with my joint stash. Do you think when Tom expresses his concern for my dope habit, I should listen?

Did I tell you that Beau got the heave-ho and has been since replaced with a half-Italian one named Nicholas. Nice to. Can cook rum balls… find his way around a garden… and packs a mean bong. Oops, that’s a bad point. Bad point? Bad point! Mmmmm? I’ll get that one soon.

I think I should go out whoring to find myself a new boyfriend. One that’s sexy and leads an interesting life as well. How hard can that be to find? I find I’m falling in love on every walk into work in the mornings. It’s a sign. I’m developing a thing for men in suits.

Crooked smile.

Tom is back in hospital, bladder problem again. He called me to say that he was glad he was secure enough in the idea that I love him, so that I didn’t need to visit at all… like I had been, or nor…err! Bad Christian. He said his last blood transfusion made him feel so alive and vital he wanted to get out and about – just visiting, you understand not partying – except he’s catheterised to the spot. Damn!

Nitey night.

My head is spinning.

Jasus! Who keeps giving me this stuff?

Cheeky smile.


Gloved-hand to the throat.

I’m a little faint.


Pass me my lavender smelling salts.

No, the other ones, you French fool!


hello my friends,

how are you? i'm missing you a lot, and so i thought i wirite you a few lines. Here in Bolzano everything is as it was and i won’t change neither. i go to work, i come from work, i see my girlfiend, i have a few drinks with my freinds, and so on. nothing really exciting, but still, nice. how is it in Bolago? hows the old gardener N and his wife? hope they're fine, greet them from me! have you heared anything from paddy latest? the last information i have, is that he went on a on-month-trip with aborigines, and that he was overexcited, looking for shells, and doing some bushwalks...

so well i have to get back to work now, i write to you later!

Oh and christian, any new written tales you could send me? i'd love to read something!

Sebastian M.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Nicholas Has Beautiful Rum Balls

I think I fall in love every morning on my way to work. There was a boy in Gertrude Street, this morning, who had such a sexy arse and lunch that I couldn’t help looking over the road at him, as we walked side by side, different sides of the street. That was until he realised what I was doing, that I was looking at him, he smiled and looked over at me, so I left him with that smile and I turned up Brunswick Street.

Then there was a boy with piercing blue eyes, pale skin and black hair. Yum! Dark suite, crossing Albert by the fire station. His gaze followed mine.

Beck’s first day back, it was good to see her.

U there?


I'm here – a bit like an episode of Are You Being Served.

Sword fish would be nice – I'm tempted to say no, though, as I feel guilty as you always cook dinner for me and I don't for you.


No – that’s fine – I need to make sure they sell it first – we had some last friday – it was gorgeous... like me.... otherwise I'll grab something else – Nicholas got some stuff and said he wanted to make some rum balls for desert.... I know what I'll be having.... its sick ... but I just can’t get enough of it lately!!


Rum balls are Italian, aren't they?


Yes indeedy.... oh lord!! they taste so nice..




Wish I was the younger sister though...time marches on :)


Tim and Nicholas are in the kitchen cooking. Tim fish, Nicholas Rum balls. Tim just yelled out, Yum!

I was going to respond, Tim, are you licking that boy’s bum again? But I thought better of it.

Manny called to ask me over there.

Tom’s back in hospital, his bladder is playing up. His parent’s said to him on, something like, Tuesday that Kirsten and Chris were coming over to visit. And then Thursday night they said they were going out for the night. Kirsten and Chris were to be babysitters. Tom wasn’t happy about it. As it turned out, Tom was readmitted to hospital on Friday, blood clots in his bladder. He is now catheterised again and in his own room.

I’m a bad friend, I should have gone and visited him. But, I don’t feel like doing anything but staying home and going to bed early.

Tom just called. He was glad that I’m okay and is secure in the fact that I love him that I, practically, don’t have to go and visit him at all.

I sneaked over to Manny's late and kissed him and undressed him and held him in my arms.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Shane's Birthday

SMS. 12.06. (Shane) Happy birthday – Christian

Everyone was languorously relaxing in the sun. Jane, Andy and baby Jay arrived. Jay was so cute, he was having a shy day and he kept snuggling up close for protection. He keenly observed all the other children around him. He was very quiet and confined, but nothing seemed to miss his gaze. He looked so cute in his B is for Bob T-shirt.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining the sky was blue. Manny left a message on my phone as I drove home around 2pm. I called him back and he asked if I wanted to come over tonight, after I had done my washing and whatever else it was that I had to do. I wanted to drop by now, so I could have the rest of the evening to myself. So, I made the excuse of dropping in to collect the joint which I had left with him when his back was really sore during my holidays.

He was putting up curtains, so I helped. During which, I couldn't help but pull his pants down. He kept saying wait, I want to get this done.

I was home by 6pm.

Manny called to say how much he appreciated my help with the curtains. He's such a polite boy.

Dear Mr Fletcher,

Thank you for your cheery mail. It is a comfort to me to know that loved ones back in the blessed homeland can spare a moment to share deeply their distress at the political necessitated exile movement that claims successive good sorts from the maternal shores. Oh Why oh Why? etc. One can only ask what are you people doing with that government down there where the kangaroos rue their oozes? But who can say...

Well back in the thick of it, but very relaxed. professional, fucking up only a little bit, turning up, smiling, shimmying up walls. The other job starts in a week. That will be interesting how much can be balanced. But I'll just be more in the middle of it.

What can I say? Australia is SOOO far away and I adjusted in like a swink of your grandmother's smacky proverbial. I don't believe she blinked an eye(lid). Not her - too crusted over with amyl burns that have moved up from her weeping nostrils. But that's Sherleeyn, she was always her own person and you couldn't tell her nuthin'.

I have had me mate Jane visiting for 4 days and the weather turned summery and we had a ball – cocktails one after the other in gorgeous locations, Berlin this Berlin that, chat chat chat and no hassles. They (a friend of her's too) loved the flat and terrace, loved Berlin, loved Germany. You gotta love them holocaust memorials at 6am, crackasparrows!

Bern is foine – just up to some tricks. Came in on girls' last night to cross with him coming down stairs with a cuties in tow and VERY sheepish (natch, I'm a dragon with bad behaviour – must keep remembering, that's what boyfriends do, bad behaviour I mean, mixed with other things of course) and I was a bit prissy because I figure Internet root in our flat, and I was right but he had no luck and he didn't score and so they're jogging buddies and I thoroughly approve as I won't have to jog and scoring is fine too anyway I had just been caught by surprise and ANYWAY Emilio is coming to Berlin and that's already been sorted so I can root him solid for weeks so let's not be hypercritical. EMILIO yipee yipeee!!!! There is none bigger, thicker, wider. Maybe we can arrange for a bendy one, like the other one had, that David. Mum I want THAT one. But no we must not complain. I expect to go to hospital, but hopefully at the end of his visit, as a result. I mean, I'll have to rehab until I can walk again, normally.

And last bit, the guy was Israeli (ha ha!) so I feel very encouraging for Bern and no sweat for me.

That's about it I think. I had to open my account at school feeling a bit groggy and they were all arranged behind me looking at the screen when I got them to look away for my password (poofter, in German) and then when they had looked back, there it was, where I had typed it in the wrong field. Hee hee. As I hadn't got it and had to look myself as did they to find the problem, why hasn't it opened (come on kid! let's problem solve!) it took some time before I even realised. Why Oh Why am i surrounded at every turn?...

Write bitch, dear friend,


I went to bed early with art-house porn that Tim had given me.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Ros’ 40th

Ros’ 40th birthday. Everybody was university educated, interesting, fun types… with children. Lot’s of kids, young kids, all well behaved. Everybody was nice and chilled and relaxed.

Study hard, have kids, the cycle repeats.

Ros and I have never been the greatest of friends. We were there for a time, becoming friends, but she's turned on me twice, savagely, over stupid things. It left me wide-eyed and mouth open, on both occasions. You know, once I could have forgiven, but twice. Seriously, get therapy. Now, I find it hard to be totally relaxed with her. I don't want to be like that, but I am.

I call her Miss Anger Management.

I don’t think Mark really believed me for the longest time, but then she turned on him with all the hell and fury, I gather, she turned on me.

Friday, August 26, 2005


Is There a Bear in There?

There was a guy walking across Queen Street in a dark suit and overcoat. He had his hands in his pockets, like glove-puppets in the overcoat, pulling the coat sideways in each direction. He must have been a boxer shorts kind of guy, because with every step he took I could see his cock bouncing up and down, like there was something in his pants, which there was, that was enjoying the day all on its own.

Then a boy came along in jeans who looked like he had a couple of ripe apples stuffed into them.

The day just seemed to slip by.

I left for Bolago around 7.30pm.


Thursday, August 25, 2005

All That in There

I woke up to Tim banging on my bedroom door. "Come on, come on, it's eight thirty," he said. "Do you want me to put your coffee on?"

"What?" I rubbed my face. "Er... no... I can manage." Daytime. 8.35. Shit!

An old Greek lady got on the tram all dressed in black; a face with lines that told of a long smoking history and eyes that were watering, surrounded by big circles of wet, spreading across her lined face. My eyes started to itch, as I gazed at her. I didn't want her to touch me. She looked tired and sad, as she clutched her blue, red and white shopping bag tightly.

Then a big, solid wog-boy got on in pale blue track suit pants and my attention was lost. My goodness, I thought. How do you suppose he got those... around that... like that? Very nice.


Hey, by the way, you know how I gave you my novel to read? You didn't read it, did you? Don't read it. I must be mad sending you that. You can read it when there is a completed draft. I must stop sending people stuff that isn't up to being read.


Remember, I couldn’t open it I tried it on the work and home computer- thought the work one may have snaffled it coz of dirty words and maybe it was too big for home computer – yet ours is pretty beefy??

Anyway I would love to read it – when you are ready. I am also going to send you the 5 people you meet in heaven book – I will do that.

Have a good day sweetie xx


Good. I'm glad of that.

Don't you worry, you'll be one of the people I'll be counting on to read it... but when it's ready.

Big smile.


Tonight, Sylvia Romero and Tim’s friend Anna McCormack, who I never recognise, were here. I talked a bit, was on my computer a bit and then I went to bed early.

You understand there was a lot of drinking going on, which, naturally, I don't partake of. Alcohol is evil stuff! Messy. Not so much fun, as far as I'm concerned. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Happy Hump Day

Tim woke up this morning when I yelled at Missy for lapping out of my muesli, as it sat, soaking on the bench. Are you all right, he said?

Then he complained of a hang-over and commented that he needed to go to the gym, to keep up a perceived standard of what Nicholas might be attracted too. "He's got calves like this and thighs... oh, my goodness, what does he see in me?”

You're not exactly a back of the bus case, I said.

I know, I know. But sometimes I look at him...

Oh well, off to the gym today, if you want to keep Mr Cutey-pants, I said as my departing words.

Nicholas asked Tim if he was too clingy? Tim says that he asks things in such an innocent way, that it is a bit disconcerting. (I would have thought that would be endearing)

Nicholas asked Tim, on Monday, So does this mean we are going out?

Tim thought he meant out for lunch.


Happy Hump Day. I guess you'd be feeling it more than usual?




A woman of few words, now-a-days?


Busy mate xx


I went to mum’s for dinner. The dinner was cold. I wasn't even late.

Mum asked me to check the pre-programmed number for my home phone number, to see if it was right. She was sure it wasn't. But mum, I haven’t changed my home phone number in fifteen years. It's her, cracks are appearing. She's having problems with telephones, now.

Tim and Nicholas were home watching television.

I tried to talk to Tom, get a call in at the last minute, more for my guilt than his enjoyment, but had to give up, in the end, because he was too sleepy.

I wrote the Meaning of Life until 1am. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

He is Great. And He Even Swallows.

Nicholas and Tim were still in bed when I left. Nicholas was sitting up with just the sheet covering his lower half. I tried not to look. You know, I soooo wanted to.

I walked in the rain, fine, misty rain, covering me in tiny crystals. It was lovely and I got to work on time.

SMS. 9.50. Working is such a pointless mindless waste of time – Rachel

SMS. 14.42. Tell me about it! I waste every day here doing pointless, menial stuff when I could be… changing the world – Christian

Today – I am back at work – I survived and saw gorillas. I can die a happy woman………..


Welcome back my little lamb chop. You must have seen and felt wondrous things. Lucky you. Now back to work.


Yes, don’t know about gorillas in the mist, I have Leeps in the mist today thanks to that nasty jet lag stuff!


Leepers in the mist. It sounds like the title to some old sea-dog-faring big sea adventure. You just need a over-sized rain coat and an eye-patch... and quite possibly a dog and a parrot.


Yeah right. Hey I have the Wilson’s company this weekend – that’ll be nice


I guess. No, that will be lovely.


SMS. 16.12. I just lit the best fire ever…and dinner is cooked. I’m a busy girl! x – Tim

SMS. 16.16. & a happy girl. Have you got that smile off ur face yet? – Christian

SMS. 16.16. No…I would hate to tell u what I had on my face earlier… He is great! And he even swallows. Who could ask for more :) – Tim

SMS. 16.27. Gotta love a boy who swallows. Made of tougher stuff than me – Christian

SMS. 16.27. Me too… though I’ve given his a licken… tastes good too… I can’t find a bad thing yet! – Tim

SMS. 17.31. We had babies! There are baby fish in the pond…ye saw one today… and Nicholas bought three new ones for me as a present… he’s so camp… x – Tim

SMS. 17.35. I’m going home I’ve done my time… (come on, sing along) – Christian

SMS. 17.37. Yeah fuck the bureaucratic bastards! Let’s all pop on a caftan & head 2 Qld wearing no undies! Karl coming for dinner – Rachel

SMS. 17.40. Karl who? – Christian

SMS. 17.39. My old boss, the kraut – Rachel

SMS. 17.45. Never known a bad Karl. Never know a good Kraut – Christian

SMS. 17.45. He is now a wine maker & always brings red wine treats! Join us – Rachel

SMS. 17.49. I’ve got pot to smoke! – Christian

SMS. 17.48! Alrighty! – Rachel

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Sweetest Thing

SMS. 9.56. So was he better than cuddling Billie? Stupid question, I know. Thought y’d given him the flick – Rachel

EEO training from 11am. Again? How many times to I have to have this stuff drummed into me. To summarise, you can do any thing once, but if your intended victim says no and you continue, you are asking for trouble. How many law suits can the execs be up for. It’s not as if I’ve ever stared at another man’s crotch.

I was on my own all day. No time to sit about scratching my arse though.

SMS. 15.42. Hi… I’m cooking dinner tonight… San choi bow… If u want… xx… God I’m feeling so happy! Kiss, kiss – Tim

I left right on five thirty, despite being half an hour late this morning. I’m not a clock watcher. I do my hours though, nobody could complain about that. They owe me, if anything, I have many hours banked, I reckon.

SMS. 17.32. (Rachel) He was. I did. Oh well – Christian

SMS. 17.34. (Tim) Yum! Yes please, if it is not to late – Christian

SMS. 17.34. It’s fine. Makin lots – Tim

I watched The Sweetest Thing with Tim and Nicholas.

Then I played around on my computer, you know, as you do.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Turned On And Steaming

SMS. 00.21. Hey is that offer still going? Am near ur place and have a car. Can be there in 10. Not sure how long I can stay tho, but better than nothing – Dean

SMS. 00.24. Come over – Christian

I think I was just too wasted on dope to be completely up with it with Dean. But the sight of him with his jeans around his ankles and his hard cock in my hand was hot – rock hard cock, masturbating him. He has a dark-skinned, veiny cock, that is beautifully uncut; thick legs; dark purple ball sack. His dark, good looks, his concentration on what was being done to his manhood, totally turned on and steaming.

I think, I was a victim of my own trap, just as he was arse-up in the air, my head spun, I faltered, too hot from the roaring fire, to stoned from too many joints, whoosh. Semi-shut down. I need a breather, gotta take a break.

Why don’t I marry Dean?

I fell asleep watching Joan Crawford’s Rain

I woke at 6am on the couch, shut everything off and went to bed.


Boy, do I feel like I have a bong-over, or what? Still stoned. I’m quitting smoking today. Too many pains in the chest, just of late, to justify continuing.

I’m trying marijuana therapy, traditionally a therapy that has an indistinct history of success. Besides, there was a joint in the ashtray, hardly smoked. If I can just have a few joints to get me through the worst of the first day of quitting. Just today. Tomorrow nothing, if I can smoke no cigarettes today.

My computer screen flashes pink and blue. I should just go down to Office Works and buy the new one, 15inch flat, for three hundred and seventy. In fact, I might just do that.


I now have a flat 19 inch screen, for five hundred dollars. You see my wallpaper art work on it. Yum!

I got really stoned and watched the rape scene from Glass House, where the cute, blond guy gets taken by four, or five, fellas. I wanked on the couch.

I smoked a number of joints before I went to mums. I got there at two, she wasn’t home. I took the Rover for a spin and bought iced finger buns.

SMS. I was coming, now, after seeing mum, but Manny just waved his cock @ me, so I’ll see you another time – Christian

SMS. 14.42. Cock always wins over cute Staffy puppies – Rachel

SMS. 14.44. Especially beautiful Greek ones – Christian

SMS. 14.45. Dunno, never had a Greek one – Rachel

SMS. 14.47. Greek boys are gorgeous. You should before you die, it’s a must. – Christian

SMS. 14.49. There’s lots 2 do b4 I dies, not sure where having a Greek boy fits into the scheme. D u have a camera phone? – Rachel

SMS. 14.54. U should slip him in as a matter of urgency. Velvet skin. White teeth. Big, brown eyes – Christian

SMS. 14.58. And they r good @ it! – Christian

SMS. 15.01. Is this Manny who was on the scene ages ago? – Rachel

Mum was coming home just as I was walking down the front path.

SMS. 15.06. Yep. Didn’t I show u his cock? He laughed when I told him I had. Greek boys, got to love ‘em, their not shy – Christian

SMS. 15.06. Thought so, I will send a photo of Billie from a friend’s phone – Rachel

SMS. 15.08. Why? – Rachel

SMS. 15.09. Don’t send – Christian

She cooked me stew and I ate Tim’Tams.

I was home by four. I called Manny and told him to get his arse over. He said he may stay the night, but I said he couldn’t if I was going to work the next day. He could stay Friday or Saturday night.

Tim and Nicholas came home.

I’m so stoned by the time Manny finally get here. He’s cross because he doesn’t think I’m up to going to the bank and lending him three hundred dollars. I play with his nipples and come back to life. Makes him smile... give me that sexy look.

SMS. 17.58. Why can’t I send it? – Rachel

SMS. 18.15. Police found a body in the men’s toilet. Saggy breasts, one testicle, an abnormally small cock and wearing women’s panties. Text me back so I know your ok. I’m back – Shane.

SMS. 18.18. (Rachel) I’m not connected – Christian

SMS. 18.19. I’m stoned – Christian

It is a cool night. I have a hard-on as we walk, the long lamb’s wool coat hides it well.

I love it when Manny is lying on top of me, his hard and soft bits pushing into my hard and soft bitss. I hold him by the arse and grind into him, he feels hard, and sexy, and hot. His cock against mine, hot, sweaty, and hard. Me kissing his big, soft lips. His legs over mine. His nipples tender and between my fingertips, so I can regulate his breathing.

Manny left early, he had to PT it home. I’m too stoned to drive.

SMS. 22.58. (Shane) Welcome back dol – Christian

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I Had a Dream

I had a dream that I was at my parent’s house, M Road when Shelly Haddockwood and Dave drove a white Laser down the lane and into a bamboo stand, in the garden in the house opposite, just before our family company car, T****3, drove up, as the postie delivered a pile of letters to me from Esther, who I haven't seen for years; twenty big square envelopes with dark blue and green and orange borders.

What the hell does all that mean?

It’s 7.57am

Thanks for the thought but I don’t want one of those psycho freeeeeeks Male nurses?

Get a real job!


Now miss... that’s hardly the attitude


I went back to bed and watched Don’s Plum, which inspired me to write some more of MOL, chapter 6a, to be precise.

I bought coffee beans and the cut price book shop was having a 3 book for $20, so, of course, I partook. Rose Tremain, Patrick McCabe and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

I read on my Land Tax bill dated 31st July that I had 7 days in which to pay up or legal proceedings would automatically begin, with no more warning letters. I’m sooo slack with bills, I just toss them aside. I wonder if it the legal nonsense begun?

SMS. 15.45. Hey, can u get me any...? – Christian

I fantasised about Beau (Tim’s ex-boyfriend) coming over for stuff and me getting into his pants. You know, he was so nice, Beau. He often surprised me with the things that he knew. Something’s that seemed to be out of his time span, like old movies or television shows. Not to mention he is as sexy as anything. He has a raw sexuality, something that is right there, earthy, solid, in your face. Smouldering blond looks helps, as well. It’s the way he can slouch on the couch and pull bongs and be such a boy and fill his tracksuit pants as well. Smart and sexy. I love the way he mumbles when he’s wasted.

I fantasised about having a clandestine relationship with him. How would it work?

I read Dead Europe on the couch and fell asleep lazily until Guido called around 5pm to say he could get the stuff for me. We drank tea and I watched Guido eat Hungry Jacks, like a pig, getting it smeared all over his face. We talked about the qualities a boyfriend needs for each of us now.

"Just a tight hole, that's all that's required," said Guido.

"Nah, I think my requirements are a little more than that," I said.

"Why?" said Guido perplexed. "What else do you need?"

Mark called to see what I was doing. They were doing a small function for forty people, a birthday for cute George and his wife.

I tried to watch Scarred City with Stephen Baldwin, but it was just too ultra violent. Interesting premise for a film, though. And Stephen Baldwin is still hot. But when he walked up to a crook, put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, I decided that I couldn’t watch any longer.

I watched the Glass House, Truman Capote, with Alan Alda. Its premise wasn’t so different to Scarred City, but without the violence.

I wrote some more, after that.

SMS. 21.26. (Dean) Come over. I’ve got pot – Christian

I watched To kill a Mockingbird.

Friday, August 19, 2005

I Guess He Noticed

I haven’t spoken to Tom since he got out of hospital on Wednesday. I was beginning to feel guilty about it. I should call him.

SMS. 09.19. Cow – Tom

I guess he noticed.

The sky clouded over and the rain came down. The footpaths washed to a shine and umbrellas went up. Coats were pulled tight around people’s throats, as they dashed from cover to cover and hopped on trams.

SMS. 16.56. I have never seen fat people move so fast! The buffet is now open! Fucking scary. Love – Shane

SMS. 17.03. Woo-Hoo! Me too, please! I’ll have one of EVERY THING! (or would that be one of everythink?) – Christian

SMS. 17.48. (Shane) R u still away? – Christian

Hi Jane

I saw a girl today who looked so much like you it was frightening. Well, frightening isn’t the right expression, she was beautiful like you. She even had on a tied, purple cardigan and she had a slight shade of maroon through her hair. I had to look several times to work out it wasn’t you. She was probably a little younger. So, you have a little-sister a look alike somewhere out there.

Hope everything is going well?



Thursday, August 18, 2005

Steve N – With What Appears To Be A Nice Todger


I can't wait to see your smiling face, I'm having one of those weeks. This probably means I am going to dump on you, wah, wah, wah, so I apologise in advance. Now, as if everything isn't bad enough, I can't sign into my computer system and my, dedicated, IT bloke – they gave me him the last time I cracked the sads – is happily chatting away on the phone, tra, la, la, la, la!. So, I decided to do the only thing left to me and that was to phone my old employment agency to find out what jobs are going at the moment and would you believe it, nobody answered, it just rang out. Grrr! So I thought I'd email you instead.

Hello. Big smile. I feel better already. There is only one thing left to do and that is to get so drunk tonight I can't possibly make it into work tomorrow. Weeeeee!!!!!


I was just down in IT with my IT guy trying to get this wretched system back up and running, when Steve N. walked out to the training room and into the main office. I was daydreaming, as my IT guy fuddled about - is he useless, or what - just gazing into the distance of the office. I found myself ogling Steve, before I realised what I was doing. It was a funny moment, as I looked up at him and expected him to say hi, instead he smiled... and I smiled... and the smile left his face and I got the impression that he knew exactly what I was looking at. Oops. He’s got, what appears to be, a nice todger. He had the slightly self-conscious look of confusion. I got a chill up my spine. I must be more careful of ogling straight boys in the office, even if it wasn't, exactly, intentional.

SMS. 15.20. The only time she isn’t chewing is when she’s asleep (even the doorframes) think she may be part wombat! – Rachel

SMS. 15.33. AHHHHH!!!! That’s my day! – Christian

SMS. 15.33. The ***** HR manager is a bloody nightmare! But, I guess, we already knew that. I’m trying hard not to be rude to her – Christian

SMS. 15.34. How’s Noosa? – Christian

SMS. 15.35. Just be as rude as you like – get us both sacked and get on a plane up here! It’s bloody fantastic! – Beck

SMS. 15.37. Happy to oblige pig – Rachel

SMS. 15.39. Big smile. I’m waiting for the cow to call to have a go @ me – Christian

SMS. 15.43. Got a new phone – did u get the photo from my deckchair? – Beck

Can't wait to catch up! Dump away! See you out the front at 17:30


Is it 17.30 yet?

PLEASE let it be 17.30.


I went out for dinner with Kym, at Melbourne Central, at S Cafe. Cute, smiley, bald boy was our waiter again – tall, handsome with packed jeans.

SMS. 19.05. Ring Jill come and have dinner in Hampton the restaurant is very quiet – Rachel

SMS. 20.11. I’m already out for dinner – Christian

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hey Ben

The gorgeous Ben G. has moved to my floor, he was in the lift this morning with me. Handsome, blond hair, blue eyes. He has an intensity when he talks to me, he captures my attention like there is only he and I when we speak. Maybe, I'll get to bump into him in the toilets, at the urinal, I'd look. Bad Christian. He's a thoroughbred, lean and athletic. It would be beautiful, I know it. Like him. Downy soft blonde hair...

I reckon he'd make a good boyfriend. He's a Sagittarian. He has baby-blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. And a GREAT arse.

"Hi Ben, how are you?" I asked.

"Yeah, good," he replied.

"Another day..."

"To be worked to the bone," said Ben.

I'd like to work you to the bone, I thought.

"At least we're on time."

"Only just."

We both looked at the time display above the floor display. I looked back first and gazed at his handsome face. He looked back and smiled.

"Nearly there," Ben said.

"The salt mines beckon."

He laughed at my salt mines reference.

We stepped out of the lift together. I pretended we were lovers, besuited sweet hearts, arriving at work.

I didn't smoke until 9.15am. No sooner had I flicked on my computer that I slipped out when no one was looking. Ha, ha. Stood in solitude, as the breeze blew up Bourke Street, steadied myself for the day. Not bad, better than yesterday, at least I'm still here.

But I hate this place. Working for the man, men. Making a few at the top very rich. Although, I like the partners, it's the incompetents that they give me to work with that I hate. How much easier would it be if every one knew what they were doing. How come it's 50/50? How come the useless ones get to keep their jobs? Of course, they don't generally, in the long term, but it is until we get to that point that the rest of us suffer.

SMS. 15.21. Great news, our much improved recovering friend Tom is out of hospital after 8 weeks – Perry

hello honnies,

good news for us...

K***y X has been accepted into the New York Next Reel film festival in September and i have been invited to attend! yaaaaaay! so thank you all sooooooo verry much for all your support and hard work, looks like our vision is paying off in humble instalments.

much love to you all and we going to New York!!!


Julie my Queen! a visit to you will be most definitely planned i will perhaps go via L.A and kick it with you and love and laugh and hold hands and eats spaghetti...

could you please email me you phone # so i can call you to hook up?? mine is #040xxxxxxxx (round the 13th of Sep i think)

that goes double to you BIF ANTON! no visit to skanky old L.A is complete with out some naked, craked up freeway drivn' with hookers and latino gangsters...

that or we could maybe just catch up for a picnic and a coolaid with your kids??

AND my Joelly! hey were are you guys? still in San Fran? lets hook up Kitten.


xx aBy


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Enthusiasm for Life

What happened to the bright eyes and the enthusiasm for life? What happened to seeing everything as wondrous and exciting, like the first time I drove down Scotchmere Street, or the first time I saw the Gertrude Smith Street corner? The day I drove up G. Street looking for #75, was that the number? Some house that was for sale that was cheap, back in the days when I was looking for a new house. I have a vague feeling that I did look at our terraces. Did I feel the influence that was going to have on me? Did I know that that dip in the road at the intersection would be such a huge part of my life? You know, I think I did. I think I did feel a certain zing, as I drove past. What happened to the zing? What happened to loving the inner suburbs, loving Fitzroy, loving being in my own house? Today, as I walked up Young Street, the single-fronted terraces just looked like dwellings. Nothing special any more.

Well... in that case... I can see two fingers up his arse in no time. Actually, I just closed my eyes and I could see it.


YOU ARE SUCH A FUNNY BUGGAR!!... did I tell you that his jeans got stuck on his calf muscles on Sunday night... holy canoli!!


I wish I was Samantha... I'd turn myself into his jeans....


Actually, if I was Samantha... I think I'd turn myself into Tony's jocks!


he he – I forgot about him – He's coming over next Thursday night.... I don’t know what I have done to deserve this – truly blessed!@!


F*ck! I'll say... lucky you!


I'm over it all ready. I have suuuccchhh a bad migraine, I'm going home. Now, if only I could get something herbal on the way home... purely medicinal, you understand... but that's all I feel like doing...


I’d had enough by 10am. Giving up smoking sure is a bitch!

SMS. 10.07. I don’t suppose u r home studying, or something? – Christian

SMS. 10.36. All I want to do is get… – Christian

SMS. 10.40. Hey, sorry still away. Back Sunday. May be able to help you if you can get the key off Tiffany – Guido

SMS. 10.45. Today is not a good day…it looks like it will be suicide, after all! – Christian

Today was not a good day. The first thing that happened was that I walked straight into one of those filling draw box, thingies… fuck it hurt. Then, all I got was demands from Sydney for redundancies calcs, ten of them, and then another one and then some calculations for the dollars saved on LAFA. Do I need to mention that I was trying to give up smoking? AHHH! Enough! I’m out of here! And I left.

I did a little retail therapy at HMV, buying DVD’s cheap and then I headed home.

Mark and Luke arrived just as I was trawling gaydar. Raymond was down from Brisbane and we all went out for lunch and then went for a walk in the Fitzroy Gardens.

SMS. 17.11. Have u got the dog? – Christian

Manny came over in the afternoon. As I was on the phone to him, Jill called to see if I was doing anything tonight. She was cross when I said she missed out by about five minutes, or so. Oh well, sorry, I thought to myself, but Manny's got a couple of things you don't, when it really comes down to it.

SMS. 18.06. Do we ever! Plus a horrid viral headache thing not nice. Billie however is gorgeous with very sharp claws & teeth! – Rachel

SMS. 18.07. U and Jill should come 4 dinner sat night – Rachel

SMS. 18.13. If I don’t go to the country, maybe – Christian

SMS. 18.19. Whatever… Andre is taking Anton 2 Wangaratta cycling I will be here cuddling the pup! Tough job – Rachel

SMS. 18.23. Good you’ve got a puppy then hey? – Christian

SMS. 18.23. Hmmm! – Rachel

SMS. 18.27. U can’t pash the dog… but then again u don’t pash the hubby, hey – Christian

SMS. 18.28. Nah pity tho cos I like a nice ol pash – Rachel

SMS. 18.35. Me too – Christian

SMS. 18.49. Big sigh – Rachel

SMS. 18.53. I have one to pash right next to me now – Christian

SMS. 18.53. Well get on with it & let me finish cooking this roast! – Rachel

SMS. 19.00. I have been doing just that. He tastes good – Christian

SMS. 19.00. Go away! Or else, I won’t let u play with my ever so cute puppy! – Rachel

We chatted and ate pizza until latish.

The chimney caught alight and burned for quite a while. Sparks and flames and ash flying out of it. Jane, my next door neighbour, looked over the fence to see if I knew the chimney was alight. I introduced her to everyone through the trees as she looked over the fence. I pretty much thing she was just worried about herself and her place, not so much mine, but I guess that is human nature. What's it going to do to me. Ash just lands on everything, but it unblocks any partial blockage there might be and the chimney draws again at its maximum strength.

SMS. 21.06. Guess what? Nicholas invited me to Sydney this weekend. Oh my lordy, I am truly blessed. Two nights locked in a room with that boy – Tim

SMS. 21.13. Coming like a porn star all weekend. You’ll be exhausted! – Christian

SMS. 21.14. No…I am going but it’s not about that. I think he’s very nice. I was after him before I met Beau, it’s going to be good. I can feel it in my bone! – Tim

SMS. 21.20. I think you misunderstood me. I was envious – Christian

SMS. 21.20. I’m a bit piss’d…!...was just trying to say I like him…kiss, kiss – Tim

Manny and I had sex and watched the Big Brother contestants on Rove, before I drove him home.

Oh – there's no naturopath open?


Monday, August 15, 2005

The Twins - I Have Such a Fascination for Them

Seth's Birthday

 Do you think that being a really fat woman is all to do with sexual repression.

"You see how big I can get and then nobody can touch me."

The truth that seems less and less able to speak its name in our modern society. Somebody or something has made sex tawdry and repellent for the fat chick. Screwed up big time about one of the most natural things in a human's life.

As society becomes more conservative it becomes more screwy. Conservative values are guns not love. Kill, take control, convince those who think differently to you, to think the same as you - it is good for them, after all. No, love, touch, feel, celebrate the differences, isn't the world wonderful when all the different creeds and colours can live together. Oh no, assimilate, become one of us, don't be different...

..and for god's sake cover up. Think of the children. We can't have them asking those sorts of questions, where will that lead, to them wanting to touch each other. Must stop at nothing to stop little minds being poisoned - besides, they may ask me difficult questions that I can't, don't want to answer. I might look like an idiot when I don't know the answer to what they ask. Give them god from a young age, that myth will fix them up. Don't let them know the truth. The truth is too difficult, too messy, raises too many problems. No, no, god moves in mysterious ways, is a much better answer for the difficult questions I can't – won't – answer.

One nation because it's good for us, not because we hate anyone. No, we're not scared of anyone.

11.11. Mark and Luke. Good morning - Christian

I think if I won millions of dollars in tattslotto I'd keep it to myself, tell no one. It would be my game, see if I could pull it off. I'd give up work, of course, but that would have to be the only tell-tale sign in the immediate proceedings. No new car, (maybe a new car) no extravagant spending, nothing to give it away. Ten million into a term deposit, just to see how I go. It would be interesting. Would I be able to pay off my mortgage? No, not immediately, I wouldn't. I could do it. The self-satisfaction of knowing that everyone and everything would be all right would be enough to get me through. It would be fun. I could buy investment properties, though. Who'd need to know about that? (Is this a sign of how little interest people show in my life? maybe?)

Well, maybe a new car, not a Porsche. (2016 - a Peugeot 308GTI)

I’m poorer than I thought – I only had 50 left in my account... Would you mind if I give it back to you on Thursday... or – if u need it I can give it to you tonight though.... sorry about that.... My god – I can’t stop thinking about Nicholas’.........!!!! Tim

Don't you worry about it... later in the week will be just fine. I can't stress you further while you are obsessing about Nicholas' Mediterranean heritage! (Maybe its separation issues from the beast?) Christian

I just don’t know.... I've actually been daydreaming today... not about him ... simply about his HERITAGE..... and him a bit too I guess!! Tim

I know what you've been daydreaming about... dirty boy. How big did you say it was?You don't have to tell me. Christian

O lordy be!! Tim

I think a photo is the least you could do. Christian

No photo's ... he's a bit shy.... I'll let you smell by breath next time though. Tim

Shy? What kind of Italian is he? Italians are many things, but from my experience, shyness is not one of them. Christian

I consider them to be shy when they only allow one finger... Tim

That's not shy, that's just being a baby.... Christian

Guess what.... he just popped in and said hello....!! Tim

It must be love. Christian

LUST!!... no not even that – I don’t expect it to go anywhere – and I don’t want it to... just want to enjoy myself for a bit... Tim

Actually, I love that stage, the first tentative steps of getting to know each other. Ah, it does make me heart fair melt. Christian

(I think I want a new boyfriend)

I love that stage too... it usually lasts up until the point that u cant stand them --- generally three months. Tim

(Kym) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Seth, Happy birthday to you. Christian

How gorgeous are you? I'd actually forgotten this morning and it was only when I took Seth to his dad to say goodbye that I remembered (because Malcolm actually did remember and said happy birthday which made me feel incompetent as a mum...) Kym

I am gorgeous. I think you'd be competent at everything you do, so I don't believe any of that nonsense.

Thursday is good for me. Outside your office at 5.30.

I'm good. Life's good. I have an Italian, a Greek and one that looks like a cross between the two on the go at the moment, so yes, I'm marvellous.

Do you believe it is the final of Big Brother tonight and I have to go to a play with my mum? Grr! Christian

I went to a play with mum, Cheech. They all had American accents and it was non-linear just for, what seemed like, no reason. It was really interesting, but not that good. And thankfully, it was short.

So, I was home in time for the end of Big Brother. And my boyfriend won, Logan Gregg. I wonder when he’s coming around for love.

SMS. 20.30 – don’t ya wanna play no more man? – Simon

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The lovely Carmine

He is such a lovely boy

All of Them

8.20am. Everything is fine. You just gotta love going out on a Friday night. If it had been Saturday, I’d be rushing out the door to work. Thank the universe for Sundays.

I have to go and do stuff. Visit Tom. My hospital visiting patience is drying up. Thank the universe he is getting out soon, I couldn’t do too much more of this.
I’ve go to the supermarket, I’m nearly out of staples, that's milk, coffee and muesli and not small metal things, you understand. Time to go Christian.

Tom just called. He was sitting out in the cold having a cigarette. Beau took him tobacco. Good on ya Beau, pretty and useful to boot.

Tim just got up, he said he slept like a baby. He is going out with Nicholas this afternoon. When I asked him where they were going, he replied to get married. No, no, just for a drink…but, I might find a small chapel somewhere, though.

I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror and decided I could have a shower and not be content to look like a wreck all day, hanging out in my PJ's. Besides, I’ve got to go and visit Tom at some stage.
Gotta stop spending days content to be a frizz-gig without ever leaving the house.

I’m ready to face the day, at least. Perhaps, I should log onto gaydar to see if I can track down Carmine. An Italian boyfriend, one can dream. Would he be good boyfriend material? Maybe. He’s got a mobile phone… but no car.

I ironed two shirts before I left to see Tom. The less I have to do the better, when I’m singing, I don’t like Mondays, in the morning.

I arrived to an empty hospital bedroom.

SMS. 12.09. Where are you? – Christian

I then realised the error of my ways and called Tom to apologise about the text message he couldn’t read. He was down the hall visiting.
Tom and I went downstairs for a smoke. Afterwards, we went upstairs with the intention of rolling another joint to smoke. It wasn’t too cold, if we sat in the far seat around the corner. There was even a little sun.
Kirsten and her fiancĂ© arrived and scotched any ideas about further choof. I was having a nice visit with Tom and although I didn’t really want to leave, I decided that it was hospital etiquette that if someone puts in the energy to come and visit, it meant my time in the hospital room was up, it was time to go Christian. So I made my goodbyes and left.

SMS. 13.29. Nicholas is coming over for dinner… I’m a tad moist! – Tim
SMS. 13.32. Nicholas will be dinner – Christian
SMS. 13.31. You should see the way he blows…it’s like a porn star – Tim
SMS. 13.36. Stop it… if u don’t want me to have dirty thoughts about him – Christian

I was tired and couldn’t find Carmine on gaydar. Stupid really, as I have his mobile phone number. I think it’s about not wanting to appear too keen. You know, just bump into him in cyberspace. So I headed off to bed. (Ed note - stupid the things you do, huh?)
I slept until 7pm, just in time for Big Brother, to hear the precious words, Time to go Vesna.

SMS. 18.07. Hi Christian… your husband said he wants to play! His back must be better – Tim

Nicholas had arrived for dinner. Tim had cooked curry. Nicholas asked me, at some stage during the weekend, if we had a bong. I lied outright, as I gazed into his beautiful eyes. Tim wanted it disposed of because of the effect it had on Beau, I only assumed that Nicholas would fall into the same category. I didn’t blink an eye-lid when Tim asked where it was later in the evening. How’s that for a good housemate. I even remembered where we hid it.

I was into Big Brother by the time Manny called back. He’d had an offer from Johnny, but wanted to find out if I wanted to play first. I told him I wanted to watch Big Brother… and thought that Johnny would have been a better bet.

I called Tom to tell him that the St Kilda heritage jumper wasn’t as bad as the Hawthorn version. It was blue with thin white stripes and what looked like, red stars. He was heading down stairs for a cigarette and said he’d call back.

Manny called late. He’d taken a valium and some other painkiller. He was slurring his words. He said he’d always taken them when he was in bed, he’d never stayed up afterwards. He tried to tell me a story of a DVD he’d watched, some horror film. He got half through it and said he’d forgotten what it was called. And then he said he’d better go, saying something about being hungry and cooking food. How much trouble can one space cadet get into cooking something to eat with a microwave? I had visions of him combusting in a huge gas flame.
The call waiting beeps from Tom calling back sounded during Manny’ call. I called Tom. He called me. We called back on different lines. We said good night.

Nicholas looked smashed when he left…the story that made no sense was no give away, I tell ya. I’ve been around pot-heads long enough to tell, without the obvious, saying he had to be at work by 6.30am. Glad it was him and not me.
I told Tim, after Nicholas had left, that I’d been picturing him coming like a porn star all the time he was packing me a bong.

I spoke to Dean late on msn, he was just going to bed. He said he got my text. Dean and I signed off at 11.11. Is that good or bad? Signing off could be bad. But being connected and having a changing moment together at that time could be good?

I’m now logged onto gaydar hoping to catch up with Carmine.

I don’t think I’m proactive enough when it comes to boys. I’ve got the pick of three, right at the moment, and yet I hesitate, every time. And get none.
I think I want a boyfriend.
Dean is very handsome, but young. I don’t even know how old he is, but he has just finished uni. He’s smart, though.
Carmine is as sexy as…a buff body, but a bit... um, girlie. Oh, not really. But, he’d be the girliest boyfriend I’d ever had. That doesn’t have to be very girlie, ‘cause I’ve always had pretty straight boyfriends.
And then there’s Manny.
If I could mix Manny’ looks, with Carmine’s worldliness…him sitting back on that chair, looking at the computer, playing with his hard, purple cock…and Dean’s youth and intelligence and smouldering eyes… I could so have a little brother fantasy with him… they are all sexy… they are all dark and handsome. What the hell is wrong with me?

I’ve eaten crap all weekend. All week.

I should just go to sleep.

I just logged on to msn to send the following email to Dean – the age thing got me thinking.
Hey Dean, I want to get stoned with you and play big brother, little brother fantasies with you.
When someone named Ang logged on. It turned me on. Ang was clearly horny. We talk dirty for a while. He needed a dick up his arse.
Carmine finally messaged me. He was in a hotel room in Abbotsford with a hot mate from Sydney. It’s 1am. I had to turn him down. Bugger! (Ed note - I just wanted to play with him, not a package deal)

From carmine - hey matey carmine here how you doin?? am with a mate from sydney in a hotel in abbotsford playing around...wanna join us??

From christian - I'd so love to... I tell you, but I've got to go to bed. I do want to catch up with you though

From carmine - hey Christian no probs matey another time. you have a good night. cheers c 

From christian - You too, sexy boy. Catch up with you soon. Maybe fly a kite?

I kind of lost interest in Carmine’s dirty talk after he told me he wanted a threesome. But, he always wants multiple partners, it must be his thing. I just wanted him.


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Tomorrow is Another Day

It was no surprise when Tim told me, first thing this morning, that Nicholas is half Italian. While none of us picked it last night…olive skin, dark good looks, cheeky smile. Oh yes, it all made sense to me now.

SMS. 08.20. (Dean) Have u got a car? – Christian

The thought of Dean bouncing around on my bed, naked. Hard cock, foreskin. Dark good looks… beautiful eyes. Wow! The best eyes. Brimming with youth and innocents. The d's would give me enthusiasm for two, considering what a starfish he is. I put it down to inexperience. It turns me on to think of him just starting out, just getting into man to man sex.

He didn’t respond, though.

I remember 11am as a waking up time.

I rolled joints and went back to bed.

I remember 17.40 as a wake up time.

It’s Saturday, still? Yes, it is. Gotta love going out on Friday night. The turnaround time on going out on a Saturday night, suddenly it’s 17.40 Sunday, almost puts you off. Does put you off.

So I rolled a couple of joints and watch shit TV with Tim, for as long as it takes me to smoke the joints.

Manny has been calling all day. I took the first call and told him I’d be sleeping all day because I took d's and got home late. But, still he calls. I don’t want to go back to where we were, so I’m not going to be here every time he wants me. I want a real boyfriend now. A real boy friend wouldn’t call with id restricted and then call straight afterwards without… like he always does. It’s pathetic, really. Sad. His life is doomed to poverty and unhappiness because of the decisions he has made, or been incapable of making. Such goodness. Such beauty. Such purity. Such enthusiasm. I do want to shrivel and start dying early in middle age because of my lack of financial wherewithal to do otherwise.

He’s my beautiful doll. What does the future hold for us?

It’s Saturday night… why shouldn’t I log onto gaydar and hook up with Carmine. Hey sexy boy, you want to get it on? He’s got a nice, hard... well, you know what. Him sitting there playing with it nonchalantly, with that intense gaze aimed at me… breathtakingly beautiful. I can’t breathe. I must like prehistoric man, as that is the face-shape that does it for me. Piercing, lustful gaze. Yum. I should put the effort in to discover if he has a brain. Put my insecurities aside. But, I reckon I’ve blown it with that one. Too long between contact, fades away.

Ah well? Who cares? Tomorrow is another day. The sun will rise again.

I suspect Dean has a brain and yet we speak the least of any of my lovers… do you like that? Lovers? We’ve done it a handful of times, Dean and me. Poetic licence, to be sure. Good for the punters, let them remain inferior to me, all the way till the end.

I wonder if I could have picked up any of those boys last night? Was it all just in my head? Or am I handsome, like Simon said? Don’t know. Was I too scattered, as I felt. I know, I stared at Nicholas’ crotch too many times. He had this sexy way of dancing; his hand would rub down across his stomach to his crotch. My gaze simply followed his hand. More often than not, he’d pull his t-shirt up when he withdrew his hand, revealing his sexy underwear and stomach. Well, that’s how it started. Then I was obsessed with his bulge. Naughty drug's. I tried not to let him see. But he did. I couldn’t stop. You know how you can just get something in your head when you are on d's…all safety mechanisms switched off…not one thought occurs to you, of not looking. It’s just you and your obsession. It was kind of like that.

The things I cringe at when the d's have worn off!

Tom has called three times to say he’d like me to visit. I must go tomorrow. Now, I feel wrecked, stoned off my bonce, as randy Crawford soothes me with her smooth grooves. I watched Hudd and the Ray Charles DVD I bought, in the darkened house, just with the glow from the television for light. It’s past midnight. Tim retired hours ago, I think it is now time for me to do the same. Besides, I’ve smoked all the pot, a bit rude, really, since Tim bought it.

I ate muesli and a peanut butter KitKat replacement Whip, and a caramel fudge Heaven and Tomato soup with four slices of toast, the last of which I had to put plum jam just to get them down. And then I couldn’t manage the last two halves.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Let's Wrestle

Horny, it is one of my moves

Go Get Him Tiger

SMS. 8.57. Thank god I didn’t get that message last night. As per usual, I didn’t do him any favours, hadn’t had enough to drink – Rachel

SMS. 9.01. It’s all over in a couple of minutes anyway so I can’t be bothered! Am off 2 spend $5000 on Amy’s teeth. Fuckity, fuck, fuck – Rachel

SMS. 9.03. Should have picked a better looking dentist as we’ll be here 3 hours. He does have nice eyes tho – Rachel

Mark and Luke Morning... Christian

Mornin dear chris chris…

K is with me… so I is very happy… sleeping now... have to do much work in next 2 hrs for small function on weekend… must go now... must work… yes… yes… boi dear one..


SMS. 13.49. (Shane) I had a dream about u being a dirty blond – Christian

SMS. 13.51. He needs more than nice eyes… although it’s a good start – Christian

SMS. 14.09. I am looking at them now… – Rachel

SMS. 14.12. Is his mouth good? My favourite thing is kissing – Christian

Tim, I just went outside to have a ciggie... there were 3 (tradie) wog boys all in a row. Overalls. Short hair. Bonds T-shirts. Muscled arms. Eenie... meenie... minie... I'll have one of each, thanks. And I'd share... well... donate one.... Christian

how generous, Tim, I am just dying to get out of here!!

Your tail would be wagging if you saw them... big brown eyes... black hair... olive skin... nice teeth... big smiles... big.... Christian

me too babe, ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Christian

SMS. 16.03. Hi, got the S… it’s fab! Hope u r comin out! Got u a green one too x – Tim

SMS. 17.20. Getting just a little bit of pot too, he, he. Will be home by seven x – Tim

SMS. 17.31. WOO-HOO! (I deny I am a pot head) WOO-HOO! I say again – Christian

SMS. 17.32. I didn’t get too much, just a fifty – Tim

We drank after work. Beck reckons it was because Will is a piss pot and they all got going at lunch time and then he was primed for more.

Beck is off on holidays.

We walked out with Tony Farugia. Beck heads across to Telstra Dome with him, and he keeps going to Docklands. I’m sure he and I flirt with each other. I keep putting it down to a gay boy’s imagination, it’s much easier that way. When we play-fought, for who was first in line, in front of Will’s office, the other day, we pushed our soft bulges together, momentarily.

I got half a hardie.

Tony blushed and held his folder in front of himself, as he took up second place.

SMS. 18.49. How weird, my husband is obsessed with dirty blondes at the moment. Have been pondering lightening my tresses to get some action, then again, I am on holidays and have my own distractions – Shane

Manny called just as I got home to say that he has been in so much pain that he has been crying some of yesterday and today. I take him a joint, which, of course, he doesn’t smoke.

Manny was in pain before I got there. He seemed to be fine while I put my hand down his pants and pull them off. Then the pain seemed to be returning as I got ready to leave. I am hooked into Big Brother Friday night challenge and leave later than I anticipated. We cuddle on the couch, as we watch teev. I love the way he leans across intermittently and kisses me.

SMS. 21.22. Hi Christian…u coming? Need to leave soon – Tim

SMS. 21.26. Leaving now… can u put a tape in for the end of Big Brother – Christian

I’m home by 21.45. Tim and I head to The Exchange, on Mission Nicholas, which was successful. Afterwards, we went to The Market. Tim and Nicholas and Sophie, Nicholas’ friend and, as it turns out, his ex-girlfriend. They leave before me.

It was all a haze; sugary, syrupy haze. Dancing in fairy-floss pulled sparse.

I danced until 5am. There were a lot of sexy boys on the dance floor, all of who seemed to be responding to my gaze. One cute boy with glasses was right there with me. He smiled every time I gazed at his big cock. He stopped, took off his shirt and rested, so I could gaze at his crotch more freely. I kissed him. I touched it. I got wet and slippery with him, on the dance floor. I decided that it was time to take myself home. It was probably all in my head. My judgement was impaired. Danger, danger Will Robinson! said my still, quiet, robot. Get going. Get out. It seemed to me that all the boys on that dance floor were available. You are in no state for picking up. Be off with you. Besides, my feet hurt and I’d come off the wave, that dancing crest of energy. I’d lost the nightly drug hunger. It was take more, or go home, time. I was elegantly wasted in the state I was in, time for quite reflection, home and into bed, on my own.

Locked away. Contemplating. Dreaming. Imagining. Just me and my dirty thoughts… not dealing with another human being. It would have been nice, skin on skin, mouths kissing. But who had that energy?

Sophie, Tim and Nicholas were dancing in front of the fire when I got home; golden flames, subdued lighting, big shadows dancing on the walls.

Sophie left pretty soon after I got home.

Nicholas is gorgeous. And he has the thickest cock Tim has ever seen. Apparently, there are rumours about its girth... on the Southside Literally, as big as a beer can. Tim told me on every occasion he could, throughout the night.

"Just the," wide eyes from Tim, "biggest!" Big smile.

How could I not look at it? My mind was tripping. Gorgeous, intense drug nothing. Amphetamine fairy-floss. I could swear that he was saying things to me, when Tim wasn’t looking. Like later. Or not now. Or something. His eyes glazed over whenever I looked at his bulge. He loved it, or that was what my brain was telling me. (Ed note - it was all in your head, buddy. You know that.)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Don't Move, I Can Get It

There was a beautiful aboriginal boy on the tram this morning. Sleepy. Struggling to stay awake. He had dark eyes with luminous whites. Skin like velvet, flawless. Chocolate. Luxuriously black hair, slightly wavy. When the sun fell across him, his glory was well lit up; contrasting shadows in the creases of the material of his trousers. His eyes opened lazily, as the golden rays fell across his skin. He smiled, sleepily, in my direction, as our eyes met, then his eye-lids slid closed, again. He was beautiful - men asleep are beautiful. I gazed at his beauty.

I worked till late, 9pm.

SMS. 22.15. 4 sleeps till puppy day. How about Billie 4 her name? R u coming 2 visit Tues? U have 2 c her as a wee babe! – Rachel

SMS. 22.20. Billie is good, I like it – Christian

SMS. 22.42. Then when I get a boy he can be called Blu. All sorted…Billie & Blu…phew! Now I can sleep easy ni night xxx – Rachel

SMS. 22.46. Nite. Now do your husband a favour – Christian

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Spinning Slowly

It was bitterly cold today. Freezing. I was thinking about my newly acquired crotch obsession. I walked along Gertrude Street at 7.45 am hoping that the walk would warm me up. Have I always had it... the crotch gaze? I didn’t warm up. A tram came along at the corner of Brunswick Street and Gertrude Street, so I got on. A cute Asian boy got on with me, he had a nice bulge in his pants.

No one had to tell me that it was the coldest air mass over Melbourne for eons. Fuck me!

I was at work, earlyish. Any more hours than are required, is too early. That’s not exactly true. But, keeping talking to a minimum before my second coffee, is true. I don't take up anyone's gaze until that second cup of caffeine is pumping through my veins.

Except, this morning, Tony Farugia was in the kitchen when I got there. We played like boys jostling for position. We wrestled in front of the sink.

“Don’t think you are going ahead of me,” said Tony, clearly second.

“I’ll have you,” I said.

I grabbed him in my arms - he's smaller than me. He beamed as he faux-struggled, turning in circles against me. I so wanted to pash him.

Ah, the cute Tony! What a hot arse he has, spinning against my trousers. I should just proposition him outright. It's too scary when work is involved, though.

He looked back and smiled, as we both headed to our offices. "Have a good day," he said.

That got the morning blood pumping quicker than most mornings, I thought, feeling slightly flushed, as I pushed the on-button of my computer.

SMS. 17.55. Cold enough for ya? – Christian

SMS. 17.55. Wanna come 2 the snow 2morrow? – Aby

SMS. 17.57. I’d love to, but the salt mines beckon – Christian

SMS. 17.57. QUIT YOUR JOOOOB!! – Aby

SMS. 18.04. Big smile… who would keep me in ciggies? – Christian

SMS. 18.04. Nick ‘em off Tom, god knows he doesn’t need ‘em! – Aby


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

My people

Manny met Mark and Luke, at the door of the Alfred Hospital, so they all went to visit Tom, together. How about that? Tom said it was like the Christian Fletcher collection. I said that I sent all of my boyfriends in to cheer him up, since I couldn’t go myself.

I did send them, that part is true. The fact that they all got there at the same time, was not of my doing.

Tom thanked me. Then he jokingly asked where Carmine was. Tom and Carmine were friends, of sorts, in Sydney. Tom told me I was bragging when I told him about Dean.

Manny came into see me in the afternoon. He looked so handsome. We kissed in the lift. We pushed the lift stop button and kissed some more.

I talked to Dean on msn. He said he wanted to catch up tomorrow or Thursday night, depending if he could borrow his brother’s car.

(He has a brother?)


Monday, August 08, 2005

Game Hunting


Are you back from your elephant safari?


I got her, Out of Office AutoReply: Hey?

Hi, I am away on leave from 22nd July until the 23rd August. I am not contactable or accessible to email contact, so my emails will be scanned by Beau Grady, who will contact you for any urgent matters. For more general correspondence, I will I will access my emails on the 23rd August. Please call Cameron Rounder, or his assistant Alexis, if you need more prompt action on 02 9xxx xxxx. Thank you.


Have you developed a stutter, young lady? "I will, I will," sounds like Little Red Toot. Clearly you are not proof reading, miss.

Oh well, I will see you... er... talk to you sometime around the 23rd August... I guess, being gored by a rhinoceros, trampled by an elephant, or carried away by pygmies and boiled in a pot... withstanding.



Can I change dinner to next week?

I did this last time and I think the time before that, making a dinner date for my busiest week. You'll have to prod me in future, by saying towards the end of month, Christian! (You can say idiot, if you want. I think I deserve it.)


Bad you! The following week's fine – still want to do the Thursday?


Thursday is good for me, if it is good for you.


Yep, will be fine (she says confidently without checking with Malcolm first). If it's a problem I'll let you know – otherwise see you out the front of my building on the 18th at about 17:30.


PS: hope you're good

Lovely. Sorry about being such a dill. But the 18th sounds cool. Stock up Malcolm beer supply, he’ll be compilable.



Get on that train, don’t look back. Zieg hail! Zeig Hail! You are German now. It is your destiny. Germany forever! Germany forever! Another one lost.


SMS. 18.38. Still bored? – Christian

SMS. 18.38. At Vodafone 4 dance thingy am sure 2 b at any second… – Rachel

Tom called to say he has been detached from his catheter bag and has been for a walk and has smoked a joint and six cigarettes. 

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A Quickie in Collingwood

I drove down from Bolago this morning so I could go to work. However, I got home to a group of people, in my lounge room, Tim, Jesse Tim’s sister, Mitch and Jason. Euro trash pop blearing out from the speakers, Tim was clearly in charge of music. I was handed vodka and pineapple juice and we played charades and Celebrity Head, instead.

I was playing on gaydar when they all got home. I’d already hooked up with a long time interest, Logan, who lived in Collingwood, just down the road, as it turned out. I’d always fancied him, but had never propositioned. Somehow, we got chatting and he invited me down to his place. I went out, just left the house, without announcing that I was going; as they all laughed in the lounge. I just slipped out and had sex with Logan in the middle of it all.

We met on the corner of Wellington and Language. He stood with his foot up on the wall behind him. He looked like a rent boy. I was sure everyone driving past would be able to pick the promise of sex radiating off him. The thought made me laugh, as I headed down Language toward him.

Nice face. “G’day, I’m Simon,” he said kinda smoothly. We did it in his ultra cool apartment, down by the old silos, off Wellington Street. It’s an ultra stylish and chic complex; a really, really cool warehouse conversion. Fucken brilliant. Raw brick walls, not patched, just as they were. Huge spaces. Minimalist. A thin veneer of modernity spread across it like lacquer. Bare. Sparse, strong spaces. Nothing could date it. He’d nearly finished the renovation.

He was a builder. Designer. Fast. All action, not a lot of talk. Nuggety body. We built up a sweat, suddenly against his lacquered wardrobe doors. He was a nice kisser. Muscled body, glisten with sweat, under dim lighting. He told me I was very handsome. Am I? I thought.

“You’re real cute,” I said.

I rushed back up Language Street, clothes sticking to me, lube squelching between my legs. Beard rash. Suspected hickey. Messed up hair. Sweating. Smelling of sex. I never have a shower after sex. I always put my clothes on and head home. That way I can smell him all the way home and into bed. Everything I was wearing would go in the dirty clothes basket, I’d have a shower and float to bed. You know, if it was after a night out.

I sneaked in and headed straight up stairs. I freshened myself in the bathroom mirror, before joining the rest. They never question my absence. Nobody noticed anything. We played charades until the light started turning brittle outside. Then we collapsed into a stupor and rested.

There is something really sweet about Jason. An innocent allure, like I want to kiss him. Tim said he had an ugly cock; Mitch showed Tim some footage of him sucking Jason off.

I slipped out so easily. I made cameo appearances in the lounge room, nobody said a word. Carmine messaged me, some time ago and I tried to message but he didn’t answer. I think I’ve blown it with him. Left it too long.

Then some friends of Jesse’s arrived a bit later. Tracey and… I forget his name. We went to collect Silvia Romero later, as she was upset about splitting up with G.

It was raining. The Commodore was warm. Modern. We slipped through the night air. Jesse’s friend drove. Whoosh! Through the Paris end of Collins Street to Russell Street. Her apartment building was built without car parks, as they are only sold to people who don’t own cars. You know, eco friendly was the implication. I wondered if that was just a scam for old buildings turned into apartments.

We were home in no time. Silky smooth, big city, night air.

Tim and Silvia proceeded to polish of bottles of wine, after that. Get silly then tired and emotional, you know the drill.

Subject: all me bags is waitin' Oi'm gittin the call... (John Denver)


Get on that train and no more lip! You are on your way. You3wanted it. You got it. Now off you go. We’ll be having a fab time while you are in Germiania. Enjoy!



Saturday, August 06, 2005

Tom Likes It To Be About Tom

 Subject: HA! HA! HA! HA!

you better be caaaaaaaarful playing with the evil bunny, he'll get you in your sleep with an ice pick.

unless of course you do his behest.

Ps so funny!!!


I drove down and had lunch with my mum.

After that, I went to see Tom. I ran into Jude, as we both parked in Commercial road at the same time. I sat out the front of The Alfred and chatted to him. We both said how nice it was to have a bit of sanity, chatting together, away from the madness that is hospital and Tom. The sun was shining and warm.

I went up to Tom’s room, where Ab and Rob were visiting, to the possibility of more madness. Aby and I giggled at each other and waved, making cheeky faces, which scored reproachful looks from Tom, who was even maddened by our very audacity to be in his room together. But, Ab and I behaved perfectly after that. So Tom’s guns were drawn, but we never gave him the second piece of ammunition to fire off.

I came home to Fitzroy to get my tooth brush and then I headed back to Bolago.

We watched movies and ate chocolate until late.

Subject: all me bags is waitin' Oi'm gittin the call... (John Denver)

Somethin about somebody gettin ona train

Floiing in a pl...

Nuh, dunno, YOU ARE, as IF, yor ahornbag.


Friday, August 05, 2005

I Had a Dream

I had a dream that I was laying on my bed farting. I was lying on my side with my hand over my arse, out of which air was being expelled like the exhaust of a jet. My arsehole was this big... two hands held up in horror, pointer fingers and ring fingers together. One continual hot stream of air coming out of a hole twelve inches in circumference, making the noise of two very large flaps of skin slapping together. I was holding my hands across the gaping lesion trying to hold it back. The skin was burning onto my fingers, which was stretching out in the gush of hot air like tacky glue.

What could it mean?

To Mark and Luke, Morning, I say.

Morning fletchy, how are ya? replies Mark

I find it amazing that the people opposing stem-cell research, gay marriage, abortion, euthanasia and other topics aren't made to tell the truth. No, as most of us already know, gay marriage won’t lead to the disintegration of the family, abortion won't mentally scar young women for the rest of their lives and the most amazing one of all, stem-cell research, which will lead to the end of suffering and a cure to a myriad of diseases, won’t lead to the systematic killing of human beings.

People like, to name just two, the truly bigoted (Australia's answer to Mother Teresa  and the poisonous (Poisonous old Catholic male with a blog) should be made to tell the truth and that is that they don't oppose stem-cell research, gay marriage, abortion, euthanasia or other topics due to any noble sense of humanity, not for a minute. They oppose such things because they are inconsistent with their religious beliefs. They need to be made to stop opposing things in society with a whole lot of scare tactics and be made to say that they are taking such a position because they must uphold their chosen, entirely self-determined religious beliefs. They don't seem to understand that just because they have chosen to believe in God, Jesus, the Virgin Mary, or whatever other mythical figure they need to use as a crutch to get through the day, but the rest of us haven't.

(Australia's answer to Mother Teresa) and (Poisonous old Catholic male with a blog) wouldn't allow contraception, despite the fact that the majority of the world has decided that they are wrong and despite the fact that the biggest problem the world is now facing is overpopulation.

I sent Ab a photo I took of her bunny. Of scary bunny... people are scared of him, how's that?

Hi Chrissy (2016 - Yeah, I love it too)

I am fucking good thank you!

Hope the trip to the dentist was not too scary however I thought drills, filling holes and pain were your forte!

Life is sweet! Enrique is staring in his local footy team – I take him to Dockers training in order to gain further skills I promise I am not looking at the tight butts and beautifully toned bodies – yeah right!!!

I loved catching up with you in Sydney! I wish you were closer so we could meet up for coffee or whatever!

I do not know why you have an aversion to travelling to WA – you have money and are able bodied so why aren't you visiting????? Tight arse (and he says thank you!)

On a tight schedule today – will email soon!

Love you

Shel xxxxxx

Big One,

How lovely – was it yer birthdy chook?

I have been shooting up with me Mum and having feral sex with the 11 fingered farmer up the back fence.

Actually, I have had a massive urinary-tract infection (ball blows up) and had to face up to the folks driving me to the Seaham clinic and squaring the bewildered fantapantz country Dr in the eyes and saying well I'm sexually active but do you mean oral sex or docking – Oh no no no I ain't be doin THAT (lies lies! but technically don't two foreskins have to be sweet to each other for docking to occur? – must ask Dr Tom D...). The pain the pain, but it's nothing but a health issue and relayed all details (sans Emilio) to Mum and Dad. Well, they tell me theirs (sometimes). Mum and I have only sniped today (milk in ya tea? YES! like the LAST 20 years!!!! but be noice to her chook, be noice). And I have been generally well behaved. My younger brother and danish wife on the other hand have been absolute vipers – they can't wait to move away and are a bit mad.

Ah Melbourne boys, Melbourne wogs, Melbourne dongskins, Melbourne....

And YOU Missy, up to all yr trix.

Canberra was unrool – lots of fun. Sudney wus ALEX and nothing, not a sausage – I is over THAT one. He has a redhead English fattie boy so it was dead easy. What do they call it – ah yes, closure, that's the one.

Today was vacuuming vacuuming vacuuming, getting the place ready for the hoards tomorra.

Then back home – yes it feels that way – and yucky work. Didn't I swear I DIDN'T wanna become a Germainia? Well, there you are.

Wish me luck for another humourless year and watchit!

Madam Menky-Ho Bicz

PS the Dr told me that Es were fine and ya can't harm yaself will lots of it (excepting all the shit of course) so there we all are – no legs, no standing, nothing. But you KNOW what I think – wap wap wap – don't take so much Chris Chris OK? And be funny funny funny dammit. I think Tim’s alright (got rid of the sweet bruiser, Beau, anyway)

Germainia – OH NOOOOOOOOO!


The lovely Sebastian and I drove up to Bolago, after work.

Beau arrived just as we were leaving. He’d come over to try and patch things up with Tim. Unfortunately, Tim had already told me that he didn’t want to have dinner with Beau. Surprisingly, it didn’t go well. I went to my room. There was shouting.

Mark, Luke, The lovely Sebastian and I watched movies in the cottage until quite late.

SMS. 18.57. Patti’s new CD is all covers! Classic Moments – Lauri

SMS. 19.02. I know. I stumbled across it a few weeks ago – Christian

SMS. 20.24. I’m crying – Lauri

SMS. 00.45. To Patti? – Christian


Thursday, August 04, 2005

Pay the Piper

 Subject: expenses


Here's a breakdown of the bills and rent owing

Rent $480.00

Telstra $74.63

TXU $119.66

Origin $104.5

AAPT $37.50

City West Water $72.85


It was raining when I left for work. Wintry wet.

I think I fell in love on the tram. He looked like a fair wog-boy, but he wasn’t. Blue eyes. Gorgeous hair. Grey flannel trousers that hugged him so well. A distant look in his eye, to be sure. Head phones.

He had a stillness. Sureness about him. Strength. Assuredness.

A Starsky and Hutch Jacket and a back-pack. Kind of a cross between Luke and Dougle. Gorgeous hair. Beautiful eyes. Not as fair as Luke. More Dougle’ stature. But fine like Luke.

And then he got dragged off by a ticket inspector, at Queen Street. Hardly a salubrious start to a relationship.

Subject: expenses

hokey pokey,

are the bills/statements at G st? i'll pop ova.

hey i hear you had a date?

hoo? hoo?


SMS. 21.14. (He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned) Sorry, I was having a slash. 9xxx 3xxx – Christian

Subject: expenses

Yes, all the bills are on the pile on the study floor. I have paid them all. Pay them when you can. I’m not going to lose sleep over it. I don’t want you to stress about it.

But you could come and get your stuff out of the top room, though.

...sometime later... Sorry, I got sooooo distracted I almost laugh when I think about it. Manny called, poor lamb has fucked his back at the gym. It might mean hospital, sweetie. Surgery quite possibly.

And then the beautiful Sebastian arrived. There he was beaming through the study door when I looked around. Angelic and devilish, all at the same time. You gotta love it.

And then the sexy Tony arrived, a boy who Tim sees, who I thought was Sebastian, initially. Are you keeping up? So, two nice surprises, if you get what I mean?

Can you tell I’ve had a joint, or two?

Manny on the phone sounding husky, Sebastian beaming at me and Tony smouldering. Pig heaven, I tell ya!

I was sitting on the floor rolling joints at the coffee table, every time I looked up I seemed to be, inadvertently, I swear, staring straight into Tony’s crotch. I just couldn’t look at him in the end. But, I guess you really don’t want to that.

Oh yes, my date.

I spent a good part of the Saturday afternoon with a sexy Italian, Camine, lying on my chest, as he flew his kite, in the middle of an oval in Parkville – just near the commonwealth games village…who would have guessed it was there, behind the red and yellow sticks… blue sky, sunshine. Glorious. At one stage, I got caught with my hand up his T-shirt playing with his nipples. The old couple came from nowhere, I swear. A few minutes later and I could have had my hands down his pants. The old dear gave us a sideways look, as it was, as we dissolved into giggles. I swear, it was for five minutes only though, out of three hours, mostly we just talked and chilled out. (Only I had smoked dope, although I'm sure he had taken speed the day before) I swear them old couples, they have smutty radar for it. Filthy old things. At any other time the oval was completely empty…still, we floated on an emerald pond of grass.

Then he cooked me dinner, watched Big Brother with me, sucked my dick.

He’s half Italian, the other half wasn’t specified.

It was all good.

However, he unnervingly reminds me of another friend, which I found a bit disconcerting.

But he was very nice. Handsome. Sexy. Dirty. (Finally one with a foreskin!) (Not that I really care, but I think it is all a part of the wog-boy curse. Affliction. Condition. The last three wog boys that I’ve had have been with, sans foreskin. I was beginning to think it was a conspiracy.) Flies kites, what’s not to like.

But doesn’t drive. Has an odd relationship with his flat mate, which made me feel uneasy. Reminds me too much of my other friend, all the worst traits. And, if I had to say, a bit girlie.

As Italian – that’s the language – comes floating out from the lounge. (from Sebastian, on the phone. Are you keeping up?) Now I’m going to go and smoke another j and gaze wistfully – read slutily – at Sebastian, as we chat.


I reckon Sebastian would have a foreskin. I reckon Sebastian would have a sexy cock. Imagine him in his jocks. I’d love to see him in his jocks. I’d like to flirt with him, but you just can’t with straight boys, they just don’t get it. It’s not their thing. Like screaming into a vacuum.

Tim and Tony retired to Tim’s bedroom. Why even try with a straight boy, when you have someone as sexy as Tony. Paler jeans. Tim was pumping us with dope, for his own dirty devices. His crotch was more apparent, the more stoned I get. God, does Tony look hung!

Sebastian and I had a very esoteric conversation, about life and freedom and change…as he lay back on the couch…breath-taking handsome face… beautiful smile… intelligence… interest… captivating… legs… bulge…beautiful. I know what I was thinking, at least some of the time. By my fifth joint, I was there, at moments. Melt.

Imagine holding his cock in my hand? That face smiling, that soul giggling. That heat. Touch. Feel. Life. Wog-boy skin. Yum. Imagine gently sucking it into my mouth. It would be beautiful. Completely connecting. Experience everything.

He’s just so gorgeous. Inside. I mean inside. The package doesn’t hurt, but he’s just such a nice guy, so easy to talk with. Good energy. Funny. Happy. Interesting.

I did wonder about the esotericness of the conversation, at times. I wasn’t sure of the intensity some times. I couldn’t help but gaze at his crotch…it is something to be admired. He couldn’t help but noticed. I never make eye contact straight from there, that’s too much. You have to look away first. He was smiling whenever I looked back. Turned on, slightly. Embarrassed. It’s hard to tell which, sometimes.

Late in the night, he lay back in the couch and let me gaze at his gorgeous bulge, for quite some time. It was beautiful. He allowed my attention to go there, unchallenged. Just a flushed smile, look of embarrassed inspection, but he didn’t move. Bunny in the headlights.

I just shouldn’t do it. But if I have a beautiful man in front of me, I can’t help but look at his good bits. I’m gay. I’d love to get it on with him. It’s in the gene. Certainly in the hand-book. Beautiful boys get the attention.

(Do I have to add the disclaimer, once more for those who don’t get it – this is just a wank, Sebastian’s a friend and I don’t really want to get off with him.) (That’s the last time I’m adding the disclaimer) (Okay?)

Subject: expenses

get to bed you little minx.

and yes of course i kept up, i am affluent in your language or have you forgotten that already? bitch.

went and saw the new todd solodz movie tonight and there was this one bit where a babies leg was poking out of a dumpster and a guy opened the bin and pulled out the doll and all its hair was burnt and its faced was kinda smashed and in black texta across its chest was a satanic star and the words 'fuck me' and it had a green glass bottle shoved up its arse... ah i laughed and laughed.

nighty nite :)

ps will fix u up next week with some moola and will grab some more stuff from up stairs. i left it there as an excuse to come over a lot and hang but strangely enough Tim kinda vibes me out. dont know why really...

curse this blasted paranoia.

Love Ab

I reckon Sebastian is metrosexual enough to like the sensations a mouth can give him. He could keep his eyes closed and never know. Except, I reckon guys give better head. More strength.

He saw me gazing at his crotch last time he stayed. I’d taken drugs, my inhibitions were lowered. And he’s back tonight simply saying he had to come and stay and go out.

I’d drink his spoof, happily.

Dream on, hey?

It’s after midnight. I’m waiting for him to come home drunk.

It would feel good. I would be enthusiastic.


I should go to bed.

I’m having an ice-cream and a joint instead. Why won’t TattsLotto call to ask where to send the six million?

I’d get Manny the best specialist there was.

I’d visit Tom every day.

I’d have breakfast with my mother.

I’d study architecture and performance writing.

But I think I enjoy novel too.

I’d study history and religion.


I’d go to gym. Have more romantic sex.

The sun would always shine.

I just need time.

The key is turning in the front door.

He’s home. He’s so beautiful.