I have to go and do stuff. Visit Tom. My hospital visiting patience is drying up. Thank the universe he is getting out soon, I couldn’t do too much more of this.
I’ve go to the supermarket, I’m nearly out of staples, that's milk, coffee and muesli and not small metal things, you understand. Time to go Christian.
Tom just called. He was sitting out in the cold having a cigarette. Beau took him tobacco. Good on ya Beau, pretty and useful to boot.
Tim just got up, he said he slept like a baby. He is going out with Nicholas this afternoon. When I asked him where they were going, he replied to get married. No, no, just for a drink…but, I might find a small chapel somewhere, though.
I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror and decided I could have a shower and not be content to look like a wreck all day, hanging out in my PJ's. Besides, I’ve got to go and visit Tom at some stage.
Gotta stop spending days content to be a frizz-gig without ever leaving the house.
I’m ready to face the day, at least. Perhaps, I should log onto gaydar to see if I can track down Carmine. An Italian boyfriend, one can dream. Would he be good boyfriend material? Maybe. He’s got a mobile phone… but no car.
I ironed two shirts before I left to see Tom. The less I have to do the better, when I’m singing, I don’t like Mondays, in the morning.
I arrived to an empty hospital bedroom.
SMS. 12.09. Where are you? – Christian
I then realised the error of my ways and called Tom to apologise about the text message he couldn’t read. He was down the hall visiting.
Tom and I went downstairs for a smoke. Afterwards, we went upstairs with the intention of rolling another joint to smoke. It wasn’t too cold, if we sat in the far seat around the corner. There was even a little sun.
Kirsten and her fiancé arrived and scotched any ideas about further choof. I was having a nice visit with Tom and although I didn’t really want to leave, I decided that it was hospital etiquette that if someone puts in the energy to come and visit, it meant my time in the hospital room was up, it was time to go Christian. So I made my goodbyes and left.
SMS. 13.29. Nicholas is coming over for dinner… I’m a tad moist! – Tim
SMS. 13.32. Nicholas will be dinner – Christian
SMS. 13.31. You should see the way he blows…it’s like a porn star – Tim
SMS. 13.36. Stop it… if u don’t want me to have dirty thoughts about him – Christian
I was tired and couldn’t find Carmine on gaydar. Stupid really, as I have his mobile phone number. I think it’s about not wanting to appear too keen. You know, just bump into him in cyberspace. So I headed off to bed. (Ed note - stupid the things you do, huh?)
I slept until 7pm, just in time for Big Brother, to hear the precious words, Time to go Vesna.
SMS. 18.07. Hi Christian… your husband said he wants to play! His back must be better – Tim
Nicholas had arrived for dinner. Tim had cooked curry. Nicholas asked me, at some stage during the weekend, if we had a bong. I lied outright, as I gazed into his beautiful eyes. Tim wanted it disposed of because of the effect it had on Beau, I only assumed that Nicholas would fall into the same category. I didn’t blink an eye-lid when Tim asked where it was later in the evening. How’s that for a good housemate. I even remembered where we hid it.
I was into Big Brother by the time Manny called back. He’d had an offer from Johnny, but wanted to find out if I wanted to play first. I told him I wanted to watch Big Brother… and thought that Johnny would have been a better bet.
I called Tom to tell him that the St Kilda heritage jumper wasn’t as bad as the Hawthorn version. It was blue with thin white stripes and what looked like, red stars. He was heading down stairs for a cigarette and said he’d call back.
Manny called late. He’d taken a valium and some other painkiller. He was slurring his words. He said he’d always taken them when he was in bed, he’d never stayed up afterwards. He tried to tell me a story of a DVD he’d watched, some horror film. He got half through it and said he’d forgotten what it was called. And then he said he’d better go, saying something about being hungry and cooking food. How much trouble can one space cadet get into cooking something to eat with a microwave? I had visions of him combusting in a huge gas flame.
The call waiting beeps from Tom calling back sounded during Manny’ call. I called Tom. He called me. We called back on different lines. We said good night.
Nicholas looked smashed when he left…the story that made no sense was no give away, I tell ya. I’ve been around pot-heads long enough to tell, without the obvious, saying he had to be at work by 6.30am. Glad it was him and not me.
I told Tim, after Nicholas had left, that I’d been picturing him coming like a porn star all the time he was packing me a bong.
I spoke to Dean late on msn, he was just going to bed. He said he got my text. Dean and I signed off at 11.11. Is that good or bad? Signing off could be bad. But being connected and having a changing moment together at that time could be good?
I’m now logged onto gaydar hoping to catch up with Carmine.
I don’t think I’m proactive enough when it comes to boys. I’ve got the pick of three, right at the moment, and yet I hesitate, every time. And get none.
I think I want a boyfriend.
Dean is very handsome, but young. I don’t even know how old he is, but he has just finished uni. He’s smart, though.
Carmine is as sexy as…a buff body, but a bit... um, girlie. Oh, not really. But, he’d be the girliest boyfriend I’d ever had. That doesn’t have to be very girlie, ‘cause I’ve always had pretty straight boyfriends.
And then there’s Manny.
If I could mix Manny’ looks, with Carmine’s worldliness…him sitting back on that chair, looking at the computer, playing with his hard, purple cock…and Dean’s youth and intelligence and smouldering eyes… I could so have a little brother fantasy with him… they are all sexy… they are all dark and handsome. What the hell is wrong with me?
I’ve eaten crap all weekend. All week.
I should just go to sleep.
I just logged on to msn to send the following email to Dean – the age thing got me thinking.
Hey Dean, I want to get stoned with you and play big brother, little brother fantasies with you.
When someone named Ang logged on. It turned me on. Ang was clearly horny. We talk dirty for a while. He needed a dick up his arse.
Carmine finally messaged me. He was in a hotel room in Abbotsford with a hot mate from Sydney. It’s 1am. I had to turn him down. Bugger! (Ed note - I just wanted to play with him, not a package deal)
From carmine - hey matey carmine here how you doin?? am with a mate from sydney in a hotel in abbotsford playing around...wanna join us??
From christian - I'd so love to... I tell you, but I've got to go to bed. I do want to catch up with you though
From carmine - hey Christian no probs matey another time. you have a good night. cheers c
From christian - You too, sexy boy. Catch up with you soon. Maybe fly a kite?
I kind of lost interest in Carmine’s dirty talk after he told me he wanted a threesome. But, he always wants multiple partners, it must be his thing. I just wanted him.
nite
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