Saturday, May 30, 2009

Back in Melbourne

It feels like Monday, my week has been all turned around. You see, I went to Bolago on Thursday and came home last night, which would usually be Sunday night. I can't get the Monday feeling out of my head. I've even hopped on one foot with a finger in my ear.
I helped them put the house back together after the new carpet was laid. I was going to stay up there for the weekend, but when Luke told me they had trade arriving, I decided I should get out. They said I didn't have to, but who wants to feel like the extra prick at a three-way.
A female friend, who was up there too, thought it was disgraceful that Mark and Luke would do that to me, after I had worked 10 hours lugging furniture.
"But, I want to leave to give them space."
She shook her head and stroked my face. "But you've worked so hard." I don't think she got it. People are funny.
I regretted the decision halfway home. I should have stayed. I didn't want to come back to Melbourne. I'm not liking the city, at the moment. I don't know if is the traffic problems and the selfish, rude shits who now live here, or if it is because of Mark and Luke's immanent departure to NSW?
I didn't go to my mate Nicholas' birthday either, which was my original plan. I could have, as it turned out, but I was stuffed after dragging a 60 square house worth of furniture around. Besides, it would have been a pill party and I'm trying not to partake, now a days. Drugs were lots of fun when I did them, but I'm, pretty much, over them. Kind of very yesterday for me now.
Shane was home. I lit the fire and we ate soup and watch teev mindlessly. We smoked pot too, a first for Shane for 4 weeks, or so.
Sebastian came over. He smoked pot too, naturally. I had told Shane earlier that Luke is thinking about entering Master Chef next year. Shane, of course told Sebastian Luke’s plan. It literally only took an hour, from me telling Shane, just in passing, as we watched the show, to Shane saying guess what to Sebastian. Luke so hates it when that happens. He hates the grapevine with a passion. He’s never been a city boy and he's still not used to city boy ways. And, it always seems to be me who does it to him. Doh!
We wondered if Luke would be eligible, as he essentially runs his own restaurant.
Now, what to do today? I mustn't play Hearts when I'm supposed to be writing. I wonder how I get that deleted off my computer?
So, Saturday, hey?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Keeping men inline

I was reading about various ideas on men and women and sex and marriage in the twentieth century, where traditionally the mantra seemed to be that men needed to get married so they had a woman to keep them under control.
I thought this was a really interesting idea. I have often wondered how gay marriage lessens straight marriage, which is so often the outcry. I always thought that if there were more people getting married, marriage would have to be strengthened, surely? It's only logical.
It doesn't take too much extrapolation to get...
Traditional marriage needs to be saved, because it is the vehicle with which straight men are kept under control.
Family values needs to be pushed, so men are kept under control.
Rugby players can't gang bang girls, even the ones who are asking for it, as the model, to keep men under control, will break down. So the women who admonish such behaviour are not speaking up to defend the girl who got screwed, they are speaking up to protect their power base and to keep control over their men.
Hence the great opposition to gay marriage. If you allow men to marry each other, the model changes, so straight men may just opt out altogether and do all of those unsavoury things that men like doing. The control will break down and marriage will crumble.
So like Rudd with his emissions trading scheme to protect the traditional polluting industries, marriage is only ever talked about in what affect it will have on traditional marriage.
We're being discriminated against to keep harmony in straight marriages.
So, we must understand that the general public never look at the issue of gay marriage in terms of what it may do for gay people, they only ever look at it in terms of how it affects them.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hi, my name is Ben. I've seen you around. Nice lunch.

How many months?

Okay. Jesus Fuck! 2 months to go and I will have had 12 months off work. Ah! Only 2 months to go. Er! The first six months went nice and slow, but the last six months has just flown. Where did January to May go? Poof! Up in proverbial smoke. Or, not so much smoke, as it turned out. Ha, ha, working on getting back there. But, zip, blink, gone. Boo fucking hoo! Too fast!
You can't make me go back to work!
Where's that noose?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Workin' with the men

We ripped up a house full of carpet. Time for a refresh before the sale. Apparently, as I spend all my time in the country lounging around, I'm up for helping them fix the place up. Fair enough, I guess. A mouthful of White Rabbits and I was off.
Many cups of tea. Much water and Vegemite toast. Toasted ham, cheese and tomato sangas and a joint, against my better judgement, naturally, but what are you to do at smoko when it is handed to you? I was fucked by the time we were finished.
I should have taken Kaine with me, as he looks good in khaki shorts and a blue singlet. I could have worked behind him. Ha, ha. I could have been energised on his smile. Did I mention that he smells good? He has that great hair that I love to run my hand through.
That's the local lads coming across the paddock to help out with the carpet pulling.
Apparently, this ad was banned in Virginia as being obscene. Americans are funny

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Here We Go Again

Okay, I'm on the drugs to quit smoking. Champix, 3rd day. Quitting happy pills, so they tell me. I don't have to stop until day 8 to 14, but cigarettes are already tasting funny. I want to stop now, but, I guess, I should stick with the program.

Ah! Hands in the air. Will I ever be able to quit this stupid habit? Sometimes it just feels as though it has got me, never to let go.

I'm in the country, good place to give up city vices, hey. The sun, the sky, the fresh air on my face, the sense of freedom in the space that opens up around me. It's nice to chill somewhere where the trees out number the people (and the cars). I've been writing my novel, all day yesterday, I got quite a lot done. Peace and quiet and a nice, light filled room. I've even got the rest of it some what planned out in my head. Novels are the way to go, according to the girls in my writing group, so here I am, 2 chapters down. But, I've been par-taking of a bit of the green, only on weekends, but... I've been writing none the less.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Apparently, Kane spells his name Kaine. I saw his driver's licence for the first time. His jeans fell off the bed, last night, as he stood there in his blue and white Aussiebums, pulling on his t-shirt. His wallet fell out of the back pocket and the contents fell onto the floor.
"Cute photo," I said. And then, without thinking about it, (Why would I? What does it really matter?) I said, "Hey, you spell your name with an 'i' in it?"
"How long have we known each other?" he asked, mystified, as he took the licence out of my hand. "You didn't know that?" Big eyes.
He seemed to want an answer by the expression on his face, so I simply answered, "No." I wanted to laugh, we haven't known each other for that long, after all, but he seemed genuinely miffed that I didn't know how to spell his name.
"I didn't know that?"
Silence. He's got beautiful, big brown eyes that can capture you. He has a natural pout, the kind, I imagine, he's had ever since he was a little boy. It's kind of endearing.
He shrugged. "Well." Serious face slides away. "We haven't, exactly... I guess," coy smile... "been writing buddies, hey?"
"When I'm, er... um... kissing your lips and grabbing your arse, I'm not, exactly, thinking about how you spell your name, sunshine."
His face flushed red. He tried not to smile, but he did. He flicked me with his socks.
Kaine Marcello Camaretti. I kind of like the Marcello. Before that I, kinda, thought that Kaine Camaretti had too many 'c' or 'k' sounds to it. It sounded a bit too much like he'd have a Luger strapped to his hip. He has a Luger alright, but... The full thing though, good name, huh?
Funny, all those boys out there and it's always the one who makes me laugh who gets my attention. Great hair and legs don't hurt either.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Breaking news - Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

Green Energy

Why do we have to buy these new energy efficient globes, which cost 1000% more than the old globes, when no politician has any intention of taking us away from coal sourced power? Not to mention that China is opening a coal fired power station every week, run with brown coal supplied by us.
Every little bit helps, I hear you say.
I would agree, if Australia was doing anything real to tackle the carbon emissions problem, but we are not. An academic recently said, at a sustainability conference, that if we really put all of our efforts into developing solar power, within 20 to 30 years Australia could have all of its power needs, that's 100%, or very close to, met by solar power. If we worked a little less hard, we could probably have 100%, or very close to, of our power needs met by solar in 50 years.
The problem is that Victoria has its power needs met by brown coal, which we have an abundance of. Victoria also earns a lot of income from the sale of brown coal. So the Victorian government isn't going to look at anything other than brown coal any time soon, by their own admission.
Australia is also rich in uranium, which it earns us a lot of money from sales to the rest of the world. So, if we moved from brown coal, presumably we'd probably move to nuclear.
All of which pushes the most obvious solution to the energy problem, solar, further and further away from being a reality. You see, the problem is that governments are still making decisions about energy which are based on economics, budgets, GDP, reputations, and not based on the survival of the environment. Politicians still don't get it.
So, then we have the touted carbon trading scheme, but the problem here is that the said trading scheme, essentially, gives credits to all the biggest polluters, so they can continue to pollute the world, pretty much, as they have been doing. Certainly, in the short term. The problem being Mr Politician, is that we don’t have a short term any longer, unlike you guys. The planet is on the brink, some say it has passed the brink. Whatever the truth is, we don’t have time to play politics with this issue any longer. Rudd has already put the environment on the back burner, with the budget, to save his political skin. And if I remember rightly, green issues were some of the issues that got him elected? He, along with the biggest environmental sell out in the history of the planet, Peter Garrett won’t be getting a second term, I predict.
Essentially, our environmental efforts thus far leads the general public to buying light globes at a 1000% price hike, and little else. And it is kind of self-defeating, as my milk bar only had 100 watt globes, of the old variety, when I went around there today. So, I bought a few, you know, stocked up, where I would have only ever have bought 40 watt globes usually, if they had been available.
It's clear to me, if nobody in power, that solar is the way of the future. So, come on guys, lets get with it.
I, for one, have got rid of my renewable energy supply and have gone with the cheaper option, until the government starts developing solar.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Disgraceful Brumby Government

Hundreds of apartment complexes are to be built across Victoria without any community consultation or rights of appeal for neighbours as the Brumby Government tries to fast-track billions of dollars in federally funded projects.

Laws to take effect tomorrow will in effect bypass the planning process, with $3 billion worth of social housing and school projects to have "no public notification or review".

The changes mean that for some Victorians, the first they could learn about a new school or social housing project in their street could be the arrival of builders on the site.

Critics also fear the laws could be subject to abuse, enabling commercial developers to bypass planning by including token amounts of social housing in projects.

Under the changes, revealed by the Government yesterday, there will be no minimum number of social housing units required in a development for it to qualify for fast-track approval - it will only need some form of social housing.

And while local councils will be notified of fast-tracked projects in their areas, there will be no compulsion for councils to inform residents.

Planning Minister Justin Madden said it would "pave the way for the largest number of simultaneous education and housing projects to be undertaken in Victoria's history".

He said that while there would be no direct appeal rights, people "will have the opportunity to … raise matters with their local council (and) the local council will refer those issues to myself as the relevant authority.

"So if there is anything controversial, we will try to resolve these matters as quickly as possible so we can get the shovel-ready projects commencing."

Mr Madden said he did not intend to knock back bad projects. "What we would do if we were concerned about any of these projects is to resolve these matters by potentially either adjusting the design or adjusting the arrangement of the project," he said.

The Urban Development Institute welcomed the changes. Victorian chief executive Tony De Domenico said: "We think the Government has got an opportunity to fast-track a lot of projects that have been stymied by councils contrary to State Government policy. It's good to see - it's all about jobs."

But Municipal Association of Victoria president Bill McArthur said the Government was "completely disregarding good planning and design outcomes, neighbourhood character, local amenity and the wishes of surrounding communities".

University of Melbourne architecture and planning academic Kim Dovey also expressed concerns.

While it was important to stimulate the economy and to build public housing, he said, there would be "a lot of long-term consequences if we don't get it right.

"It is a concern in urban design terms to see that the social mix is right and whether the urban design issues are followed properly," he said.

One concern was that developers might be able to bypass planning regulations by including social housing in their projects. "That's sort of an outrage - we have been through so much of this in the '90s," he said.

Professor Dovey said it would be a negative outcome "if you allow developers to produce new developments that have got the public housing walled off in one corner, which has happened before".

Dan Ward, a spokesman for Housing Minister Richard Wynne, denied that developers could abuse the laws, saying "these changes will not apply to developments that are primarily for private benefit".

The Age

Aussies Overseas

It's funny that when someone is caught with drugs in Thailand the general public are quick to say, The perpetrator should answer to the laws of the country they broke.

Why isn't it the same for the woman who stole the bar mat? She should answer to the laws of the country she broke. Surely?

I'm not saying that the crimes are the same, but the point is laws have been broken.

Truthfully, I think 20 years for possession of marijuana is just as ridiculous as 5 years for stealing a bar mat, but shouldn't the same principles apply? Logically, if you agree with one you should agree with the other.

In this day and age she's sure to get a book deal anyway.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Kirk In His Underpants

How do you get to do a scene like this with Christopher Pine?


My smoking is going well, thanks for asking. I'm back to my old routine in the mornings, put the coffee on, head outside for a smoke. Still not smoking inside, though, so I guess that's a good thing. It's a bit cold on the bare feet these mornings, brrr! I'm so easily back there, as if I never gave up at all. So easy. SO easy! Grrr! I think when I think about it. Bloody hell!
Bugger! Now I have to give up all over again. I dread that first week, it's what is stopping me right at the moment. Or is that an excuse? Hmm, not sure.

Josh's thoughts on Rugby, all the way from Germany. He's a scamp.

I'm taking up rugby. It's in the news – gangbang culture (whatever that is Mertle) is part and parcel of being in the team (geddit?!?!!??), and now, after all those years living in NSW and rugby land, after all those years railing against the All Blacks or the Westside Sharks or whatever, after all that concentrated hatred off all things rugby, union or league, of broken noses, backs, spines, necks... after all that NOW they tell me! It's team spirit (or in Christchurch tiim spurut). I mean, as if I would find stocky married, tween to middle aged men rutting away sequentially and simultaneously with eachother/various objects/room service as alluring. Rubadubdub etc where's the soap etc? I'm young, I'm skinny, after all... a cupla advocadoes in a bikini string, a wig, and "I'm up for it and 17" and Bob's your nuncle...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Cold feet

It's cold this morning. There is a chill in the air. My cat is licking my feet as I type. I love it when she does that, so cute. Now, I just need ten more cats to join her.
What's the collective noun for cats? I want it to be a slobber. Cats? I guess not. More likely a disdain.
Maybe, I should give Kane a call. He's got a big tongue. Blush. Although, as good as he is, I don't think he'd come at getting under the desk to lick my feet warm, as I sit here and write. Good boyfriends - or equivalents, there of - are hard to come by, huh?
Surely, he could take time off from his post grad studies to keep me toasty. I should give him a call, just to hear his reaction. He, he, he. I can see him now, face down, bum up... oh, um, maybe that wouldn't lead to feet licking.
Maybe, I should just get some socks.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Around and around and around...

I used to want to change the world. Now, I just want to point and laugh, with good friends, as I watch the world caught up in its own arrogance.
Growth at all costs. Increased wealth for all. Well, for everyone with white skin, certainly.

I used to want to change the world. Now, I just want to point and laugh, at the women who drive their 1.5 children to school in huge 4WDs, all the time espousing green credentials.
Your children will inherit the earth you leave behind, biatches.

I used to want to change the world. Now, I just want to point and giggle, with some good mates, as the world collectively cringes whenever sex is mentioned, all the time using it to sell everything under the sun.
Of course, everyone is married and monogamous with children.

I used to want to change the world, but now I just want to point and laugh at western society eating itself to death.
While the other half of the world starves.

I used to want to change the world, but now I just want to laugh at all the politician's lies.
Core truths and lies. Funny that used car salesmen are now more credible.

I used to want to change the world, but now I realise that lawyers have done that irrevocably for us.
There is always someone to sue and always a lawyer with a cheque to collect because of it... and we all pay.

I used to want to change the world, but now I just want to hide my eyes and cringe at the world (read America) selling celebrities as artists.
Some of the biggest grossing movies are still the worst artistically. All the critics say Angels and Demons is rubbish.

I used to want to change the world, but now I just want to watch it wonder why so many of its people are medicating themselves into oblivion.
There is a war on drugs, unless, of course, there is a pharmaceutical company supplying them.

I used to want to change the world, but now I realise it is pointless and, quite possibly, too late.
Carbon emissions are still increasing exponentially, despite all of the yabber.

I used to want to change the world, but now I just want to create my own haven to escape to.
Somewhere in the country with a gate, I think.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The original and the new

Listen to the queens in the front near the camera, when Jennifer Holiday is wailing, they are hysterical. It sounds like they are having a religious experience.

I watched Blazing Saddles for the very first time. Sat up late. Open fire. Ate Vietnamese. Mark and Luke came down. Shane was home. David is in Turkey. We smoked a spliff. He sms'd to say he was rotten on booze, drinking coffee in a bazaar.
They serve alcohol with every thing, says David.
I had to go to bed and find me some black boy Internet porn. Big smile. That lead cowboy sure is mighty fine.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Yes means yes

On any given night in the clubs and pubs around Australia, in bedrooms, motel rooms, backs of cars and the like, acts like those portrayed in the Matthew Johns, Rugby League, story occur. That's what happens. That's what sexually active people do in this age. Dare I say this age, because I don't think it is necessarily a new thing. People experiment.
Why is it that a person who has celebrity status is viewed any differently to other men, and women, who are involved in activities of this kind?
From all accounts the woman gave consent. There has been no evidence to the contrary, otherwise criminal charges would definitely have been laid. And whether Pru Goward or Maxine McKew, or whoever – or whichever politician wanting to make political millage out of the incident seven years later – like, or don’t like, what happened on that night, it still doesn't make it wrong.
Consent is consent. It is as simple as that. Nothing illegal happened and we must be careful not to make personal moral judgements pseudo-law. Sexual assault isn't a matter of a third person’s personal taste, it is governed by law and no charges have been laid, or will be laid.
The girl in question now says she feels distressed and that the decision she made on that night turned out to be a bad decision for her, but it was her decision. We learn from our bad decisions, that’s how we grow. I know it’s now an old fashioned notion, but people must take personal responsibility for their own actions.
I might just add, how curious it is that the only person the female can now remember is that of a person with a high public profile and, presumably, a good income.
What now becomes of Matthew Johns, now that he has been tried by media? It is typical of current affairs programs to report news based on morals rather than law, in a self-serving, sensationalist way. Seven years later, to boot. Why not in 2002? Perhaps, Four Corners was having a slow news week.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Autumn, what a lovely season. The leaves have turned yellow and green and are gently drifting down to the ground forming a carpet all around.
Time to pull out big jumpers and warm socks, light the fire, cook soup; time to rest, time to nest. Keep me warm my big, handsome love, until the warm golden sun has risen high in blue skies again.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

6 Beers

What's with the 6 beers advertising campaign? Isn't that the old joke?
What's the difference between a gay man and a straight man?
6 Beers.
So, what's that new add on teev trying to tell us? No idea. Something about meeting heros.
It got me thinking about my past encounters with pissed straight boys, though, usually after their girlfriends had turned them down for the night. They'd turn up at a bar with "that" look in their eyes - a cross between fear and ejaculation. But, mostly, I remember how keen they were. And that old cliche that used to, more often than not, fall out of their mouths.
"My girlfriend doesn't understh'tand."
Oh, it's been a while.
Here's to six beers! (whatever the hell they are on about?)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

4WD Coupe

I was following one of these monsters, the other day. The latest in urban guerrilla warfare. They are enormous, like a chick's tank. They are everything that is wrong with the world today, embodied in one car, I thought, as I strained to see the rest of the world around this mother.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Man versus the environment

It's really that simple

Sing dilly dolly willy wally doodle dandy all the day.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Fav Aussie Landscape


I started smoking again. Big deal. Who cares. (shakes head) You know, it's something I'm good at. Ha, ha. Big smile.
Well? After, smoking pot with Luke last weekend, last Sunday night, suddenly I felt better, normal, after being semi-depressed for six weeks. (Raised hands, as if in a question. Raised eyebrows. Biting down on my bottom lip... slippery slope, he thinks) That's how long I haven't smoked. It's been miserable. I've been feeling lousy and constantly blue.
And on Tuesday I felt like buying some more, you know, why not? Just to feel normal for a day or so longer. Just for a break, it's been hell.
However, I still have to stop, again. Any day now. Certainly. It's just a temporary thing. A phase. A port in the sea of feeling lousy.
I thought about smoking more m, a quarter for the following week, but it was a bad idea, if that's the stuff that sends me into depression when I withdraw. So, rightly or wrongly, I deliberately had a cigarette, chose to, just to kill the craving. And I feel better, normal again. To stop thinking, if you like.
Except, of course, now I have to quit cigarettes, again. (hands in the air, big eyes, grimace) Crap! Angst for the first week, which changes into a slow burn on lousy. They say it takes at least three months. So, I'm going to take the pills the doc prescribed for me when I told him I was quitting, initially.
I had dinner with my ex-b/f, Lauri, Wednesday night, he swore by them.
"Take the goddamn pills," he said. Big grin. "And if you still feel down, take antidepressants." He smiled and raised his cute Italian eyebrows. "It's only for three months, or something. Temporary. It's like taking flu caps with a cold. They just make you feel better."
He's quit. I've quit. We were both sucking down Styvies on the footpath on Victoria Street, in between courses.

Mark and Luke came down tonight to see Star Trek. I hadn't told them I'd already seen it with Jill. And we, um... er, shall we say, broke bread (raised eye brows) before they left.
Back to square one, hey?

Then Shane left his "gear" downstairs.
I can't be trusted, he knows that.
It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Sleeping Kane

We went out to the movies, me and Kane and some of his friends. I really liked Kane's mate, Bryan, a fellow writer. He was smart and cute and a little shy, with a kind of inner strength. He seemed very centred, an old soul, as they say. Beautiful eyes, nice lips. While Kane was boisterously in conversation with the other guys, Bryan and I chatted fiction and flirted quietly with each other. I felt a little disappointed when he was the first to head home. Our gazes lingered, as he said his good-byes. I wanted to go with him. I couldn't help but watch him walk away up Swanston Street. He stole a look back at me, just at the last minute. It was nice.
Then I felt Kane’s hand take mine and squeeze it, as he gently tugged on my arm. As I returned my attention to him, he was giving me a semi-quizzical look, tilted head, raised eye brows, just momentarily.
I guess he noticed.
I suppose that's a bad thing, hey? Men! Hands in the air. Eye roll. Head shake. Who needs them?
(That's self deprecation and not a comment on Kaine, you understand. Was that clear? I'm not sure.)

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Star Trek

I went to see the new Star Trek movie and it was great. All the old crew are back, it was good to see them. The new actors for the old characters worked well, were believable. It starts from the beginning and tells the story of how the crew came to be on the Enterprise. Of course, it stars my next husband, Chris Pine. What a gorgeous man.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Why do we always mistake a shadow for a burglar? Why do we never mistake a burglar for a shadow?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Monday, May 04, 2009

Left the country late last night.
Got up late.
I wondered why I drove down to the city last night, as I gazed bleary-eyed out the window this morning to see what sort of day it was in the inner suburbs, scratching my arse waiting for life to return to every cell in my body. When I get something into my head sometimes I just do it - middle of the night I got in my car. It was overcast and looked like it had been raining. Another cheery day in the city, I thought.
What to do? As I, actually, felt myself pine for the wide open spaces.
I wandered aimlessly down to Smith Street, ate a late lunch and read the newspaper from cover to cover. Seven confirmed deaths of Swine Flu and yet it is a potential pandemic. Politicians and newspaper editors should all be put at the bottom of the bay with property developers and lawyers.
I looked in a few book shops, on the way back, for inspiration. There was a lot of Gabriel García Márquez, I should read him. But, that pointy-faced, know-all, Jacqueline, in my tutes at uni loved him and it always, kinda, put me off. Margaret Atwood was well represented too. I saw her talk once and she was fascinating, but the weirdest looking woman I have ever seen. I didn't know that Jack Kerouac wrote so many books. Ah, cute Luke from work, with those beautiful blue eyes, loved him. It made me think of the time when we were smashed on alcohol when he said he'd love to party all night with me. Be still my beating heart. Where's the modern day equivalent of The Wasp Factory when you need it. I thought of London and Turnpike Lane tube station where I found it in the book shop and read the it from cover to cover. Where was I going that day?
I hunted for a table cloth, preferably dark coloured for the table I have set up in my bedroom, for my laptop, in my bay window hoping for a little bright sunshine inspiration, nothing except for plastic... and floral. (Jasus!) I came home.

I smoked pot with (my) Luke over the weekend, now I'm craving it. Stupid me.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Sunday Morning

It's a beautiful day in the country, the sun is shinning. There is a stillness and a silence, I sit and gaze at, feel it. Beauty, solitude. It is broken only by a singular bee buzzing past... zzzZZZ... ZZZzzz... There is a freshness and crispness to the air. I sit on the front step and the sun touches me like warm honey and I think I never want to go back to the city. The leaves on the grape vine are turning yellow and falling.
The sky is unblemished blue, the tall gums are framed against it.
The leaves, in the garden, are almost translucent with the bright morning sun behind them. The spider's webs glisten and sparkle silver, like jewels on a fine string.
The Crimson Rosella's are up and foraging, a flash of red and they are gone. The Rainbow Lorikeets are wanting seed, they stand their ground and look me in the eye.
I've stacked the fire, even though there is, really, no need. But, I always think the a hearth looks sad without flames licking orange at logs.
Now, I'm just waiting for the coffee machine to warm up and every thing will be well with the world.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Does he, or does he not, look like Saddam Hussein?

Oh Mel

So devout catholic Mel Gibson doesn't believe in abortion or contraception or homosexuality, but some how the whole thou shall not commit adultery seems to have passed him by.
Why do we have to listen to these people bang on endlessly about their religious beliefs - Mel is quite vocal about his - when they don't even live by those beliefs themselves?

Friday, May 01, 2009

May Day

Off to the country. Out along the freeway, in the slipstream of everybody else getting the hell out of the city, fast, furious, door handles in alignment, all lanes are full as the freeway sweeps around to the airport turn off. A mass of red tail lights in front of me, beside me, behind me. Gone!
I'm not the only driver now who ignores the ridiculous new 80 kph speed limit, there is a line of us, bumper to bumper, accelerating up the Keilor Park Hill. Two of them are P platers. I shake my head. At least I'll only be fined.
My sunroof starts to filter in the crisp, clean air, so I know I have left the city confines behind. I wince as I remember I'd said to my ex-bf Lauri, I'd meet him at Sircuit. Oops. Too late now. Besides, that's what ex-bf's are for, tormenting. Nothing can spoil our relationship now, I think. The two of us have already made a good fist of that.
The fog comes down, somewhere near Gisbourne. My driving lights are good, European and made for such things, so I can accelerate up the hills, through into the clear, night air, like a plane breaking above the clouds. It’s like flying in the crisp, fresh air high above the cotton wool.
The hills look like sleeping dragons in the dark.
The freeway stretches out in front of me, as the wind whistles on the windscreen. Duffy sings the 60's almost as well as Amy. I'll soon be there.

A beautiful Day

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining down in that crystal clear way that makes the whole world sparkle and seem full of clear, fresh air that hazes, just a little, above the concrete covered ground. Bright. Sharp, with a kind of gentle edge. The blue sky, the glowing orb of a sun; the autumn elves are dancing their last waltz in the final translucence of summer, as it slips completely from sight for another hibernation of winter.

Ben stopped his car at the tram terminus in the line of traffic waiting for the, three in a row, trams to dock in the terminus, or to continue their journeys to the city. Lines clicked this way and that. Staff changed shifts, one on, one off. Trams sat unmanned in the interim, the new roster weren’t, seemingly, as keen to start their shifts as the old roster were to be finishing theirs.
A mess of cars and a conglomeration of transport vehicles massed together in the mean time forming a knot outside the tram terminus.
People are stupid, Ben thought. They stop and wait like begging dogs, for a command from the tramways workers. It’s ignorance, really. Or fear, maybe. People don’t, quite, know what to do when confronted with a stationary tram. They let the fear of them getting it wrong paralyse any rational thought on the matter. Common sense should prevail. A stationary tram with passengers, as they say, alighting, getting off, should make sense. Stop. Nobody wants to have a body, with a shocked look, disappear under the front of their car, now do they? But, a stationary, sitting tram with no passengers at all… proceed with caution… how hard can it be?

Ben didn’t really care, though, as the warm sun was shining in through his driver’s window and he was in no hurry, really, to get any where. But stupidity annoyed him no matter what his schedule was. A tram heading the other way pulled up at the tram stop on the other side of the road. The new trams have big, picture windows, which frame the occupants well, like huge display cases, or exhibits at the zoo.
Josh’s eyes ran along the tram-car windows lazily.
Cute guy with vacant look. Girl with red frizzy hair pulled into a bun on the top of her head, also with a vacant look. She had to be smart or there was no god. Josh laughed to himself. Another cute guy, vacant look… no, refocused. Attention gained. Eyes connected with Bens. Smile. Ben couldn’t help but smile too. The stranger’s mouth pulled up into a grin at the same time Ben’s mouth did. Ben felt a small thrill surge down his spine.
They both looked away, momentarily. Is it because nobody wants to be caught returning a smile when it turns out that the original smile wasn’t, in fact, intended for them? “Oh hello,” they say as the embrace the person behind you. Is it because we are all essentially shy, well, upon first meeting. Ben thought it was fear, the worst thing that any of us can be guilty of was making a fool of ourselves. Maybe?
Ben looked back, to see the stranger staring back at him. The stranger smiled again, Ben did too. Their eyes danced with the delight of each other’s gaze. Stupid, self conscious smiles, like making faces in a mirror, or at young children. Kind of. Not really. Nice, what life’s all about. However, they were, by then, both looking at each other, any pretence of not doing so abandoned.
They were quickly making unashamed eyes at each other. Flirting. The attraction was obvious. The interest was keen. Palpable, even through thick picture window glass, some metres apart. Love on the tracks, Ben thought, which made him laugh, which made the stranger laugh, too. Like a reflection.
Beautiful, Ben thought. He’s beautiful.

Ben’s line of traffic moved forward a car length. Ben looked back, to see the stranger looking backwards towards him. Ben raised his hand, instinctively, and waved good bye, with a half wave, like the Queen of England might do. But, in Ben’s case, it was a sad waved, yes it was, Ben had to admit it. A good bye wave, a nice to know you, for the brief moment we knew each other, wave. Even a I-would-have-liked-to-have-known-you-a-little-better wave. So long, have a nice life, kind of wave.
Stupid really. Some people say that the people whose gaze you capture are the people with who you have unfinished business from a past life, and for the length of time you are connected that is the length of unfinished business that the two of you had. If it was only brief eye contact on the street, you know, just in passing, that was probably the finish of that relationship for all eternity.
Ben wasn’t sure if he believed that, but it always came to mind when there were people with whom he would have liked to have a longer relationship…no matter how tenuous the relationship was to start with.

Ben’s line of traffic moved forward again. Suddenly, he wasn’t thinking anyone was so stupid. He looked nonchalantly in his rear vision mirror, wistfully back at the notion of love, the possibility of, travelling away from him.
There standing in the middle of the brightly lit road was the stranger, jacket in one hand, bag in the other, pushing forward with his chest, moving through the almost stationary line of traffic towards Ben.
He was surprised.
The traffic in front of him cleared, lurched forward and the car in front was gone, going, accelerating away. It was Ben’s turn to do the same. He looked ahead. Looked behind. Looked ahead and then behind again. There was suddenly nobody in front of him, nobody stopping him, nobody impeding his get away.

Ben hesitated. He could feel his pulse quicken with surprise and, as Frankenfurter would have said, anticipation. No, couldn’t be. He shook his head. Was he afraid of making a fool of himself? The other guy had only just realised at the last minute that he was at his stop and got off. It was that simple. So, why was the stranger walking up the centre of the road towards Ben?
Couldn’t be. No.
Could be? Why else?
Ben wanted the stranger to wave his hand, make a gesture to allay Ben’s disbelief. Something? Like, now running up the centre of the road wasn’t enough of a gesture.
The car behind tooted. Ben refocused on the driver behind, who was gently swishing forward with her fingers over her steering wheel for Ben to move. He put the car into gear and revved the engine. Then he pushed his indicator lever down and pulled to the left. The woman behind gave Ben the “look” with the rotating head swivel as she drove past.

Ben tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, as the stranger approached his driver’s door.

“Hi” said the stranger. He stepped away from the driver’s door, nervously.
“Hi,” said Ben.
“You’ve got a nice smile,” said the stranger.
“Thanks,” said Ben. “So have you.”
“My names Will.” He smiled self-consciously, like there was a lot riding on it. Gone was the beautiful, relaxed smile through the glass.
“I’m Ben.”
“Like the flower pot men.” Will smiled.
Ben must have looked confused.
“Bill and Ben,” said Will almost as an exclamation.
Ben couldn’t help but laugh. “So…” Will was adorable. “Do you often get off trams for strange men?”
“No, never,” said Will. “Well, maybe not never.” He smiled that beautiful smile again, raising his hands up and down as if intimating a balancing act. “Never a tram and a car, though, in broad day light, in the street.” He shrugged. “But, I thought fuck it. Why not. You got to take chances in life and I never take enough of those. None of us do.”
“None of us?”
“I don’t,” said Will. “Not nearly often enough.” He stepped forward and touched the side of Bens’ face with his open hand, through the car window. He rubbed Ben’s cheek, stroked Ben’s hair. He stepped back. “You know, like that.”
The two men smiled at each other.
“You can do that again,” said Ben.
“Ha, ha.”
“Where are you heading?” asked Ben.
“I guess…” Cheeky smile. “Where you are.”
“What if I’m going to a wedding… or a funeral?”
“I’m good at weddings and I have a hanky.” Will pulled an actual cloth handkerchief from his pocket. “Are you?”
“Well, no.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know,” said Ben. “Do any of us know?”
“Why do you think I’m standing here?”
“Do you want to come?”
“To… I don’t know?”
“Sure,” said Ben. “I here it’s lovely this time of year.”
“Count me in,” said Will. “Do you think it will lead any where?”
“Get in,” said Ben. “I don’t know, but if you never take a chance you’ll never know, hey?”
Will walked around the front of the car, holding Ben’s gaze as he did. He opened the passenger side door. “Do you often pick up strange boys in the street?”
“No,” said Ben. “This is the first time.
Will closed the door and smiled at Ben. “That’s gotta mean something.”
Ben reached out and touched the side of Will’s face with his open hand, rubbed Will’s cheek, stroked Will’s hair.
Will beamed.
“Gotta take a chance,” said Ben.
“That’s what they say.”