Stepping Back Into Life

Okay, back to the gym today. Sam has been nagging reminding and I guess the time has come to shake off my malaise about Brun dying and get back into life.

I so don't want to, I can assure you, but that is how I always feel when I am getting back to it after having time off.

None of us want to go to the gym, not really. But none of us want to be fat and to drop dead early, now do we, so we do what we do.

Anyway, I'm getting up and going. No, I am. I am. Watch me. I'm going now.

Once I get back into it, it isn't nearly so bad, I mean, fuck me, there are even days when I enjoy it.

Sorry Brun, I can't stay in morning for you forever, my lovely, sweet, teddy bear of a pooch, who I miss with every fibre of my being every second of the day. I love you snuffly, and I will never forget you. Oh, Jasus! Tears in my eyes again.

A Good Little Liar

Thinking about the story I spun to Boris so easily yesterday, it got me reminiscing.

I'm a good liar, what can I say. I am excellent at it. It is a skill I realised I had from an early teen age.

They just flow out of me on demand, convincing and strong with a straight face.

I used to tell them with gay abandon, if you will excuse the expression.

But, mid teens, it all came crashing down with a series of well execute lies coming unravelled like the ball of wool to grandma's knitting getting caught on the spooked fleeing dog's hind leg.

Neil Kirkham's and my criminal enterprise of shop lifting the things we wanted got busted wide open.

I, of course, was deemed to have fallen in with 'the wrong crowd', and this was all just an aberration on my part, which suited me, the ring leader, completely.

But, it was at that point, lucky for me, that I realised that, in actual fact, lies did me no real good at all, and my very best skill was packed away not to be used again, unless in case of emergency.

So, before I turned 18, I pretty much learned that complete honesty was a much more useful tool for one's growth and well being.

Oh yes, there was, of course, that one last hoorah just for old times sake, just after I turned 18, which went spectacularly wrong where I ended up in court with the shop detective speaking up for me saying, I just wasn't the type of kid she saw normally and that I didn't belong there, and she gave me detailed instructions on how to beat the 'wrap' which I did... er... well, just to set me finally on the correct path definitely and forever.

Lottie said, much later, (she never found out about it at the time) it was because I was clearly struggling with my gayness, yeah, sure, whatever mum. Oh, that could, in fact, be true, you know, maybe.

But that was the last dishonest thing I did.

Of course, complete and direct honesty in a corporate setting hasn't always gone down well, in fact, on my latest PDR The Big Poo noted that on occasion Christian is too blunt.

Nyr! Who gives a rat's arse about those corporate slags. Prostitutes to the corporate $.

I've always had the good fortune to be a good little saver, too, just naturally, without effort on my part, which has always done me well too. (It has also led me to be baffled by other peoples inability to save) It has always allowed me to tell corporate types to go shove it when the going got too excruciating, or more to the case, the times I have been sacked/retrenched, let's face it, it is the same thing, (3 times, if you must know) I have been able to take my time finding a new salt mine in which to work.

Good to Know I've Still Got It, I Guess

I was going to take another sickie today. I got up early and sat up until Sam got up, when he told me to get to work and stop being silly.

So, I signed into work.

Boris calls me late morning about another issue, when she asks me if I am alright.

I'm a good little actor, I tell you, I always have been. The key is preparation, be prepared, know your lines.

I fake illness explained.

Boris was telling me that I was strong, and I'd get through it, and if there was anything she could do to help, please don't hesitate to ask.

Good to know I've still got it.

Contemplating Life

I took a sickie. I have 40 days of accrued unused sick leave, and you know what, I'm going to take it. Well, some of it anyway.

Reading back over my blogs, as my friend Rachel says, "Tell the world to go fuck itself, sometimes it is good for you."

I really want to quit my job, but I am too gutless.

Reading back over my blogs, as my friend Aby said, "Promise me you won't get stuck in some pointless financial job making money for people who don't care about you, you are way better than that."

Sam's worried about losing his job because of AI.

Reading back over my blogs, as my great mate Tom said, "You have to do what makes you happy, just look at me, I'm getting half a life,  don't waste any of yours."

Really, Sam having a job, or not having a job, is not dependant on me having a job. Not really.

Reading back over my blogs, as Mark says, "We are all responsible for our own lives, no one else is."

Would I be okay, if I gave up my job and wrote? Oh god (ironic use) I'm guessing you are sick of me asking that question?

Reading back over my blogs, as my gorgeous, funny, intelligent mother said, "I was happily married for 50 years, and all I could think when your father died was, all I want is another 50 years. Life goes so fast, Christian, it really is over before you even know it."

I guess there is a certain danger to go back and read everyone's truths, you know. Or enlightening? I'm still deciding which. Trying not to hate myself.

Walk Into Town Sunday

We walk into town, so I have a haircut in the city. Some how Sam and my haircuts have got out of sync, can't remember how that happened. So it was just me getting a haircut today. That's kind of the pressing problem for the day, how to sync up our haircuts again, so, I guess, life is pretty good.

The sun is shining. The sky is blue.

It’s a nice walk into town.

Midday. I get to the salon. Nobody is waiting, which is good, but no hairdresser available either.

Mindless dance music is playing.

10 minutes later. A woman walks in. "I don’t have an appointment but I was wondering if I could get a haircut." She sounded kind French. You've got to love hearing a French accent. 

My haircut never takes long.

Fifteen minutes later. We’re at David King of Sichuan Stock Pot in Russell Street having soup for lunch. I have tomato based soup. Sam has pork soup base.

It’s not exactly the warmest day sitting in the shade.

Otto eats leaves.

1.11pm. We’re walking home.

The sun is still shining in a wintry kind of way.

We tell the nice girl in Bailey Nelson about Brun dying. She’s lovely. She is very sympathetic.

1:32pm. We’re home.

We spent the rest of the day on our screens on our couches.

That was it. That was the day done. Another Sunday over.

Telling People

Rachel called, we chatted for over an hour. We haven't talked in some time.

She has rented a house in Adelaide and is going to look after her ailing mother now that her father has died.

I told her about Brun. She sympathised, of course. She and Jill looked after him as a puppy when Sam and I went to Japan.

Sam was showing relatives around Melbourne all day, so it was just me and Otto on the couch together.

Later on, when Sam came home, we took Otto for a walk and Jill called. Rachel had told her.

She got her youngest Corgi when Brun was a puppy, and they were puppies together when Jill looked after them. We chatted for an hour.

I cried talking to both of them.

Later, Rachel's daughter sent me a message saying how sorry she was to hear about Brun. She sent me a photo of when they looked after him.

Everyone was shocked to hear about Brun's death.

I worked on my old blogs all day, until Sam came home.

Otto is still kind of quiet, I think he is coming around, but not fully yet.

He's become a bit whiney, he now makes noises like a Wookie.

Pauline Hanson

She hates migrants

She hates Muslims

She hates young people

She doesn’t like woman’s rights, so she mustn’t like women very much.

She doesn’t like workers, she thinks they are lazy. She doesn’t want them to get a pay rise.

She doesn’t like indigenous people.

She doesn’t like indigenous people getting access to healthcare and educational services.

Clearly, she doesn’t like journalists. Too many questions.

She doesn’t like trans people, despite them being only 0.5 % of the population.

She doesn’t like childcare.

She doesn’t like paid parental leave.

She doesn’t like our wonderful environment.

She hates multiculturalism.

She seems to hate all the things that make Australia great.

We are a society built on the idea of fairness, and justice and looking after our mates and giving everyone a fair go.

She seems to hate all of it.

We are a multicultural society with the oldest living culture on earth.

And she hates it.