Friday, April 30, 2004

Ab moves in

Ab has started moving in. She arrived with stuff tonight and the rest is coming tomorrow. Bloody hell, the house still stinks of floor varnish, chemical smells pervade. Her bedroom is down stairs, though, maybe a little isolated from the smell. May be minutely. Who am I kidding? She'll be gassed too.

My floor boards look great, though. They are a lovely honey colour. A bit darker than honey, actually. They certainly look better than the rough cut they have looked for the previous, oh, how many years? Ten? Is it that long? A-ha!
I took my shoes and socks off and walked around on them, the wood grains felt gorgeous against my bare feet. Organic. Solid. Warm. Fleshy. Real.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

I think it's a grand idea for you to have Friday off...Time to start servicing the friendship pool

I stopped and had a cigarette with Adrianna this morning in Bourke Street. She told me all about Rob and Loli's wedding, the goings on just after I left. Apparently, Rob accused Charlie of selling speed from the bathroom. Lovely. After which he said to Loli, You know that last name... gone. You know the word annulment... tomorrow.

When Charlie tried to talk to Rob, as he poured himself a giant glass of scotch he could only answer, Ciao Charlie. Three times. Untill, Adi and Charlie left. They went and found solace at Rob and Henry's, choofing and doin lines until 6am.

They discussed what was up Rob's nose. Is he gay? Was there too many poofs around for him to cope? Does he have a big secret? In their state, they decided they were going to find out what his secret was, if there was one.

Adrianna went the next day to get her stuff out of Loli's car. Apparently, she answered the door at 3pm in her nightie looking like shit. She wouldn't let Adrianna into the house, giving her the car keys through the crack in the door, instead.

Adrianna only saw Rob for the first time since the wedding, yesterday. Apparently, he apologised... not to Charlie though, I presume.

Hi Christian
How are ya?
Hope this finds you well and happy...
God yesterday was a HUGE day for me. Went to Melbourne Sexual Health for a couple of shots and some blood results.
The blood results were really bad, the nurse tried to tell em that I needed to see a doctor, any doctor, immediately, and I ended up breaking down, just really losing it, and being taken underwing by a counsellor and staying there for two hours!
And I'm going back for more next week too!
Hard time of year for me maybe, and my bod gets a bit flat. I'm not feeling bad physically, so am not concerned about a couple of bad blood tests...
It's REALLY good to know I'm beyond being sent into "I've got LUke again" tizz, but goodness they got me at a vulnerable moment, and I suppose it all turned out for the best...
Had long chats about "being institutionalised" and about just having too much to cope with...
I don't think I feel institutionalised anymore - I think I've come back into the "real" world, so that's lovely to know...
Anyway I also got taken out for lunch, worked, had dinner cooked for me, had a massage AND got home at 11pm. Long day with no nap!
And how are you Mister? Ready for the new housemate?
When are Mark and Luke getting back?

I hope today treats you more gently than yesterday.
I'm in readiness for my new flatmate, she has even started dropping stuff in. There were little bits around the house last night to make me realise that my solo status is coming to an end.
Mark and Luke come home May 16th or 18th, one of the two... obviously. I think Jeff and Raymond leave today to go meet them. How nice!
I had drinks after work, a couple of beers and I'm doddery. But I did manage to get to Bunnings to get sand paper and a hand sander.
I watched a couple of interesting shows on TV and then I sanded my floors. Another coat which takes twenty four hours to dry... if I do it Friday night, it won't be dried until Saturday night. Hmmm? Not so good for the new flatmate moving in. Maybe I need to take tomorrow off? Tomorrow morning, dried by Saturday morning. Better.
I was going to do it last night and, in a sense, I wish I had of. But it really stinks and I really need to leave the house open for a few hours to let it air, after I have done it.
There just aren't enough hours in the day.
And then I woke up on the couch at 3am. Didn't even check my emails.
I told my mum that I was going to replace the broken power point myself. She got all worried and said for me to get an electrician to fix it and she'd pay. I looked at it last night and laughed... I suppose it would be quick, hey? Leave the power on, zap!

Yes it would be quick for you.
And many people's hearts would ache for the rest of their lives, with the gaping chasm you would take with you.
So take up your dear Mum's offer, Miss, and get the electrician to fix EVERYTHING you want to fix.
I think it's a grand idea for you to have Friday off! Eminently sensible too, you don't want the new flatmate to die of fumes before she's settled now, do you...

I went to mum’s and then to Rachel’s. I realised in the last few days that I’ve hardly seen Rachel. And since I’m taking tomorrow off work to put the final coat on the floor, I had time to visit.
If I’ve got no friends, it’s really my own fault. Time to start servicing the friendship pool.

It’s 1.11.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Scoffed myself stupid on finger food

I went to drinks after work and scoffed myself stupid on finger food and drank beer, so I didn’t need to eat again.

I was a bit drunk as I walked up Bourke Street, but, that's the point of work drinks, the company pays you off in alcohol for all of the bitterness you have had to endure during the week.

I got home and watched a TV program about Nauru and a program about journalism. You know, just to let the self-medication settle a bit.

I sanded my floors by hand... it kind of makes a change, makes me feel like a "fine" artist, rather than a tradie.

...and then fell asleep on the couch.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Leaves go flip flop

It's raining here. Lovely wintry rain. The leaves have all turned yellow and red and golden and have begun to fall, flip-flop, flip-flop to the ground. Umbrellas are turning inside out defiantly under the gray skies as the wind gusts. The wet wood of the bare tree trunks is strong and solid and brown, with fingery tips pointing like arthritic hands. Ttttttt, go my lips out in the cold. My toes curl for warmth, as I stare down at my reflection in a puddle in the street. Cars go past swish, swish. I pulled my collar up, with a shiver and feel alive. One foot in front of the other, splish splash.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Back to work?

I hope that you have awoken alive and well and breathing clearly. Those polyurethane fumes can clear the sinuses you know!
Oh, tis cold in Dingley this morning, and off to work I go (hi ho).
Have a great day back Miss.

Up and at 'em, that was me this morning. Shaking all the way, as I had your bedroom window open and it was freezing.
I bumped in to Raymond in Gertrude Street and he said he only has this week to go until he goes to Italy. Yeah, good on ya, I thought. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I can hardly afford a tram fare. You know, I think I have got everything wrong, all my life. That's what I thought, as the tram arrived. But then there was a v. cute w.b. was sitting opposite me and I forgot everything. Oh! Black hair, olive skin...

Manny called at 21.45 and wanted me to go over there, but I turned him down. I just listened to the message he left earlier, saying he enjoyed Saturday morning. He’s a sweet, if mixed up, boy.

Do you know, I was feeling a little depressed about the no friends thing and it was with trepidation that I signed onto my email, the thought of getting milfs on display or cock sucking sluts and nothing else filled me full of sadness. But, the first email was from Mark and Luke and the next two were from Josh… and then I went to the toilet and pissed inside my track suite pants, while I waited for the next ones to down load. The next one was also from Mark and Luke and Tom. I got twenty altogether, even one about what the mother of my children might think about me looking at porn sites, twenty altogether. But I don’t care about those other ones, when I get some real ones.

It’s really depressing to only get junk emails.

What a loooonnnnggggg day!
Hope you had a good one Miss.
Never pay attention to people about to go to Italy.
What did you do wrong? Absolutely Nothing!
Did I tell you that when meeting Mark1^ from gaydar I rant into Robbie the dealer who'se number I lost, and that he gave me a free sample to share with Marky. Well, it was a mighty fine half a pill, and we spent the night literally wrapped in each others arms talking of everything, but Miss, how far can one go with a 22year old?!
A 5'7 52kg 22yo at that!
Anyway, twas a good night, albeit a bit longer than I had expected.
And up at 5 this morning!
I hope I can stay awake for QAF!

What did I do wrong, I turned into a boring bastard, with no friends. That’s what I did wrong. Even my relationship with Tom has changed. When he went out to The Laird the last few times, he hasn’t asked me to go.

It’s raining.

I’m smoking cigarettes like a chimney. No dope, though.

well done dear fletchy... you surpassed my wildest expectations... but then again you seem to be doing that a lot lately on the home body front... i.m werry werry proud... talkin to germans for 2 long... having a ball with the boys... smoking much to much and eating to match... polished of a whole tray of home made tarramazzzooooo.....are ya jealous......
don.t sleep with the window closed tonight cos i,d like you to be there when i get back thank you...and i.ll try not to drive over a cliff... tried driving yesterday ... think i,d better go for the auto... the manual is just a tad to much of a head know the old patting the head and rubbing the tummy thing... eeeeehhhh no thanks...
Meeting up with mikey mike tomorrow in venice... the mind boggles... mightn.t hear from us for a few days.... internet caffe,s maybe a bit scarce on the canals somehow... congrats on your boards cri… you are a clever boy... the sebastians say hi... lukie 2... hugs.... me

M and L
It's raining here. Lovely wintry rain. The smoke has cleared... maybe it was just a house fire in George Street, or maybe it was the waft of bush fires blowing in? Who can say?
The leaves have all turned yellow and red and have begun to fall, flip-flop, flip-flop to the ground. Umbrellas are turning inside out majestically and the skies are grey and the wet wood of the bare trunks are strong and solid and brown, with fingery tips pointing like arthritic hands. Ttttttt, go my lips out in the cold. My toes curl for warmth, as I stare down at my reflection in a puddle in the street.
I'm jealous of the tarramazzzooooo... of course. Yum, yum. It must be grand.
Not so clever on the home front. I didn't do my bedroom. Still haven't got the top room done. Still haven't got new flat mates. Still haven't got my car back. Still haven't rung Beck, actually. (I went to last night, not sure now why I didn't)
No, not much to be proud of really.
Say hello to Mike and the Sebastians.
I saw Richard this morning, he's counting down the days. Did I tell you how smashed I was when I left his birthday party? Oooo!
And get the automatic, I want you two back safe and sound, too.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Christian of the Beautiful Floors

It’s cold and I have lots of work – Jasus! – to do on the floors. My heads spinning! And we won’t even talk about study. Ah! Two assignments getting very close to due.

Sand the last corner and then a major clean-up and then a coat of sealer. It’s got to be ready for it now, I have no choice. Aby’s moving in this week. It’ll be a coat every night. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

Got to get to it, I suppose.

Wish me luck.

Finished by 18.30. The house now stinks. Rats!
I called mum and she so wanted me to go over for dinner, but I just couldn’t get it together. It makes me sad, her loneliness.

M and L
Well, at least it's stopped raining. It's cold, but. Bloody freezing.
You can now call me Christian of the Beautiful Floors. I've worked all day, well, all afternoon, anyway. Aby even dropped in mid way through, to get a key and tempt me out to lunch. But, of course, I didn't go.
I cleaned, I sanded and I cleaned again. And then I coated with sealing oil. As you know, I was a bit worried that the floors would be too light, but as soon as the first brush stroke of sealer went on, I knew they wouldn't be. Lovely! That's what they are. Bloody lovely!
Of course, now the house smells of chemicals, in fact, if you never hear from me again, it probably means I have asphyxiated in the night.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Good morning Manny

Manny called me at 7am and woke me up. He said, "I hope I didn’t wake you up?"

What do you think is going to happen when you call at 7am?

He said he’d wished he woken up with me.

"Get in a taxi and come over then, I’ve got cash for when you get here."

"You’ve got a car, you come over here," Manny said.

I thought, it’s true, I could. "I’ll see you in twenty minutes. Stay in bed."

I’d only had a few hours sleep and Manny was chatty, after I kissed him and licked him and woke him up. I was keen to pull his pants off and talk later, he seemed to want to talk first. Squeezing his nipples, focused him, made him poke out from his boxers. Squeezing his nipples hard shut his mouth completely.

Seventy kilos of lean muscle. I slapped his arse hard and made him blow all over himself, so his cum dripped off the ripples of his six pack.

Then he said he had to get up, do stuff.

"I’m going to sleep, a bit. If I’m not awake by 10am, wake me?"

"Yes babe."

He woke me at 11.15am. I was pleased to have that extra sleep.

I drove straight from there to mum’s, for, what was now, lunch.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Life in 3 act structure

Set up (20 pages) - Central Image

The husband steps from the shower naked, he dries himself with a towel. The camera pans his entire body. He's athletic.

His wife reminds him their family and friends will be arriving immanently, when he cuddles up to her and wants to fuck.

Happy Sunday lunch. Husband and wife. A 3 year old son. A best friend couple, with their child. The husbands younger brother, with his girlfriend.

Act one (30 pages) - Something changes to set the story rolling.

The husband kisses his wife good bye and heads out into the world. He's left early, he's heading to the gym before work.

He meets his personal trainer, they head into the personal trainers office. They kiss passionately on the desk as a greeting. The personal trainer's shorts come somewhat down in the process.

Act two (40 pages) - Climax to the problem.

His wife gets the unexpected news that her mother is terminally ill and she has to rush to her side. Her husband is very sorry, but he can't get away from work.

His wife comes home from visiting her terminally sick mother unexpectedly early and catches the husband and personal trainer in bed together.

Act tree (10 pages) - Resolution

The moving truck pulls away with the husbands possessions inside.

His wife closes the front door to their house.

He walks to his car.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Past. Present. Future

We can't travel between time zones physically - travel somehow, by hologram, perhaps. A portal to a view into another world.

Exist in parallel time zones.

May be able to harness powers in different time zones, for super power.
Place something in a place in one time zone, to be found in the same place in a different time zone. May be future time zone - can work out a way to travel back in time? Maybe not?

May be the past generation can use telepathy?

Past - speak no evil

Present - hear no evil

Future - see no evil

There would be things going on in past, present and future time zones that are independent of each other.
Is there a saying about past, present and future?

Past, present, future

Problem in past. Past has caused the problem in the present. Future finds ways to cross time zones - first hinted at in the set up.

Could find out that it simply wasn't true.
Could find out that it is true, but there are mitigating circumstances.
Could find out it is true.

3 stories, true for which story? Present.

Could find out that it isn't true, but there are mitigating circumstances.

It is about the journey along the way, with all the stories that unfold in the journeying.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Oooo... a bit bonged-over

I woke up to my phone beeping at me. Ooo! Not so good, I thought, as I got to my feet, noticing the beautiful ray of sunshine in the air and the crispness to the morning because of it.

SMS. 8.20. Morning Christian, well it’s taken me 5000 words but I finally got him in her arse. She luvd it. How r u? How’s ur writn going? ☺ - Kym

Okay, well that’s one way to start the day.

Another way is discovering that I had no milk. Beenie. Jumper. Wallet. Stagger, stagger. Out the door.
Oo! Only just getting feet in front of each other, I thought, as one foot went sideways instead of straight a head.
You know, the Asian boy in the milk bar would be quite cute if he lost 10 kilos.
Newspaper. Cigarettes. Milk.

I need to move it!

Miss how are you?

Oooo... a bit bonged-over. But the fresh morning air is slowly starting to seep in. Coffee. Cigarettes. Food.
How are you?

SMS. 9.50. (Kym) Good to hear, ‘give it to me baby!’ said with lips like ripe plums. I started to write my novel last night. I guess I have to get used to jumping around. It seems to be my way of writing, bugger it. – christian
Maybe, I need more coffee.

I'm good Missy!
Now about that bed – shall I come over after work sometime?

Yes, that would be lovely. And I could roll you a thank-you joint for your trouble.
You should have grabbed me by the ears on the weekend and said. No, we have to move the bed.
Not that I'm putting it onto you, you understand.
Not that I would have liked my ears man-handed, actually.
So, I suppose I had better get back up there. I have a sore hand from yesterday. But, I reckon I could go and hire the sander tomorrow.
You know, I’ve done a bit with a hand sander and while I’m not kidding myself about how much hard work it would be to sand the floors that way, I like the effect it has. I don’t want the floorboards to be stripped of everything that has occurred to them over their life as floorboards in this house. I want them to look like planks with dirt between them. I want them to only be lightly sanded, still with the marks of time visible.
They are looking good already.

I spent quite a few hours extracting nails. I have sore hands.
I stood in the kitchen – having had a joint – and decided that I wanted the sander – I was putting it off until tomorrow, for some reason. And I want a plant for the empty planter.
I decided that I could do both. I had to really talk myself into it, but I did manage it.

Go and get it.
I can’t go to the hire shop with Stoned eyes.
Go and get it.
Otherwise, you’ll have nothing to do tonight. Or at least, look at the time you’re wasting. Get it done, take it back on the way to mum’s for dinner. Easy peasy.

I so want to sand the stairwell landing. It would be so easy. It wouldn’t take that long, although clearing the debris off the landing would be a feet in itself.
It would make such a mess. Right through the house. Right through. Every where!

But the sanders are here. But it’s all painted, the messiest stuff to get off. Everything that Mark has painted on. I quite like the painted look, don’t get me wrong. And I didn’t get off my arse to sand them either, way back when.

I sanded until 8pm. And then I was knacked.

Tom arrived at 9pm, after rooting Superman Phil. “His teeth are good,” responded Tom, after I asked him how it was.
Both post-Phil and Superman Phil, good teeth, I thought.

Tom now tells me that there are only five golden tickets. Only five, I feel like I’ve had three all ready. Funny?
Most people have to settle for a never ending Wonka Bar. No golden ticket.
I don’t know if I signed on for that particular mantra.

Mark called. They are in Italy. They both have colds, because they got trashed in Amsterdam.
“Well, the lowest number they sold was ten. And we didn’t want to waste them. So we had to take them all, over the weekend.”
He said he had emailed.

He was trying to call Jane.
I must call Jane.

It’s midnight.

Joints have been constant.

Hi Fletchy, how are ya lovely. Italy is fucking amazing... so beautiful up here in the north... Sebastian's took us up into the mountains yesterday very Austrian, just think Heidi's village. We hired a horse and buggy and went clopping through the meadows covered in crocus flowers, surrounded by cobalt blue, snow capped mountains, Mark was singing and crying the whole time as you can imagine... It was breathtaking really... They have lots of other day trips planned so we’re going to be very busy... I have a cold at the moment we bought ten eee's in Amsterdam for 35euro so we had to take them all naturally, silly thing really but they we're fantastic, very clean.
Mk's taking lots of footage, although he dropped our camera and now it's fucked, we think, but Sebastian M. has his so it's all good... About the booking's, they all sound fine, you'll have to get mum or dad to ring the Shire one and get the details, Poor Mrs. C hey? And the newspaper one, if you can reply to them and ask for all the relevant info, that would be cool, if you already have it don't worry... Talk to you soon, lots of
love, Lukexxxxx.

Italy is so beautiful, all of the heritage still exists, in little alleyways and Fiat Bambinos. And then there is the coast and the sea, even if the Mediterranean is empty, completely fished out. (And chockers with plastic water bottles, although don't look)
You'll have a car now, so you'll be able to go wherever you want.
I bought pot Friday night after work and lost Saturday to Monday, but I rallied Tuesday. For a moment I thought, nah, I'll just spend the week stoned. (But I haven't. Well, not for breakfast, certainly) Not nearly as glamorous as Amsterdam, though. All those canals and bridges. Did you go to look at the prossies in the windows?
On ya Mark, regards the camera. Did you get travel insurance?
I was going to ring, will ring, but what details do you need?
Your father quoted the same as the last function the shire had. Better than I would have done, I reckon.
Send me what details you want for both?
I've sent flowers to Mrs. C.
Give both Sebastian's a kiss from me. Tongues!

Tom just signed in. It must take him just over an hour to get home.

I want this to hang off him.
(Insert a picture of something large and uncut)
(The boy in question, was named Andy)
The name Andy is optional. I could live with it.

It’s 1.11.
I’m getting off gaydar. I’m watching porn. And I’m thinking about sex with Manny.
I think I’ve sullied my name, any way. I think I come on too strong sexually – knowing they want to is enough, remember – and then I don’t want to have sex. He’s a dud. He’s just a game player… probably.
I have to develop a more chatty persona. Perhaps the live chat room would be good.
Tom says that if I’m ever going to have any chance of finding the golden ticket, I have to open more wonka bars.


Do I have to? Can’t you just go out and pick and drag him back here for me?

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Anxiety attack... wasting everyone's time

Oh, I had a bit of an anxiety attack last night about all the things I have to get done. Sanding the floors seemingly the least of them. Tile the upstairs bathroom, that in itself… AH! Carpet the floor. Finish the last few things that need doing in the main bathroom. And then use it.

Then there is the Rover and the Cooper S.

And then there is new flatmates, so I can pay the mortgage when Mark and Luke get back. Pay the mortgage! Pay the mortgage! Which, I have never done up until this point, in all reality.

Oh bugger! I now have a mortgage.

I'm not to be hooked onto gaydar all day today, like I was yesterday. And yet, here I am, hooked up already. But, it is only as I am doing other stuff, today. I'm not sitting here for 8 hours, doing nothing. I'm not. I'M NOT!

Don't I believe me?

I don’t even want to meet up with anyone. Tom says that I’m just wasting everyone’s time. And I guess he’s right. I think, just knowing that people want to hook up is enough. It's the chase that is interesting, the hookup rarely lives up to expectations. Not exactly the spirit of the thing, hey?

So it is doubly a waste of time? ... oh probably.

I play on-line and then I wait to have sex with Manny. In fact, he knows I’m off today and could arrive... any minute. So, log out Christian!

I told myself just until 10.15 and here it is 11.14.
It kind of fills me with a nice warm feeling to have a boy who is hot and mine.
Well, get off that friggin thing then!

M and L
It's me.
How are you? I trust you survived Amsterdam? All them tempting cafes.
I bought a bag of you know what over the weekend and some how here I am, come too, and it's Tuesday. Bad Christian. So no more of that carry-on. I've taken a week off to do all the things I need to get done. Now what was the first one? I should have made a list.
It's nice not having to go to work, but.
He, he.

SMS. 11.12. hey j, sorry I didn’t make it over on Sunday, had a cold & bed was 2 cosy. r u about 2day? – Aby

Oh, I should answer Aby. No hurry, as she is admitting that it is her fault that we haven’t caught up.

Now, it’s get off the bloody internet by midday, natch.

Now I know why you were wittering on about moving the bed. I looked at this morning and thought, oh, now I know what Tom was on about.
Quick, aren’t I?
Anyway, I’ve put the mull bowl away – last night – and now it’s Action Christian.
Out of the daze and into productively.
He He!!!

11.58 and I’m logged off. I’ve just got to do this floor thing, my tatty credibility is certainly at stake.
I’m not sure that I have any credibility, actually. Stella called this morning for a password and she said that Beck and her had been taking bets that I wouldn’t do it. She doesn’t know, but that has probably stirred me on, her saying that.

All I’ve got to go and do is hire the bloody sander.

Wish me luck.

SMS. 12.34. I should be here all day. In and out a bit, but no plans to be far away – christian
SMS. 12.36. Beauty, I’ll pop in around 3. x – Aby

I called and found out the prices on sanding machines. I got to the floor around 1pm.
You know, I’ve done a bit with a hand sander and while I’m not kidding myself about how much hard work it would be to sand the floors that way, I like the effect it has. I don’t want the floorboards to be stripped of everything that has occurred to them over their life as floorboards in this house. I want them to look like planks with dirt between them. I want them to only be lightly sanded, still with the marks of time visible.
They are looking good already.

So what about the bed??

Monday, April 19, 2004

Handy man

I was going to Bunnings in the city. I was on a bit of a home handyman kick, I'd taken a week off. Over the years, I'd procrastinated and taken other people's advice and schedules getting the final touches done to this old terrace house, which ultimately meant next week, or "Chee mate, I don't know when I will have the time. Foreseeable future, for sure. I'll call you." Which ultimately meant some things just never got done. The more persistent get the tradesmen ahead of me. I wanted to get something marked off the big list on during my week off.
I'm busy, generally. I only have the time, or inclination, to organise things once. Electricians, plumbers, the heating guy, all have to be scheduled to the hour, pitty they can't return the same courtesy. And when they don't turn up, grrrrrr!!!! Why oh why can't people just do what it is they say they'll do? I'd organised a tradie to finish every last job there was, but somehow I have tiles that are not glued to walls and laundry basins that have never been fitted.
So, I, begrudgingly, decided on that old manta of the generations before me, if you want something done, do it yourself. How hard can it be? I'm relatively smart and logical. I can work out how things go, I follow instructions well. I can fix things, minor things, I often surprise my (gay) mates. I had the benefit of a handy father, who explained everything to me as he went along.
I made a list and I was off to Bunnings. I wasn't going to attempt anything electrical, I know my limitations. I wasn't proposing installing a new kitchen, or moving a room. I wasn't preparing the house for a make-over. Start small. I'd always wanted my floorboards polished. Two rooms, the spare bedroom and mine. Start with the small room.
How hard could it be?
Sand. Polish. Allow to dry.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

The body of an underwear model

I woke up at 6am on the couch. Turned off all the lights. Saw Tom’s cigarettes on the coffee table. Wondered why he didn’t wake me? Or turn off a light, for that matter. I went to bed.
I got up this morning, for the second time at 10am and I rolled a joint and made coffee. The day was set. Tom had arrived at sometime in the night. I bought the newspapers and made coffee. It was soft pastel colours past the windows, it had been raining. It was a lazy day for sure.
I ate Mini Wheats and then muesli and trawled the internet until Tom came down. Then we rolled joints and chattered about our night.
Phil 1 is really girlie and sounds really awful, if Tom’s impersonation is anything to go by. And he’s doggedly tagged along to things after Tom has deliberately told her she can’t come…he’s history.
And Tom had a date in the evening with superman-Phil.
I told Tom how Manny had asked if he was coming back, as Manny didn’t want to get caught naked on the couch, as I sucked his cock. I said I didn’t think Tom was coming back. And then I thought, I wouldn’t mind Tom catching a glimpse of Manny naked. He looks hot naked. How else do your friends really know if the boy you are rooting really does have the body of an underwear model.
We chuckled and rolled more joints.
And then superman-Phil called and cancelled.
Then mum called and said she was feeling down and could I go over and keep her company. Dinner? Afternoon tea? You don’t have to stay.
What could I say?
My head spun out of it’s doped-up decrepitude, but failed, and spun back. Oh yes. Okay. After noon tea!
Just for a little while, you don’t have to stay.

Good thing I can drive stoned. Now, if I had an alcohol habit I'd be stuffed.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Catching bouquets

Greetings from Amsterdam, Cri Cri,
This place is pretty amazing hey?
Loving the pot too which is nice...Way too many beautiful boys to look at, but I'm trying anyway... beautiful daisy today, about 20c, so everyone's cheerful for the first day of warm weather... Due to check out a couple of clubs tomorrow night, could be a bit full on though, the boys here are pretty wild... the guy we're staying with is really noice, he said he can line up some pills and whatnot for us, so that will be easier... he's sort of a tall greek version of (American) Geoff, and is quite funnny, I watched him put on his blusher this morning before leaving the house... darling... but he's very sweet just the same... Mark sends his love, going to meet a guy we hooked up with on gaydar tonight so that will be interesting... hmmmm, we'll see... Anywho... take care joo, and I'll talk to you soon, lots of love, M and L xx

I’ve got a week off. I could just spend the entire time stoned (and trawling gaydar) I’ve got enough dope. And you know what I’m like when I’m flush with dope. A frenzy of joint rolling can always be expected in the first two days, at least. Or until it runs out, whichever comes first.
Oh, I should be able to get the small bedroom done, surely?

But no work. He, he!

But two assignments? I’m never going to pass this subject, that’s my feeling right about now. Interest factor zero. There’s no writing in this subject.
At least Symbols has a little writing in it. As small and token, as it is.

I got turned on by the coffee shop boy again today. I think he has died his hair from blond to dark. He got flustered and gave me back what I should have been paying as change. He’s cute. The way he fills his jeans out always twitches in my groin. I could picture his big fat cock, as he got flustered and momentarily lost the plot over the change. Sexy boy.
He looked like he was post bong over. Gotta luv Fitzroy.

Morning Miss.
I tried to catch the bouquet last night, but was muscled out of the way by the very drunk Nigel, who caught it, then didn't want it... So he gave it to little Tara... Hmph...
At least I got some "action" photos of me catching the fucker!
Bed moving Miss?

I've never known a good Nigel!
Oh except for Nigel W, a solicitor at (company name), who had red hair, reddish, and was a lawyer. I did a training course with him, sat next to him. He was charming and witty and cheeky and had a killer smile and by the end of it I was practically sitting on his lap. Rutting.
But apart from him, none come to mind?

Not a one!

SMS. 13.28. Miss are you good? Home? Would you like to meet my friend Parlini? at Arcadia – Tom
SMS. 13.30 What time? What friend?
SMS 13.32 Drop in in an hour for five minutes – Tom

I thought I was getting taken out to lunch. Can imagine my chagrin when, after I deigned to have an audience, they’d already eaten and were just using me for a stop. Shall we say, a familiarisation for later in the night.
After they had gone, I kept up a steady stream of joints. First two days of my holiday, please don’t let me be saying that in a weeks time.

Tom returned. All the movies I had hired turned out to be duds. Tom went to see Phil 1.
Tom has Phil 1, or pre-Phil as he’s known and Phil 2, now known as superman Phil. Tom went to see pre-Phil.

I told Manny that I couldn’t drive over because I was too stoned. And that I couldn’t drive him home after, if he came over. He came by train. We had hot sex and then he had to leave again, catch the last train and all that. I felt kind of protective of him, as we parted in the dark in Smith Street, as he slung his little bag over his back and walked away.

I went to Safeway. I got all the things on my list, that were seeming impossible right up till the very moments I started to head toward the supermarket. Bon-voyage, my Manny.
For the rest of the night, I was passed out on the couch.

SMS. 20.46. Hey Puss u home 2morrow? Can I pop in 4 a recky & a cup o’ tea? – Aby

Friday, April 16, 2004

Wedding Bells

Mornin Miss
Here it is, Wedding Day in Wonga Park.
Wish me luck Doll, you never know how that crowd is going to turn out...
Hope your day is just lovely too!
And, it seems you only need to be a footy team captain to get off suspension these days!

Ugly! Wonga Park?
Actually, to tell you the truth, I don't even know where Wonga Park is.
You know, people sue for bodgie photos. Apparently, there are more photographers bashed at weddings than anyone else.
Make sure you get everyone behaving badly. I hope there's a punch up.
Funny if you met your next boyfriend.
Of course, I wish you luck.
I wish anyone luck who leaves the happy confines of the inner suburbs. My auto luck wisher is triggered whenever a loved one crosses. Bell, Dandenong, Church/Chapel, Footscray, street/roads.
Come back safe now, ya hear.

Would that be our blonde pin up boy who got off, or are you talking about the imminent appeal?

shane crawford miss

Yes, as I thought. He's innocent, I TELL YOU!
With my imminent week off, I think I should be contacting Shane about a little relaxation remedy. Do you know if the counter is still open?

I suspect he is Miss! I suspect he is!

the things we do to open wonka bars...
you might see me sooner than you think Miss ☺ although, perhaps not, when I come to think about it...
have a good arvo

You head out of Zone 1 and be it on your own head, missy!

SMS. 1600. Shane, Tom tells me u have wares to sell? As I am about to have a week off, I’m hoping this is still the case? – christian

oh my god poor perry... probably fell over in a drug haze he was bragging about all the e's he was going to take...
Amsterdam is great... it's just like a dolls village... it's really funny but i don't remember much about any of my previous times in london paris or here... it must be that it was so long ago... so it's all nice and new for me to... funny you should say that about Luke he just said that we should go and smoke a big spliff's really weird watching people sitting in the cafe's smoking joints...
we've been ripped off a few times... stupid aussies... once in paris on the train station... and then with the phone we bought... fucks me off cri cri... i'm really too trusting… gotta toughen up me thinks..
Say hi to the gorgeous Aby for us and give her a big squeeze...has she moved in yet... I bet your gonna have a great time with her she's such a doll…
could you give Jane a call for me and tell her that i'm thinking of her lots... i miss her and Jay... Paul Tonker rang before we left home and said that our tax was finished so he's still around... Jane will have his number …
Lukie says spliff time... i can smell it already... lots of love to you.... M and L

You never told me how the plane ride over was, with all of you.
Amsterdam is beautiful, all those canals at dusk. And little bridges and lane ways.
Aby cancelled on me, she had some previous date she'd forgotten about. Although, she did invite me along too, so I suppose cancelling isn't quite the right term.
I worked out the Tom problem and I'll call Jane.
I've taken next week off, to sand the floors. Wish me luck.
Anyway, I'm off to Shane's to get pot. Ever since he sms'd, Red has been clawing at my chair and then he sat in front of my A-drive as if to stop me until I'd been out to collect.
love christian
PS Stop getting ripped off, you nongs

SMS. 18.38, Yes call me to arrange – Shane

The moment after Shane called, Red was stretching up and sharpening his claws on my desk chair. And then a moment later, he was sitting in front of my A-drive, as if to bar any future work. Once a pot cat, always a pot cat.

I had chicken and rice with Shane and Mark W. And then I scurried home.

I hired Adaptation, which was okay. It was clever how it wound the three stories together. But then it turned into a regular Hollywood action adventure. What’s so amazing?
I hired Intimacy, but by the time I got to the second movie, I had consumer a healthy collection of joints.

Aby stood me up for some folk singer and two friends from New Zealand. She said she might come afterwards, but I don’t think she has got me worked out enough. I think when I said, Well, if not to night, I’ll be home all over the weekend. Maybe, she took that to mean not tonight. Hence the movies.

Manny called about midnight, to ask me over for sex. I was honesty too stoned, I was seeing triple, as I looked at the television screen in the dark.

Tom called around midnight, but I couldn’t find my phone. How many joints and in darkness, the was not a light on in the house when the phone ringing crashed my world, bringing reality spinning back in.

SMS. 00.00. I’m smoking dope and watching adaptation – christian
SMS. 12.15. Yay for you – Tom

Thursday, April 15, 2004

You won't find the gloden ticket by only opening 2 wonka bars :)

Hey Christian,
Hope this finds you well, on such an unseasonably warm morning! I've got the air-con on!
Ahhh, Twif has been clouding my week off nicely, at least I think it's nice, perhaps I'm not sure but the monkey is being stroked, so that's ok at least.
I've had my free flu shot, my free roid shot, set up a continuation of those roids seeing as "I'm getting such slow yet substantial gains", and I'm having my free pneumonia shot next week.
Tis Wedding Day tomorrow, I'm re-instated in my role as official photographer and am looking forward to getting drunk at the wedding. Tipsy, anyway.
I have a date with pre-phil to watch the footy on Saturday night, Adelaide vs St Kilda in Adelaide, should be a great game, and then perhaps a quick trip to the market before home.
Then on Sunday afternoon I am seeing Superman Phil.
Lovely :)
You won't fidn the gloden ticket by only opening 2 wonka bars :)
And you Miss, busy day all in the past?

Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars.
All my dates for the last three days have been with girls – read Wed, Thu & Fri.
Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars.
All though you know who wanted me to visit last night.
Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars.
I actually made a very tentative date for last night, which I didn't keep – with a beautiful weena, what's more!
Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars.
There is still the lovely James T.
Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars. Check them wonka bars.

Mum was talking about her pin-up boy tonight and how unfairly he's been treated in the last week. She thinks it's terrible.
Apparently, it's James Hird.

he deserves what he gets!
and more!

M and L
I went out last night and had dinner with Kim in Gertrude Street. It's been hot here, Tom says an Indian summer, but he is such a one when it comes to the weather. Although, Kim and I did sit out in the glorious evening air until late.
I went to mum's tonight and ate stew and lemon cake, but I was tired so it was a quick yawn and off home.
I'm going to the movies with Aby tomorrow night, maybe to see the documentary about Aileen what's her name, the Monster serial killer.
How are you enjoying Amsterdam? I guess Luke will be pretty much incomprehensible around about now, hey? He, he.
Perry text Tom to say his arm is in a sling because he's broken his hand, but that's all I know. Or it could be Wesley, the text wasn't very clear, but Tom thinks it's Perry.
Anyway, I'm off to bed...

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Croisants Chocolata et Raisin... Paris

11.11. I wonder what you are doing? - christian

SMS. 12.34. Hey you, I’m quite fond of goldfish, r u free 2morrow eve? Otherwise Friday is good – Aby

Morning. We have just had breakfast of croisants chocolata et raisin and a huge bowl of coffee me tea and are looking out over the place Monge where there is a little market happening... we will be attending quite soon I expect... nice to know that your thinking of us as we are of you... there are Many moments of "cri cri would love this or that". It’s great watching his face... better get into the day... Mark


hi cri cri had a lovely day in paris... wery wery weawy now though... got lots of nice pics to show ya;;; the eifel tower twinkles now... mmmmmm very noice;;; off to amsterdam tomorrow;;; happy 11.11 Bye M and L

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

That naughty Tom, I said

Hope you have a productive day Miss ☺

A bit blank... just managing to get my head around things... er?
(foggy, foggy, foggy)

Fancy that!

Just being interrogated as to my whereabouts yesterday, by the lovely Manny.
Feeling better, though.

That naughty Tom, I said.
Blame him (you) will you. (laugh) You can't blame yourself, can you?

yes and i bet u blamed me again with Manny :)
glad you're clearing up :)

Hi cri cri we are in gay paris... it's really noice here... we just got ourselves a mobile phone. The number is 0033 6 03 90 xx xx we hav't worked the fucker out yet it's a bit complicated but we will soon I expec;;; it’s weird on this key board all the keys are in the wrong place why oh why do they do shit like thqt;;; just trying to fuck with our poor little travel weary brains I DONT LOIKE IT;;; lots of love and kisses dear cri;;; talk soon;
when we got here yesterday we walked down to notredame and the late afternoon sun was spotlighting the church and all the blossom tress along the seine;;; how beautiful it was;;; i took a piccy so you can see;;; mark

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Always duty before pleasure

SMS. 7.27. Hey Christian, good morning! Just in ur area and wondering if u want me 2 satisfy ur dick until u blow ur load! I won’t stay longer than u want, cause I gotta go – Jamie ☺
SMS. 8.25. Hey Jamie, I just woke up. Sure, come over – christian
SMS. 9.17. Hey Christian, can u give me about an hour cause I’ve run into a mate and we’re doing the coffee thing. Are u ok with that. Be great to cu. This is my new # - Jamie 040x41xxxx

OMG! I got distracted. Oh, so easily. I’ve got things to do. I have to go to mums. Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum? Jamie, mum?
Bloody Hell! Grrrrrrrr! Do you believe it? Bugger! Bugger, I say. I so want to bugger his hot arse.

SMS. 9.35. Of all things, I have to be at my mum’s in a few hours for lunch, that’s the only thing – christian
SMS. 9.40. Another time, hey – christian

Hey christian
went over to that boy's in mentone last night – ended up chatting and laughing and watching abfab vids...
Was good fun BUT i wanted a root! is him – very very cute in the flesh! says he wants to "get to know me better." Humph! i just wanted to see his dick!
anyways mum's b'day today – hope u have a good one too!
love ya

So did you check out muscleboyxx? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I reckon he's your type.

yes he is very much my type!
including the slightly nasty lookin mug on him :)

Get to know. Get to know. Get to know. Oh yes, all very lovely. But isn't a root all a part of getting to know someone. Catholic, obviously.
Having said that, I reckon I know him from somewhere. What's his name?

Danny is his name, grew up in Frankston

That Manny, he is full of surprises. He tested positive to herpes type 1 virus, asymptomatic, of course. His doctor says that probably most of us have got it, being the sluts that we are.
Poor babe has had diarrhoea for two days worrying about telling me.
What do you know about it?
Can I catch it from him?
Do I, as the good doctor says, already have it? Am a symptomatic etc.

Yes u already have it.
Herpes I is the cold sore virus.
You can't catch what u've already got – and it's only contagious if/when he has an outbreak

Thanks doll, that's what I thought. It's nice to have it confirmed by Nurse Grace, though. He, he, he!

I went to mums at 11am. Not so early again. I got half way over there and my chain started to slip on my bike. Very annoying, especially when you have to put pressure on the pedals. I decided that I couldn’t put up with it for the rest of the journey and then the trip back, so I turned around and took the bike to the bike shop to be fixed.

I came home and had a shower and mum said to me she’d give me money for the tram.
I have a car, remember.
Oh of course you do, she said.
Well maybe you want a day at home.
No, I said. I was still trying to think of a way of combining exercise and getting to her place.
Well, drive over she said. I’ve made a quiche.
So I drove. No return trip by bike to burn off the pumpkin muffins or the chocolate royals, unfortunately.

Manny called at 3pm to give me the okay about the herpes. He’d spoken to his doctor and I can’t catch it from him. Besides, I thought, I already have it anyway. Cold sores, remember. I said to him I was just going to have a sleep. I slept until 6pm.

I do know him, lycra boy comes to mind. Now, where in the dim dark recesses of my mind do I know Danny the lycra boy?
Mmm, I'll have to give that one some thought.
Vaguely know him, that is. Somewhere, briefly, fleetingly. Wherever it was, he was know for his good body and, as much as I hate to add, pretentiousness.
Of course, you don't have to repeat any of this to him. Wherever it was, it was a long time ago. He is probably a different person now, as we all are, hey?

I hired DVD’s, Falling Down, Far from Heaven and The Hours and bought sushi on my way to Manny’. We lay on the couch and watch Far from Heaven. Manny fell asleep with his arms around me and I watched the movie. It was nice. It felt nice with him cuddled up to me, his breath in my ear, him feeling safe enough to be there in sleep, no demands to do anything else. I miss that. But I want the complete package. I want it all.
I got home at midnight.

hi cri cri were here and safe will write later this comp is crap
Mark and Luke

Just as I finished my email to M and L, they sent me one. I’m hoping that Mark was still on-line to read mine, but I suppose not. Missed by “that” much, I would reckon.

Hi again chri chri... got my glasses this time... the keys were all worn and i couldn't read them proper... just went for a tour on a d/d/bus but it was a bit shilly and shoo didn't have his jackquay... the weather was great yesterday so we went for a walk through st james park… lots of dafs and blossom... and squirrels squirelling about very cute... London is absolutely packed because of easter... I’ve never seen so many people in my life...shoo is just dumbstruck as am I... got some good pickies from the top of the bus but we'll have to finish it tomorrow… hopefully it will be a tad warmer... gotta go and get ready to go to the opera now; llllaaaaaaahhh, the magic flute.oooowwwww it should be good... big hugs to you cri cri...
Lukie says hi... talk soon... mark

I'm glad you got there safely and that none of those nasty terrorists... well, you know.
I've been to the movies and saw Monster. Hmm, okay. She annoyed me a bit, I thought she tried a bit too hard, but had some good moments. It inspired me to look at my own script so it must have been pretty good none the less, hey.
When to mum's for two days for lunch, puts a smile on her face. My bike buggered up so it's now in the shop. Saw Jeff on my way back from the bike shop, painting windows. He said he was grumpy and on a roll, so I left him to it. But, I didn't want any more than to say hello, anyway. I'll go to Raymond's birthday tomorrow.
Aby called and wants to come over for a new house recky, but I haven't called her back yet. Bad Christian!
I watched Far from Heaven tonight on DVD. It was beautifully shot, gorgeous cinematography, but I'm sure there is an actual 50's movie it is (loosely) based on, where a middle class housewife tackles racism by going and working with poor blacks. Without the poofterisim though, natch.
It's now midnight and I'm going to settle down with The Hours. See if stiff old, wooden old Nic can prove to me why she won the academy award. She'll be going to pull that off, let me tell you.
Have fun. Say hello to London for me. I wish I was there to see the look on Luke's face as he sees it all for the first time.
Oh yes, I was reading about the church of oh, something, something Antiqua in Rome that was buried under rubble for 1100 years and has been restored for the last 24 years and it has just been opened now. It is one of the finest examples of medieval churches in the world. You must go and see it when you go to Rome. I'll try and find out the correct name. It has 5000 year old frescos, or some such thing.
love christian

Friday, April 09, 2004

Airports... and missing them already

I stood in the front yard on my own, at 7.20 and watched for blinking lights above the sky out over Tullamarine and wished them goodbye and wished them safe journey back to me – in the faded light, as the stars blinked at me in the milk-grey sky.
I thought I could see your aeroplane, with your faces pushed up against the window, flying away.
Bye, I said quietly to myself and I blew you kisses. One, two, three.

I rode to mum’s for brunch. I left a bit late, got caught up on emails and internet things, as you do.
I came home and read the paper and fell asleep on the couch.
I took myself off to see Monster at the Nova at 5pm.

Hey Christian,
How was Friday? "Good" I hope?
I was bored and lonely at yr home today, and my teeth were furry, so I went home.
I guess you were at your Mum's.
I've tried calling you but you aren’t there and your phone is off.
Hope you're okay!

SMS. 19.43. You okay Christian? – Tom
SMS. 20.00. Hey dude, what r u up to? – Jamie.

What to do, hey? The lovely Jamie. You know, he could make good boyfriend material or at least good mate stuff, inspiring kind of company. I don’t know but, I’d have to tell Manny if I fooled around with Jamie, so at the moment I’m not going to.
Probably silly, as Jamie’s a nice guy.

I worked on Blackberries a bit, but it’s crap. Maybe I should cut the first act completely. I reckon I should. Make the beginning the second act.

Manny called and told me that he is a carrier of type 1 herpes virus. I don’t know what I think about that.

It’s 22.45, the day has just slipped away. I’m going to bed.

Mark and Luke should be landing in London about now.

I didn't tell you that I saw Kim at the airport, he dropped Perry and Wesley and Jessica (Yes, Jessica, that's right) off. He's the same nervous little pixie. When Mark asked him if he was coming in for a coffee, he said, You've got to be joking! It seemed as though he couldn't get away quick enough. He got in his car and drove away as soon as he could.
I noticed that the back panel of his car was all crunched, as he drove off, just by the way. Something's never change, hey?

Ahhh Kim...
Would that he would never change again...

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Holly Thursday

Hey Christian.
Hope this crisp Autumn morning finds you just dandy!
Keith and I are travelling down to the Laird leather night tonight, I'm picking him up from his work in the city around midnight. Then we're going to the Peel, I suppose I'll be ever so lightly twitchy.
Are you interested in coming along Miss? I could pick you up on the way through.

I might be interested, but I have a lot to do between now and then. Too much to think about now.
Gotta drive to Bolago, drive Mark and Luke to the airport and then go to my mum's for dinner.
You know, it suddenly hit me that I'm going to miss them lots. Funny how things creep up on you when you least expect it.
I managed to go jogging last night. And somehow I've promised my mum breakfast ever morning over Easter. My mum used to be such an independent lassie once, but now I hear the loneliness in her voice so clearly, it fair breaks my heart sometimes, to hear that change. I decided that I'm going to go bike riding every day over the long weekend and when I said to mum that it isn't that much further out of my way, just a slight detour on a secondary bike track, to visit her, I could hear the sense of relief in her, from what was shaping up to be four lonely days not seeing anyone.
Call me about the pub when you are on your way and I'll see if I feel like it.

Hey Chriso,
I suppose the boys are really excited today!!
Do you want to catch up tonight (me after work) for a bite? No worries if you are busy – we'll do it another time.

I'd love to catch up, but I go to my mum's on Thursday night for dinner.
I think they are excited. I spoke to them late and they were just starting to pack. Luke said he had to get a bigger suitcase.
I've got to be at Bolago at 4pm to get them to the airport by 5pm.
We'll catch up soon

No probs. I just phoned and spoke to Mark and they are very excited!!!!
You have a great Easter – see you next week.

SMS 9.52. So many hot wog boys at uni. You would be like a pig in shit – Tom
SMS 9.58. Leg tackle one and bring him home for me, will ya! – christian

Ok Miss you got it!

I'm off for Easter now. Off to pick up, who I assume are, very excited boys.
Wish me luck.
I should be home after mums about 10pm.

Good luck!!!!
Give em my love!!!!
Will call on the way through, when leaving Keiths work

I hugged Mark and Luke goodbye, I said I wished I was coming and they said they wished that too. I held one in each arm and just felt how it felt, I wouldn’t see them for 8 weeks. I held a last glimpse and I left them at airport, as they disappeared back in through the doors, at 5.40pm.

Not a good time to leave, I thought. And all the way to Toorak Road. Wish me luck.

Patti sang with a sad sax and I found myself crying like a baby, as I travelled away from them down the sweeping curves of the freeway, marvelling – if that’s the right word – at the bumper to bumper lanes on the other side of the concrete divide, as a cacophony of cars battled for spaces all around me. The sun was setting as I slid across the Bolte Bridge, with the dying golden rays reflected in the huge glass panels of the city skyscape.

I stood in the front yard on my own, at 7.20 and watched for blinking lights above the sky out over Tullamarine and wished them goodbye and wished them safe journey back to me – in the faded light, as the stars blinked at me in the milk-grey sky.

I came home and farted about a bit. Tom called to see if I wanted to go to the Laird with him and Keith, but I didn’t feel like it. He could sense that I was feeling a little sad around the edges.

He was coming home here to stay for the night.

I got up at 6am for a piss and Tom still wasn’t home.

Apparently, he went to the Laird and Shane and Mark W. were there, crystalled off their cha chas, with some friend from Sydney named Laurence. Shane tried to sell Tom some dope, apparently to fund their crystal binge. Apparently, their dope plant came into harvest. Tom took Laurence instead and entertained him at 80 until daybreak, instead.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

One stumble does not end the journey

Hope you have a great one Christian...
"No smoking"

No smoking thus far.
Didn't even smoke in front of M and L last night, although I did feel somewhat deceitful about that. Never the less, I didn't even want one, so it's all negated anyways.
You have a lovely day too.

Yay for you!
One stumble does not end the journey!
Looking at doing my placement for social work at Vic AIDS council...

I've had two, thus far.

I'll be writing over Easter, you can be assured of that, even if it kills me, which at the moment, it feels like it will. Blood from a stone, mate. Blood from a stone. But I've organised for dinner with me best writing mate Kym, next Wednesday and I have promised her stories, so now I gotta produce them. It's funny how my modes operandi is to promise things so as to force myself to produce. It's something I've realised lately that I do, to stop my natural laziness.

I'm bike riding over the chocolate festival instead of eggs. Four mornings of peddly-treddly around the bike tracks, over to my mum's for breakky and then back home. It did so lighten her sorry tone when I suggested it. Me poor old mum, she used to be such an independent lassie and now the neediness in her voice is palpable. It does fair break my heart, sometimes.
And now that I have said I will, I supposed I have got too. But it's a good thing, kind of locking me in, so as not to let my natural procrastinating, hermit-like propensity get the better of me.

I've got to shed these extra pesky kilos, forthwith. I was so slim and gorgeous – not in a egotistical way, you understand – when I was in Sydney last year, eating just food with dirt still stuck to it and jogging three times a week. But how does one replace the harbour for inspiration in ye olde worldie Melbourne, I ask you?
Four mornings in a row on the bike is going to test me sweet little arse, the legs usually manage okay. I’ll be shrieking like a girl that fourth morning the seat goes up my crack.

I just can't kick this wretched smoking habit. I'd quit for 10 days, count them, one two... and so on and so forth and I all I could feel was a constant gnawing at me guts, as it expanded by a few kilos to fill my pants. (And not in a good way, let me tell you) And me myself have been building up to pounding the footpath because of it. I used to love jogging, nothing quite beats that both-feet-off-the-ground feeling of freedom that it gives you. Skimming along in mid air, wind in your hair, stroke, stroke, stroke. Nothing can beat me now! Ha, ha! I am the king of the world! Although, I haven't done it yet, you understand.
That is not exactly true, actually. I did jog last weekend up at Bolago, first time for in a year and I felt 102 years old as I pant, panted along. But the gum trees were beautiful and only one recalcitrant Wallaby snickered.

M and L fly in to Hamburg this weekend, then Berlin, Amsterdam, London, Eurostar to Paris then it's off to God's own country and the remaining weeks in Italy.
It's funny that I feel somewhat free to do as I please with them out of the country, which makes no sense at all, I'll grant you, all at the same time feeling as though I'll miss them terribly, but there you go.
Time just for me... I don't mean that in a nasty desperate sense at all, just a whimsical thought, me here all alone in this big country without them. Does that make any sense?

I do have a half Italian/half Australia, cute as a button, boy who is just begging to be stooped vigorously. Jamie T. I've never known a bad Jamie, panting around the edges. But Manny now says that he'd be upset if I roved, despite him having a rather odd relationship happening concurrently with Glen.

So I shan't be visiting with Jamie of the delectable arse... well, I don't think I will. Or the 20 year old Lebo boy, who goes by the handle of Wog Nuts on the internet, who also wants to come and visit. Maybe late one night, when nobody could possibly know. Is that bad?
Actually, I still feel quite loyal to Manny, so probably I wont. Although, it is tempting. Wog Nuts, or Johnny as he's really called (And I've never known a bad Johnny) also has those favourite words in his profile, large and uncut. Slobber, pant!

But as Manny is now panting for it, perhaps I should be off. It always falls upon me to get us together for conjugal visits.
First, I should put my all good thoughts into action and go jogging for an hour. Sometimes I've just got to clear my head and move forward without another thought creeping in to stop me. Blind action, I think that's what I'm going to call it.

Tom was on Gaydar, yet again, so I sent him this message.
“Get off here miss and write something, for goodness sake.”
And then I got off, hit and run, so to speak.
I went to Manny’s
When I got back Tom had left me this message, in return.
“I’ve already written and sent my placement proposal to VAC thanks very much for your concern missy! Why don’t you follow your own advice!! “
So I sent him this message in return.
“A little snippy, what? If you noticed, I did follow my own advice.”
I’ve just spoken to Luke, he’s packing for tomorrow.
Now I’m going to iron a shirt and go to bed.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Manny's got a cold and I feel fat and spotty and off-kilter

Morning Miss,
How are you this lovely day?
Hope yr enjoying that salad!
Any plans for Easter at this stage?

The salad? Bugger! I looked at it a few times last night and thought I should eat it.
But I got so depressed last night. I remember that was what happened at the two week mark last time I gave up smoking. Last night, I felt fat and spotty and off-kilter, as I have since I stopped smoking... I just want to feel normal again. Of course, I met up with twif at the wedding after party, Sunday night, as I gazed into Stevens eyes... and it's sad to say, but true, I went to the shop and bought some cigarettes and after four I felt normal again, as I watched Q.A.F.
I don't suppose you watched, This is your Life sports heroes special? And happened to see Lou Richard's mother. That cheered me up and gave me a good laugh – I tried to write an email to Jon, since the demanding little minx demanded one, but my thought processes are shattered at the moment, so I watched teev instead.
Over Easter, I'm going to lock myself away and start and complete, I wish, get hugely through my two major assignments. And I'm going to write my short stories and I'm gonna "do" the Greek boy.
No chocolate, though!

Let me know if there's bed moving action happening
see ya

No, that's the week after Easter. Actually, the week after that. 19/04 to 23/04

My boy Manny has a bad snuffed up nose. Sniff, sniff, sniff, he went as I talked to him last night.
He says he has never had the flu before in his life. How's that?

He’s got a Greek memory remember

Well, hello
He came and had lunch with me. Well, I ate, he watched.

the poor love...
cant be that sick tho, if he can come into town...
email for u at home
Tom ☺

In his jumbo cords.
Big smile

That bed shifting weekend then is the weekend after the next one? My sister is getting married on the Friday, but I could help on the Saturday...
Did you have a good day?
I did. Did another of those videotaped counselling sessions my social work dept seems to love so much, and also learned all about the 70 day placements we are to do next semester.
I hope I get a good one!

I have been busy, although doing what, I cannot say. Every time I look around it's fucking Friday. Zip, whoosh, splat. And the weekend is nothing but a grinch on the ye olde time line. Sat, Sun, what? (Head spin) (And green vomit) (No, never green vomit)
I'm good.
The cats going senile though.
I think I am too.
He's having trouble with constipation. That's the cat and not me. On his last legs, poor babe. But he could be pushing 20, so it's to be expected.
Just by the way...

Big smile... she'll be right, mate!
Big smile, a suntan as wide as the beach is long. Toothy grin, laid back to Freemantle. The wind, the sun, the blue, blue skies and a multi cultural cauldron of ethnic beforeskined cockney'd'esque slang to lean on and hold as dear as mother's childhood sandwiches.
Have a pot, mate. Don't you worry about that. A chance meeting of eyes across the bar. A saunter, a smile and a come hither look. Raised eyebrows, a wink a nod and... G'day.

I've given up smoking, how am I feeling, ER! AHHHHHHH! Whimper, whimper. WHEN WILL THIS FEELING EVER STOP? – just fine, doll. Never better. I've locked myself away for the weekend, to keep myself away from smokers and sweeties, chocolates and cakes, etc. I reckon if I get through this first bit without too much food substitution, I should be able to get back to feeling my old self and back to my normal diet, quick as. Snippety snap.
I don't want to turn into a boombah, otherwise I'll start again.
And I can feel it in my chest now a days, it's killing me and I need to stop before it actually does. Five people die each day in Victoria from lung cancer. And lets face it, I've already given it a huge fucking nudge thus far. It's time for what I put in my body to equal the purity of my thoughts. (Oh, ah, I'm a gonna if I settle for that bench mark) Fresh as mountain spring water, just the pure droplets of fresh dew entering my mouth, we'll worry about the thoughts later.

Living alone is grand, although I've got constant mortgage worries. I don't know, I should just shut up and get a few people in. But, I like living on my own. But having said that, I have a new flatty moving in in a few weeks. A girl named Aby, who is studying at the VCA, movie making. She wants me and her to collaborate on a film. I write the blessed thing and she sets about making it. But, I'm having a non-believing in myself, writing wise, it's all useless, you never get any where, it's just an illusion, buggery bugger, get back to work and stick at yer real job, ya whacker. Nothing will ever come of this.
Actually, Mark and Luke just called and I'm off out to dinner. So, I'll get back to you. No, none of that language. I'll be back soon. I WILL finish it.
Some time later.... we ate Chinese, out with very successful friends. So easy for some, hey. I wish it was easy. Whatever my easy is?

I'm feeling a bit in a rut-like. I don't know. But, I suppose having creative people, er, person around can't hurt, hey?
I keep jumping from one thing to another and none of my writing seems to be amounting to much. I must have a descending moon, or something, at the moment. Why would this story be told? Who would I be telling it to? Original buggery voice. Oh, I don't know. Another cigarette, perhaps?

But my good writing buddy Kym and I had a chat about it and I've decided to go back to basics and write a few short stories and enter a few competitions.
Well, that's the theory anyway.
So there you go. It all seems hard.

Manny wanted me to go around tonight to do dirty things to him, he had his sexy voice on when he called, but I said no siree Bob, not with your excess mucus. I know enough not to get a boy with a cold going down on my cock. Oo, a spittoon, for sure. But other than that, he's good. Still a sexy boy. I feel such a physical connection with him, even if I don't feel a mental one. But is that just wanting the perfect boy. Do we ever get that? Or is that just pie in the sky stuff? I don't know. Do we ever get the whole package, or is that just what happens in movies?

Mark and Luke leave for London/Amsterdam/Paris/Rome on Thursday and being the good er... whatever I am, I'm driving them to the airport. People have questioned me about why I'm not going and really, I can't afford it. Don't know why I'm perpetually broke all the time, but I am. They'll be gone for eight weeks, so I'm planning to get myself in to some sort of routine during that time. I'm going to go jogging and ride my bike on the weekends and stop smoking and be fit and gorgeous. I'm going to get some writing done and... go out and have fun.

I haven't seen G at all. He's been doing real-estate things and changing jobs and I've been kind of avoiding him because of my non-dope smoking thing. But I must go and see him over Easter, if he's about. Get him to pull his fat cock out of them bitches long enough.

I'm going to take a week off after Easter to sand and polish my floors. Finally. I figured now is the time, now that I'm here alone. I can easily move every thing off the second floor... and it can't be that hard, surely. I kind of feel a little defeated before I start, if I think too much about it. But its just a matter of hiring a sander and whipping over them old boards with it and then slopping some sealer type stuff. How hard can it be? I'm good at those kinds of things when I get going. Me old dad taught me lots of that stuff, which kind of surprise people...but really, I'm talking about queens with screw drivers, so I'm way above that bench mark.

I retrieved my Aretha Franklin box set from Bolago, so musically I'm sorted.

I might even get some pot for Easter, instead of chocolate eggs. Of course, my dealer has packed it in, which could be a little awkward, but if I can't find a dope dealer in Fitzroy, there must be something wrong.

I better get me self to the iron, in readiness for the salt mines tomorrow. Iron shirt, wash shirt. Smile at them worker ants as I scurry to the working burrow, with them. It's sad to think that they all take it so seriously, think they are actually doing something important. Funny the old working week, when you think about it. Think of all that beauty that we all miss in the pursuit of earning a buck. But those young lawyers in suits, now there's some beauty.
Smiling all the way...

And the friends who got married on Sunday. I hear it was fun and games after I left. Unbelievable. Apparently, Rob completely lost it at Loli. He was really drunk and asked Loli for an annulment. It was really bad, say all those who were still there.
Wogs are nothing if not dramatic.
And they sorted it out.

Monday, April 05, 2004


I was on the train to southern Tasmania. It was the Creutzfeldt-Jacob Express. It was maroon with a huge emblem in white outline on the side of the engine. I was travelling with a blonde guy, i think he was my boyfriend, certainly mate. I'm not sure. We went back into the carriage and collected all the stuff left behind. I had a black hat, he had a light coloured one. I had a black leather jacket, he had a maroon one.

It was lush and green all around the station. There was a gentle ease in the air as we sauntered up the country station platform, with our bags slung over our shoulders. He chewed an ear of corn, I chattered about what we were going to see as we sight-seed
I want to feel normal again. I can't concentrate. I can't decided on one thing. Everything is a sea. I can't even get an email written. It's all blotchy staring at the screen. (See above.)
I'm going to the shop to get cigarettes.
Oh bugger! I'm all a twitter.
I smoked pot last night, I reckon that's the cause of this present nicotine urge. I went to a friends wedding. We went back to the bride and grooms place afterwards. They took drugs and I left - had to go to work - and it all ended in tears, but that's another story.
I'm getting fat again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to continue to sleep my lovely restful, light sleep.
I'm feeling depressed... and if I remember rightly, that's what happen at the 2 week mark last time I gave up. Feeling blur, emotionally. I've got a body rash, apparently I ate something I was allergic to. Although, I questioned the doctor, as I've never been allergic to anything. Red spots all over my (beautiful) white skin. Or it could be syphilis. I DON'T think so. And I've gained a few kilos, despite being very careful with my diet. Bugger. Fat and white and spotty?
and ........................................................... (just been to the shops) big inhale!
One cigarette – okay two – and I feel normal again. It's just not fair.