Any port in the storm

Its new shoots are purple, before they turn green.

 

Waiting in line for pork rolls

 This seed pod was beautiful. We can't beat nature on beauty

Ah James

I peeled a banana today, it was just a little green just at the tip and so it was pretty firm, and solid. I held it in my hand and just instantly thought, that is so James. It was something about the thickness. Is that weird?

Funny the things you think, hey.

Lovely James. He is one of the ones I consider who got away. He was handsome and caring with a big smile. We used to meet up at a sex club and we’d spend the whole time there together, just he and I. 

At the time, I didn’t want more, I think I had just split up with Mark. We used to walk out together into the night and say good bye at the corner and each head in our different directions.

Food

The last three times I have been to the bakery there has been a fat chick there with a never ending order of food

“I’ll have 3 muffins, a slice of rhubarb pie, 4 brownies, a biscotti, 4 hot cross buns, a piece of chocolate cake, oh, one of those fruit loaves, three French hens and a partridge, and a pear tree, and…” the fat chick turns to me and says, “Oh sorry, I don’t come over this way very often.” I could almost see the crumbs falling from her lips, and in the middle of all that the lady behind the counter asks me if it is only bread that I want? And, of course, I still can’t recognise the loaf I want and the person serving has to look at the bread to tell me which one I want, at which point I say, “I don’t mind waiting. I can wait.” And I don’t mind waiting, for our jellyroll-baby to conclude her wish list, er, bakery order. And, of course, fat chicks, like grandmas, when it comes to food, are very generous and they invariably say, “Oh no, you go ahead if you only want bread,” with a Sale of the Century hand gesture, (and a perplexed look at me wanting so little food) so the shop assistant gets distracted by my order and by telling me which loaf is the Spelt loaf and if they don’t have a Spelt loaf she has to go through what they do have and the whole thing gets somewhat derailed, when I could have waited until the never ending bucket list came to its natural conclusion.

And, let’s face it, who isn’t a fat chick in our modern western society, I think, as I suck in my stomach.

Lazy

I lay on the couch for the last three days watching YouTube, and it was glorious. I took to the big couch and stretched out and it was really relaxing. So relaxing. Like lying on goose. Just lovely, to tell you the truth. It was a lovely few days.

But, it sure does make you lazy. I so didn't want to do anything.

And when I got up to do things, you know, when I kind of had to, things hurt, my hip, my chest, my feet. I had no energy. I felt so unmotivated even the simplest task was a chore.

Who knew sloth was debilitating?

Walking back from the shops

Buddy

I'm sitting on my lounge room floor at my coffee table, Buddy is sitting next to me. He keeps putting his paw up on the table top wanting me to scratch it. He likes me to hold his paw and scratch his leg with my nails. 

"Bud, I'm not getting anywhere with your constant demands for leg scratches."

He doesn't care.

He even gets a smiley face as my nails scratch his fur. Bulldog's have very expressive faces. (Maybe, I am biased, who knows?)

“Bud, I’m trying to catch up my blog, I haven’t written it for weeks.”

Tap, tap, tap goes the paw on the coffee table.

Sheesh!

“Bud, I’ve got to catch up a couple of weeks of writing.”

Tap, tap, tap goes the paw on the coffee table again.

Fierce Gay Ally

If I was going to choose a gay ally, I reckon it would be Wanda Sykes, she is fierce.

I'm not talking a squad of Storm Trouper Wanda Sykes, although... but if you ever needed a best buddy guarding your back... 

Nathan Lane

Nathan Lane is an out and a proud gay man, but the story of his mother’s reaction when he told her about his sexual orientation at the age of 21 is not known to many. 

After he had told his mother that he is gay she replied, “I would rather want you to be dead.” 

Lane replied by writing, “I knew you’d understand.” 

I couldn't help but laugh, oh that gay humour. But really, what a remark from his mother.

Doing the maths, it would have been 1977, still, lovely for a mother to wish her son dead at any age.

Queer

 

Don’t Mention The War

I haven’t mentioned the war. What awful short men will do to prove they don’t have the tiny penis that they clearly do have.

Did you know Putin is short?

Why is it that so many countries have idiots leading them? Liars and cheats, so many of them. And so many of them are willing to do to their own people whatever it takes to hold on to power.

What’s Boris done to Great Britain? What’s Pooh Bear done to the Chinese? What is going to happen to Taiwan? What’s ScuMo’s lies doing to Australia? What the hell will the bloated orange idiot do to the US if ever he regains power? What is Putin doing to his own people? What’s Bolsonaro done to Brazil? What is Duterte doing to his people?

Ukraine was a prosperous, happy country.

It’s heart breaking.

And, you know, as I watch on, I can’t help but wonder if climate change wiping us all out isn’t such a bad thing. 

You know, nearly every other animal on this planet knows not to shit in its own nest?

Seriously, the human race has learnt nothing. The inhumanity we show to each other. The self interest. The corruption. The hatred. The fighting. Half the world is bloated, half the world is starving.

It is all a bit much.

Vanishing Point

I have always been a car nut. I have always known a lot about cars, but Australian and European and Asian cars, never American.

With the aid of YouTube car renovation channels and time at home during the pandemic on my computer, I have greatly improved my knowledge of American cars.

There are some great American cars.

So, I ordered the film Vanishing Point off eBay, in which a guy has to deliver white 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T 440 Magnum across America. It is apparently, quite a cult film not in small part due to the car.

It plays into two of my passions, old movies and cars. I can’t wait to see it.

Preston Market

We went shopping at the Preston Market. It seemed like forever since we have shopped there. I love the market. I’m not even sure it is that much cheaper than normal shops. It is the ambience, the hustle and the bustle, the people that make it special.

Sam heads over to the dumpling shop and orders lunch while I park the car in the car park. You just have to pick your lane and prop and someone always leaves with in 5minutes, maybe slightly longer.

I was waiting when a couple in a Grand Jeep Cherokee approaching from the other direction, coming the wrong way down the laneway, against the arrows, stop just ahead of me, seemingly just for a chat, effectively blocking the traffic, so nobody behind me could pass.

I’m pretty sure she stopped because she was a little woman trying manoeuvre a big car. (That’s not supposed to be sexist, it is meant to be a comment on the stupidity of driving huge 4WDs)

Then she moved forward wound down her window and said, “You might need to move as you are blocking the traffic.” Her male companion mimicked her remark.

A couple of entitled things, I thought.

I was bemused by her. I wanted to say, You are coming the wrong way down this parking lane, completely oblivious, if you can’t manage such a big car, get a smaller one, but I said nothing. I moved forward a bit, and she and her male companion drove off.

A woman appeared and said, “I’m going.” And I’d waited maybe 5 minutes at the most.

Sam does the shopping, I’m the bag carrier.

Someone was playing the old piano which is always a treat.

I Had To Work

Monday being a public holiday meant I had to work today. Oh, you know, I have deadlines and all that shit. It’s hard only working 3 days per week. Ha ha, do you like that?

Still, it means I get paid an extra day.

Time to start salary sacrificing my salary into superannuation in preparation for the end of the tax year fest.

I guess I’d better make a few donations too.

Too early you say? It is nearly April, blink and it will be July.

I swear the years are accelerating.

Being an accountant helps. Oh Jesus, did I say that out loud. I meant rock star, clown in a circus, astronaut, contortionist, exotic dancer, a painter, a poet a candle stick maker. Baker. World traveller. Racing car driver.

The Sky is Royal Blue

To the blue blue sky and back

Cool Old Toyota

You don't see many of these any more

A really handsome boy, named Craig C, with whom I went to school, and I always wanted desperately wanted to touch each other, but we never quite got over the line with our hands, his father has a yellow ochre one of these Toyota Crowns.

David Checks In

8am. David called from the Vibe Hotel in Sydney to tell me how he’d managed Mardi Gras without taking any drugs. In days of old, he’d be on that meth pipe like a demon. Of course, he only went to the parade equivalent, show grounds nonsense, which I watched and it bored me to snores, he didn’t go to the party.

“It’s Wednesday?” I say.

He’s just surfaced from the sauna where he’s had so much sex his cock and arse hurt.

“Lovely,” I say.

“So, the few extra kilos…”

“20.”

“Er, I’ve put on, don’t seem to bother anyone.”

“Apparently.” He’s been worried about his fat arse being repellent.

“I could have had any number…”

“And from the sound of it, you did.”

“I did.”

He was sitting up in bed watching morning television as he snacked on something, contemplating going home to Ballina.

“Head home,” he said. “Walking up the street this morning to find breakfast seems like too much effort.”

Morning television? What a load of shit, as Nan would say. When I watch morning television I can actually feel myself losing IQ points. It is not only that morning television doesn’t add anything to society, it is actually taking, it is a net subtractor, it is draining every single one of us. If I looked in the mirror after watching morning television to see I was only a skeleton with skin stretched over it I wouldn’t be surprised. David Campbell isn’t cute enough to make up for it now. And Karl, talk about a porker. Morning television is everything that is wrong with society today, there neatly package for the world to see.

I make toast and coffee.

Stoner Christian

I found half a couple of joints in the ashtray on the back veranda as I drank my morning coffee, so I smoked them. They gave good smoke as I felt stoned all day. Lovely.

It made the day just sail away. (Queue Rod Stewart)

You know, if I was on my own now, I’d just quit work and spend my days stoned. I would, but Sam hates it. He hates me stoned, more truthfully. So, I don’t. It’s nice to have it occasionally.

I think I am a nicer person when I smoke pot. Sam says I couldn’t be more boring than when I am stoned.

LouLou Brown

LouLou Brown was coming to stay. We haven’t seen each other since the pandemic hit. In true LouLou style, she said she’d be here Saturday, but she didn’t get her act together. Then she said she’d be here at midday Sunday. She messaged at midday to say she was just leaving home and she’d be late 2pm’ish. 2pm she messaged to say she was leaving and she arrived at 3pm.

We drank tea. LouLou rolled joints.

The doorbell rang and when I went to see who it was, there was my next door neighbour Travis standing there in all his 21 year old cuteness, with his sexy grimace smile. He was ever so slightly nervous as he wanted a favour, which, if anything, made him more endearing.

“Oh, hi,” he said.

“Hi Travis.” I could feel that first joint starting to hit me as I gazed upon Travis’ cute face.

“Could I trouble you again to use your back yard to bring a table through to my place.” This is the second table he has bought through.

Only if I can see you in your underpants, was my first thought. It made me smile. I tried to stifle it

He picked to my smile. “If it’s not convenient…” he questioned.

“No… no, its okay,” I said. 

“I’ll see you around the back?” he asked.

Oh, stop it, I thought. “Sure.”

He gave me his grimace smile. Bounced on the souls of his feet and punched his hand into his palm, turned and headed out the gate again.

“Oh,” I said.

He turned back to face me.

“It’s just that a car is in the way.”

“Oh, okay,” he said.

“See how we go,” I said.

LouLou’s car was in the way, it was true. As soon as I told her, she said she’d moved it so they could get the furniture through. That never occurred to me. Good pot.

Travis didn’t come alone, he bought his housemate who I think was named Leo to help him carry the table through. 

I think Leo was the good looking blond boy I’d seen out the front earlier in the day. They made a cute couple the two of them, I thought. Travis would be top, definitely, I thought, as I said hello to the very pretty Leo. I wondered if Travis’ cock had ever been in Leo’s mouth as his perfect lips part in a smile showing his white teeth. Well, you never know with straight boys after they have had a few beers.

Travis now waves enthusiastically in the street, smiling and saying hello. He’s a nice boy.

LouLou brings the pot and the cigarettes. I gave her plants I’ve grown for her garden, which allows me to grow more plants. We sit out on the back veranda and smoke and drink tea and chat about life.

Sam joined us for joints, despite his objections to the contrary.

LouLou stayed the night. She headed home in the morning. I fed her up, she is far too skinny. She lives on a diet of sugary tea (small tea cup, two sugars, constant supply) and cigarettes.

Street Art

 

We just ask to be treated like people with our own feelings and thoughts and loves

Shane Warne

I scroll down Facebook and see a friend wrote RIP Shane Warner. I think What? And I swap over to the news to see he died of a (suspected) heart attack in Thailand. He was 52. 

I was surprised, as I guess we all were.

My first thoughts were, you know, in a lot of ways, 52 is probably a good age to die, (it’s too young, sure, especially if it is you) as you are still young and vital and the deterioration of age hasn’t set in, (you can still get up off the floor in one fluid movement) and you can avoid all of that old age nonsense. (anxiety. Fear. Regret.)

He’d had his career.

He’d had a good life. An excellent life, according to many.

That was my first thought. You only get to be young forever, once, you know. That infinite life stretching out in front of you is only the privilege of the newly minted, where life will goes on and on and on with no end ever appearing in sight.

Of course, 52 is too young, he had fame and fortune and by all reports was living his best life, so I imagine one couldn't help but feel pissed off at dying at that age.

He was in Koh Samui and I automatically think of too much cocaine, (too much cocaine causes heart attacks) but maybe that is just me. (That wasn’t the case, though. He’d never done drugs, from all accounts, except for that infamous diuretic, of course)

I made a coffee.

Shane Warne doesn’t really mean anything to me. He’s just a slightly annoying ocker character somewhere on the periphery of my life. I kind of view him a bit the same way I viewed Steve Irwin, brash and irritating. I acknowledge that a lot of people think highly of the two of them.

But, it has to be said that not only has everyone spoken highly of Warne, they have spoken glowingly. Presidents, rock stars, the famous and the not so famous have spoken unanimously of what a fine, lovely, generous, funny guy he really was.

It can be said he was universally loved by the people who knew him.

Not a bad way to be remembered, hey.

The Floods

My stepdaughter's house, on stilts one floor up, flooded in Lismore. She woke to water lapping at her feet, and by the time her head spun and she tried to think what to do, the water was half way up her thighs and rising fast. 

As panic started to set in, she heard a voice call out and a man was at her balcony in a boat. “Get in,” he said.

“And my dog?” she asked. (She has an enormous dog)

“Yes, the dog too,” said the man, “Get in.”

And she and her son and her great big dog got in and the man took them to safety.

The water eventually rose up to her roof.

 

What can you say?

I'm not really sure what to say. I'd like to say that it will be alright, but I'm not so sure. We have all been let down by successive governments ignoring the problem for 20 years, 30 years, being paid off by big business and vested interests and now we are getting to the point where all of the doomsday predictions are starting to come true. But, I know, that me saying this helps not at all, because even this probably isn't going to change anything. Hopefully it will lead to voters electing governments with credible climate change policies, but I doubt it. The plebeians with go for the tax cuts and nothing will change… until it is too late… I suspect. (And if the mindless protests about the pandemic are anything to go by, what hope is there for the draconian legislation they will inevitably bring in to save the planet and our sad arses just as the doomsday clock strikes 5 seconds to midnight)

Love the Bigot, Hate the Bigotry

Christians continually say they don’t hate gays, they love them. In the same breath denying gays their very existence and who we intrinsically are. Christians love us, but deny us happiness at every opportunity.

That’s not love.

So, you know, we should do the same thing. Love all Christians, despite their deep seated bigotry, despite their cringy self fulfilling conservatism, despite their hatred of women manifesting in their denial of woman’s reproductive rights, and, essentially, their hatred of people in pain and suffering denying them any real solution to end of their lives lived in misery and pain. We should ignore Christians world wide complicity in paedophilia, and love them despite it.

 

We must love all christians, we are all-inclusive, after all. Love the bigot, hate the bigotry. Of course, that doesn't mean we have to love the mental disorder with which christian’s live. Thoughts and prays to Shiva, or Buddha, or Ahura Mazda, or Queztalcoatl, or Biame, or Jupiter, or Zeus, or Breged, or Thor, or Allah, or God, or Jesemity, or Atman, or Eshawa, or The Holly Spirit, or The Infinite Spirit, or The Highest Spirit, or The Eternal Now, or The Source, or The Force, or The Infinite One, or The Higher Power, or the Higher Essence, or the Infinite Consciousness, or The Good, or The Great Spirit, or The Tao, or The Universal One, or The Rain God, or The Rain Serpent, or the Nameless One, or Jehova, or Jesus, or Kosmos, or Krishna, or Brahma, or Shakti, or General Leia, or Vishnu, or Yahweh, or Wakan Taka… 

...oh fuck it, is there an iSelect for the world’s gods?

Volodymyr Zelenskyy

So, I'm not the only one, neither is Sam for that matter, who thinks the Ukraine president is kinda cute. We're all rooting for him, in a few senses of the word. 😃

While Putin is looking fat and tired and more like a shark than ever.

What a tiny little man, he's really short, with a small dick, no doubt. Can't look to the future, can only look backwards to, so called, glory days long since passed. 

Now he is taking two beautiful countries and he is destroying one, and he is fucking over the spirit of his own just to prove he is taller than 5 feet 7 inches.

What a sad twat.

 

Let's hope it is long covid and puts him out of action for the election