Tuesday, May 31, 2005

What About a Donut Shop Called Fat Arse?

Hey Christian.
Hows ya day going?
Not much doing here.

Woops! Obviously there isn’t much going on here, either. So much so, that I forgot to respond to your lovely email...such as it was.
I might just go and get myself a muffin. Can you see me smiling at you, with a broad grin, with teeth caked in muffin mash? I rather fancy a fish-eye effect on that too.

That cute wog-boy Greg, the temp at work after Hamish left, strolled past me, as I walked in front of the National Building. Still as cute as ever. Fine featured Greek. I bet he’s Cyprian. I’d like to sniff around in his jocks. Nose full. Face first. I bet it would taste good. Smell good…at the end of the day. Greek-boy foreskin, how I’d like to chew on that.

SMS. 18.55. I’m cooking dinner and had an epiphany 4 a great book idea. Fuck! Don’t you hate that! Working 2morrow night u and Jill should visit – Rachel
SMS. 19.00. Write the book idea down! Eating my mum tomorrow night – christian
SMS. 19.00. Will u roast her or just stick her in the microwave? – Rachel
SMS. 20.48. What? Who? Roast. Who am I kidding? Microwave – christian
SMS. 20.50. What about a donut shop called Fat Arse? – christian
SMS. 21.49. Donut shops tend 2 attract fat arses with fat arsed kids. Think the name needs 2 reflect what they aspire 2, Thin  and Fab – Rachel
SMS. 21.54. Please! It’s more likely to be hormonal. Thyroid? And a donut will make them feel better – christian
SMS. 22.01. I am knitting & feeling very hormonal as the people around me try their best 2 piss me off…Fuck even this wool wont fucking behave. Don’t talk hormones 2 a woman on the edge – Rachel
SMS. 22.04. See, u need a donut. I’m having Nutella on toast, with hundreds and thousands – christian
SMS. 22.06. I’ve got pot – christian
SMS. 22.06. I have pot 2! – Rachel
SMS. 22.07. House to myself – christian
SMS. 22.08. Sheer bliss! I have a house full of adolescents & husband. How fucking suburban is that? Sob, sob – Rachel
SMS. 22.19. Nutella is wickedly addictive! – christian
SMS. 22.22. I remember eating it on baguettes in France driving the gorgeous 2CV – Rachel
SMS. 22.26. I don’t think I have had it since then – christian
SMS. 22.26. Oh Jesus the hormones r going mental. Where has my life gone? – Rachel
SMS. 22.42. Boom! Flash! Gone. I’m going to bed – christian
SMS. 22.43. xxx – Rachel

I was in bed soon after, having a tug to some porn. I woke up, at some stage, to the television spewing forth some religious bile. One extreme to another.

Mean While, Back at the Home


I told you he was a manky old mank!

Yes, yes you did.

"How many days has it been…"

"Since the email?"

"Yes… since the email."

"I believe it has been four days…"

"With a weekend. Don’t forget the weekend."

"Not that he works much now. One day a week, I do believe."

"Chardonnay swilling, touchy feely club. Over qualified and under achieving."

"University is not just for the bright kids any more."


"Don’t mind if I do."


"Oh, I shouldn’t, but perhaps just one more."

"Something to read?"

Amy clutches her pearls. The tea cup rattles in the saucer in Lillian’s hand. Amy audibly shivers. They turn silently to face the computer, like they had suddenly become more feline and had just spotted their prey. Lips of string. Eyes like slits. Amy Clutches her throat. Lillian is eerily still, tea cup in hand.

You could have heard a pin drop.

"He’s a mank!"

"Of the worst kind," said Lillian. She handed Amy the cup. "That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!"

(Guttural chuckle. Amy has three chins, rather than just the double) I guess there would be no chance of any one thinking he was sweet.

"Sugar? No!" (She makes sucking kissing sounds)


"Shall I mull or should you?"

"Oh you Lillian, you." Amy gazes at the bay window. "I see him with a foreskin fungus… something that itches constantly. Can’t get rid of it."

"If he had a foreskin at all," they carol together.

"Like that’s a surprise. Jam?" asks Edit.

"No surprise here. Yes."


"Don’t mind if I do." Amy chuckles. "Remember, when it was always the cream, when we always got the cream?"

"Oh I do," says Lillian. "I do."



"Come on Aim," booms the nurse's voice. "Drink up." She puts the beaker to Amy's mouth."

"Come on Lillian." The nurse straightens Lillian in her chair before Lillian gets a chance to move.

"Do you think there are more lesbian's amongst this crop of nurses?" asks Lillian.

"I do Lillian, I do," said Amy. "There are some big strapping girl's amongst them."

"If I was 40 years younger." Lillian makes a deep, guttural longing sound from deep in her throat, as she watches one of the younger nurses pass by.

Amy laughs. "Only 40 years younger, dear?"

Monday, May 30, 2005

Tim's Moving In

Message – Was hard and full and is now empty – pj
Message – I was going to empty it for you. Pity – christian

I so wanted to stay home and have a sexual liaison. I so wanted to stay home and write and have the day to myself. I so wanted to have the days free of mundane work. I so not want to work, it seems like such an unnatural state, doing menial chores to make a select few richer than they are.

I love the early morning winter light; the veil of darkness breaking up; the lights still alight over doorways; the clear and what seem like clean, roads; The stillness; the sun rising; the closeness of how it all seems as we are complicit in the beginning of the new day; everything still; figures in black scurrying in the shadows. The new beginning.

Saturday sounds cool. I was going to measure it for you over the weekend, but I couldn't find my tape measure.

Hi Christian,
How was your weekend – Mine was good – Went out to wonderland for 3 hrs on Friday night then stayed in the rest of the weekend in front of the heater – It was too damn cold to leave the house.
On Saturday would you mind if I come over – I want to measure up the floor in the top room to organise some carpet – I was just going to get grey also I want to fit some wooden blinds. I was going to get white washed ones but I think they may be a bit bright. So I might just get ones the same stain as I got for the front room – They block out heaps of light too.... Which is always handy ...Please let me know if that's ok.
Also... I was looking to move in on Friday the 17/6/05 or I might even make it the 15th (the Wednesday) as the removalist will be cheaper – are those dates ok?
Sorry for bombarding you with all these questions – I just need to start organising stuff...
Kiss kiss

That’s cool – I will give you a buzz before we head over on Saturday... Thanks Possum... Or if you are around maybe we could do dinner Saturday night? – Tandori Times?

Hey Christian
How is your day progressing?
The lovely Kutaro, a Japanese man I think, was my dentist today, and I must say he seemed a bit more on the ball technically than the affable but perhaps shoddy Liz.
So far no pain, but I could still be anaesthetised.
I was impressed with his technique though – my lip doesn’t feel at all fat, and I could snack without biting off my tongue after.
Mondays Miss, Mondays.
It don't bode well for Tuesday!

Tuesday will be fantastic, you wait and see!

okay i believe u
(its not that i have a big day planned)

Well, plan one!

And how's your head now?  Finally got to speak with Mark S in person (well over the phone anyway).  He's turned 50 without us.  He did it in Australia though (no money to go to France).  He's heading off to the UK in about 4 weeks.  We tossed around the idea of you me and him meeting for dinner one night next week.  How does that sound?

Yes, that sounds cool. Dinner that is.

Let me know which days next week work for you.  Tuesdays are out for Mark S – he does printing or something like that.  Once I know when you're good I'll tee it up with him.
PS: hope you're having a fabo time.  I thought of a great setting for a sitcom (right up your alley – so to speak) but bugger me – do you think i can remember what it was.  I'd been planning on telling you all about it in the hope of getting you to write it.
PPS: How's Hansel and Gretel coming along?

I'm okay for any day except Monday and Wednesday.
I am fabo. I spent the whole weekend doing as I pleased, which unfortunately didn't include any writing. Well, this much – he holds up his thumb and ring finger which are barely a part, maybe a millimetre.

Cool – so it will be Thurs or Fri then.  I'll get in touch with Mark S and see how those days are for him. 
You really should be a writer – you make me laugh, you're very descriptive in an accurate way.  Stop faffing about!

Writing? Now there's an idea.

There was a hot wog-boy standing outside the National Building in the dark of the evening, as I walked by, as though he was waiting for his girlfriend. Like a handsome colt, up tall and straight. Good legs. Good crotch. Good shoulders. Handsome, self-assured face. I whispered, be my boyfriend, softly on the night air, as I walked by.
Mum called me to say that Kelly had jumped on Lucy and had broken Lucy’s arm. She had to be rushed off to Bendigo base Hospital to have it set in a cast.
Dazza came over and sucked my cock. But he was rushing to pick up his boyfriend, who he is cheating on, with me. I was watching Big Brother. Nice cock on Darren. But he was on the run. I decided there and then not to do it with him again. He was worried about spoofing on the carpet. I never understand those boys who stop themselves just prior to coming, to enquire about the health of the carpet. Just spoof! I want to yell. Not my type of bloke. And then he was gone.
And then I realised I had a migraine, so I went to bed, leaving the heating, the teli and most of the lights on downstairs for the whole night. Oh well.
Aby’s still in Queensland dealing with her grandmother who had a stroke before Aby left and I think she has since had a stroke while Aby has been there.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Locking Myself Away


The twilight world of locking oneself away and smoking pot. I woke up to the television talking at me. It was just before 6am, the clock said 5 something. I got up and made coffee and rolled a joint and logged onto gaydar. I’m now on my second joint and I have the shakes. Maybe it’s the coffee?

What did I do yesterday, smoke pot and wank to porn, time ceases to have any meaning. It’s now all a blur. I should do some washing.

I just put washing on.

I’m still eating my muesli from yesterday morning.

I might go and watch some more porn.

Slept till 10am. Got up. Made more coffee. Fed and patted the cat. She loves the heated floors, especially the tiled floors. Quite the cat of the house now. Dare I say, she’s finally got owners who treat her nice.

So this is what all those other cats out in the yards meant, she thought, as she sashayed over to her cat bowl again. Still just the old wing bone? Perhaps I’ll go out side? Perhaps I’ll lie on the carpet in the study, behind Christian, just for the rest of the morning.

The cat is curled around my feet as I type.

I smoked more pot and headed back to bed.

SMS. 12.34. Miss? – Tom

Too many new videos to watch. I’d bought up six new ones. It’s funny how six seem to morph into one or two when they are laying on the rug ready to be picked for the finale.

I thought it was time that I answered Tom, as I’d ignored him for the past two days.

SMS. 13.00. Lying in bed watching teli – christian

SMS. 13.01. Will be over later – Tom

Okey dokey, I thought, but I didn’t answer, I was beginning to drift away to nod.

SMS. 16.18. Feel like Greek and Gay? – Tom

I woke up just before Big Brother. I spent a lot of the weekend smoking pot and passing out, or as we like to say in the dope world, sleeping.

Tom came over and I watched Big Brother and Law and Order with him.


Saturday, May 28, 2005

Cucumber Sandwhiches

I got up at 8am and promised myself that I wouldn’t smoke pot until after I’ve had lunch with Mum, Gill and the two brats, at the Windsor.

So far I’ve only had one.

But I may have made a date with a wog-boy named Danni, on gaydar, just now. Maybe? Who knows? He just messaged me that he loved getting his arse fucked, he hoped I did too.

Message – (PJ) How’s your cock?

Danni 04xx 5xx 0xx.

I’m trying to fill the gaps in my journal.

The cat’s laying on my feet. I’m shivering with cold. The joint and the thought of sex. I wonder sometimes if I’m a sex addict. I think about it all the time, with whatever guy I meet. It’s getting worse too, not better. I’ve even been flirting with the guys from work. Steven in IT, Ben the lawyer and Elvis Grace, in our department.

I think that Steven is flirting back, ever since I stared at his crotch in the lift. I’m sure he got surprised, slightly embarrassed, but liking it, smile across his face. I reckon the blood flushed equally in his cock, as it did in his cheeks. He’s been far too friendly and attentive, ever since. I’m a sucker for an English accent.

Elvis I’ve stopped with, the response seemed to evaporate. But he’s sexy, I’d like to suck his cock and lick his sexy arse. Blow him. Have his spoof on my hands. I like to stretch his arse open with my fingers, as I listened to him moan. He’d have a sexy, hairy arse.

Ben always gazes at me so intently whenever we talk, like there is so, so, much more he wants to say… it takes my breath away and just lately it has rendered me mute in his presence.

Last Saturday night, after everyone had gone to bed, long after Castin had switched off his light, when I was working on my piece to be sent to the Melbourne Weekly Times, after I coughed, Castin’s light came back on. I sneaked out I the atrium and tried to peek at him through his curtains. I scuffed my shoes deliberately, as you can hear some one out side, when you are in the bedroom. But I couldn’t be too loud, as Julien was sleeping in the front room. I went to his toilet and tried to peek through the crack in his door. I tired not to be too silent, hoping he’d hear me and open the door. I couldn’t just push his door open, not with out some sort of invite. I should have just pushed it open and looked in. I could have just said I was going to turn the light off, if he was asleep. I reckon he was up for it, but I didn’t have the nerve. Tom always says at this point, that I have too much class. (He means for my own good. That is Tom speaking and not me) I didn’t feel classy stumbling around out side his windows, trying to get a look at him. If the dope hadn’t been down in the cottage and I’d got more stoned, I probably would have. Probably would have got his hard cock in my hand. He got a surprised, slightly embarrassed, but liking it, smile across his face, whenever he caught me looking at his delectable bulge. He spread his legs on the couch Friday night, as we all gazed at the TV. He played around with it, just slowly, gently, not so any one else could see him. And Sunday morning, over breakfast, he gazed down at my crotch, as we greeted one another hello. And then he smile coyly, when I did the same thing back to him. He just turned to face me front on, as he ate his cereal. Strapping boy, the new breed of straight boy, he’ll be up for lots more things sexually during his life, that his father or his father before him. You can feel it in him. He’s not afraid to respond. He likes to be thought of as sexy, he sees it all as compliments.

We spent a lot of time on his dick when we were together. And he kept doing his thing, not shying away. He liked it.

I reckon it’s time I fucked a guy from work. I’d like to have that after the act intimacy with someone I come in contact with from time to time. See their expression change when they see me. The hope of a rematch, as it was good. I want it to be Ben G. The next time I’m in the lift with him, I’m going to undress him with my eyes. He’s got a hot arse and the sexiest voice. Now that people know I’m gay at work, I can flirt with him. Unleash my power. I want to gaze into his eyes, as I slide my hand into his pants. If he’s not interested, he won’t respond.

I could pash Tony Farugia too, easily. He’s cute and flirty himself. I hope someone has told him I’m gay. I’m so tempted to come on to him, but I don’t. I’m already flirting with three, that’s enough. Don’t want to get a name for myself. I can often imagine doing the full sexual act with Nick, rolling around in his bed, or my bed, kissing and rubbing our hard cocks and big balls against each other… as we chat and joke with each other in my office. He’s got sparkly eyes.
And then there is David Koslowski. Woof! How I’d like to lick his sexy arse.
And Nick Papadopoulos What a sexy hunk of man. How I’d like to suck his wog cock!
But they have to give me a reason to look twice, they’ve got to show a little interest, before I respond. None of these three ever have, so they are quite safe. I’m switched off to them.
I left home by 11.30, by foot. It was a lovely mild day.
A dark blue X5 drove down Gertrude Street with the black and white number plate of LGF 001. So I thought I’d message Leah. I wondered at the wisdom of this, with husband Stu being angsty with me. You know, taking Leah back to (her maiden name), even if it is only in her head, and all that.

SMS. 11.44. I just saw LGF 001 on a beemer – christian

I got to the Winsor at midday, to be told politely that the booking was for twelve thirty.
I’ll come back in half an hour, I purred. (man of class of style) (apparently) I sauntered out the door and headed straight to the porn shop, to check out cocks.
When I got back at half past they were already seated.
The Windsor is very cool, nice big room. I must meet Jill their one day for lunch.
I was cool Uncle Christian.
Kelly and Lucy accused me of smoking. I shoved my jacket into their faces, as we stood out the Windsor on our way out, and said, Does it smell like smoke? Then I gave them the get fucked sign, with both hands and called them little bitches.
Gill and I wore almost the same outfit; white T-shirt, brown top, black jacket. I had jeans, she had black pants.
“Well, they are brother and sister,” mum exclaimed, as Gill and I stood next to one another comparing.

SMS. 14.40. That’d be nice! How r u honey? – Leah

Then I went to the porn shop and bought three tapes. You know, as you do.
Smoked pot and watched porn – I got one with cute guys bearbacking. It’s hot – and slept most of the afternoon.

SMS. 15.25. Ok…sorry about that…could u do me a huge favour…some time this week could u give me the measurements for the windows upstairs? Getting blinds – Tim
SMS. 15.47. Do u still want the pot? – Tim
SMS. 15.50. No, I got some, thanks anyway – christian

Luke just called to ask what I was doing. He called me boring when I said I was doing nothing. (I wonder if he was after dope?)
Tom’s called twice, I’ve just felt like being on my own.
I went to the milkbar and bought peanut butter and Nuttela and one hundred’s and thousands and fresh white bread, Helga’s, of course. I put them all on one slice. Then I went and bought fish & chips. What was I thinking?

Friday, May 27, 2005

But I Soooo Wanted to Get Stoned Tonight

You know, Beck has been in such a foul mood lately that it kind of puts me in a good mood. Makes me feel that I'm not so bad. Kind twisted I know, but there you go.
I was here at 9.10 and she said good afternoon, glad you could make it.
Mmmm, I thought. It's going to be that kind of day.

Glad you can laugh at that.  Did she laugh as well?
What else can you do really?!
Now, "not that I'm one to gossip" but did you know that the reason D no longer sees Julien is that when D moved out of Sebastian's he "mistakenly" took a TV, video/dvd, stereo etc that didn't belong to him?
I hope he knows that in Darwin they will KILL him for those kinds of shennanigans!

No, no laughing here. It IS going to be one of those days.
Oh yes, I'd heard the rumours, re Julien. Why is D not speaking to Julien though?
It doesn't sound like Julien and quite frankly there wouldn't have been one straight person in that house to know what day it was, let alone where the furniture might be.
I don't believe it.

Interesting perspective.
You really DONT gossip.
D thinks Julien doesn’t talk to him because he knows that he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows that he ripped Sebastian off.
I hadn't heard the rumour, so was *intrigued* re clothes getting lost in house fire etc...
But, you are right.
If he's been doing much of that we all would know, for sure.
Thanks for setting me straight.

I'm going to ask Julien next time I see him

That’s the best idea to be sure.

Actually, I'm not going to ask Julien. Why do I care?
By the way, I'm interested in funny, amusing gossip that makes me laugh. Not conspiracy theories.

yeah that’s fair enough...
gee i have a 4am date with all kinds of evil mischief...
making hay while the sun shines!!

...a 4am date with all kinds of evil mischief... ?

all kinds of evil!
though D just said he wont help me *cross face* "too busy" apparently
I have refrained from sending him an angry text back...

Beck and I were discussing Christina’s new house, Caroline Street South Yarra. I was trying to tell Beck about Rachel’s house in South Yarra, but couldn’t remember the name of the street.
SMS. 12.44. (Rachel) What’s the name of your street in South Yarra? – christian

Hey Tim
Is there any chance of getting what I got last Friday night?

will see and let you know shortly

There was a message from Tim on my phone, as I walked up Bourke Street. Ben was going straight to Tim’s place and he couldn’t get dope for me until tomorrow.

But I soooo wanted to get stoned tonight.

So I text Guido, as I weaved in and out of the pedestrians on Bourke Street.

SMS. 17.51. Does Roberta mean what I think it means? Can I see her tonight? – christian
SMS. 18.57. Yes – Guido
SMS. 18.58. Now? – christian
SMS. 19.05. Yes – Guido

I went to Guido’s and picked up dope.

I lit a fire in the lounge and watched TV with just the light from the fire and the television to warm light me. I didn’t have an axe, it’s disappeared some time back. May be a year. (How long are I going to use that excuse. What do I think, it will be like Lassie and it will come ? So the dead limb, that’s been lying in the back yard for, well, probably a year, it was bone dry, snapped with a crisp click.

Tom rang, but I didn’t answer.

As I lay on the couch, I wondered if I ever felt single, really single, like my life was my own, not answerable to anyone. I lay on the couch, as the warm fire lapped at the side of my face and tried to feel my aloneness, my singleness. It felt good to be in charge of my own destiny, my own life. I gazed around the room, this is my house, I can do whatever I like.

I didn’t know if I felt any different, being single, as Mark told Tom and I the other night. Twice. You guys are lucky that you are single. I didn’t know if Mark was telling me I was single, or if a part of him was envious that Tom and I were single.

The light flicked on the ceiling. My world had turned to black and white and a crisp kind of dark blue, in the shadows.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I Don't Get It – The Broken Up BF is Coming Over?

I'm good. Away yesterday due to a head ache. Still got it today. Grrr!
Pale blue seersucker (is that how it is spelt) and hushpuppies and a chain for your glasses, I can see it now.

How are you today, Christian?

Oh, a bit tired. A bit sleepy. A bit lethargic. A bit vague. Got up late, had to rush, have a headache.
That Manny, he's a trick. He called me up at 9pm to ask me over, as he'd split up from the b/f Tuesday. During... the phone went and we ignored it. When I was having a ciggy on his balcony, afterwards, he came out and said that the b/f would be over in five minutes, from a message already 30 minutes old.
So, I wasn't exactly hi-tailing it out of there with my shoes in one hand and my shirt in the other, but I'm sure you get the picture!
As the Peugeot purred up AscotVale Road, i wondered if I was too old for such tricks... too old to be getting used to such carry-on.
But then I went to the super market and I didn't think about it any more.
How are you?

yes it IS thursday!
I don't get it – the broken up BF is coming over?
Was it a lie or what?
You should have stayed Miss :)
Hmmm today I'm seeing my healer, then having shots, then hair, then dinner in victoria st
Might be at yr place between hair and dinner...
Today I feel like I can't be bothered with ANY OF IT, and that i want to take you know what.

Not a lie, he had split up. But the b/f wanted to get back together... unexpectedly.
I'm off to my mum's tonight for dinner, but I may see you in between hair and dinner and dinner.
Don't take any thing, tomorrow will be fabulous!

i wont take anything just expressing my compulsive desires...
yes might see u then J

SMS. 17.36. Roberta has come home! – Guido

I went to mum’s for dinner, as I had cancelled her last night because I took a sickie from work and I just didn’t feel like going out, after that. Mum didn’t mind. She gave me my thousand dollars for my mortgage. She said she was only going to keep giving me money until she’d had matched the seventy nine thousand she gave Will. I did a quick mental calculation, that was over six years. That will be fine, I said. I expected that.

SMS. 20.52. Hi, I’m coming to Melb this Sunday as my uncle passed away yesterday and the funeral is Monday and I’m a pallbearer! I leave Wednesday afternoon. Will contact you at some time hugs – Lauri
SMS. 20.58. Cool. Well, not so cool for your uncle, I guess – christian
SMS. 20.58. We all die, hopefully old like him too – Lauri

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

A Mental Health Day

I woke up at 6am, well, 6ish. Maybe it was closer to 7am, but the little hand still pointed towards 6. So, what else does one do when one has a little time to spare? Turn on the old computer. My phone was saying message memory 80% full, so I decided to do my sms’, type them up. And as Aby is in Queensland for her dear old Gran’s strokes, and Tom had an early start, I decided that it was a good day for mental health and that I should stay home. Well, I’d be on my own.

No, as they say, I would not be on my own. Mark and Luke turned up, Mark had to go to the doctor. We polished off the last of the dope and then Tom went home and Mark and Luke and I went out to lunch and then went shopping. I bought my spotted doona cover and I bought the browny/red one as well, which my not work in my room yet, we’ll have to wait and see.

I’m going to tip that awful amyl down the sink, the foul stuff.
I’m still sniffin it!
Why? I can’t really tell you except that it’s there?

Mark and Luke went off to Victoria Gardens and then to the movies.

I called mum and said that I was home and didn’t feel like coming out and would it be all right for me to come to dinner tomorrow night.

Then I went to the city, as it got dark, it gets so dark so early now, before 6pm and exchanged a dud video, from last night and bought a couple of new ones.

Manny called about 9pm and asked if I wanted to come over, as he had split up with Johnny. After we had done the deed and when I was out on the balcony having a cigarette, Johnny called to say he’d be over because he wanted to get back together with Manny.

So I hi-tailed it out of there and went to the supermarket in Errol Street.