What About a Donut Shop Called Fat Arse?

Hey Christian.

Hows ya day going?

Not much doing here.

xT

Tom

Woops! Obviously there isn’t much going on here, either. So much so, that I forgot to respond to your lovely email...such as it was.

I might just go and get myself a muffin. Can you see me smiling at you, with a broad grin, with teeth caked in muffin mash? I rather fancy a fish-eye effect on that too.

Christian

That cute wog-boy Greg, the temp at work after Hamish left, strolled past me, as I walked in front of the National Building. Still as cute as ever. Fine featured Greek. I bet he’s Cyprian. I’d like to sniff around in his jocks. Nose full. Face first. I bet it would taste good. Smell good…at the end of the day. Greek-boy foreskin, how I’d like to chew on that.

SMS. 18.55. I’m cooking dinner and had an epiphany 4 a great book idea. Fuck! Don’t you hate that! Working 2morrow night u and Jill should visit – Rachel

SMS. 19.00. Write the book idea down! Eating my mum tomorrow night – christian

SMS. 19.00. Will u roast her or just stick her in the microwave? – Rachel

SMS. 20.48. What? Who? Roast. Who am I kidding? Microwave – christian

SMS. 20.50. What about a donut shop called Fat Arse? – christian

SMS. 21.49. Donut shops tend 2 attract fat arses with fat arsed kids. Think the name needs 2 reflect what they aspire 2, Thin  and Fab – Rachel

SMS. 21.54. Please! It’s more likely to be hormonal. Thyroid? And a donut will make them feel better – christian

SMS. 22.01. I am knitting & feeling very hormonal as the people around me try their best 2 piss me off…Fuck even this wool wont fucking behave. Don’t talk hormones 2 a woman on the edge – Rachel

SMS. 22.04. See, u need a donut. I’m having Nutella on toast, with hundreds and thousands – christian

SMS. 22.06. I’ve got pot – christian

SMS. 22.06. I have pot 2! – Rachel

SMS. 22.07. House to myself – christian

SMS. 22.08. Sheer bliss! I have a house full of adolescents & husband. How fucking suburban is that? Sob, sob – Rachel

SMS. 22.19. Nutella is wickedly addictive! – christian

SMS. 22.22. I remember eating it on baguettes in France driving the gorgeous 2CV – Rachel

SMS. 22.26. I don’t think I have had it since then – christian

SMS. 22.26. Oh Jesus the hormones r going mental. Where has my life gone? – Rachel

SMS. 22.42. Boom! Flash! Gone. I’m going to bed – christian

SMS. 22.43. xxx – Rachel

I was in bed soon after, having a tug to some porn. I woke up, at some stage, to the television spewing forth some religious bile. One extreme to another.