Saturday, May 28, 2005

Cucumber Sandwhiches

I got up at 8am and promised myself that I wouldn’t smoke pot until after I’ve had lunch with Mum, Gill and the two brats, at the Windsor.

So far I’ve only had one.

But I may have made a date with a wog-boy named Danni, on gaydar, just now. Maybe? Who knows? He just messaged me that he loved getting his arse fucked, he hoped I did too.

Message – (PJ) How’s your cock?

Danni 04xx 5xx 0xx.

I’m trying to fill the gaps in my journal.

The cat’s laying on my feet. I’m shivering with cold. The joint and the thought of sex. I wonder sometimes if I’m a sex addict. I think about it all the time, with whatever guy I meet. It’s getting worse too, not better. I’ve even been flirting with the guys from work. Steven in IT, Ben the lawyer and Elvis Grace, in our department.

I think that Steven is flirting back, ever since I stared at his crotch in the lift. I’m sure he got surprised, slightly embarrassed, but liking it, smile across his face. I reckon the blood flushed equally in his cock, as it did in his cheeks. He’s been far too friendly and attentive, ever since. I’m a sucker for an English accent.

Elvis I’ve stopped with, the response seemed to evaporate. But he’s sexy, I’d like to suck his cock and lick his sexy arse. Blow him. Have his spoof on my hands. I like to stretch his arse open with my fingers, as I listened to him moan. He’d have a sexy, hairy arse.

Ben always gazes at me so intently whenever we talk, like there is so, so, much more he wants to say… it takes my breath away and just lately it has rendered me mute in his presence.

Last Saturday night, after everyone had gone to bed, long after Castin had switched off his light, when I was working on my piece to be sent to the Melbourne Weekly Times, after I coughed, Castin’s light came back on. I sneaked out I the atrium and tried to peek at him through his curtains. I scuffed my shoes deliberately, as you can hear some one out side, when you are in the bedroom. But I couldn’t be too loud, as Julien was sleeping in the front room. I went to his toilet and tried to peek through the crack in his door. I tired not to be too silent, hoping he’d hear me and open the door. I couldn’t just push his door open, not with out some sort of invite. I should have just pushed it open and looked in. I could have just said I was going to turn the light off, if he was asleep. I reckon he was up for it, but I didn’t have the nerve. Tom always says at this point, that I have too much class. (He means for my own good. That is Tom speaking and not me) I didn’t feel classy stumbling around out side his windows, trying to get a look at him. If the dope hadn’t been down in the cottage and I’d got more stoned, I probably would have. Probably would have got his hard cock in my hand. He got a surprised, slightly embarrassed, but liking it, smile across his face, whenever he caught me looking at his delectable bulge. He spread his legs on the couch Friday night, as we all gazed at the TV. He played around with it, just slowly, gently, not so any one else could see him. And Sunday morning, over breakfast, he gazed down at my crotch, as we greeted one another hello. And then he smile coyly, when I did the same thing back to him. He just turned to face me front on, as he ate his cereal. Strapping boy, the new breed of straight boy, he’ll be up for lots more things sexually during his life, that his father or his father before him. You can feel it in him. He’s not afraid to respond. He likes to be thought of as sexy, he sees it all as compliments.

We spent a lot of time on his dick when we were together. And he kept doing his thing, not shying away. He liked it.

I reckon it’s time I fucked a guy from work. I’d like to have that after the act intimacy with someone I come in contact with from time to time. See their expression change when they see me. The hope of a rematch, as it was good. I want it to be Ben G. The next time I’m in the lift with him, I’m going to undress him with my eyes. He’s got a hot arse and the sexiest voice. Now that people know I’m gay at work, I can flirt with him. Unleash my power. I want to gaze into his eyes, as I slide my hand into his pants. If he’s not interested, he won’t respond.

I could pash Tony Farugia too, easily. He’s cute and flirty himself. I hope someone has told him I’m gay. I’m so tempted to come on to him, but I don’t. I’m already flirting with three, that’s enough. Don’t want to get a name for myself. I can often imagine doing the full sexual act with Nick, rolling around in his bed, or my bed, kissing and rubbing our hard cocks and big balls against each other… as we chat and joke with each other in my office. He’s got sparkly eyes.
And then there is David Koslowski. Woof! How I’d like to lick his sexy arse.
And Nick Papadopoulos What a sexy hunk of man. How I’d like to suck his wog cock!
But they have to give me a reason to look twice, they’ve got to show a little interest, before I respond. None of these three ever have, so they are quite safe. I’m switched off to them.
I left home by 11.30, by foot. It was a lovely mild day.
A dark blue X5 drove down Gertrude Street with the black and white number plate of LGF 001. So I thought I’d message Leah. I wondered at the wisdom of this, with husband Stu being angsty with me. You know, taking Leah back to (her maiden name), even if it is only in her head, and all that.

SMS. 11.44. I just saw LGF 001 on a beemer – christian

I got to the Winsor at midday, to be told politely that the booking was for twelve thirty.
I’ll come back in half an hour, I purred. (man of class of style) (apparently) I sauntered out the door and headed straight to the porn shop, to check out cocks.
When I got back at half past they were already seated.
The Windsor is very cool, nice big room. I must meet Jill their one day for lunch.
I was cool Uncle Christian.
Kelly and Lucy accused me of smoking. I shoved my jacket into their faces, as we stood out the Windsor on our way out, and said, Does it smell like smoke? Then I gave them the get fucked sign, with both hands and called them little bitches.
Gill and I wore almost the same outfit; white T-shirt, brown top, black jacket. I had jeans, she had black pants.
“Well, they are brother and sister,” mum exclaimed, as Gill and I stood next to one another comparing.

SMS. 14.40. That’d be nice! How r u honey? – Leah

Then I went to the porn shop and bought three tapes. You know, as you do.
Smoked pot and watched porn – I got one with cute guys bearbacking. It’s hot – and slept most of the afternoon.

SMS. 15.25. Ok…sorry about that…could u do me a huge favour…some time this week could u give me the measurements for the windows upstairs? Getting blinds – Tim
SMS. 15.47. Do u still want the pot? – Tim
SMS. 15.50. No, I got some, thanks anyway – christian

Luke just called to ask what I was doing. He called me boring when I said I was doing nothing. (I wonder if he was after dope?)
Tom’s called twice, I’ve just felt like being on my own.
I went to the milkbar and bought peanut butter and Nuttela and one hundred’s and thousands and fresh white bread, Helga’s, of course. I put them all on one slice. Then I went and bought fish & chips. What was I thinking?

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