Today

A full blazing sun burning in the blue sky of my life.

Me. Today. It's where I am.

A flower in full bloom.

A high speed race in the midst of the drama.

A rocket ship to the moon, on full thrust.

A full banquette being gorged upon.

Everything. All at once. Every memory rejoice.

Home

I was sitting over the left engine, as we taxied down the runway. The sun shone, the sky was a pretty blue, clear, crisp and still.

I looked down at the silver ring around the edge of the engine and at the white stripe around it and the blue stripe behind that and I could see them reflected in the half circle bay in the sand, white, by the water, blue.

I thought about the notion of home, as I gazed out of the window, as the ground fell away into a patchwork of different shades of green, as my eyes filled with tears and I thought of Mark and Luke and my mum and all those people I love.

 GUEST NAME (1 ADULT)

1. FLETCHER, CHRISTIAN MR

GETTING YOU AWAY ON TIME

On-time performance is important to you, and therefore important to us. To ensure your flight leaves on time you must arrive at the check in desk at least 30 minutes before your scheduled departure, for all your flights, so you may complete all the required check in and security procedures. Arrival after this time will not guarantee you a boarding pass and may result in you forfeiting the fare paid. This is particularly important at peak periods.

Boarding of the aircraft commences 15 minutes prior to take off. Please be aware that departure of your aircraft will not be held if you arrive after this time.

TRAVEL PLAN WITH VIRGIN BLUE

MELBOURNE TO SYDNEY

Flight No DJ990

(Blue Saver*)

DEPARTING

Melbourne Virgin Blue Terminal

1015hr (10:15am), Fri 29 Apr 2005

ARRIVING

Sydney Virgin Blue - T2

1135hr (11:35am), Fri 29 Apr 2005

Hot Thursday

SMS. (27.04.05. 21.50) Call me if u need 2 the phone is on – Rachel

SMS. (27.04.05 22.25) Call me if you want to de brief – Tom

SMS. 6.33. Home morning sweetie. How did u go last night? Hope this doesn’t wake u tee hee! – Rachel

I must have been a bit emotional, as Rachel and Tom’s messages made me cry as I stood in the kitchen.

SMS. 8.08. Luke Ball… woof! – christian

SMS. 8.40. Yeah very. How’s ya mum? – Tom

SMS. 8.42. I’ll email you – christian

Hey Christian

What's up?

How's ya Mum?

Have a late night?

xT

Well, the bottom line is that they found that she has a slight potassium deficiency... oh, and an irregular heart rhythm.

But about the blood pressure, when she got to the hospital her blood pressure was elevated, but after an hour it returned to 140/80. So I have a theory... she has an adversarial relationship with her doctor so when she goes to him her blood pressure goes up. She says the tablets are having an adverse effect on her and his answer is for her to take more. She goes home, her blood pressure returns to normal, she takes the tablets and her blood pressure drops down low. Low blood pressure is consistent with how she says the tablets make her feel.

I reckon she is being treated for high blood pressure by a pig-headed doctor when she doesn't have high blood pressure at all.

She's going to a new doctor today.

christian

That sounds very plausible indeed.

Is she still in hospital?

Tom

No, she's home. The doctor said she would let her go home as I would stay with her. Mum shook her head surreptitiously as if to say you don't need to do that.

christian

Well, I can't wait to hear all about it.

I'm getting my hairs cut at 5 and will be @ your place after that, probably with a forbidden ciggy in hand no less!

Tom

Do you want me to stay and feed cat this weekend?

Tom

I reckon that would be good, I guess, depending on what Aby is doing.

I don't suppose you want to drive me to the airport in the morning?

christian

I sat next to a guy at lunch who was doing a mighty fine impression of being Alex Demitriadis' younger brother. I just couldn't look at him.

Guess what his name was when he went to leave?

christian

Nick

Tom

What time?

I will if I can.

Tom

I'm at your place now.

Aby still seems to be away.

Tom

10.15am. We'll talk when I get home. No drama, I can drive myself, as I was going to.

christian

(Josh) Bonvoyage

Speak to you when I get back from Sydney, Chook!

christian

Tom came over to say good bye, before he went on a date with Darren at Club 80, missing The Great Race. I was going to tape it for him but he said he already was at home. Later, he told me that he’d programmed his TV to the wrong channel.

SMS. 21.37. What 2 wear…what 2 wear? C U in Sydney luv! – Rachel 

SMS. 21.42. Fuck I’m stoned. Haven’t packed. Have to dye my hair. And The Great Race is on – christian 

SMS. 21.45. DO NOT DYE YOUR FUCKING HAIR! U don’t want to look like Alex Monsoon do u? We want Kris and Jon 2 win The Great Race – Rachel 

Stupidly, I let Rachel intimidate me out of dying my hair.

SMS. 21.46. Altho we like Adam and Rebecca too! – Rachel 

SMS. 21.47. We all want Adam! – christian 

SMS. 21.48. Is Alexander going? – christian

SMS. 21.48. Alexander NOT going but figure the more masculine one is! Oh fuck…thoughts like that will make the plane crash! – Rachel 

SMS. 21.59. Pity. Joint? – christian 

SMS. 21.59. Mmm – Rachel 

SMS. 22.00. What am I going to wear? – christian

SMS. 22.01. leather chaps, no undies – Rachel 

SMS. 22.03. Those days r over – christian 

SMS. 22.03. Yeah, my arse sags too – Rachel

SMS. 22.05. Not under 30 any more – christian

SMS. 22.05. Would u go and pack! – Rachel 

SMS. 22.10. Fuck, I have to pack! – christian

SMS. 22.16. (Tom) Adam was a real boy and he skydived – christian 

SMS. 22.17. What do we wear? – christian 

SMS. 22.17. Ummmm red and feathers – Rachel 

SMS. 22.40. (Tom) Adam wouldn’t eat tomatoes – christian 

I found myself distracting myself by cutting pictures out of the newspaper, just for the fridge.

SMS. 22.53. Not a good time to replace the fridge art? – christian

SMS. 23.33. All packed, 4 lunches made now off 2 bed. Hang on I think there is another massage from u! – Rachel

SMS. 23.35. Pack u idiot! I have Bob the Builder & Action Man on my fridge. I could get sidetracked but rather have Cointreau – Rachel

SMS. 23.37. Off 2 bed now, hopefully don’t have to indulge the husband 2nite…ugh! – Rachel

SMS. 23.37. I’m packed – christian

SMS. 23.37. Fuck yr good! – Rachel

SMS. 23.38. Almost – christian

SMS. 23.38. Joint luv? – christian

SMS. 23.38. Nonmomng – Rachel

SMS. 23.39. That was supposed to say Ooooh yuk – Rachel

SMS. 23.39. Hope u do – christian

SMS. 23.40. I just gagged! – Rachel

SMS. 23.40. Get on it! – christian

SMS. 23.41. Fuck off u idiot! – Rachel

SMS. 23.42. He, he, he! – christian

Fucking hell has the World Gone Mad

Morning Miss

I hope Sydney is still being lovely to you. I hope you are washing out all that – I was going to say nastiness, but that's certainly not what I mean – you want washed out. Clean and new and able to push through all that is your lot. How's that?

christian

Hello!

How are you?

I am home Miss, back to face my brave new world.

Sydney certainly treated me most beautifully.  It was a joy from the time I landed to the time I got home, and while I fear that there are certain nasties within me that are there to stay forever, I certainly feel cleansed, recharged, and most optimistic.

Yay!

Anyway must rush off am late for the sexual health clinic

xTom

Lovely old Sydney. I'll say hello to her on Friday, the old, tart.

christian

can i come say gday tomorrow night?

Tom

Sure you can.

christian

Great.

Will be lovely to see you.

xT

And you miss.

christian

Angelo is dead?

And congrats on getting laid Miss. Who cares if he was a starfish, sometimes it's just good to have a ride J

Tom

I tell you what, it's no fun trying to work a computer when your hypo-glycaemia is playing up... try doing a double click with the mouse and it ends up anything from two to five clicks, or more. Grr!

Aby's at Bolago having a nervous break down.

Angelo (Anthony's ex) is dead and Anthony is nuts, so there you go! I seem to have more friends with problems than not, at the moment.

But I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

christian

SMS. 18.39. If I take dope in my handbag is that a problem? – Rachel

The phone rang and mum’s small, frail voice was on the other end. She said she had to go to hospital to have an ECG.

Now I’ve got to take my mum to hospital… her heart is racing at a great rate, apparently. Must go.

Ah!

christian

fucking hell

has the world gone mad

i hope u know u can count me as one of the well ones

Tom J

SMS. 18.48. Well, what’s legal? – Rachel

I took mum to emergency at Cabrini. R called me just as I was leaving to answer her question. I told her about mum.

SMS. 18.49. Maybe…but probably not, if u take some for me… I wouldn’t, but u should to see if u can get away with it – christian

SMS. 18.52. I said I will ring u, hope she is ok. Call if u need support. – Rachel

SMS. 18.54. Thanks – christian

SMS. 19.54. How’s it going luv? – Rachel

My phone’s battery died in the middle of it all. But, of course. Is that Murphy’s Law? Good on ya Murphy, thanks heaps. You certainly have a way with timing.

Call me if u feel like debriefing Miss.

Tom

The Sun is Shining Over Bondi Beach

SMS. 16.29. Hi out between 7.15pm and 8.45pm – Jill

SMS. 16.31. U call me then – christian 

SMS. 16.31. Ok – Jill 

Miss.

HOw are you?

Well in Sunny Melbourne I hope.

The sun is shining over Bondi Beach and soon I shall go for a swim.

I've had a lovely Sydney holiday with just a little bit of trash thrown in. I'm leaving the city with two couples smiling behind me, I think.

Well, one couple at least, I doubt whether the other couple will be smiling seeing as it's Tuesday and all.

Are you doing anything Thursday evening Miss.

Perhaps I could come over!

xT

Well yes, I'm good.

Smoking ciggies instead of dope, which can only be a... thing.

The wedding on the weekend was Angelo Odante brother, Angelo who used to go out with Anthony. Beautiful, blond Italian Angelo who could fill out a pair of white Calvin Kliens at a dance party just about like nobody else. He was killed in a car accident, after an argument with his old queen lover, he took off down a windy road in his ute and drove into a tree in Townsville. Apparently, the old queen lover cradled Angelo in his arms on the side of the road until he succumbed. 

All the family love the older boyfriend, apparently, but all the queens present were not forgiving. Silently scathing! (Filthy old, ugly bitch, you did it to him!)

And the news on Anthony is that on his bad days he doesn't speak instead opting to write down all of his answers to questions asked. I heard a vague mention of schizophrenia, but can't be sure.

I did manage to step out of my two year heart pinned to the lovely Manny solo act, with a very handsome boy named Dean. I'm not sure how old he is, but he'd just finished uni – bio-medical science, or something.

He’s nice. Cute looking. A bit of a starfish, but, that can be worked on. You know stripped and trained regularly. He’s a pup. He certainly has potential – even if, I assume, he comes in under my age limit. Just finished uni is a tad on the young side for me, really.

So yes, I'm well and happy and quite clear-headed, who'd have thought? I'm enjoying the glorious weather down here, blue skies and sunshine every day.

christian

SMS. 18.31. Where r u staying in Sydney? – Rachel

SMS. 18.32. Fuck knows! – christian

SMS. 18.42. LOVE it, we’ll sleep on the streets & see what happens along the way. Failing that Elly’s – Rachel

SMS. 18.45. I’ve had a problem on the streets of Sydney, so I’m not afraid. But Jill? – christian

SMS. 18.45. Could be ugly… – Rachel

SMS. 19.43. (Jill) If u r out, come over here afterwards and we’ll book together – christian

SMS. 19.51. (Rachel) Should read… I’ve never had a problem on the streets of Sydney…but Jill? No sex would leave you cold and alone in Sydney town! – christian

Nothing's Gonna Stop Me From Floating

Dean: hi how are you? this is ff from gdar...

Christian: Hi, I'm great

Dean: cool. don’t think we've had a chance to have a chat yet

Christian: no, I don't think we have

Christian: What are you up to?

Dean: how's your day going?

Dean: hmm not much, just chilling out

Christian: good, so far. Just got back from the country

Christian: just answering emails. Trawling the net

Dean: yeah the usual hehe

Christian: you up to anything later?

Dean: don’t know, doubt it

Christian: yeah, I know how you feel. It's that kind of day

Dean: hehe

Christian: got to make our own excitement

Dean: had 2 big nights in a row...caught up with me, so I’m sure I won’t be going out tonight

Dean: lol we do

Christian: ease into the night

Christian: What have you been up to the last two nights?

Dean: Saturday I went out to a friend’s going away party and last night spent it at my friends drinking the night away till the early hours of the morn.

Christian: So no sleep?

Dean: minimal

Dean: hehe

Christian: So how are you feeling?

Dean: ok.

Christian: Do you feel like doing anything?

Dean: hmm, depends what's on the cards I guess...like?

Christian: something that would make you feel good

Dean: I’m all ears...hehe

Christian: Well, what would make you feel the best, at the moment?

Christian: Did you do stuff on w/end?

Dean: just a couple j’s... that’s as far as it goes

Dean: harmless

Christian: I just smoked my last. I'm stopping

Dean: today?

Christian: yeah

Christian: So do you want to have sex?

Dean: mmm

Dean: i never say no to that

Christian: Good. Come over.

Dean: where do u live?

Christian: Fitzroy. Where are you?

Dean: hawthorn

Christian: not far

Dean: yeah

Christian: so what are you saying?

Dean: here's my number – xxxx xxx xxx....if im up for it, give us a yell at about 6-7

Dean: should be cool

Christian: okay. Is your name Dean?

Dean: yep

Christian: I'll wait with a hard-on

Dean: smiles

Dean: what r u into?

Christian: long passionate kissing and lots of hugging. Cocks. Balls. Faces.

Christian: you?

Dean: kissing is my numero uno

Christian: me too. I can't have sex if I can't kiss

Dean: rubbing, touching, kissing....

Christian: holding. Sweating

Dean: mmm

Christian: I love making another guy cum

Dean: it’s the best

Dean: yum

Christian: yeah, yum

Christian: I'm really horny. And ready…

Dean: u live alone?

Christian: My flat mate is away in the country

Dean: ok cool

Christian: come over and rub yours against mine

Dean: ok, we’ll catch up later....bye

Christian: bye

Big Hello to You Too

 Ah, the lovely Christos. Ah, that lovely blunt, Greek cock!

About the other night, did I actually say sorry? I know how funny people are with that word. You. It surprises me the magic it has. That and please, two of the most powerful words in the English language. I must remember to use them. They are good words.

It wasn’t as though I dumped you for a joint, anyway. It was the joints fault, I got dizzy and forgot what I was doing. Maybe it was the cats fault. Yes, yes, it was her fault, always thinking of her stomach, fat bitch.

And I reckon, if the truth be known, I was dumping my mother for you first. Anyway. Me poor old mum, you’d deny her?

Speaking of which, the first thing that Pope Benny said was that gays are evil and that Spain should deny them unions. (Filthy fags wanting to marry? How many times do you think you’d have done it by now, if it had been de rigor twenty years ago?) He used more words, natch. But you know, in all the pictures I’ve seen of him, he looks kind of possessed, a very strange look on his face. They say he lights up in the same way in the presence of youth, as did John Paul.  Never the less, she’s already had one stroke, she’ll be dead soon.

I’ve just worked at a wedding at sunny Bolago. The groom was the brother of an old friend, Angelo Odante, who was Angelo’s boyfriend after me, give or take maybe, can’t quite remember now. Angelo, who, I was somewhat shocked to learn, was killed in a car accident some time ago.  And Angelo, who was once one of my best friends, who I haven’t seen for a few years, either, won’t speak some days, instead writing all of his answers down to questions asked of him. I’ve heard third person reports of him being diagnosed as schizophrenic and if that really is the case, I reckon it would probably have been be caused by marijuana – predisposition maybe, but – he was my smoking buddy, for years. And I tell you, he has/had a mind as fine as yours, mine and Tom’s. Sometimes I used to think he was way smarter than me, because I could never get ahead of him, he was always, without exception, in whatever state of inebriation, right their with me, getting whatever drifteroo I was meaning. And he was funny and interesting. It’s very sad. Tom’s sick. Julien’s sick. My mother’s on her last legs. Aby’s not coping with the world.

I’m feeling a little besieged, at the moment. It was like I went out into the world and put my best foot forward and I met all of these fantastic people, the best, the crème of the creme and one by one they are being taken away from me. People I considered to be life long friends. But it was meant to be my life time, not yours, you fuckers! I guess that has been the reason for my negative gloomy emails, of late. Yes, makes excuses for myself.

Thinking about Angelo, made it all clear for me. So that’s good, the realisation, I think, takes away a lot of the pain, stops me from being glum without even realising I am. Of course, I’m not going to comment on two days off dope and it all comes clear to me… no siree bob!

So, big smile, big breath and off again.

Chuck the dope, time to be clear. That’s what I reckon. (I’m powering through the crumbs I have left, to make good on that one. Joint?)

Besides, Aby said on the weekend that I have a personality when I don’t smoke dope. And, I started smoking cigarettes on the weekend because I didn’t have dope. Bad Christian! Bloody hell I waited two hour on Saturday morning for it to no avail.

But I’m feeling good about it. I’ve just driven down from Bolago, in the glorious sunshine. There’s something about that vitamin D. The green fields rolled away on either side of me. The road uncurled underneath me, as the blue sky shone over head.

Just getting out of the house, maybe?

Green tea?

On the brighter side, we had a new worker at Bolago. His name was Brett the son of one of the other helpers and cute to boot. He kept smiling at me, innocently. I smiled back, flirting, checking him out so he’d notice. Until, about halfway through the night, his lesbian mum told me just casually in conversation about something else, kitchen slag camaraderie, that he was fourteen. Oh, I shouldn’t say that, she corrected herself. He’ll be fifteen in a few months. I had to excuse myself and go outside and laugh. Jasus! It was all business after that with me and Brett, let me tell ya. That grow up so quick now a days, don’t they.

So there you go. It’s a public holiday to commemorate the Anzacs, Aby’s up at Bolago trying to get over her sleep depravation. She can’t sleep down here because of the noise from the pub, and we reckon that’s half her problem. So she’s staying in the country for a bit.

It was soooo beautiful up there today. The garden is truly magnificent. It’s just the most amazing picture, complimented by the lake and framed by the majestically tall gum trees, capped by a turquoise sky. A gentle breeze blew.

So I’ve got the house to myself and I’m going to trawl the internet for sex.

Happy days. Christian

PS. Perhaps I’ll email Christos. After all, you did give me his email address.

Big Hello – Apparently

SMS. 9.58. Another fun night, another early morning. I think I must have lost my touch Miss. Who got married? How was the 14 year old? – Tom

SMS. 10.20. Do u remember Angelo, went out with Anthony? (He’s dead so don’t worry) Angelo’s brother Mark – christian

Well, all I can say is you be bighearted about being forgotten and what does she admit – not only dumped me for a joint but then at the realisation, dumped for his mother!!! What would Pope Benedictus say about that I wonder? Lamb of god do ya love me, do ya love, do ya love me O Simon? Then watch me sheep will ya, verilly and forsooth she says. Yer right, righto says Simon son of Simon. Get that cross will ya...?

Nevertheless, how happy to see your old pop-up on the old screen. Not dead yet as I tactfully emailed Tom. And as you sit bleary eyed before yon screen, Greek cum crusts cracking in your eye-corners I say unto you: two months to go...

What shall I get my parents? I still haven't posted me Christmas letter and prezzie and the Video club warning has come round again. What, 1 week already? Goodness me. Someone will have to go trippetty trip up the street in a minute let me tell you. So what shall I get them? A crucifix? A swastika?

Lots of 60s years memorial stuff going on here constantly on tv. I tell you, any aspect of that Shoah/Haulocost is revolting. Truly so. Tired of being fascinated by it.

We had the Danes here – not a sausage. I was less frustrated this time, but I don't like Jürgen at all and Lars was being far too faithful thank you very much. They're gone. We'd had the Swedes before and now we'll have the Gay Italian swimmers. Now you're talking! Uli surprised me after a gardening marathon yesty (6am to 9pm) - there was a mediterraenean type exiting as I entered. Who are you I asked. I'm Alex (heart-failure?). Alex I asked Uli – Oh, our new (Bulgarian) cleaner. Lukas from Czech Republic didn't turn up one time too many. So now we have the lovely Alexander from Varna. Where else, I ask you? She's meant to be a big top but she looks like Christos (with whom I understand you have totally NOT been in contact).

Well chook, I'm off to our lovely sunny terrace to lie in the hammock. I may do some marking. I may not.

Hooroo!

Josh

Tight. Stiff. The Thought of Driving Anywhere Seems Abhorrent

Saturday. Wedding. My head is thick from all the dope I have smoked. Down the back of my neck. Tight. Stiff. The thought of driving anywhere seems abhorrent. Let alone, serving people. Of course, I’ve had a joint. Two. I’ll have to leave soonish. That’s what Luke called for last night, to see if I could bring dope up. Just before the nana comment. J He’s cute, that Luke.

It’s now 10am. Time is ticking away. Tick, tick, tick. Bugger! But, it’s a long weekend. Yay! You gotta love that.

SMS. 9.59. The street I am staying in is filled with Victorian Mansions. We should buy one! They are beautiful! – Tom

SMS. 10.10. And we could live happily ever after in Sydney? – christian

SMS. 10.30. No we’d just have it as a Sydney pad. I would never live here. Miss, do you think I’m mad?! – Tom

SMS. 10.57. Where r u staying? – christian

SMS. 11.15. Stanmore – Tom

I’ve still got a huge zit on my cheek. I sure hope I don’t frighten any of the guests.

SMS. 12.33. (Guido) Did Luke get in contact with u? – christian

SMS. 12.49. (Guido) R u home now? – christian

I left for Bolago at 1pm without the dope. What was I going to do, with no pot to pacify my nicotine cravings?

SMS. 18.54. Miss! Another lovely day, catching up with an old b/f Jason in leafy parklands. Another feast tonight, no sign of drugs! – Tom

SMS. 19.40. Out of pot, smoking ciggies. G’s got a lot to answer for! But, I’m in the middle of a wedding, so I’ve gotta go – christian

SMS. 19.40. Wow who? Christian sounds funny but I think I am glad for you xxxx – Tom

SMS. 20.29. Glad? – christian

SMS. 21.19. Glad ya not just smoking heaps of pot is what I meant – Tom

SMS. 21.34. I knew what you meant… there’s not a pretty one amongst them… except for the hired helps 14 year old son. He’s 14? Jasus! – christian

Identical in ever way, we had them measured

Your Big, Fat, Flapping Gob Has Been Very Quiet?

SMS. 7.49. (Rachel) Your big, fat, flapping gob has been very quiet? – christian 

When Bette said last night that last time she was here that all her fans were on drugs and now they are on medication, pretty much sums up her concert. She was fantastic, the consummate professional, such a fine singer, but it was a concert from a sixty year old woman who's been doing it for a long time. It was slick, it was practised it was controlled. She sang fantastically well, interestingly, singing songs differently, because she had to? Maybe? But such talented singing, none the less.

Leah and I rode the tram together to work. She’s staying at Joan’s tonight. It was nice being out with her last night. 

Tom is in Sydney. He went yesterday. I didn’t email him today. I kind of felt that he has been grumpy with me, so I thought maybe a rest would be a good thing.

I’ve got a big pimple on my cheek.

SMS. 12.22. Just got out of bed am about 2 go 2 the beach. 4 kids ain’t all bad! Thought of you last night, horrible thoughts. xxx – Rachel 

SMS. 13.00. She was fantastic – christian 

I was grumpy today, constant nicotine withdrawal, to be sure. Beck even got jack of it, when I got cross about Belinda, not coming to authorise payments, continually. Maybe Mel is right, Belinda does have a bit of the princess in her when she is stressed. It shits me how she continually does that. Well, it shitted me today.

I’ve got to practice calm at work. Keep the mouth shut and all of that.

SMS. 15.25. Fuck off – Rachel

SMS. 15.26. He, he, he! – christian 

Aby’s peaking out still. I know how she feels. One day I’ve just got to do something fabulous, so I am a bloody big success. It’s a burden when your field is in the arts. It’s a hard slog, littered with the debris of those who tried before. 

Now I’m stoned and home alone and kind of lonely, to tell you the truth. I feel lonely tonight, lonely for love.

Maybe I’ll get even more ripped, have a cup of soup and go to bed.

Maybe I’ll go plug my phone in, it’s been flat for hours.

But no one’s calling.

SMS. 18.17. had a lovely day in the sun on Bondi Beach. Water was amazingly gorgeous. Oh god I love it here. How was Bette – Tom.

I do have to leave the house, as Tom says, to meet the man of my dreams. He’s out there and he’s not going to come knocking on the door.

Ah, what do I want?

I don’t know.

Some cute attentive man, who has a life and things to do, who wants to come over and play cocks and kiss and cuddle.

Someone who is interesting. Someone who has things to say.

I must say that I am really taken with D’s boyfriend. Only in the sense, that he and D are cute together. It’s nice to watch – he’s nice to look at – when we are all out dancing. Boyfriends are always interesting, to watch surreptitiously. 

David Timothy Chambers. I promised D I would never directly call him that.

Someone who’s nice to be with. Someone who wants to be with me.

Luke called to see if I was going up to Bolago tonight. When I told him I was getting into bed to watch television, he called me a nana.

SMS. 19.42. (Tom) She sang great! Very controlled. Very polished. Sixty years old. Been around a long time. She sang all of her songs. 21/2 hours. She’s beautiful – christian

Bette Midler

I puffed on a joint before I went to work, bad Christian! Just the traditional four puffs. I’ve done that a few times lately. I guess that’s bad Christian!

Yeah, you read right, before work. It was all feeling a bit pointless there for a microsecond.

With tracing my birth Mum, I did that in 1999.

No kids to the same Dad.

Is that why you are asking?

Tom

Have a lovely week Miss.

Tom

You too miss. Have a good flight. Say hello to Sydney for me.

christian

Mark and Luke

Well, gosh look at the time. (11.11) Hello. Big smile.

christian

Leah arrived at my office at 16.15. So we both left for home after that.

SMS. 16.26. Hi luv! What time do you get good this evening? – Julien.

Julien was waiting outside when we got home.

SMS. 18.38. (Aby) R u home? – christian

We went to Bette Midler with Leah and Mark and Luke and Julien. (Jules was out of hospital for the night) at the Rod Laver Arena.

She was fantastic! She sang everything. Skylark. Shiver me timbers. She told jokes. She did all of her usual stuff. It’s funny how someone can do the same show for thirty years and it still remain fresh and vibrant.

So Called Hello

Hello

Josh

A little voice, so alone, so lonely, so small – tippy tappying away into the nothingness, oblivion... did fair break my heart when I read it.

Christian

Christian, you have NO HEART...

Write a note on your hand:  I will pay (more) attention.

Stop being so depressed by the way. If you're smoking too much (it's supposed to be fun or relaxing not getting you through the day), well, smoke less. But you know that Betty. Because you, er, keep mentioning it – are you worried? If so, then take some steps.

By the way – it's fine being (sham) cynical – it warms the cockles of my heart. We all know, via Betty la Bobo and puppy dogs and rain and great hunks of spunk that you are really a softy (push over, er, at times) at heart, even if you haven't got one. However, keep it up – it keeps us amused.

As for forgetting about me, what can I say?  Am I NOT important and the be all and end all of your puny existence over there in Liberal Land.  Not? My God.

I remain your moliest Mole,

Josh Mole

No, no, I do have a heart. I’ve had it scientifically checkout. It’s there. Have no doubt. Boom, boom, boom.

You know Ethel; you can do anything at all, but don’t forget them. Jasus! Forget them and they get all hoy-paloy and nasty cats-bum and snarl and bite and turn their backs. Oh no, don’t ever make the mistake of forgetting them. Never forgiven. Never! Even if it was a huge mistake. Even if you’d rather die than leave them feeling as though they are appealing to the ether. They’ll have no words about heart-brokeness then. No siree Bob! They’ll never believe you after that that they are one of the five most important people in your life. Na. Not a chance! Too cross. Spun on the old heal and left by then. Make no mistakes.

In fact that’s a good motto for life, make no mistakes.

Depressed? Me? Moi? Miss, surely you jest. I haven’t been depressed since 1972. Look, Big Smile! No, no, far too happy to be depressed down here.

Smoke too much dope? Can you do that? Really. Who’d have thought? Gosh, you learn something every day, don’t ya Mabel.

Cynical? Soft? Push over? Surely you describe someone else. One of your many fliberty gibet others.

Oh come, come. Light of my life you surely are. One frigging mistake. Sheesh!

Now come on, you can do it… think lovely Christian fletcher. Lovely, lovely, Christian fletcher. Lovely, lovely, LOVERLY, Christian fletcher. See, you feel much better all ready.

christian

Bone Marrow Donor

SMS. 9.46. Chriso can you let me know when you’ve dropped the papers down stairs so I can call the conveyancer…ta – Jane

The saga of the house papers for Thornbury. I only had to drop them downstairs to (name of lawyer), though. So, it wasn’t so bad.

Hey Christian

Hope this finds you lovely.

I went to Keith's last night for dinner, and actually had dinner!

Followed by a rather predictable "dessert" compliments of his housemate, which was a little bit wicked and a little bit boring.

Home in bed by 2.

Andrew the haematologist has told me that a potential bone marrow donor has been found, a 47yr old in the US.

They are doing more tests but so far it looks "promising".

Hmmmm.

Keith is going to come with me next time to help me make sure I remember questions like "can they just put his cells on ice for me" etc...

Have a big day today ending with a doc's appointment at 3 in Carlton, so I may well be @ yr place catching some Z's when you get home.

Hope ya day is good Christian.

xT

How’s that evil Ratzinger?!

Well, that's fantastic news about the dinner, eating that is. Good old Keith. I had dinner with Lauri, which was nice. He was over for Bette Midler. I told him that was very gay.

And that's fantastic news about the donor. (Why would someone become a bone marrow donor?) All things going well, you'll have some kind of connection with a 47 year old yank. Ooo, you'll be part American.

What did Ratzinger do?

christian

Ratzinger became the Pope today, he's the most evil one of the lot.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. When I switch onto myself all I feel right now is terror.

So, yes, I can be the US connection.

And he's from Idaho or something, they grow them strapping up there surely.

"How old are you?"

"Which part are you asking!"

I'm soon to the doctors, and am unsure whether I am going back to Dingley or not, so if you see me you shall see me.

I could do with a nap!

xTom

At least Ratzinger is 78 years old, so the old c*nt will be dead very soon. They are like the tin-ducks at the shooting gallery... 

Terror miss? I'm not surprised. I don't really know how to alleviate that, other then to say that everything has gone okay so far... I can't feel it going any other way from here.

I sat next to a guy who has had chemotherapy for the last nine years. He has now lost his sight and his hearing but it is keeping him alive. How's that? He's written a book, "Don't postpone the Joy."

Idaho? Makes me think of straw and sun and wide open places. It's really a lovely thought. Never been there, so I don't know why. But I'm taking it as a good sign.

Would you have any luck tracing your birth mother, father etc?

christian

I chatted to Josh on MSN for a moment, before I got sidetracked by Tom and wandered off. Josh was cross.

Tom said that Keith’s flat mate gave him a loaded fit for desert last night. Keith’s lost the plot on crystal, lately, apparently. Tom says it’s because he’s never been loved.

SMS. 21.11. Let’s book over the weekend – Jill

SMS. 21.15. Sure. Any day but Saturday – christian