Music Picks

Lotusflow3r - Prince

White Flags Of Winter Chimneys - Wendy & Lisa

Sheba - Sheba Williams

Renaissance - Q Tip

Re Generations - Nat King Cole

Testimony Vol 2/Love & Politics - India Arie

Thruth Accordiing to - Ruthie Foster

Get It Together - Sola Rosa

Dark Was The Light - Various

Little Honey - Lucinda Williams

I guess these are from my ex-boyfriend Lauri. He works in the music industry and he's a DJ and a Prince fanatic.

And all this music just looks like him.

He must have given them to me at some stage, I guess.

16.03.2009

L's Picks for 2008

L's top 5 for 2008 -

1 - Labelle - Back To Now
2 - Grace Jones - Hurricane
3 - Hercules and Love Affair - S/T
4 - Duffy - Rockferry
5 - Friendly Fires - S/T

Firemen

The firemen finally get a huge house fire under control and Chief Brown has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rossetti.
After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rossetti, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles and Olson is fucking him from behind.
Rossetti was moaning from Olson's size.
"What the hell is going on?" says Chief Brown.
Olson says, "Rossetti passed out from smoke inhalation."
"Smoke inhalation? says the chief. "You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"
Olson says, "I did, Chief, but then one thing led to another..."

Three Little Ducks

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, 'Hi, and what's your name?'

'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.

'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked.

'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?'



The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'

'No,' he said, batting his eyelashes. 'My name is Puddles.'

Elephant story

Blondes and animals

Lauri said, If the python scared you

Olive (the) Python

Science Fair

Here's a photo that my exboyfriend sent me from a science fair.

My ex Says Christian Bale Could Play Me

Lauri's Favourites @ the Moment

hi here's my latest music fav's

chaka khan - funk this

rahsaan patterson - wine and spirits

betty lavette - scene of the crime

renee geyer - dedicated

billy holiday - remixed and reimagined

The Wog Boy Thing

I used to think that I didn't have a type, something Tom used to scoff at. I've been with a variety of boys, three boy friends out of five have been Aussies. But, there has been a variety of olive skinned brothers. Lying here in my sick bed, I got to thinking about them.

Michael, a fine boned Greek boy, handsome as hell, who I used to hook up with at 80. He loved being fucked.

Lee was a big, boofy Greek boy who looked like an Adonis as he stood before me in his white and blue striped jocks, his giant slug of a cock swelling. Lee was hairy and I loved it. What legs! He wanted to marry me and live happily ever after. I wanted to explore the world.

Dean was a handsome Sicilian, who stuttered, who was a nervous, virgin twenty two year old pup, who'd ventured out just for a look on a whim, when I undid the belt of his jeans. We became the best of friends.

My beautiful Italian boy friend, Lauri; perfection with beautiful green eyes. Every centimetre of that boy's body was perfect.

Carl was a Maltese straight boy who I had a platonic relationship with that eventually turned sexual in a spa late one night after being out. He doesn't really count as we only had sex once, except we had this boyfriend, clubber thing previously for years. He was just beautiful.

Maurice was a cheeky Italian, who liked nothing more than me arriving late and tipping him upside down. I've never known a boy who like it up his arse quite as much as Maurice did. He'd come alive with dirty talk. He was always trying to get me to bare back him. He loved cumming twice as he got screwed, never losing his hardon.

Manny was quite simply the boy I like sleeping with more than all the others on the list. Sexy gym-head who kissed like an angel and who felt like heaven in my arms.

So, there's been a few, I guess. It's been my experience with Mediterranean lads, they like cocks and tongues. They all have loved their arses licked and their beautiful cocks sucked. Beautiful skin; they taste good and they smell good.

Come on Tom, send me Nick. You said you would if you possibly could.

Just a Cup of Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I ? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

 

New Words for the New Millennium

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for a fat person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a Project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located .

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in .

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home, after a booze cruise, at 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL/BITCH PISS
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's Got 4 buttocks.

An Australian, a Kiwi and a South African

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.

All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

"In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

"Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either," he says.

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi. He turns to the astonished barman and says,

"In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

 

Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

Dinner with Lauri

It was my ex, Lauri's birthday, last Tuesday, so I went over to his parent's place for a big wog dinner. He's in Australia, with his current boyfriend, for a few weeks. There were the parents, the uncles and the aunties, the brother's and the sisters, nieces and nephews and the friends, gay and straight. I so love those big, wog family get-togethers, they are really cool. Big and noisy and food forever. English and Italian; conversations where one person is speaking one language and the other person is answering in another.

The food was cooked outside in the kitchen in the garage and on the BBQ and laid out in side and we all ate on a big long table in the garden, between the vegi patch and the rabbit hutch. Everybody chatting, laughing and drinking, into the night.

Lauri and I got caught smoking a J when his mother and other gusts came out the front. His mother's only reaction was to call us cheeky boys. I love his mum, she's gorgeous and she always loves to see me. Then we smoked it with a few of the rels standing around, admiring the olive tree and the lemon tree and nobody seemed to care. Wog families are so carefree when it comes to some things that Aussie families would freak out about... and then they're weird about other things that Aussie families wouldn't care about. I think that's why I love my time with them, different values, different ways of living.

It's such a big, extended family, loving, melting pot, Lauri and his family. I told him he was lucky and he replied, To think I was embarrassed by them for so many years.

We ate, we drank and we all sang happy birthday. Lauri, of course, had three cakes, the prodigal son, after all, returned. His birthday is such an occasion, he just loves it.

Towards the end of the night when the guys had had plenty of wine, they started saying that nephew Carlo - Lauri's sister's 17 year old son - was definitely... I'd never thought that before, I've known him since he was four, after all. Then I caught his eye catching mine and he smiled and he kept looking, as I deliberately looked at him. He was coy and sweet and blushed a little, but mostly he smiled and sparkled. Yep, I thought. How about that? I reckon he is one for our team. Cute Carlo, who'd have thought? It had never crossed my mind before.

Then I realised he was looking over at me all the time, after that. What beautiful, big, brown eyes, he has. What a cute smile. So I kept catching his eye and he kept looking and smiling and looking away and looking back. Whenever I spoke, he seemed to be inordinately interested in what I was saying.

The siblings and the guys were the last to leave.

As we were all leaving, Carlo was standing in front of me, as we waited for everyone to get their shit together and say good bye. I was bad, I couldn't help myself. I ran my eyes down Carlo to the bulge in his shorts and then back up again. He blushed and instinctively moved his hand in front of his pants and then blushed and smiled and his eyes looked at me with a burning intensity, fixed on me. I smiled and he smiled in acknowledgment, we connected there and then, standing between the garage and the side gate, as the other's chatted in the distance. Then his mother came out with his sister and said, Come on lets go and Carlo left, looking back at me until he was around the corner of the house and out of sight.

When I got out the front, he announced, to me, proudly that he was driving his mother's new Honda. I smiled and said great and his eyes stayed locked on me. I smiled and said good bye and he did to. He waved enthusiastically, as I drove off.

Silly hey, but I couldn't get the smile off my face, as I drove away. I wondered if he had his uncle's big... well, you know what I wondered... probably, I thought, and then I smiled even more.

One More Sleep