Complaints

I now answer all phone calls with the greeting, "Complaints." I think it puts everybody in the mood for what is coming next. It screws with the teli marketers heads, though, they soon hang up. Click. Dial tone. He he. "You got that far, why not hang on for a little abuse."

People laugh. People stutter.

I start using it around 3pm in the afternoon, as that is when Sam calls to see if my morning chores have been completed and to give me the shopping list and the schedule for dinner for the evening. Who is cooking it and what have you. I can tell by dialler ID, naturally.

Sam just doesn't buy having a boyfriend stay home and do nothing all day. I'm not sure what is with that? Just difficult to get along with, I tell him. 

A friend of mine said that it was a power trip answering the phone that way, the power derived from the satisfaction of hearing the person on the other end squirm.

I think you are over thinking it, I told him. Nah, I just think it is funny.

Every time I greet a caller that way, I think of Sheldon Cooper telling everyone that Graham Robert Alexander Bell (is that his name?) proposed that everybody answer the phone by saying, Ahoy.

That still makes me laugh.

Sam is Helpdesk - to all my friends, certainly - but he just wont answer the phone that way, no matter how much encouragement there is from me. He won't answer the phone at all, if the truth be known. Just his mobile, and I can't really blame him for that.

Get with the program. Boyfriends are great, but this "free will" they seem to want to exercise, who can tolerate that?