You know Michaela Cash has a penis

Little Black Centipede

I watched a centipede crawling up my toilet wall, as I sat and, well, you know what I was doing.

Where are you going, I thought?

Mate, you are way off track, and without hope, I would guess, I thought next.

So far from the garden. And up the toilet wall was certainly not in the right direction.

So, when I was done, I knocked him off the wall onto my hand and carried him out into the garden. (Okay, I could have washed my hands first, sure)

"Now, don't come back inside again," I said sternly.

See, apex predators aren't all bad.

You Can Dance In Isolation

He is just about perfect. No, actually, he is perfect

The truth of us being all in lockdown, is that the Morrison Government got it so wrong at the beginning allowing the virus to escape, that they have been running to catch it ever since.

 

Have I told you how adorable Buddy and Bruno are together? I guess I have

It Could Be The Answer

I'm loving working from home.

I can imagine a revolution coming out of this where lots of us working from home now realise we can work from home in the future? Imagine? Congestion lessens, peak hour traffic decreases, all the peak hour nonsense decreases, pressure on public service dissipates, stress levels go down, carbon emissions go down, how much time do each of us save, we all get more leisure, imagine?

It could be the answer to modern life woes? So many gains, potentially.

 

Working From Home

My first day of working from home. My boss Boris and I decided a week ago, as we were all told to work from home, but then our boss  told us the company had changed its mind and we'd be divided into two teams. I decided not to confirm what we were doing, instead I just decided to work from home any way.

Boris questioned me early in the morning, but my workplace is pretty laid back and I knew nobody would be upset.

Sam set me up in our dining room, he uses the lunge room.

I connected my laptop to a second large screen. I'm not sure how I would have coped just on my laptop, but I didn't have to. I was connected to everyone from the office. I communicate with my colleagues by email mostly anyway.

The day went quickly.

I like working from home.

Working from Home

So, home today, Sam and I, and Buddy and Bruno, of course. Four Laptops on the coffee table, two personal and two work laptops, even if my work laptop isn't turned on. Today and tomorrow are my normal days off. We're staying home, only going to the super market to shop for food. Sam and I are kind of home bodies anyway so it isn't such a great stretch. I don't really understand people getting bored at home.

Sam's been working from home for weeks. I was supposed to be working from home from next Monday, but we had a meeting late yesterday afternoon at work where our boss told us that they have effectively changed their mind about us all working from home. Now it is two teams who will be taking it in turns working from home, one week on, one week off. Apparently, it is because the govt hasn't enforced a lock down. (roll of the eyes) 

To tell you the truth, I think is is pretty poor. We should all be working from home. I was ready to work form home. It is what the experts tell us, social isolating to slow down the rate of spread of the virus, flatten the curve, save lives and all that. But, I am working from home next week, and anything could happened in a week, let's face it. An exponential rise in cases and maybe I don't have to go back to work in a week after all.

Cross your fingers.

Walking to work this morning

What's Depressing

You know what is really depressing? Selfish fools are buying everything they need and what they can’t possibly need, and people in need, or of less capacity, are going without, being starved of things in a society where there is plenty for everybody. And you know some of those selfish cunts will be fronting up at the shops when this is over wanting refunds for the excess goods they have bought, which they never needed, without a moment of self reflection.

But you know what is depressing? You know, the experts are on every form of communication going on and on and on and on, on every channel, and every program, coming out of the wood work, lining up to gives us their learned opinion, ad infinitum, until one feels like throwing one’s hands in the air saying,

“Okay, okay, okay, I get it, I get it, I get it!”

But there are a lot of stupid people in the world, who are as dumb as a box of rocks, and the message keeps needing to be stated.

You know what is really depressing? You know, this a virus to which none of us have immunity, and sure some people will die and that is awful, but the vast majority will survive it, even if you contract it, you will most likely survive. And most likely, it will last months and not years, and probably the medical teams will come up with a vaccine and we will all be vaccinated against the Corona virus and the problem will, effectively, go away.

You know what is really depressing? What is going to happen when the effects of global warming really hit? Because you know what, the effects of global warming are not going to go away, they are going to be permanent. The corona virus is a dress rehearsal, in many ways, for the effects of climate change, and we haven’t done that well. That’s what’s really depressing.

How Do You Get A Haircut In This Post Contagion World?

Going for a hair cut. How do you keep a metre distance from a hairdresser? Do they have to develop Reed Richards, Fantastic 4 skills to stay in business. That would mean eyes out on stalks too, I'm guessing. Can you imagine, like some LSD trip, or a hairdresser from Deep Space 9.

I'm not taking this very seriously, as you can see. But, I need a haircut, whatever way this all pans out. Do I have to wait four months for a haircut, I usually go once a month. I'd look like my 16 year self if I had to wait.

Not talking it seriously? Well, there is no plan B for a haircut. Of course, it is all fun and games until you wake up with a sore throat and a fever, hey.

Peter Dutton Dead yet?

No Hope

If I caught myself praying in a bad situation, I'd realise that was the moment that all hope was lost.

OCD's hand washing death spiral

Differences

If I buy hot cross buns, I am an unmitigated pig. If Sam buys hot cross buns, it is shopping.

(I think it is outrageous, well, you expected me to think something else? Perhaps? Ha ha.)

Why Does Mental Illness So Often Mean Belief In God

We take the dogs for a walk, early.

It is a sunny, crisp, cool morning

I can see him coming from across the road, the wide eyes of the mentally challenged are easy to recognise.

Then almost on cue, in rapid fire delivery.

“I saw you in church brother.”

“No, you didn’t,” I say.

“I saw you in church brother.”

“No, you didn’t,” I say.

“Don’t you go to church, brother?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“You don’t go to church, brother?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you pray in church, brother.”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you pray in church, brother.”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you believe Jesus, brother.”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you believe in Jesus, brother?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you believe in God?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Do you believe in God, brother?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“You don’t believe in God, brother?”

“No,” I say.

“I’ll pray for you, brother.”

“Don’t waste your time,” I say.

“I’ll pray for you, brother.”

“Please don’t,” I say.

“You don’t want me to pray for you?”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

“You don’t want me to pray for you, brother?”

“No,” I say.

“I’ll pray for you brother.”

“Please don’t.”

“I’ll pray for you brother?”

“It means nothing to me,” I say.

“I’ll pray for you, brother.”

“Suit yourself,” I say.

There, he got what he wanted.

And then he was gone.

A Long Term Relationship

Permission to see your partner naked in stages of ever increasing decrepitude 

Stop your whining and wash your hands