I woke up at 2am and had a piss. I could hear Charlie downstairs still awake, what is he pissing about at this time, I thought. He is one for staying up late, and getting up late, and now that his uni exams are over, I guess he can do whatever he likes.
I hurried up in the bathroom, as he often seemed to have a shower in the middle of the night and I just wanted to get back to sleep.
I couldn’t sleep, after that, I tossed and turned. I was too hot, for some reason. I don't know why? I have a sore shoulder, which I may, or may not, have strained at the gym, I am not sure about that, but it seems to feel more painful if it gets cold, so I was keeping that under the bed clothes which didn’t help with the temperature thing.
I found myself thinking about the US election and the injustice of not only that the orange criminal is getting away with his crimes, but now he had the opportunity to destroy a fair and equitable America in the process, especially for minority groups.
You know, unless you are white, heterosexual and christian in America now you just won't count.
It could be argued that his election win will cement the extinction of the human race. The climate scientists are already saying that without immediate and drastic action there is a good chance the human race is not going to survive, and now you have this right wing simpleton opportunist who is about to destroy all American climate change measures.
The world is actually doomed.
Oh, this is ridiculous, I told myself, the great thing about all of this is that I am not American, stop thinking about it. Then I turned my mind to what I would do if I won 20 million dollars in lotto. First thing that came to mind to get my mind off the other.
(with that thought, I checked my lotto numbers just now and I won $101)
I don't know if I dozed off, or not, but then I heard Charlie in the bathroom, so I looked at my watch and it was 4am, so I must have dozed off.
Bruno climbed up onto the bed and sat in the very middle, and I sat up and hugged him in the dark and he pushed his muzzle into my neck. His rhythmic breathing was comforting.
Then I dreamed. I was in the office, I think I may have even been in my last days with the company. I was chatting to a colleague, I think, about how good it was going to be to leave, to get out, when an exec came and collected me, who may not have liked me so much.
“Can you come with me,” she asked.
When I looked quizzical as to why, she said, “You wrote a really good attack ad recently.”
I was taken into and office with a few other execs and they were doing some advertising for a private jet hire for which they wanted a bi line for the advertising they were writing.
They showed me what they had. Then they all stood back and waited for my ideas.
The new way to travel, was my first thought, but I didn’t think that was strong enough.
There was a row of windows along one wall, through which a corridor was visible. Dev Patel came and stood outside the window, waving at me as he appeared to wait, I think, for me.
My next idea was to tie it to all those things we don’t like about corporate culture, but which would resonate with corporate types none the less. I remember taking my bottom lip between my fingers and gazing at the assembled faces waiting patiently for my answer.
Then Tom Hiddleston came in and kind of nudged me out of the way with a sideways push of his body and he bent over in front of me in a snug fitting blue suit kind of pointing his arse at me, resting his hands on his knees sucking up to the execs clearly wanting something. I looked down and thought, I know what I am going to do if you keep pointing that at me.
And at that point I came up with the line. “Upwardly Mobile,” I said.
One of the guys looked at me and thought for a minute, and the other guy and girl said they loved it.
I was pleased they liked it. I was just about to take Tom Hiddleston by the hips and move him sideways and I woke up.
6.05am. I got up. The house was still half dark, just lighting up in each room. I headed downstairs, and the house seemed to get incrementally lighter with every step that I took.
I made coffee and Milo came and cuddled up with me on the couch as he often does in the morning when the coast is clear of bulldogs.
I’ve never thought about Tom Hiddleston’s arse before, and I don’t know what possessed me, but I googled it, and there are lots of images to look at when you google Tom Hiddleston's arse.
