Festivus

What happened to summer? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. But it's cold, like winter cold. It snowed in parts of Melbourne?

Xmas day went off without a hitch. Like clock-work, really. We gathered at Mark's brother's house for lunch, out in the hills outside Melbourne.

We looked at the new shed on the property, it's huge, of course. And the new tack room, for the wife's horses - she was plastered by the end, naturally. When she told six year old niece, A, who'd taken a shine to me for the day, to put her cold hands between my legs to warm them up, I wondered about taking the fish bowl of Chardonnay out of her hand. I adore her, don't get me wrong, but the demon drink sure takes her away. We looked at pa's new car, took it for a spin even. When pa said to give me a drive on the way back, I wondered what effect the four stubbies would have had on me, as I whirred the new car through it's paces around the windy, country roads. Nice it was too, although, I'd have gone for a darker blue.

Only the children, of which we're not classified, any longer, got presents. The family has been doing its bit for Australia - thank you Mr Costello - the place was littered with babies. Beautiful children, all of them. The family certainly produces gorgeous children - no more on the way, at the moment, even if there is one daughter who hasn't produced. She's had two amazingly beautiful husbands/boyfriends, either of who would have made a suitable sperm donor.

Then we all headed over to Lotties - me, Mark, Luke and friend Julien - to spend a few hours with her. My brother said that he was heading to Melbourne, but he wasn't coming to visit her, which made Lottie cry, Xmas morning when I called her first up. She was calling him a traitor for visiting his in-laws and not her. It pissed me off - if he wasn't up for visiting her, fine, but why tell her? But then when I was there, Lottie said that he was driving down from Brisbane and not flying, so I pointed out to her that he wouldn't even be in Melbourne by Xmas day. I'm not sure if she was accepting that excuse, or not?

Lottie had whipped up a feast, despite me telling her that we wouldn't be very hungry after a big lunch. But, I guess it was Xmas and she wanted to put on a spread, regardless. We'd all blown a joint in the car before we got there. Lottie said we all looked tired... and we were, very "tired" mum.

"Big lunch mum," I said. "You know what Xmas is like?"

Mark fell asleep on the couch, as Lottie and the rest of us, chatted. She was pleased.

We got back to the country by 10pm and watched a Friends marathon, smoking more pot, until the wee, small hours.

Don't you just love Xmas? Family, food, holidays, what is there not to like?