Ah drunks? Er!
I went up to the country, Saturday night, and they were having a fortieth birthday party for a friend. A lot of food was eaten, a lot of alcohol was drunk. More alcohol than food, to be sure. Smashed, they were all mostly, pissed as maggots.
Todd was the one gay boy amongst the group and he seemed to be having a boring time.
"Can't we liven this party up," he slurred repeatedly to me, in that annoying, can't be told, drunken way. "I want to hang out with you guys," he said cross-eyed.
Well, Mark, Luke and I are not drinkers. Oh sure, we can down a pot to be sociable with the best of them, but as far as dealing with drunks... get away from me Claude, is most usually our response. So some smashed flotsam and jetsam wanting to hang out is just not our thing. Not at all. Mostly, we walk away from such people.
A little later, Todd asked me where I slept.
"You have your own bed?"
"I have the best bed in the house," I said. "In front of an open fire." Er? What did that sound like, I thought.
"Shall we head down there," he said.
Gosh, that's a surprise, I thought. "No. Mark's down there watching TV having quiet time." And the last thing he wants down there is a drunk like you.
"I'm soooo pissed," said Todd, sipping on, what looked like, water.
No shit Sherlock! "Water will do you good," I said.
"This is not water, this is vodka," he slurred, as he staggered backwards towards the garden.
Why do I waste my time with drunks, I thought, as I headed back inside.
They were all smashed, but happy drunks, mostly. All the boys seemed gay to me, but I'm happy to believe that was probably just me. The whole world is gay, don't you know.
Luke and I wondered where Todd was, a little while later. He didn't seem to be any where around. We headed off to bed, to smoke a couple of j's before we retired.
It was quiet in our retreat, as quiet as a mouse.
Luke came out of the bedroom, with some tallyhos. "Todd's in bed with Mark."
"You are kidding?"
"I wish I was."
Mark came out a bit later. "He crawled into bed with me, I thought it was you," he said looking at Luke. "First, he tried to maul me and now he's snoring vodka breath all over me. It's disgusting!"
Luke rolled his eyes.
"He said you said it would be all right?"
Luke laughed his Luke laugh. "I said it would not be all right," said Luke.
"I'm so fucking tired. Fuck! I hate drunks!" said Mark. "Ah! Can you get him out? I just want to sleep."
We smoked the joint. Luke said he was going back to the kitchen to clean up."
Luke was pissed off. Mark was pissed off.
"I've got to sleep. Fuck it!" Mark crawled back into bed to make the most of it. I suspected Luke was so pissed off he may well have not come back.
I sat and smoked another joint and thought fuck him! I felt okay, awake enough and detached enough to act.
I marched into the bedroom, tapped Todd on the feet and said, "Todd, you can't sleep here, get up!"
"What?" slurred Todd.
"You can't sleep here, get up," I repeated. "Give me your hand and I'll help you."
"Why can't I? Huh?"
"Um... because they don't want you here."
"I'm just sleeping."
"Well, you can sleep some where else."
"Go and sleep some where else," said Mark from under the covers.
A short time later, Todd came staggering out naked and stood in front of the fire. Nice body, good legs, eyes crossed, like he was stupid. Uncut cock, shrivelled like a worm.
"Why did you drag me out of their bed?"
"Because they are both tired and..."
"Why you?"
"What does it matter?" I was rolling a joint, I wasn't interested in debating the in's and out's of mine and Mark's and Luke's relationship.
"I see who has all the power in this relationship."
I laughed, like he was being ridiculous.
"Why are you laughing," he said, in that drunk, obstinate way.
"I have power around here, sure, but you are wrong if you think I have ultimate power."
"I don't know where my clothes are?" he said, as he adjusted his cock, absentmindedly.
I couldn't have cared less, at that point, but then if I didn't find his clothes, he wouldn't leave.
I found him his clothes. He looked good dressed in just his jocks, dare I say sexy.
He said he didn't have a boyfriend and all he wanted to do was cuddle. I get lonely, you know, is cuddling so bad? He seemed such a sad figure, all of a sudden. I felt sorry for him.
"I'll have some of the joint," he said. He insisted.
"It'll make you sick," I said. "After all that alcohol. You'll pass out."
"I still want some."
"Okay," I said. I handed him the joint.
"So it's all right if I pass out, then?"
"What?"
"I'll pass out down here. So that's okay?" he said, as he missed the ashtray and stubbed the joint into the table cloth.
"Oh?" Whatever, I thought. I didn't know what to say.
"So its okay?"
I was too tired by then. "Sure, I said. Whatever you want." My tiredness was showing in my voice.
"So you are angry with me?"
"No, I'm just tired. You can sleep with me... just sleep, though."
I handed him the joint, thinking it would knock him out.
"In front of the open fire," he said. He smiled at me.
Yeah, I thought, but I didn't say anything.
We both smoked the joint and then I went to help Luke, thinking he'd have passed out by the time we got back.
I told Luke he was out of his bed. He is going to sleep with me... because I'm as weak as piss.
"He'll be asleep when we get back, I gave him lots of joint."
Luke just smiled his rye smile.
Of course, he wasn't asleep when we got back and he wanted to be reassured that he hadn't overstepped the mark, because he was feeling like he had by that stage.
Finally, I thought.
"You have," said Luke. "But don't worry about it now... just go to sleep."
We gave him more dope. The boy has a constitution of an ox, I thought, as it didn't seem to have any effect.
He ended up slurring in that way that only the really drunk can after we reassured him every thing was all right.
"Well, I don't give a fuck what you think any more, anyway."
"Good for you," I said, because I couldn't really think of anything else to say.
Luke rolled his eyes and went to bed.
I got into bed in a t-shirt and jocks.
"Take your t-shirt off," he insisted, as he pulled at my top. "I want to cuddle."
I just complied, because it was easier by that stage, it was 3am.
He pulled me over so my arm was around him. My hand landed on his chest. As I was just drifting off to sleep, I must have started playing with his nipple, because that's what I do to Manny. It makes Manny cuddly and tactile and it makes him purr, but Todd pushed my hand away. It woke me up again; looking at him, I was genuinely surprised that he was not Greek and handsome - not that he was ugly, don't get me wrong.
"Why did you drag me out of their bed?" he asked, again.
"Go to sleep."
Surely he didn't think I had manoeuvred this for my own pleasure? No, he couldn't? Then I felt deeply embarrassed, like, he'd thought, that I'd come onto him, with the nipple thing? So I rolled away from him, as far as I could and felt pissed off that I'd been made to feel embarrased, in my own bed.
I thought about Manny and wondered what he was doing, wondered what he'd say when I told him. He'd laugh, no doubt.
Todd cuddled up to my back, pushing me onto a quarter of the bed and proceeded to snore drunkenly in my ear.
I rolled him over several times, but, basically he snored and hogged the bed, managing to pull me out of a deep sleep, repeatedly, all night.
So I spent half the night being woken up and the other half feeling pissed off that I'd felt sorry for a drunk who had over stepped the mark and who had barged into my bed and who had disturbed my sleep.
I vaguely woke up, as the day was dawning, to watch him get his clothes and leave.
And that my friend, is the first display of class you have shown in the entire sorry saga, I thought, before I rolled over and fell, blissfully, back to sleep, alone.
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