What Is Next, My Friends? Don't They Always Come In 3's?

The Asko deliveryman arrived just after 8am. Sam had just left for work and I had just thrown the cat, little miss shitty pants, outside, when the doorbell rang. I thought it was Sam back having forgotten something, but when I opened the door there was the Asko man with the new machine, on a trolley, on a wooden pallet, looking huge.

Buddy raced through the door, I didn’t try to restrain him as I thought it was Sam.

“You’re not scared of dogs, are you?” I quickly asked. It is amazing how many people are.

Buddy jumped up to say hello. “Hello pooch,” he said.

I put the dog out. Sam left. The Asko man got to and installed the new machine.

The new machine looked far too big to fit into the space where the, dwarfed in comparison, old machine sat.

I opened the doors in front of the old machine to show him where it was.

“Interesting,” said the installation man. That only seemed to confirm what I’d been thinking, that the new machine was far too big and this was going to be a monumental disaster.

“It is full of water,” I said.

“They usually are,” he said.

“It made a terrible burning smell,” I said.

“That usually happens when the motors burn out on these things,” he said. He pulled it out of its safe place. “There is water in the base…”

“It tripped the power circuits…”

“That’s what happens when water comes in contact with electricity.” He laughed. “They don’t like it.”

He wanted towels. He didn’t want to spill water all through the house. He arranged the towels in a circle in the middle of the kitchen floor, as you might do with flour when making pasta. He tipped the old Asko up and it dribbled out water like a woman pissing. When the flow slowed, he set the old machine back down on the floor again and he pushed the towels in absorbing all of the water trapped in the middle.

I though, he has done that before.

I disappeared into the lounge and to my computer.

He didn’t say any more. And then he was done.


He was gone by 8.35am. I continued on my computer for a while before I had the realisation, “Oh yes, I guess I should be going into work. Oh damn!”

I think I got to work at 9am. Not bad really.


I ate lasagne for lunch. Lovely it was too. It is always nicer the next day. The overpowering herb taste seems to have lessened, as well. Lasagne for a week for lunch, it is great.


My car wouldn’t start again when I came out to it after work. A quick fiddle with the battery terminals got it going. But… what does it mean?

I tightened the battery terminals when I got home. Well, I attempted to, but they just didn’t seem to be that lose. I wondered if it could be something more sinister? I hope it wasn't going to develop into one of those slow, creeping, ongoing problems.


The new dishwasher washed its first load of dirty dishes. Sad isn't it when you are excited to come home and play with your new dishwasher. Not that I was excited, as such... I'll want to get married next. At least the last of the dirt dish backlog was cleaned away in one sweep of the cleaning arm. Um? Er? A new broom sweeps clean. The dirty dishes that had littered the bench since Saturday were all now cleaned away.


We ate hot potatoes. Sam, Buddy and I walked to Brunswick Street. It was warm, it is warm this week. It has got warm. It was lovely walking in the warm night.

The streets were relatively empty, being a Tuesday night. A woman stopped as we stood outside SpudBar and said, “There is that cute dog again.”

I looked down at Buddy. He continued panting. I wondered when the woman had seen him before. It crossed my mind to ask her, but she was gone and I didn’t really care that much.