What's Wrong With Me?

I can pretend that (the name of the company) interviewing for my role without as much as suggesting that I could apply for the role doesn’t affect me, but it does. Let’s face it, what other conclusion can I come to but they don’t deem me suitable for their shitty little job. 

I lay on the couch tonight and felt miserable. I let it affect me, nonsensically.

It is stupid, really. It is not even a job in my skill set. A job that I am not good enough to do? That’s what it says to me.

Shake of the head. I know. But not to be asked? What else am I to think? I’ve been doing the job for 6 months.

It is stupid me feeling like that too because I don’t want a job I have to drive to. If I get a permanent role, I want it in the CBD so I can walk to it. That way I get exercise as I travel to work. (My HR boss) Isaac is a nightmare. (My finance boss) Cathy is difficult. (Oh, I don’t know why I feel that way, it is probably quite unfair) (My finance colleague) Christine is lovely. I like (My HR colleagues) Shayleen and Cate, but they are likely to leave anyway, they are young and smart. Shayleen certainly will. 

I am being ridiculous, I realise, as I don't even really want the role. But I still can't help but feel miffed. Why are we human beings such complicated creatures? Essentially, I just wanted to be asked. Then I'd could happily turn it down. Work that out?

It is the quarter finance/three quarters HR role. I have a foot in each department, but mostly I am in HR. And it is boring. It proved to me what I have always suspected about HR, they make an awful lot about very little just to justify their nonsensical jobs. Essentially, it is girl's continually justifying their existence.

Now, if it was purely a finance role? (as exciting as that sounds now that I look at it in print)

Cathy got up and was dizzy some months ago and I have been hoping she has a stroke ever since. (she is such a highly strung social climber) Then I could work with Christine, in a finance role I am qualified for. That would be cool. (Again, unfair really, quite hard arsed. But Christine is just much more of my type to work with. I’m much better with the laid back ones. Cathy is too uptight)

But, of course, that is a different job altogether.

You know, I’m lucky, I get to leave. None of them are really happy there. Isaac makes the department unhappy, like all HR directors he is all over the place like a mad woman’s shit. I don’t want to do PDRs. I don’t want to be responsible. I want to be free and leave when I want and work when I want.

But, it would have been nice to be asked. They are probably doing me the biggest favour, in all reality, as if I was asked I might have said yes and then regretted it. This way, I get to swish out and be gone.


I still feel pissy about not being asked, though. Pathetic, hey?