Wednesday, January 29, 2025

Numbers People

I pulled a whole bunch of spreadsheets together for The Midget. (Oh yes, I know, kill me now) Of course, I had to put them into a combined Adobe file, as The Midget can't abide a whole bunch of free and loose spreadsheets in an email. I numbered them, so she'd be able to sort through them more easily.

Just as I was completing the task, I noticed that I'd numbered them 1 to 15, but stupid me had left out the number 5. It went 1 to 4 and then 6 to 15. Oh well, it makes no difference, I think, it's just a tool to put them in order, the numbers don't, actually, mean anything, other than the order in which she should, probably, look at them, but even that is up to her.

So I pushed send on my email to her.

They were sent back to me with the note, You have missed number 5.

I explained it was just an order to look at them.

But you have missed number 5, she replied.

It doesn't matter, the numbers are just a guide...

Oh no, The Midget wasn't having any of that. A full-on OCD event was unfolding, Please re-number the spreadsheets and resubmit them to me, with a complete number sequence.

Seriously? I thought. OMG! I have to get away from these people, was my next thought.

Re-number them yourself, was, actually, my second thought, but, you know, years of working in the corporate world has taught me not to try that one... again. 😬

How do these people survive in the real world when things get tough, I wondered?


Oh yes, I know, it is kind of sad that this appears to be the most interesting part of my day. Grimace. I really need to look at my life.

Anyway, I re-numbered them with the number 5 included.

I was tempted to number them all with the number 5, that made me laugh to myself. Could you imagine? I so wanted to.

I was thinking about the clip, Number 5 Killed My Brother, as I hit send the second time. I don't know if The Midget has a brother, but I hoped so. I imagined a giant, bright yellow, plastic number 5 falling on him in a city street, his red blood splashing all over the yellow plastic, making red polka dots from the head wound from where the 5 first hit him. 

Then I imagined The Midget falling to her knees next to his lifeless body and wailing to the sky, "Oh why did I ask for the number 5" Sobbing.

That made me smile too.

Funny the things you think, hey?


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