I Love You Chris

My best mate Tom, after all he has been through in the last ten years, chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants, hospitalisation, took a turn on Wednesday from too many toxins in his system from failing, chemotherapy-damaged kidneys and is now in palliative care about to die. He is 39 years old and he is my best friend.

You get champions and heroes in this life and Tom was both to me. You get a few really good friends, people you connect with from the moment you meet them. That funny, plump kid with flaxen blond hair, awkwardly finding himself in life, ready to take my hand and say, Yes, I love you Chris. We're going to be the greatest of friends.

My how you changed buddy. You became the tall, handsome, self-assured man at one with people and the world. Charming, smart, so funny, so unique. I smile through my tears, naughty, irreverent, kind. Someone who knows me so well. Who am I going to talk my shit out with now? Someone who believed in me, unconditionally. Someone who was on my side, just because it was me and him. I can't quite believe it... that after every thing, it has got to this.

Seventeen years. We had so much fun. We had a life time together. We had a life time to come.

You loved the sun, the beach, the surf. You had just come back from Bali, you sounded great. We spoke Tuesday, we were going to have a drink tonight, at the Laird. It all happened so quick. Just like that? I guess, I'll always be able to look into the sunshine when I want to find you.

I love you Tom.

You probably said, I love you Chris, more than anybody else... boyfriends, friends, anybody.

I'll miss you mate... probably more than I ever told you.