Meeting Up With An Old School Mate

I stumbled across the email address of my best mate from school, Andrew, and in a moment of 'think it, do it' madness, [thank you David] I sent him an email. 

A number of years ago, my school boyfriend, from years 11 and 12, and a year after we left school, Alex, died and I have never known how he died. (I have written about him previously) 

I asked Andrew that question, the subtext for which he is unaware, at present. 

Andrew and Alex both remained involved in the school over the years since we left, on committees and what have you. Alex got married and had sons, Andrew has sons, they sent them to our school, of course, so I knew Andrew would know the details of Alex's death.

Andrew was blown away, said he had never wanted to lose touch with me. He said he knew the answer to the question but he would only answer the question once I was sitting in front of him drinking coffee with him. He gave me all his numbers to contact him. 

But now, I have had some time to think about it, I seem to have lost my nerve, stupidly.

I haven't seen Andrew since we left school.

Despite the fact that I live a completely ‘out’ life in everything that I do, meeting up with my old school buddy seems like coming out all over again. Not to mention telling him about Alex and me. Which I intended to do. 

But, Andrew, if I was so important, why didn’t you keep in contact?  I know why I didn’t keep in contact? Being gay. But why didn’t you. If you never meant to lose contact?

(Yeah, I know, life happens)

Yesterday, and today, were my days off and I was supposed to phone Andrew to meet up, but I wimped it. Stupid me. So stupid really, Andrew is a lovely guy and he will only react in a positive way, I would think. It is just an energy drain, I feel exhausted by it before I have even tried.

Not to worry, I'll get my mojo together about it shortly. I want to see the look on his face. Actually, I only really wanted the answer to the question, what happened to Alex? But, if I have to find out the difficult way, by exposing myself, so to speak, I guess I can do that too.