A number of years ago, my school boyfriend, from years 11 and 12, and a year after we left school, Alex, died and I have never known how he died. (I have written about him previously) I asked Andrew that question, the subtext for which he is unaware of, at present.
Andrew and Alex both remained involved in the school over the years since we left, on committees and what have you. Alex got married and had sons, Andrew has sons, they sent them to the school, so I knew Andrew would know the details of Alex's death.
Andrew was blown away, said he had never wanted to lose touch with me. He said he knew the answer to the question but he would only answer the question once I was sitting in front of him drinking coffee with him. He gave me all his numbers to contact him.
But now I seem to have lost my nerve, stupidly.
I haven't seen Andrew since we left school.
Despite the fact that I live a completely out life in everything that I do, meeting up with my old school buddy seems like coming out all over again. Not to mention telling him about Alex and me.
Yesterday and today were my days off and I was supposed to phone Andrew to meet up, but I wimped it. Stupid me. So stupid really, Andrew is a lovely guy and he will only react in a positive way, I would think. It is just an energy drain, I feel exhausted by it before I have even tried.
Not to worry, I'll get my mojo together about it shortly. I want to see the look on his face. Actually, I only really wanted the answer to the question. But, if I have to find out the difficult way, by exposing myself, so to speak, I guess I can do that too.
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