Thursday, October 25, 2018

Performance Reviews

Performance reviews, it is that time of year again. Kill me now! I have had the email in my inbox for a month. Performance reviews, here is the timeline for completing them. I had ignored it successfully until this week when I got a reminder. Grrr. So, I looked at the time line today and they are due tomorrow. Oh, the pain.

There are three sections. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your goals.

So, I typed something about strengths, I had to start somewhere. It was the usual palaver. I know my stuff. I don't make mistakes. Try and get someone as good as me.

Then weaknesses, I am new and still learning the finer details of this particular job. It’s been 4 months, it is a stretch, but that doesn’t make it not true?

Goals? I’m guessing none is not an acceptable answer? Goals? My immediate goal is to write enough to get a pay rise. Can I put that? I’ve been here 4 months so it is unlikely I’ll get a pay rise. To be happy, would be my fall back goal, it is kind of the golden goal, but not so useful in a work sense. I reckon I could argue that it is more important, but, I’m guessing, they wouldn’t see it that way. I had nothing until the afternoon. We work at a fairly high standard, my goal is to maintain that high standard. Lovely.

I came up with nothing else, so at 4.25pm, I hit finalise and it was done. At most, six sentences. Do you think that is enough, Christian? Not really. Oh, but it should be. All of our goals are to keep working, not get the sack, and hopefully, get a pay rise. That is the universal goal. 


I know that performance reviews are just a way for HR to justify their existence. In my last job, the wage reviews were all completed before the performance reviews were. Go figure.

Performance reviews are bullshit, did you get that?

I left work at 4.30pm. I left work for the week. And I don't really care if I wrote enough, or not. At least they can't complain that I haven't done it. And isn't that what counts. What are they going to do, sack me. Yeah, not likely. (shrug? If they did I could stay home and write poems)


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